


Two Moons (Part 3)

by baeksesoolove (silentlylo)



Series: Two Moons [3]
Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe - Mob, Attempted Murder, Death, Depression, F/M, Grief/Mourning, Guns, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Murder, Panic Attacks, Parenthood, Sex, Suicide Attempt, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-09
Updated: 2018-06-09
Packaged: 2019-05-20 01:26:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 13
Words: 144,420
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14885012
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/silentlylo/pseuds/baeksesoolove
Summary: Chanyeol and Jongdae are the sons of two powerful families. After an assassination attempt on their fathers' lives, both of them find themselves having to take on duties they weren't prepared for and never wanted.





	1. (New Moon)

**Author's Note:**

> This is part 3 of a 3-part story.
> 
> This is an AU with a slight urban fantasy undertone. I created my own mob world with its own sets of rules and decorum. As far as I know there is no such thing as high families or The Academy in South Korea or anywhere else in the world. Or is there... ;)
> 
> In the story, Chanyeol's son's name is Taemin. This is not supposed to be a child-version of Lee Taemin. The name just fits really well for the story, so Park Taemin is an original child character.
> 
> Only the people listed above are meant to be based on those people. Everyone else in the story is an original character not based on any celebrity.
> 
> This story is very dark and has a lot of trigger warnings. Please check the warnings and tags before deciding if you should read it or not. I may have missed some, so if dark stories aren't for you, please don't read.

Chanyeol re-tied Taemin’s shoe for the second time before the little boy ran back toward the ball pit filled with colorful plastic globes and other kids around his age. He had missed simple play dates with his son, and it had been the first thing he had scheduled after he had lifted the lockdown.

“He’s smaller than the other kids,” his mother observed as she sat with him at the table, taking pictures of her grandson with her phone. “Since we don’t get to take him out often, we don’t notice it. He may not have gotten your height.”

“He has plenty of time,” Chanyeol waved off as he ate one of Taemin’s rice balls. “He’ll probably hit a growth spurt in middle school like I did.”

“Is his mother tall?”

“No,” Chanyeol replied, hoping she ended that line of questioning at that.

“So he possibly may not have a growth spurt,” she said, more to herself. “He’ll be four soon. Now that everything is settled, we could start looking at school options for him if you like. If you’re staying.”

“I’m not staying,” he told her, yet again. “Dad wants to start transitioning back into power in a few weeks. I need to focus on finding us a new place to live. After that, I’ll base the school options on the area we’re in.”

“Of course,” his mother said, and she fell silent, focusing instead on Taemin as he pretended to fly his new, small toy plane before crashing it into the balls.

“But we’ll visit,” Chanyeol said, not wanting her to feel as if he was taking his son completely away from them. “Once a week at least. He’s gotten too used to you guys, so we’ll make sure and do that.”

“That would be wonderful,” she said with a smile. “And maybe on certain weekends the two of you can sleep over.”

“Maybe,” Chanyeol said, feeling like every hope he gave her was a trap set up against himself.

“Daddy,” Taemin said running back toward him. “Give me that.”

“You want your food?” He asked, unsure of what his son was pointing to.

“No, that!” He said, pointing again, and the closest thing in the direction of the point was the plastic wrapper the toy plane had come in.

“This?” He asked, confused as he picked it up. “The plastic?”

“Yes!” Taemin said, taking it from him and running off as he flew both the plane and the plastic wrapper into the balls.

“I won’t even pretend to understand,” Chanyeol said, shaking his head at the weirdness of his kid.

“You were the same way,” his mother said with a small laugh. “Nothing you did as a child made sense either. Always off in your own little world. It just made sense to you.”

“Kids are weird,” Chanyeol said. “No one warns you about that. They warn you about how hard it is to change diapers and having to get up in the middle of the night to feed them, but they never warn you about them being three and wanting to play with plastic wrappers.”

“And they certainly don’t warn you about them being adults and wanting to be away from the family,” she said, and Chanyeol gave her a look, like he couldn’t believe she had used his musings against him. “It’s fine,” she then said. “I’m just saying. There is a lot people don’t prepare you for when it comes to your children.”

“I’m sorry you couldn’t have more kids like you wanted to,” he then said, “It would have taken the pressure off if you had someone else to be the perfect child you wanted.”

“Don’t be upset by what I’ve said,” she lightly scolded him. “You’re acting defensive when I’m just telling you the truth about how I feel about your decision. One day, Taemin will be an adult and decide he wants to go his own way as well. You’ll know then how it feels.”

The idea of his son not needing him or not wanting to be around him did hurt, and he bit his lip momentarily, suddenly feeling confused and guilty again.

“I’ll change the topic for you,” his mother then said. “Your father told me about you and D.O.”

“I figured he would,” Chanyeol said, looking back at the food on the table and choosing to start on Taemin’s tiny burger that he hadn’t eaten yet. “I was going to tell you at some point. I’m guessing he also told you that he doesn’t support it.”

“He did tell me that as well. I was quite shocked to hear it, and I wish you had told me much sooner. I knew there had to be a reason you suddenly were in a better mood and had a smile on your face. I never in a million years would have guessed it to be because of D.O.”

“I wasn’t expecting it either if that makes you feel better.”

“How did it happen?”

Chanyeol looked at his mother, who now had a soft smile on her face and seemed very intrigued.

“It just did? I don’t know. We didn’t get along at first, and we were a bit rude to each other. Well mostly I was rude to him, but he was rude back so it evened out.”

His mother’s smile widened a bit more and she nodded, “That’s how all the best love stories start out.”

“Is it?” He asked, grinning at her reaction to his story. “Well, I don’t know, we kept being around each other more, and the more I saw him, I just couldn’t stop noticing things like his heart-shaped lips and his big doe eyes and deep but soft voice. I found I wanted to spend more time with him, but I didn’t even know why. And then the day that I went to speak with the Commissioner General, I had asked him to accompany me as my security. And when I saw him in that tuxedo, I knew I was in trouble. I can’t explain my attraction to him. It’s like he’s difficult, but he’s innocent, and he’s intelligent, but naïve. And he’s always serious, but when we have quiet moments together and he smiles, it’s from another planet. I’ve never met a man more beautiful than him when he smiles.”

“Don’t listen to your father,” his mother then said.

“What?” Chanyeol asked.

“Your father’s concerns about not wanting the two of you together comes from a complicated place. He sees you both as sons, so he’s worried about the two of you hurting each other. I don’t know D.O. hardly at all, but I know you, and seeing the way talking about him makes you smile tells me everything I need to know. I can only imagine the smile he’s shown you was caused by you as well.”

Chanyeol looked down momentarily, then over at Taemin who was showing another little boy how to fly his toy plane. He looked back at his mother, unsure of what to say.

“I don’t think I’m ever going to see him smile again,” he confessed.

“You need to work things out with him. Your father says you’re being irrational toward him.”

“Because I was hurt by him.”

“I don’t know all the details. I was surprised your father told me as much as he did, probably as a testament to how shaken up he was by what he found out, but whatever the issue is, it can be resolved. One of you will have to take the first step, and it sounds to me as if you’re the one that has to do it.”

He was the one, and he knew it, but he had hurt Kyungsoo terribly by dismissing him the way he did, and his guilt kept him from confronting him about it.

“Daddy,” Taemin said running back over to him. “I eat now.”

“Uh…” Chanyeol looked at the half empty plate, “Okay, let me know if you need more. I was helping you out.”

“I eat this,” he said picking up one of the small rice cakes to eat first.

Chanyeol passed his hand through his son’s hair and watched him eat happily while pushing the plane and the plastic across the table.

His mom took another picture as she smiled at the scene, and Chanyeol felt that guilt again of the words she had spoken to him earlier.

***

After he arrived home and tucked Taemin in for his afternoon nap, he found Junmyeon waiting for him outside of his son’s room.

“Hey,” his advisor said. “Your father sent me to find you when you got home. He wants to see you.”

“About?” Chanyeol asked as he walked with him down the hallway.

“Not sure, but I know he just came back from visiting D.O. so it may be pertaining to that.”

“He just came back from…” Chanyeol stopped himself from repeating the entire sentence, letting it finish in his mind as it sunk in. “I might need you after. Depending on what he tells me.”

“I’ll wait outside then.”

Chanyeol nodded at him and went inside his father’s office where his father was sitting in his rightful chair. It was the first time he had seen him in there since Chanyeol had had to take over.

“You wanted to see me?” Chanyeol asked him.

“Yes, please,” his father said, using his cane to get up and Chanyeol motioned for him to sit. “No, that’s your seat. Stay there.”

“It’s not at the moment, but I will take you up on that offer since I’m a bit tired and have not had my nap yet.” He sat back down, and Chanyeol sat in the seat across from him. “I’ve missed my office, funny enough. I might redecorate it a bit though when I take back over.”

“You should,” Chanyeol said, “It’s too dark in here, even when the shades aren’t drawn. Did you go to see D.O.?”

“Hm, your advisor told you I take it. Yes, I did.”

“How’s he doing?”

“He’s holding up. Focusing on going back to school and so on.”

Chanyeol felt a small ache in his chest, and he wished it would go away.

“Did you tell him you’d be reinstating him once you took over?”

“I did. Or I should say, I gave him the option to. I told him that I’d like him to return, not as an assassin, but as something that I think he’s better suited for.”

“And what’s that?”

“My apprentice.”

“Your apprentice for what?”

“As it happens, I do not have someone to follow me and be the head of the family once I can no longer fulfill those duties, so I asked him to come back to work under me as my apprentice, so that one day, he would take over as head of the family.”

Chanyeol felt his body scream on the inside in shock, confusion, anger and hurt all at once. It made him momentarily breathless and speechless and he let out sharp breaths and leaned forward, staring at his father in disbelief.

“What?” Was the only thing Chanyeol could ask.

“I thought you’d be pleased to hear this, seeing as you wouldn’t have to worry about having to fulfill these duties ever again.”

“Pleased?” Chanyeol asked, and it had almost come out as a squeak. “Why would you do this?”

“Which part exactly are you upset about?”

“All of it!” Chanyeol said, running his hand through his hair. On top of everything else, this was not stress he needed right now.

“I really don’t understand your reaction,” his father said, but even as he said it, Chanyeol could hear the patronizing tone in his voice.

“You don’t understand my reaction? You knew what you were doing when you went over there. It pissed you off so much that we were seeing each other that you went and made sure we wouldn’t be together. You knew that I wanted to leave this house after I was done here, and you knew that it meant you might lose D.O. too because he would be with me, so you offered him this to keep him here, under your thumb, where you could use him like you always do.”

“This had nothing to do with your ill-advised relationship with him.”

“Bullshit! Did you even consider offering him this position before I told you about us?”

“I had played around with the idea, yes. But that was before he had left the family. I had given up on it after then. But what he did for this family brought the idea to the surface again.”

“I don’t believe you.”

“You don’t have to believe me.”

“If I believe you, then I have to believe that even back when I was in high school, you were already thinking more about how he was your legacy than I was.”

“He is more my legacy than you are,” his father said, and Chanyeol didn’t think that knife could get any deeper in his chest, but it did, along with an extra twist on behalf of his father.

Chanyeol just stared at his father stunned, his breathing becoming heavier now as he tried to hold back his emotions.

“Of course you would take that in the wrong way,” his father then added. “Chanyeol, you are my direct legacy. You are the legacy of everything that I went through as a young boy, that I never wanted my own son to go through. I worked hard to make sure your life was as perfect as it could be for that reason. D.O. is a direct legacy of who I was and everything that allowed me to be the powerful man that I am today. In order for this family to continue to be the most powerful, the person following me has to understand the struggle it took to get to this point. D.O. understands it too well.”

“He’s not your fucking son!” Chanyeol yelled at him. “I don’t care if you relate to him or think he’s a younger version of you. He’s not yours to control and manipulate like that. I can’t even begin to imagine how you framed this whole thing for him. Did you play on his emotions of not having a father and no longer having a mother? Why would you do that? I’m here!” Chanyeol pointed to himself, feeling himself get more heated by the moment. “I’m the one that got us through this mess with the Choi’s. No I don’t want to do this. But you think I can’t do it and that he can? You only think that because you want to. Because he’s the kind of son that would have stayed, and never would have left to find himself. He never would have called you in the middle of the night to come over to help him out with a newborn baby that wouldn’t stop crying. He never would have disappointed you by refusing to settle down with a nice girl the way that Jongin did. He never would have talked back to you or mom. He never would have gone against your wishes, or been rebellious…” Chanyeol didn’t know when the tears had started falling, but now he had to sniffle and wipe at his face, which annoyed him because he had a point to get across, even though he was rambling and couldn’t quite find it. “God damn it,” he said, dropping his face into his hands.

His thoughts were all over the place, and so were his tears, and as he trembled, all he could hear was the silence around him.

But then his father broke the silence.

“This is exactly why I don’t think the two of you should be together. You’re too jealous of him. In fact, I wonder how much of your attraction to him is mere confusion of your jealousy.”

Chanyeol wiped his face and looked up at the older man, not able to deny his confusion or jealousy, but he did know that his feelings for D.O. had been very real.

“I don’t want to talk to you anymore,” Chanyeol said, barely able to even look at his father at the moment. “I don’t want to talk to you ever again.” He stood up.

“Running away from this isn’t going to solve anything. I said to you what I said to you out of love for you, and I feel the way I do because I’m trying to protect you while also giving you what you want. Whatever is causing you to not see that clearly is an issue that you need to work out for yourself. I can’t help you with the feelings you’ve always held against me because of what I do for a living.”

Chanyeol had nothing to say to his father and he turned to leave, reaching for the doorknob as his father spoke again.

“You should also know, that like I stated before, I gave D.O. the choice. He has not yet decided whether or not he’ll accept my proposition to be my apprentice. You think so badly of me and my intentions, when the truth is exactly what I’ve said. I haven’t made him do anything. And he may ultimately choose to continue to live his life far away from the family. I made sure he knew that I was fine with whatever he decided, as long as the decision made him happy. I just want D.O. to be happy. Just how I’ve always wanted you to be happy. I hope you understand that someday.”

Chanyeol should have walked out at that moment, but his stubbornness and current state of anger made him turn around to address his father again.

“Do you want that for Jongin as well? Have you told Jongin yet, your own nephew who has been nothing but loyal to you since the day he was born, that you chose someone that wasn’t your own blood to run the family before him? You’re full of shit,” he said, and slammed the door behind him as he left, marching down the corridor feeling as if he needed to scream or run or do both at the same time.

“Calm down,” Junmyeon told him as he rushed to keep up. “How about we go outside?”

He did go outside, not caring that he only wore a long-sleeved shirt out in the cold winter wind. The heat of his anger was enough to keep him from freezing, he supposed.

“What happened?” Junmyeon asked, crossing his arms to defend against the wind, not having been able to throw on a sweater or jacket as well.

“He…he…” Chanyeol kept taking short breaths while trying to find the words. “He wants D.O. to be his apprentice and take over the family when the time comes.”

“What?” Junmyeon asked, his eyes flying wide open as his mouth parted in disbelief.

“He wants him to be the head of the family after him. Over me, over Jongin, over whoever else. He played me. He completely pulled one over on me. Or… I don’t know. I don’t know,” he said, relenting to his emotions as he felt suddenly exhausted by all of this. “I don’t know what to think anymore. I don’t know what’s happening. I just want to go home. To my home. Far away. With my son. Things were so simple for us before we came here. Here everything hurts.”

Junmyeon nodded and reached out to pull Chanyeol into a hug.

“I’m sorry,” Junmyeon said. “This is very shocking news. I’m sure it’s unbalanced you a bit.”

Chanyeol just nodded, having to bend a little to place his head on his advisor’s shoulder.

“It’s going to be fine,” his advisor told him, rubbing a hand over his back. “You just need to let this all sink in so you can figure out how you want to handle it. But I need you to know something,” he said, pulling away so he could look at Chanyeol better.

Chanyeol looked at him, hoping to hear something that would make everything better.

“Your father does love you,” Junmyeon said, and Chanyeol rolled his eyes and shook his head, “No, listen to me. I worked for the man before I worked for you. I know him extremely well despite our huge age difference. If there is one thing I can tell you with certainty about him, it’s that he loves you more than anyone else in this world. Having said that, sometimes when you love someone so much, you think you’re doing the right thing for them, but in reality, you’re doing more harm than good. I could overhear parts of your conversation when you started getting loud, and even though I don’t know the full context, I have a feeling that your father is doing what he thinks is best for you and for the future of this family. But just because your father thinks this is the way to go about things, it doesn’t mean it’s the only way to go about things. You need to talk to D.O. and figure all this out and find a solution that works the best for everyone involved.”

Chanyeol knew that Junmyeon was right, and he hugged his advisor tight and thanked him before ushering him inside so neither of them would freeze to death.

As he sat at the kitchen table, waiting for Junmyeon to bring them over two hot cups of coffee to help warm them down, Chanyeol found the courage to text D.O. and ask him if he could come over to his place and see him.

He didn’t think it was right to ask him to come over to the house, especially since D.O. might consider that a reason to not reply. He thought he could maybe get the address from his dad and show up unannounced, but he had already upset D.O. enough and didn’t want to possibly upset him more by invading his privacy. However, as he took a sip of his coffee, he began to get nervous that D.O. wouldn’t reply at all, and then he wondered what he should do in that case.

Luckily after a few more minutes of waiting impatiently, D.O. did finally text him back, with no words other than his address.

***

In his mind, Chanyeol had made up a place that D.O. lived. Because of his mysterious nature when he had first met him and his penchant to always wear all black, Chanyeol had convinced himself that Kyungsoo lived in an industrial type of converted space in some dark alley far from anyone’s view. He should have known better though. It made sense to him, when he stood in front of the modern high-rise building, that his father would have made sure to find a place that he would have approved of himself.

Chanyeol greeted back the door man and found his way to the elevator, stepping in it with his security guard as he tried to figure out what he was going to say. He didn’t have anything planned and everything he had tried to practice in the mirror as he got dressed after his shower didn’t sound organic enough for the type of conversation he supposed they should have.

The elevator doors opened and Chanyeol walked down the hallway, finding the correct number on the door and taking a deep breath.

“I’ll stay out here and keep watch,” his security guard said, and then he knocked on the door on Chanyeol’s behalf, Chanyeol’s looking at him surprised because he still wasn’t ready.

But then the door opened, and there in front of him stood the shorter man that he knew deep down inside he missed, but hadn’t realized just how much until he was there at that moment, staring at those big doe eyes that looked up at him unsure.

“Come in,” D.O. said, holding the door open for him, and Chanyeol gave him a nod, the best he could do for a greeting at that moment, and walked in.

He looked around, immediately taking in details and thinking how much smaller the place was than he had expected from the building’s outdoor appearance. He hadn’t been completely wrong in his initial assessment, the hardwood floor a darker wood and the black furniture making the space seem smaller and darker even with the large sliding glass door that led out to the balcony letting in all of the late afternoon light.

“Would you like something to drink?” D.O. asked him, and Chanyeol looked at him, noticing how even in his relaxed home attire, he wore black, his T-shirt fitted and his sweat pants sitting just right on his hips judging from how they looked on him.

“Um, no, I’m fine,” Chanyeol managed to get out, and he noticed that the place was tidy and well-kept, but that didn’t surprise him for some reason.

“So you wanted to talk?” D.O. then asked, passing his hand through his hair and looking toward the couch, then the small dining table as if deciding where they should sit.

“I wanted to apologize,” Chanyeol told him, feeling as if he needed to stand to say what he needed to say. “I was very stressed that day, and I heard what you said, but I didn’t really process it until much later after I had spoken to several people who helped me understand better what you did and why you did it. I’m sorry for dismissing you from the family the way I did, especially after everything you had done for us.”

“It hurt,” D.O. told him, and Chanyeol felt that familiar tightening in his chest. “To be treated like that in front of my mentor and other people I respect. And mostly, to have been treated like that by someone I had been starting to really trust.”

Chanyeol had to close his eyes for a moment because seeing that hurt resurface on D.O.’s face was too painful at that moment. “I’m sorry,” he said again, opening his eyes to look at him. “I had felt hurt too. I think also because I had been starting to really trust you.”

“I was going to tell you,” D.O. said, and this time Chanyeol really did believe him. “But things were complicated with my friend being involved with the Kim’s, and I needed to protect him.”

Chanyeol looked around, wondering if he would run into the friend, but no other sounds outside of the white noise of the appliances existed. “Is he here?” Chanyeol asked.

“No,” D.O. shook his head. “He’s out working a job.”

“Your place isn’t what I expected,” Chanyeol then said looking around again. “It kind of is, but it really isn’t.”

“What were you expecting?”

“At first, I was expecting you to live in a mysterious cave in some dark alleyway since you were so secretive about it, but then when I got here and saw the building, I expected this to be bigger. And lighter. Like the place my father ended up getting me when I said I wanted to be independent and do things on my own, but he vetoed every single place I was interested in living at until I had no choice but to live in the one he picked.”

“This is my mysterious cave,” D.O. said, “It’s just not in a dark alley.”

“Maybe that’s the juxtaposition that’s confusing me,” Chanyeol said, narrowing his eyes a little as he took in more of the features. He tried to imagine D.O. in his day-to-day life, sitting at his dining table drinking coffee, or in the kitchen making stew, or sitting on the couch, comfortable and relaxed, watching one of his many favorite movies.

“Did you only come to apologize?” D.O. then asked him.

“No,” Chanyeol said before he could scare himself out of staying, and truthfully, he didn’t want to leave. He wanted to stay there and study D.O. in his surroundings as long as he could. “I mean, I didn’t really have a game plan. I wanted to apologize. But mostly I wanted to… see you.”

“Your father came by,” D.O. then informed him.

“I know,” Chanyeol said, feeling his blood pressure rise at the mere thought of the conversation between them. “I’m kind of not speaking to my father at the moment because of it.”

“Why?” D.O. asked, and he looked so concerned by it that Chanyeol wanted to yell at his father all over again.

“Because…” Chanyeol didn’t know how to even approach the subject. No matter how many times he pointed out to him that what his father did with him was wrong, D.O. never seemed to understand. “He’s manipulated this entire situation. I never should have told him about me and you.”

“How has he manipulated it?” D.O.’s bushy eyebrows furrowed and he looked like a young child that was lost and confused.

“Because he offered you to be his apprentice after I told him about us, and he didn’t like the idea of us because he knows that I plan on leaving when this is done, and he was scared he’d lose you too, so it’s in his best interest to keep us from seeing each other.”

D.O. bit his lip as he appeared to contemplate this, but then he shook his head.

“I haven’t accepted the apprenticeship,” D.O. stated. “He can’t plan something that hasn’t been decided.”

“But he knows you will,” Chanyeol said, and it hurt to admit it to himself finally, what he had known the moment that his father had told him the news. “You’re so loyal to him, and he knows it. Your loyalty to our family won’t even allow you to consider not taking it. I haven’t known you long, but I’ve known you long enough to know that.”

“Too bad you didn’t realize that before you kicked me out of the family then,” D.O. said, and Chanyeol could hear the soft tone of bitterness behind his words.

“So you haven’t accepted my apology,” Chanyeol pointed out.

“Not yet,” D.O. stated.

“What do I have to do to make you believe that I am sorry?”

“Not accuse me of not being able to make my own decisions would be a good start.”

“Okay, that’s fair, but in that case, what’s keeping you from saying yes to my father then?”

“Knowing that you’re too loyal to your family to really stay away enough for me to be an apprentice without ever seeing you again.”

Chanyeol had not expected to hear that, and it stung, “You never wanted to see me again?”

“Not after what you did… to me.”

“I’m really sorry about…” Chanyeol began to try again, but D.O. cut him off.

“You don’t understand. You couldn’t understand. If I hadn’t made you go slow and had given you what you wanted from the start, would you have even looked at me ever again? I was just going to be another notch on your bedpost, but to me, you were my first everything, and it wasn’t easy for me to deal with my feelings toward you, or to open up to you, or to trust you, so when you threw me out of your house without listening to me or trying to talk through it or understanding, or even just believing me, I realized that you didn’t feel any of those things for me. I was just your newest amusement after Ju-hyun, just as she had been an amusement after Sehun, and he had been an amusement after whoever.”

Chanyeol shook his head rapidly as D.O. spoke, “That’s not true.”

“It is true. And everyone knows it. Even I knew it, but I still let myself fall for it. You made me feel special in a way I had never felt before. But it’s like your father told me. You’re so experienced, you do this all the time, and you just go from one person to the next not really caring about them as long as you get what you want out of it.”

Chanyeol felt as if he was being stabbed by pins and needles and the ire against his father flared up inside him again.

“My father said that to you?” Chanyeol tried to ask in an even tone, but even without a mirror, he knew he looked upset.

“He told me that’s why he didn’t want us together. Because you would hurt me. And he was right because you did hurt me.”

Chanyeol put his head in his hands as he tried to figure out if he was going to vomit or yell loud enough for his father to hear him from so many miles away.

“That’s not true,” Chanyeol said more to himself, and he tried to regain his composure, knowing that the person he wanted to lash out against wasn’t there for him to do so. He found the strength to look back up at D.O. as he dropped his hands back to his side. “It’s not true. Yes, I avoid relationships or anything serious. Yes, I push people away before I can get too close. But when I fall for someone, I give them my everything, and I was falling for you. Hard. I wasn’t using you, and I wasn’t just trying to get something from you so I could move on from you the next day. If that was the case, I never would have agreed to go slow. I would have found someone less challenging. Like Ju-hyun. Like Sehun.”

And before D.O. could reply, Chanyeol’s anger did surface enough as he continued to rant.

“And fuck my father for saying that about me! He did it on purpose so that this right here would happen, so that you wouldn’t trust me. Who throws their own kid under the bus like that? He’s doing all of this on purpose to keep us from being together.”

“But he’s not wrong.”

“Do you really believe he’s trying to protect you?”

“Yes.”

“Oh my God,” Chanyeol said, running his hands through his hair as he paced back and forth.

“I only believe that because of action, not words,” D.O. went on to explain. “Your father has protected me since I was young, and he didn’t have to.”

“It’s because he knew he could use you,” Chanyeol tried to explain again for the millionth time.

“And I knew I could use him,” D.O. said.

Chanyeol stopped pacing and looked back at him, “You knew you could use him?”

“To help provide for me and my mother. I didn’t have a father. She didn’t have a husband. We were struggling. This rich man shows up in his fancy car with his expensive clothes and offers to help. Even at that age, I knew that help didn’t come for free. I grew up experiencing that firsthand, seeing my mother have to give up things that were important to her to buy me a new coat for the winter because I had grown out of my old one. Seeing her having to ask our landlord for an extension on the rent only to have him treat us like we were worth nothing each time he saw us because we were too much of a hassle for him. Your father was ready to help us, and I was ready to do whatever he wanted to get that help.”

Chanyeol tried to grasp this concept, but it only made him think of his own heated conversation with his father.

“My father thinks you’re his true legacy,” Chanyeol then said, having to suck in his bottom lip for a moment before continuing. “He grew up poor too. He had to struggle very hard to get to where he is today. He thinks you understand that. He knows that I don’t. And he knows that my cousin doesn’t understand that either. You’re his ideal son.”

“I’m not,” D.O. said shaking his head. “I’m just a younger version of him. He doesn’t treat me like a son. He treats me like a second chance.”

Chanyeol considered this for a moment, but his stubborn mind once again couldn’t shake the feeling that his father did see D.O. like a son.

“But he does treat you like…” and Chanyeol looked around the apartment again as realization settled in. “But you treat him like a father.” Chanyeol thought that angle may keep his thoughts on the matter intact.

“No, I don’t,” D.O. said shaking his head again. “I treat him like my boss. To be more exact. I treat him like my boss who I wish was my father, but I know isn’t.”

“My father admitted to me that he sees you like a son,” Chanyeol said, hating to play that card because the words had hurt him more than he liked when his father had said them.

“If you’re right,” D.O. said, “And your father wants us apart, and he told me about your casual dating habits to push me further away from you, then what do you suppose he would tell you to push you further away from me?”

Chanyeol felt his heart beat faster as if it would run away from this situation to save itself without caring that it left him dead.

“So… you acknowledge that he’s not protecting you?”

“He is protecting me,” D.O. said, and now his own eyes appeared to be pleading with Chanyeol to understand. “And he’s protecting you. He wants us to be happy.”

“Stop that!” Chanyeol snapped. “You can’t have it both ways. You can’t believe that he’s doing what’s best for you while also knowing he’s manipulating you.”

“But he wasn’t wrong about you. You did hurt me. And you’ll do it again. Because you have a terrible temper, and you’re stubborn, and when things don’t go your way, you dismiss people. I can’t go through that again.”

“I’m sorry that I hurt you,” Chanyeol said moving closer to him so he could see the sincerity in his eyes. “You’re right. I reacted too fast. But I was hurt too! I was hurt that you had all these big secrets that you didn’t trust me enough to share. And you lied to me. You told me that you were alone, but it turns out you have a best friend that lives with you. You made me think that I was special too when it turns out I wasn’t.”

“But you were special,” D.O. said, still looking at him upset and concerned. “I’d never felt that way about anyone before. Had you ever felt the way you claim you felt about me?”

Chanyeol bit his lip, not wanting to walk down this road that he had been keeping to himself for so long. But lack of honesty would ruin anything between him and D.O. that could be salvaged.

“Ask me another question,” Chanyeol tried.

“No,” D.O. said. “I need an answer to that one.”

“I was starting to fall for you,” Chanyeol said, feeling his heart beat faster, hating that not being honest would make things harder for him and D.O., but being honest wouldn’t help either. “That’s happened to me exactly two times before. The first time I didn’t let it get much further because it freaked me out too much. The second time I let it get too far and I ended up falling completely in love with someone I shouldn’t have.”

“So like I said,” D.O. stated in an even tone, “You were special to me. I wasn’t to you.”

“That’s not how it works. More than one person can be special in someone’s life.”

“But how would someone know if they were special to you if you jump from one person to the next?”

“I didn’t jump from you to anyone,” Chanyeol defended.

“How would someone know if they were special to you if you dismiss them the first time they make a mistake?”

“I’m here. I’m apologizing now.”

“How would someone know if they were special to you if you broke their heart?”

“I didn’t mean to,” Chanyeol said, his voice weakening, and he felt so helpless staring at him. “But you broke my heart too,” he pointed out.

“I begged you to listen to me. I didn’t break your heart.”

“Okay, okay,” Chanyeol said not able to take much more of this after already being upset from his talk with his father. He put his hands out and moved them in a downward motion as if needing to calm himself. “I was wrong. I was entirely wrong about that entire situation. I can’t go back in time and change what I did, but I can fix it moving forward. I’m welcoming you back to the family, and when you come back to the house, I will make a formal apology in front of your mentor and our entire security team and explain that you did nothing wrong.”

“Do you honestly think I would go back while you’re still in charge?”

“I’m going to make it up to you. I was wrong and this is my mess to fix. Maybe it’ll end up being the last thing I ever do in my father’s place, but I will do it. It’s not much for how I made you feel, but it’s the least I can do.”

“There’s no point in me going back while you’re in charge,” D.O. said. “But if I do decide to take your father up on his offer, you’ll need to do that regardless.”

Chanyeol stared at D.O. wondering exactly how his mind worked. He felt he was back in the office, meeting him for the first time and unable to break through the wall D.O. surrounded himself with.

“Do you even want to be my father’s apprentice?” Chanyeol asked him, unsure of the next move to make.

“It’s hard to think about. I never thought it’d be an option, so I’ve been trying to wrap my head around the idea. I’ve learned a lot from your father, and I like the idea of learning more. I’m just not sure I’m the right person to lead your family when the time comes.”

“Of course you are,” Chanyeol had to admit. “You were the one that came in and lead the charge in figuring out who was behind the attempt on my father. You had a plan in place to figure it all out and then you did. And even on the business side, you see my father’s vision. When we walked around the hotel, all your comments made it clear that you knew what my father wanted and how every space functioned. I’ve spent all these months looking at blueprints and walking around spaces that have never made me think of anything useful to offer.” Chanyeol had to swallow his bitterness for a moment so that he could look right at D.O. and finally admit, “You’re the right person to lead our family when the time comes.”

“So you’re agreeing with your father.”

“Only in that you’re the right person. I don’t agree with anything else. His methods, the timing on when he asked you, any of it. He’s manipulative. It’s something I sort of knew about him, but never had to experience myself, so I was able to pretend it didn’t exist. I can’t pretend that anymore.”

“Someone in that position has to be manipulative. I guess that’s something he would teach me if I took his offer.”

“I don’t think that’s true,” Chanyeol said, suddenly now thinking of Junmyeon’s words to him. “I wasn’t manipulative in how I lead this family, and it worked out. When you take over, you’d have to do it your own way. Otherwise it won’t work.”

D.O. seemed to think about this and then said, “I’ve been trained to take orders. I expected more of that, but maybe he’d have to train me to give orders instead.”

“You’re already good at that.” And Chanyeol rolled his eyes, remembering too well their basketball court conversation where D.O. told him to start doing better. “Whatever. It doesn’t matter. I’m tired of talking about my father. I want to talk about us.”

“What about us?”

“How do I make this up to you? How do I get you to accept my apology so we can move forward?”

“What do you mean move forward?”

“I miss you,” Chanyeol told him, not sure what else to do. “I cried so much that night because my heart couldn’t take what I had done, what I thought you had done, the fact that something that had meant so much to me ended that night. You can believe my father if you want. You can stand there and think I’m not worth giving another chance to because I’ll just move on or whatever, but none of that changes the truth. I miss you. I miss looking at you, and seeing you smile, and going slow, and kissing you, and feeding you, and everything. I can’t stop thinking about you. Have you stopped thinking about me?”

Chanyeol wished he hadn’t asked. If the answer was that D.O. had, he didn’t think he’d make it to the door to leave without falling apart. He tried to mentally prepare for that answer.

“I…” D.O. paused and looked down a moment then looked back at him, his face so concerned that Chanyeol wished he could take the question back. “I’ve been trying hard to stop thinking about you.”

“Stop trying,” Chanyeol said, almost pleading with his tone. “Just don’t do it. We have something. There was definitely something between us. We can’t deny that.”

“I don’t think I’m meant for that sort of thing.”

“I… I get that. I think that way too. But, I guess this is where my experience comes in handy, because when you go from person to person, the one thing you realize is that when you come across someone you don’t want to move on from, then you know you’ve found the right person.”

“You had that person before,” D.O. said, bringing the topic back up to Chanyeol. “Why aren’t you with that person now?”

“Ask me another question.”

“No.”

“D.O., I can’t,” Chanyeol said shaking his head, his emotions getting the better of him as his voice lifted slightly. “I don’t talk about that.”

“Do you still love this person?”

“I always will,” Chanyeol admitted, and he closed his eyes for a moment and shook his head again. “Someday. Someday I will tell you. But I can’t. I don’t talk about it.”

D.O.’s thick eyebrows furrowed and he said, “You now know all my secrets.”

“If we fix what happened between us and decide to move forward, I will tell you this last secret of mine at some time in the future when I can emotionally handle telling you. I’ve never told anyone. Not even my family.”

“I understand,” D.O. said, his expression softening. “But I don’t know if what happened between us can be fixed.”

“Anything can be fixed if you want to fix it badly enough. I want to fix it badly enough.”

D.O. shook his head again, and Chanyeol thought he may have looked a bit scared.

“I can’t erase from my mind the look on your face when you told me to leave,” D.O. said, still shaking his head.

Chanyeol’s heart broke all over again, for himself, for D.O., and he hated himself so much at that moment for being that careless with someone that had warned him from the beginning that he had no experience with relationships. He passed his hand through his hair, feeling his chest cave in, and he turned away for a moment to try and collect his thoughts, having to place his hand over his mouth as if that would keep him from crying out.

“I’m sorry,” Chanyeol managed to get out, but he still didn’t face him, and the words were muffled by his hand anyway. “I’m selfish.” And then he took a deep breath and turned back to look at him, still with his hand in his hair, but the other hand fell back to his side. “I’m selfish,” he said, letting go of his hair. “I was too upset with you to consider your feelings. But I should have. I should have taken you to another room and listened to what you had to say in private and tried to understand it before acting. Please just give me another chance. I will do so much better. I will.”

D.O. shook his head again, but it seemed more as if he was shaking it at himself, so Chanyeol took several steps forward, closing the gap between them significantly, and D.O. looked at him surprised.

Chanyeol looked right into his eyes and told him, “I promise you that if you give me another chance, I will not only take it as slow as you want, I will not only apologize in front of everyone for how I treated you, but I will also make sure to never treat you with disrespect again.”

“You can’t promise that…”

“Yes, I can. You saved my life. I will never disrespect you again.”

“And what if I decide to be your father’s apprentice? Would you still want to be with me then?”

“Yes,” Chanyeol told him.

“But you’re leaving.”

“The house. Not the city. And I’ve already promised my mother we’d visit once a week.”

“I would want you to visit me more than once a week.”

“You could come visit me instead.”

“If I’m your father’s apprentice, your house becomes my home. Would that be weird for you?”

“No.”

“But you would rather I didn’t take it and be with you far away from all this instead.”

“That’s my dream, but I don’t force my dreams on others. You have to do what you think is right for you. All I can hope for is that whatever you think is right for you still includes me in some way.”

“I want you to have your dream.”

Chanyeol was the one to shake his head this time. “Don’t worry about my dream,” he said. “Regardless of what happens, my son and I will do just fine. We always do.”

D.O. seemed to consider his thoughts and Chanyeol watched him, wishing he would take him back already so he could touch him, and hold him in his arms where he perfectly fit.

“I accept your apology,” D.O. finally said, and Chanyeol felt one large weight lift from him.

“Thank you,” Chanyeol told him. “What about the part where you take me back?”

“How good are you at keeping promises?”

“I try my best. Sometimes I fail when my stubbornness gets the best of me,” he admitted. “Or if I’m upset and not thinking straight. But I meant my promise to you.”

“Your father won’t like that we’re together.”

“I don’t care,” Chanyeol said. “In case you haven’t noticed, I don’t always tend to listen to him.”

“I always listen to him.”

Chanyeol let out a tired sigh. They were back to this, but Chanyeol would be damned if he was going to let his father interfere with his love life.

“I have to accept the fact,” Chanyeol relented, “that I will never understand your relationship with my father. I think I’m just going to have to stay out of that aspect of your life. At least for now, until I can understand it better, or rationalize it better, or accept it for what it is if I have no other choice.”

D.O. nodded, and Chanyeol was happy to see him do something other than shake his head negatively again.

“I think that’s a good approach,” D.O. said. “And I, in turn, will stay out of your relationship with your father as well.”

“That’s fair,” Chanyeol agreed. “So, since we’ve agreed on that, does that mean you’re giving me another chance?”

“I need to think about it,” D.O. said, and Chanyeol groaned, not caring if he sounded petulant. “I’m sorry, I just need to think about it,” D.O. reiterated. “Just like I need to think about your father’s apprenticeship.”

“But my offer comes with kisses,” Chanyeol tried, hoping to lighten the mood a little so he could maybe see D.O. smile just once before he inevitably kicked him out.

“You really have a one-tracked mind,” D.O. told him, but Chanyeol could have sworn he saw a hint of a smile wanting to form at the corner of his lips.

“I don’t, but I know I’m good at that so I wanted to remind you,” Chanyeol said and sighed again, passing his hand through his hair and looking around, wondering how he could delay D.O. telling him to leave since he needed time to think. “You never showed me your place. Can I get a tour at least?”

D.O. blinked and stared at him for a moment, then nodded and spread his right arm out, “That’s the living room. That’s the balcony.” Then he spread his left arm out and said, “That’s the kitchen.”

“It’s very cozy,” Chanyeol said, his lips sucked in as he nodded, not sure what other comment to make that wasn’t him saying that he wanted to kiss him in his living room, his balcony, and his kitchen.

D.O. looked at him again then walked away, turning on a light, “This is the hallway,” he said, and Chanyeol followed him. “This is the bathroom. We only have one that we share.”

Chanyeol peeked his head around to look inside what very much was a bathroom. Though he expected two sets of everything, it appeared outside of towels and toothbrushes, the two friends shared most everything else. He followed D.O. further down the hall.

“This is Baekhyun’s room,” he said, swinging the door a bit further open to reveal a room that had a tidy aspect to it, but had many different things strewn about as if someone had been searching for something.

“He’s both organized and disorganized,” Chanyeol mentioned.

“That’s a rather good description of him,” D.O. nodded then opened the door on the other side of the hallway. “And this is my room.”

Chanyeol followed D.O. into the room and took in every aspect of it. It was so neat and clean and minimalistic with white and gray sheets on a black bed and matching black furniture and no real color in sight, a stark contrast to his roommate’s room across the hall. He looked at D.O. who stood by his bed.

“And this is my bed,” he pointed out, using his hand again to motion in the direction behind him.

“This is all very you. Monochromatic. I bet that red shirt I bought you when we went to find you colorful clothes was thrown away as soon as you brought it home.”

“It’s in my closet,” D.O. said, motioning with his other hand toward the closet. “Along with the blue one you thought looked good on me.”

“You look so good in blue,” Chanyeol nodded. “You look so good right now in your all black too. You just always look good.”

“So do you,” D.O. said, and Chanyeol felt his heart leap a little.

“I want to kiss you so bad right now,” Chanyeol told him, sucking his lips in again.

“I showed you my bed, didn’t I?” D.O. said, raising his eyebrows, and the look he was giving Chanyeol was not curious, or confused, but instead, challenging.

Chanyeol took that challenge and closed the gap between them again, placing his hands on D.O.’s hips as he looked down at him.

“Have you ever invited someone into your bed before?” Chanyeol asked him.

“Not in the way you mean, I don’t think. Baekhyun sleeps over a lot. Sometimes I’ll sleep with him in his bed instead.”

“I’m very jealous to hear that right now.”

“It’s because we both suffer from bad nightmares when we’re alone for too long,” D.O. explained, “You have nothing to be jealous about.”

Chanyeol raised his hand up to caress D.O.’s cheek, “I’m so sorry you have bad nightmares.”

D.O. said nothing, and instead turned his head enough so that he could place a gentle kiss on Chanyeol’s hand. Chanyeol almost combusted, and he wondered if he’d survive actually being in his bed with him.

He was more than willing to let D.O. do whatever he wanted to him, and he watched as D.O. moved his lips up to his wrist with soft kisses. Chanyeol used his hand to move D.O.’s face forward again and leaned in, finally taking those lips into his own, sucking them and tasting them, and letting his tongue slide over his teeth, tasting the fresh toothpaste and smiling into the kiss as he knew that D.O. tasted the same from him. Maybe they both had considered that this could happen during this meeting.

“Lead me into your bed,” Chanyeol whispered into his ear when he had paused to take a breath, and he felt D.O. hesitate. He looked at him to see D.O. staring at him.

“Slow,” D.O. said, and Chanyeol’s heart swelled at the familiar words from his mouth.

“God, I missed you,” Chanyeol said, bringing his lips down on his again, and as he kissed him, D.O. sat on his bed, forcing Chanyeol to bend over and lean down, but then D.O. shoved him slightly away and scooted back on his bed, reaching his hand out for Chanyeol’s and pulling him down when Chanyeol offered his hand to him.

He smothered D.O. with kisses as he lay on top of him, and then discovered the smaller man’s true strength when he found himself pushed onto his back, D.O. hovering over him and staring at him for a moment before bringing his lips down.

The idea that D.O. had wanted to see him in that position, to study him or maybe just plot his next move, made a fiery sensation run up Chanyeol’s spine, and he snaked his hands under D.O.’s black shirt, pulling it up with a ferocious hunger.

The shirt came off, as did Chanyeol’s in return, and then D.O. straddled him, leaning down to kiss him, but all Chanyeol’s mind could process was D.O.’s bulge in his sweat pants, grinding against his own in his relaxed pants and feeling the stretch of the fabric reach its limit.

“This is your idea of slow?” Chanyeol managed to ask, between breaks in kisses and soft pants to catch his breath.

“I don’t know,” D.O. said, “I saw this in a movie. Am I doing it wrong?”

“You’re doing everything right,” Chanyeol assured him, “But…” he paused and reached a hand up to smooth some of D.O.’s hair back from his face, strands of hair sticking to his skin as small beads of perspiration formed near his temples. “Is this what you want? I feel like you’re rushing.”

“I want to give you what you want.”

“I just want…” Chanyeol then realized what he had meant by that, and he could infer what D.O. had in mind. His brows knitted together as he realized that their conversation had done little to assuage D.O. of the fears his father had planted in his mind. “Oh God,” Chanyeol sighed, lifting his hand to his own forehead and closing his eyes to collect his own thoughts.

“What?” D.O. asked him.

“We’re not doing this,” Chanyeol said, shaking his head, and he gently nudged D.O. off him, who bit his lip as he knelt on the bed staring at him.

“You don’t want to do this?” D.O. asked him.

Chanyeol sat up and looked at him, feeling sorry for the both of them at this moment.

“I want to do this,” Chanyeol told them, “But I want to do this because we care about each other and want to know each other in this way. Not because you’re trying to see if my father’s right about moving on from you after getting what I want.”

“I needed to know the truth before making my decision,” D.O. said, as if it had made perfect sense to him to test him in this way.

“This isn’t how it works,” Chanyeol said. “Either we care about each other or we don’t.”

“I don’t know how anything works,” D.O. told him. “And I don’t know if you care about me.”

“You knew I cared about you before I dismissed you from the family, right?”

“I thought you did, but…”

“There’s no ‘but.’ And there’s no thought. You knew, right?”

D.O. sucked in his bottom lip for a moment as he thought and then slowly nodded.

“Okay,” Chanyeol said. “You’ve never been in this situation. I have. Sometimes people that really care about each other have a falling out, but it doesn’t change that they cared about each other, and it doesn’t change that they probably still very much care about each other. You want to make it seem like I’m some other person now, but I’m the same exact person that I was then. You’re the same person too, right?”

D.O. nodded, looking both as if he was getting reprimanded and trying to learn at the same time.

“Nothing’s really changed between us,” Chanyeol continued, “except that we both screwed up. Well I screwed up really. The thing is, you haven’t decided if you want to pick up where we left off, but I guess something you have to consider is that this is who I am. And I fuck up a lot. You’d have to accept that about me. It doesn’t mean I wouldn’t try to be better. It just means that I’m going to screw up a lot while I’m trying to learn to be a better person.”

D.O. just stared at him as he had his hands clasped together, playing with his fingers, perhaps as a distraction from Chanyeol’s words.

“Say something,” Chanyeol then said.

“This sucks,” he finally said, holding his hands tighter. “I don’t know what I’m doing. I never learned how to deal with things like this. I have no way of knowing if you’re being sincere or not. I feel like I want to trust you, but I don’t know how to. To be with you, I have to continue what I was doing before, and just risk it. But before when I did that, you…”

“I would pay so much money in the world to take that moment back just so I never have to hear you reference it again,” Chanyeol said cutting him off before he could say it again. “Okay, I get it. You can’t trust me now. You think I’m not trustworthy because of my past. It’s fine.”

It wasn’t fine, but Chanyeol realized that he could only take so much of his heart constricting in one day. He got up from the bed, reaching over to where his shirt had landed to pull it back on.

“Why are you leaving?” D.O. asked him.

“Because this isn’t going anywhere if you can’t trust me, or give me another chance, or try trusting me again, or anything that helps you get past what happened. I came here to try and fix things, but I guess this isn’t going to be fixable right now. I have to go home and come up with another game plan. Do you like flowers? Maybe I can send you flowers every day. I don’t know. Maybe I need to start over and take you out on dates to try and win your trust back. I still owe you the best tteokbokki in town. Maybe I’ll call you tomorrow after you’ve had some time to think things over a bit more and set that up.”

“Chanyeol, stop,” D.O. said and this time it was Chanyeol shaking his head as he headed toward the door.

“I will call you tomorrow. I will give you more time. I will give you all the time you need.”

“Chanyeol, stop,” D.O. said again, his tone more forceful, and Chanyeol turned to look back at him, waiting for him to continue. “I just… I just realized that I… this doesn’t feel right. You leaving.”

“Me staying doesn’t feel right either,” Chanyeol told him.

“I am willing to trust you again,” D.O. said, and Chanyeol looked at him a bit wary. “I just need your help.”

“How am I supposed to help you with that?” Chanyeol asked, not even sure what he meant by that.

“Don’t leave me.”

Chanyeol didn’t want to leave him, but he was confused as to whether staying was the right thing to do.

“You have a lot to think about,” Chanyeol reminded him.

“I have a lot to learn,” D.O. told him instead. “Teach me.”

“Teach you what?”

“How to trust after your heart’s been broken.”

“It has to heal first,” Chanyeol told him, knowing that lesson too well.

“Help me heal it. Please?”

Chanyeol knew he was the king of making bad decisions, but he hesitated at the bedroom door for only a moment before he gave in and took steps back toward the bed, sliding his shirt off his body and letting it drop to the floor before crawling back onto the bed and taking D.O. down with him, hovering over him as he looked down into those pleading eyes.

“We’re going to take this slow,” Chanyeol told him, and D.O. nodded at him.

And they did take it slow, kissing and touching and Chanyeol guiding D.O. to explore whatever he liked and to take as much time as he needed to. Chanyeol found that he liked D.O.’s tentative touches as much as he liked his more daring ones, or the ones he felt more confident in, like when he pressed his fingers to Chanyeol’s hips, or reached up to cup his face while kissing deeply.

Chanyeol also realized that he had instantly become obsessed with the moles on D.O.’s body, dropping kisses on each one he found and murmuring to D.O. that he could kiss his moles all day, which elicited a simple, “You’re weird,” from D.O. who moaned soon after at the touch of Chanyeol’s lips to his skin.

He got more moans from him when he kissed him just below his belly button, and Chanyeol desperately wanted to blow D.O.’s mind and go even lower, but he had promised slow, so he moved back up and put his attention instead on D.O.’s nipples, swirling his tongue around before taking one between his teeth to tease it. He probably should have expected D.O.’s reaction, which involved a slap to the arm.

“Okay, we’re not there yet,” Chanyeol said, going back to his chest area to kiss his sternum.

“That’s a place to be?” D.O. asked, a bit breathless. “That was scary. Do you like people doing that to you?”

“Yes. A lot,” Chanyeol admitted, and then he looked up at him. “Do you want to try doing that to me?”

“Okay,” D.O. said, and Chanyeol lay beside him, letting D.O. hover over him instead as they switched places. He watched him as he tentatively flicked his tongue over his left nipple, which caused Chanyeol to bite his bottom lip, both out of amusement and sensation. “You were going to bite it?” D.O. asked him.

“Just a little. More like a tweak, not a real bite. It wasn’t going to be painful. Although some people like that.”

“Do you like it painful?”

“Um, it’s hard to explain. Sometimes when you get really caught up in pleasure, and your adrenaline is going through the roof, a little pain mixed in with that really feels good.”

“So it depends on how much pleasure is happening.”

“Right. Like right now we’re kind of at a low pleasure state. Like it’s pleasure, but it’s not a super intense pleasure yet, so you wouldn’t tweak it in a way where there’d be pain.”

“So like this?” D.O. asked, before ducking his head down again and pulling on his nipple lightly with his teeth.

“Oh Goood,” Chanyeol said, having to cover his face with his arm. “Yeah, like that. And then, you can let it go and lick it or suck it.” Which D.O. did, following instructions perfectly, and Chanyeol was having a serious crisis as to how to keep his dick from combusting out of his pants.

“You really do like that,” D.O. said. “Maybe you should try it on me again.”

“Okay,” Chanyeol said, swiftly switching positions again to try and keep his mind off the problem in his pants. “You don’t have to like it though. Different people like different things. You have to figure out what works for you. Just relax,” he told him, as he rubbed his thumb over D.O.’s nipple first, and then bent his head to suck on it a little, trying to look up at him as he did for his reaction. D.O. seemed to be attempting to relax as Chanyeol did this, but then he bit his lip and Chanyeol could tell that it was doing the trick, so instead of using his teeth, he used his lips to pull it and then flicked his tongue rapidly to abuse it, emitting a soft groan from D.O.

Chanyeol introduced D.O. to some other things as well, like hickeys and sucking on his finger, and D.O. followed directions perfectly when it was his turn to try.

“You told me you weren’t good at school,” Chanyeol mentioned after a successful hickey on D.O.’s part, and he ran his fingers through the hair on the back of D.O.’s head as he stared at him feeling proud and blissful all at once. “You seem to learn really well.”

“The private tutor I had taught me how to pay attention and study better,” D.O. said, and then his hand dropped down to his own sweat pants, tugging at them to make his own situation more comfortable.

“I was avoiding helping you with that,” Chanyeol told him. “Because of the slow thing. I can if you want, or I can leave the room if you need to take care of it and I can come back when you’re done.”

“I think yours needs to be taken care of too,” D.O. said, looking down at Chanyeol’s crotch then back up at him.

“I could take care of that in the bathroom while you take care of yours here,” Chanyeol offered.

“I trust you to take care of it for me,” D.O. said with earnest eyes, and Chanyeol leaned up to take his mouth into his yet again, kissing him hard, but slow, as he once again switched their positions.

He took great care to rid D.O. of his sweatpants and boxers, and he got rid of his own pants and boxers as well, telling D.O. how beautiful he looked because he did, every part of his body perfect in Chanyeol’s eyes. He kissed along the inside of D.O.’s thighs as he worked his way up, then looked up at him to make sure they were on the same page before he got slapped again.

“You’ve only ever gotten a hand job, right?” Chanyeol asked.

“Yes,” D.O. confirmed.

“How about I do something different? Instead of using my hand, I can use my mouth. Is that too fast for you?”

D.O. shook his head, “You can do that.”

“Okay, if you want me to stop, just let me know,” Chanyeol told him, and D.O. nodded.

But he didn’t tell him to stop, and each tiny groan or loud moan only confirmed to Chanyeol that he very much did not want him to stop. He took his time to take great care of him, wanting him to feel all the pleasure that he had been denied in all his years. Chanyeol was not an expert at giving a blowjob, and tended to be the receiver more often than naught, but he had managed to learn some tricks from Sehun’s skill with his mouth, and he used them on D.O., which pushed him over the edge with barely enough warning for Chanyeol to let him go and finish him off with his hand.

He grabbed himself as well with his other hand, not able to hold it back any longer and came soon after, collapsing next to D.O. more exhausted than he normally was after a night like this.  Each emotion of the day leading up to this had taken so much out of him, and he had used up every last drop of energy he had left. He pulled D.O. close to him, and D.O. cuddled into him, not seeming to mind the mess they both had created between them. D.O. rubbed his nose against Chanyeol’s chest as he held onto him, just as tightly as Chanyeol held him back.

“Are you okay?” Chanyeol asked him, “Did you like it? Was it slow enough?”

“Yes. To everything,” D.O. said looking up at him and moving his leg up a bit. Chanyeol moved his own long leg to fall over D.O.’s so they were more intertwined. “Yes. To trusting you,” D.O. then added. “Yes. To giving you a second chance.”

“Really? A blowjob is all it took?” Chanyeol teased him, nuzzling his head a bit with his own nose.

“It wasn’t that. It was… it felt like us again. You teaching me new things. You being careful with me. I know I’m complicated. I don’t want to be complicated. I think you help me be less complicated.”

“I like that you’re complicated. But if you want to be less complicated, then I will do everything I can to help.” He gave him a soft kiss on his head. “It did feel like us again. That really was the best part.”

“You’re staying the night, right? You’re not leaving me after that?”

“I’m staying whether you wanted me to or not,” Chanyeol told him.

And they cuddled some more, dropping soft kisses on each other and figuring out how to get the covers over them without losing their position too much before they both succumbed to their sleep.

***

When Chanyeol woke up, he was comforted to see that he was still in D.O.’s bed, D.O. was still in his arms, and that the whole night hadn’t been a dream. He watched him sleep for the first time ever, his heart skipping a slight beat at how peaceful he looked, the man with frequent nightmares sleeping as if he was having a pleasant dream instead. Chanyeol wished he could take a picture of him, but he was afraid any movement would wake D.O. up, and for right now, he just wanted to stare and memorize the sight.

Moments later, however, D.O. stirred beside him, shifting and moaning a bit as loud noises began to infiltrate their quiet intimate space. Chanyeol could hear the sounds of loud clanking in the kitchen and people speaking, the only voice he recognized was that of his bodyguard.

“Hm,” D.O. said, waking up and blinking his eyes several times before looking up at him. “You’re still here.”

“Did you want me gone?” Chanyeol asked him amused, now taking the liberty to run his fingers through D.O.’s hair.

“No. Just making sure,” he mumbled, his voice rough and deeper when not fully awake. Chanyeol needed to hear him speak in this tone more often.

“You look so peaceful when you sleep,” he told him.

“You’re fidgety.”

“Uh, yeah,” Chanyeol said, “I’ve heard that before.”

“I’m used to it. Baekhyun’s fidgety too.”

“Oh,” Chanyeol said, “Well that’s good then, right?”

D.O. blinked up at him and nodded, running his hand up Chanyeol’s side, though Chanyeol thought he may not have even been aware he was doing it. It was his half-awake subconsciousness moving it for him probably, but it still caused a smooth tingle in his back.

A knock on the bedroom door was followed by a loud voice that traveled through the door effortlessly. 

“Breakfast is ready! You should come out and eat. It’s really good. I made it, but I had help. Oh, and I picked up noodles too and other things from the market in case it came out bad. But it actually came out good. We’ve already started eating, but don’t worry there’s a lot, but it’s going to get cold. Okay, bye!”

Chanyeol’s eyes went wide at all the words and loudness and he looked at D.O., feeling as if he had been attacked.

“That’s Baekhyun,” D.O. told him, sensing his expression.

“He’s so loud. And there were so many words. Why did there have to be so many words?”

“He likes to hear himself talk. He doesn’t even need anyone around to talk. He’s always talking to himself in his room when he’s alone in there. It took some getting used to when he first moved in.”

“I bet it did,” Chanyeol said, only imagining how D.O.’s entire being screamed quiet and what it must have been like for him to find himself surrounded by that much noise.

“We should probably clean up and get dressed,” D.O. said, his hand reaching up to Chanyeol’s face, cupping his cheek.

“We should,” Chanyeol said, leaning down to give him a proper good morning kiss before they got up and threw on enough clothes to decently walk down the hall to the one bathroom.

***

Chanyeol didn’t know what he expected Baekhyun to look like. He supposed in a way he expected him to look a bit like Jongdae, but other than the short height, he didn’t really resemble him. He didn’t look like D.O. either. In contrast to D.O.’s large owl eyes, Baekhyun had small mischievous eyes. And when he smiled, unlike D.O. whose heart-shaped lips would form a bigger heart, Baekhyun’s mouth instead turned into a rectangular shape, and a laugh would always be emitted, as if not capable of having his lips part without some sort of sound accompanying it.

“Baekhyun, Chanyeol, Chanyeol, Baekhyun,” D.O. said in brisk introductions as he focused on scooping rice into bowls for him and Chanyeol.

“Ah, nice to finally meet you,” Baekhyun said, giving him a small bow in greeting and smiling at him. “Eat!”

“Nice to meet you too,” Chanyeol told him, not getting far in his return bow before Baekhyun was off to make sure Chanyeol’s security guard had more meat on his plate.

Chanyeol followed D.O. to the dining room table, a tad bit too small for the amount of food on it and the four people sitting around it. Their entire home was built on the basis of two people, and it occurred to Chanyeol that since both men lived in secrecy, guests were something they did not receive.

“Is this weird for you guys?” Chanyeol asked them. “Having us here?”

“It’s nice,” Baekhyun said between mouthfuls of the food he kept shoveling into his mouth. “We’ve never had guests before. It’s kind of exciting, right, K… uh… D.O.?”

“Yes,” D.O. nodded, and Chanyeol was struck by the fact that Baekhyun obviously was used to calling him by his real name.

Of course, it made sense that this wasn’t the home of D.O., that’s what the Park estate was for him. Here, this was Kyungsoo’s home.

“Should I,” Chanyeol began to ask, but then thought again and asked, “Could I call you by your real name? I mean, maybe not,” he looked over toward his security guard and back at D.O., “like now, but later, when we’re alone?”

“My real name is Kyungsoo,” D.O. took the liberty of telling the security guard, and then he looked back at Chanyeol, “And yes, I would like that.”

Chanyeol felt relief, and he smiled and said, “Thanks, Kyungsoo.”

Baekhyun laughed, which made Kyungsoo smile at him amused, and Chanyeol realized how much he had missed seeing Kyungsoo’s face light up. He also realized that he really liked thinking about him as Kyungsoo, and not as D.O., like this was someone that really could be his and not at all his father’s. He shook the thoughts from his mind, not wanting to dwell too much on that during this happy moment.

“So, Baekhyun,” Chanyeol said. “I didn’t get to thank you for all your help that night. Jongdae mentioned you were very skilled, and he was right.”

“Oh,” Baekhyun said, looking a little shy by the compliment, which Chanyeol found surprising. “I was just happy to help.”

“How did you get inside the house?”

“Oh, it was like a video game,” Baekhyun said excited. “I had observed the rounds their security did, and then I moved from position to position in the shadows of the trees, but when I got to the clearing, that part was really tough, but I had figured out the timing on the rounds enough to make a run for it when I knew I was in the clear, but I also knew I had a short amount of time, so I had to run really fast. I made it though. It was kind of fun. Scary, but fun.”

“Wow,” the security guard said. “You’re so fearless.”

“I don’t mind taking chances,” Baekhyun nodded. “Although, it’s not really taking a chance if you find the timing and rhythm of things. Most things follow a pattern, so once you figure out the pattern, you can usually do just about anything.”

“It’s true,” Kyungsoo said nodding in agreement. “Baekhyun taught me that, and it comes in handy for a lot of things.”

“That sounds like something we should all learn to do,” Chanyeol noted and then he said, “You know, if you wanted to, you could come work for our family.” He figured that if Kyungsoo, or D.O. in that situation, would end up being his father’s apprentice, it only made sense for him to keep his best friend on the team to help him.

“Ah, I already turned your father down,” Baekhyun admitted. “I mean, I’m very honored for the offer. Working for a high family is my dream. But, I really liked working with Jongdae, so I’m hoping that he’ll forgive me someday so I can go back to working for the Kim’s.”

“They’re not a high family though,” Chanyeol pointed out. “They’re under us. So working for us would mean working with them.”

“Ah, good point. I’ll have to think about it more then,” Baekhyun said, and Chanyeol smiled at him and nodded.

“So, how did you two meet?” Chanyeol asked them, and as Chanyeol ate his breakfast, he listened to Baekhyun and Kyungsoo tell an almost unbelievable story about how they met at a park while Baekhyun was trying to recruit Kyungsoo for some job. Chanyeol couldn’t take his eyes off Kyungsoo, the way he became animated when he interjected his commentary into the story, or the way his eyes would light up at the fond memories associated with their first meeting.

He wondered if someday when someone asked them how they had met, if they could tell this story in the same way, with happiness and fondness, and with Kyungsoo smiling so wide his large eyes became mere slivers. Chanyeol hoped so.

His phone beeped at him and it was a text message from Junmyeon asking him if he would be coming into the office today. Chanyeol liked the idea of staying there better, but he knew he had a lot to do.

“Is Junmyeon looking for you?” Kyungsoo asked him.

“He is,” Chanyeol confirmed. “I have to get back. But if you’re not busy later tonight, I think I owe you a tteokbokki date.”

“You do. The best tteokbokki in town,” Kyungsoo reminded him.

“Maybe I can swing by and pick you up around seven?”

“I can be ready by then,” he said, and he gave him a soft smile, his cheeks rising.

Chanyeol had dreaded leaving, not just because he wanted to spend as much time with Kyungsoo as he could at his place reconnecting and getting to know him better in his own surroundings, but also because he knew going back home meant an inevitable run-in with his father.

He became more upset again as he thought about it on the drive back, and by the time he entered the office, finding Junmyeon in his usual chair typing away on his laptop, his mood had considerably darkened.

“Did things not go well?” Junmyeon asked assessing him. “I assumed they went well when you didn’t come home.”

“They went fine. They went more than fine,” Chanyeol said, and he sat in the chair nearest him and sighed, letting his long arms collapse on each side, too tired to sit properly. “I just knew coming back here meant having to see my father again and right now all I want to do is yell at him. Do you know what he told D.O.?”

“No, what?” Junmyeon said, sliding the laptop a tad away from him so he could pay closer attention.

“He made him believe that I didn’t really care about him. Like he was just another in a long line of people I hook up with and leave.”

“Ouch,” Junmyeon said, his face contorting into something like the shock Chanyeol had felt.

“I get that he’s trying to keep us apart, but who uses his son’s relationships issues against him like that? I always thought my father understood where I was coming from, but now I feel that he’s been judging me for how I live my life.”

“I don’t think he’s been judging you,” Junmyeon tried to interject, but Chanyeol cut him off.

“You defend him too much,” Chanyeol said, feeling far too hurt to hear his advisor try and give him the other side.

“I just have a different perspective.”

“I don’t care about your perspective on him right now. I need to figure out how to make my relationship with D.O. work if he takes this apprenticeship with my father.”

“Did he indicate one way or another?”

“No, but I know he’ll take it. I’m 99% sure he’ll take it. He’s too loyal to my father to not take it.”

“Is that going to be an issue in your relationship?”

“Probably, but I’m going to try and come up with a solution. I just have to remember he’s two different people, and he’s one person when he’s with me, but another when he’s with my father.”

“Who is he when he’s not with either of you?”

“The one that’s mine,” Chanyeol said with confidence. “It’s who he really is, when he isn’t being manipulated by my father.”

“You really need to sort this out with your father.”

Chanyeol shook his head and changed the subject.

“What’s on the agenda for today?”

“Jongin’s coming home,” Junmyeon said with a smile. “Everyone’s decorating the entrance and his room to welcome him. Chrystal will be staying in the house to help take care of him. Your aunt will be staying as well. Your uncle will be in and out because he has a number of business duties he has to attend to abroad.”

Chanyeol did lighten at this news, ready to have his cousin back in the house with his positive energy. 

After he handled several business items for the day, he and Junmyeon went to the foyer to help greet Jongin when he arrived.

Jongin had a huge smile on his face and was in great spirits, even laughing when everyone yelled “Welcome home!” as he walked through the door with his fiancé and parents.

“Alright, back to work you go,” Chanyeol teased him, knowing he would get the glare from his aunt that made Jongin laugh again.

“I’m ready, but these three won’t let me,” he said, indicating to his fiancé and parents.

Taemin was very excited to see Jongin, but he pointed to his left arm that was in a sling, not having known exactly why Jongin hadn’t been around as much. Chanyeol hadn’t wanted to tell him he was in the hospital, so he had just told him that he wasn’t feeling well and would be back when he got better.

“You hurt your arm,” Taemin pointed out.

“I did,” Jongin said, his eyes becoming tiny crescents as he smiled at seeing Taemin. “I hurt both arms, but this one’s taking longer to get better.”

“How did you hurt it?” Taemin said, grabbing his own arm, as if needing to share this moment with him.

“I just had a little accident. No big deal. Did you build your new building without me?”

“No, I need you to help me finish it.”

“Okay, I’ll help you finish it tomorrow after I get some rest, okay?”

“Okay,” Taemin said excited.

Jongin’s father made sure to assist his son to the dining room where Chanyeol’s mother had made sure a feast was prepared for Jongin’s return. Taemin insisted on sitting beside his first cousin, so Chanyeol took the seat beside his son and began scooping food onto the little boy’s plate.

He did his best to avoid eye contact with his own father, trying to enjoy the good mood of the celebration and the excited conversation at the table. Now that people were free to leave the house again, his mother spoke with a renewed energy to her sister-in-law about new purchases she had made and how much Taemin had enjoyed the new sandbox at the park nearby. 

“How much are you enjoying being able to spend time at your condo again?” Jongin asked Junmyeon with a smirk, and Chanyeol snorted.

“It’s nice,” Junmyeon stated simply, not taking either of their bait. “But speaking of condos, do you and Chrystal plan on trading that in for a home after the wedding?”

“Why? Do you have someone in mind that might like it?” Jongin replied, and Chanyeol let out a loud laugh.

“That’s an excellent idea,” Jongin’s mother said, oblivious to her son’s questioning purposes, and she turned to her brother and said, “Jongin more than deserves a home for him and his wife after everything he’s done for this family.”

“I agree,” Chanyeol’s father said. “Consider it a wedding present. Do you wish to look for one before or after the wedding?”

“You do not have to do that for us,” Jongin said, bowing his read respectfully toward his uncle.

“Of course I do. You’re like a son to me, and I would expect to gift you with a home regardless.”

Chanyeol took a large deep breath, those words bringing up too many feelings he was trying to keep down at the moment. He knew he needed to stay quiet, and Junmyeon looked at him and motioned with his hand for him to stay calm.

“Thank you,” Jongin said, glancing at Chrystal, who seemed touched as well. “I think we’d like to start looking after. We have a lot to deal with right now trying to plan the wedding.”

“I hope it will be soon,” Chanyeol’s mother said.

“Not until my arm returns to normal,” Jongin said with a laugh. “I’m not taking wedding pictures with a stiff arm, and I’m definitely not doing my first dance looking like a robot and not able to twirl my wife around.”

“Okay, but the image is funny,” Junmyeon pointed out.

“Well it’s a good thing you don’t have to worry about being walked down the aisle,” Chanyeol’s tongue let loose, and Junmyeon gave him a warning look but his words were already slipping out, “There’d have to be a fight between your father and my father to determine who would do it since you’re suddenly my father’s son as well.”

“Chanyeol,” Junmyeon said, but the damage had been done, and Jongin looked at him surprised and curious.

Chanyeol tried to reel it back. This moment wasn’t about him and his ill-placed feelings. It was about Jongin.

“It was a joke,” Chanyeol said, swallowing the bitterness with the help of the wine in front of him.

“This steak is incredible,” Jongin’s father stated to try and lighten the mood, and Chanyeol did appreciate his uncle then. Chanyeol wished he was around more than his aunt since his state of being was much more similar to Jongin.

“It was a present from the Kim family,” Junmyeon told him. “To thank us for what we’ve done for them and to assure their continued allegiance.”

“We received so many presents,” Chanyeol’s mother said with a big smile. “This one’s my favorite by far. It has been awhile since we’ve been to Red. We’ll have to frequent it more.”

“The presents are a testament to Chanyeol’s great job in leading this family,” his father then said and Chanyeol was grateful that Taemin chose that moment to distract him from the dirty look he had been about to give his father.

“Daddy, can I sleep in Jongin’s room tonight?”

“Jongin’s doctor wants him to rest tonight, so he can’t have you sleep with him. But maybe tomorrow if he’s feeling better, right?” Chanyeol asked Jongin.

“Right,” Jongin said with a big smile. “Besides, I’m going to be so boring tonight just sleeping with an arm that doesn’t work. I wouldn’t be able to read you a story because I can’t hold the book up.”

“He can’t even eat right now without me feeding him,” Chrystal said with a laugh as she shoveled more meat into Jongin’s mouth with her chopsticks, and Taemin laughed as well.

“Can I feed Jongin?” Taemin asked, now distracted by this new game, and Chanyeol let out a breath of relief.

Chanyeol only ate a few bites of meat, even though they were excellent and he’d normally have eaten three plates full. He focused instead on his wine and asked the maid if she could bring him a soju instead.

“Are you not eating more?” His mother asked him.

“I have dinner plans in a bit.”

“Are they business related?” His father asked, and Chanyeol did throw him a glare then.

“No, they’re personal. Not the kind you would approve of, I don’t think.”

Chanyeol’s father put his chopsticks down and wiped his mouth with his napkin.

“Let us go talk,” his father said, using the table to help himself up from his chair.

Chanyeol rolled his eyes and got up, heading to the door.

“Chanyeol, help your father walk with you,” his mother scolded him lightly.

“I’ll be in the library,” Chanyeol said looking away from her, “He can get there on his own.”

He walked out before his mother could protest further, heading to the library and having chosen it because of its close proximity to the dining room. He paced back and forth, unsure of how to even start speaking to his father, though he knew he wouldn’t be doing so civilly.

“So you spent the night at D.O.’s,” his father said, once he made it into the library, walking rather rapidly with the assistance of his cane.

“I did. And we kissed and made up,” Chanyeol said, crossing his arms as he looked at him. “I know. Shocking, right? I mean after you flat out told him that I didn’t care about him and would just move on from him like I do everyone else? That was really fucked up.”

“I’m trying to protect the future of this family.”

“He might be willing to believe your lies, but I’m not. You don’t have to tell them to me anymore. I’ve made a decision to stay out of your relationship with him. He hasn’t decided on the apprenticeship yet, but I’m pretty sure he’ll agree to it. That’s between you and him. In return, I ask that you please stay out of our relationship, which will continue whether you want it to or not. We will start transitioning in a few weeks, like we had planned, and we’ll be civil during that time, but once that transition is complete, I and my son are leaving here and going as far away from you as we can. However, I promised mom that I’d drop by once a week to visit with Taemin. Obviously you can see your grandson as well during that time, but I will not see you. What we have between us is the business of transferring power back to you, nothing else. I personally would like to never see you again, but unfortunately, I know that won’t happen.”

“You think you can come into my house and make these types of demands and rules?”

“I’m in charge.”

“You’re in charge of the family business, not this house.”

“Funny, that distinction was never made before this moment.”

“I understand that you’re upset right now…”

“No, upset is not what I am. I am angry. I am livid that my father, who I always thought was in my corner and supportive of me, thinks so little of me that he’d use my life choices, that I have struggled with and have deep issues about, against me to keep me away from someone that makes me happy. You don’t give a shit about me.”

His father fell silent, as if thinking through his words before saying them.

“I should not have used your life choices against you in that way. I apologize for that.”

Chanyeol narrowed his eyes, an apology the last thing he had been expecting.

“You’re apologizing?”

“I have never fully understood your life choices. To me they seem as if you don’t care at all about relationships. But if I’m wrong, then I’m wrong.”

Chanyeol shook his head, not buying the act.

“I’m not falling for this,” Chanyeol said. “You think you can appease me because you know that once you have D.O. as your apprentice, you’ll be able to manipulate him away from me. Then he becomes the bad guy instead of you. The side effect of taking your spot for all this time was learning all of your tricks.”

“While he’s my apprentice, I’ll have more important things to focus on with him than manipulating him away from you.”

“You’re not going to keep us apart,” Chanyeol told him. “While he’s with you, he’s D.O. But with me, he’s Kyungsoo, and that’s a part of him you don’t get to have at all. He’s never been Kyungsoo to you.”

“You forget that I knew him when he was only Kyungsoo.”

“No, you didn’t. Because the moment you met him, you had already decided he was D.O. You told me that, remember? You considered grooming him to take your place back then. Or were you lying to me yet again?”

“I wasn’t lying to you,” his father said. “I thought it would be a nice backup plan in case you didn’t come around to the idea.”

“Like I said. He’s never been Kyungsoo to you.”

“And you think he’ll stay Kyungsoo as he learns more and more how to take over this family?”

“I’ve managed to stay Chanyeol during this ordeal, so, yes.”

“Oh, but you’ve changed.”

“I have. I used to like you. Now I don’t.”

“The change is deeper than that,” his father told him, taking a seat in the armchair finally as his arm strength from relying on his cane seemed to give out on him. “But I concede. You want your relationship with Kyungsoo. I will not interfere.”

“It can’t be that simple. What are you hoping to get out of this?”

“I’m hoping to not lose my son,” the older man said. “I’ve always given you what you wanted. I’ve always let you lead the life you wanted to lead. I didn’t want this to happen, but it’s what you want, so you will have it.”

“I don’t trust you.”

“Nor should you. Like you said, you’ve learned that much. But I will say that my intentions are always meant to be in your best interest. I still don’t believe this is in your best interest, but knowing your habits and tendencies, I imagine this won’t last too long.”

Chanyeol knew that he had done this to himself. His inability to commit or have a relationship had created a figment in his father’s head of the type of person that he was, but his father had never learned that he wasn’t quite correct in his assessment.

“You don’t deserve to know this now,” Chanyeol said, swallowing before continuing, not sure how to tell him something he had held so close to himself for so long. “But I suppose you deserved to know it before. I have been in love before. I have taken a chance on someone before. And it was everything to me.” His father looked at him in surprise, and Chanyeol continued. “When that ended, I never thought I would experience something like that ever again. But then I met Kyungsoo, and I found that he was someone I was willing to take that chance again with. I know I hurt him. I apologized to him like six thousand times last night for it. But I promised him that I would make it up to him and that I would do everything in my power to not hurt him again, and I will stand by that.”

His father shook his head at him, as if not believing what he had just heard.

“Why didn’t you ever tell me about this? Who was this person? When was this? Why did it end?”

Chanyeol shook his head and said, “I don’t talk about it. It was very personal to me when it was happening and it was something that was all mine. Far away from you and all of this. It was exactly what I needed at the time it happened.”

“And why did it end?”

Chanyeol shook his head and walked away from his dad, then walked back toward him.

“You don’t get to know that. Not after the stunt you just pulled. You don’t get to know anything. And going forward, you don’t get to know anything about my relationship with Kyungsoo either.  It’s our thing. Just ours. And you, nor anyone else, gets to have anything to say about it. I have to go now.”

Chanyeol left the library before his father could say anything else, having the courtesy to stop by the dining room and let his father’s security guard know that he may need help leaving the library.

He was not surprised when his mother followed him out of the dining room, still upset by the attitude he had displayed.

“Chanyeol,” she said, her tone harsh as she followed his fast, long legs down the hall. “Stop walking and listen to me!”

Chanyeol slowed his pace, then stopped and looked at her, “What? I don’t want to be late.”

“Don’t get an attitude with me,” she said. “I know that you and your father are at odds right now, but he’s still your father. You need to treat him with respect.”

“I don’t have to treat him with anything,” Chanyeol said. “Not after what he did to me. He tried to sabotage my relationship with D.O. by telling him that I would use him and throw him away like I do everyone else. That’s what my father thinks about me, and if that’s what he thinks about me, then I don’t owe him shit.”

“I’m sorry he did that, but listen to me. Your father has never understood you. What you need to do is make him understand you.”

“I don’t care,” Chanyeol said shaking his head. “I’m done with him. I already told him that once we transition power back over to him, I’m never seeing him again.”

He didn’t expect his mother to raise her hand to him, but she did. And the slap against his face stung through his cheek, making his entire body jolt in shock.

“How dare you,” his mother said. “Your father has done everything for you, made sure you never had to go through the pains he had to go through growing up, has loved you unconditionally regardless of your differences, and the moment he makes a mistake with you, you write him off and say you’ll never see him again? You ungrateful, spoiled man,” she said slapping his arm for good measure, and though it hurt less, Chanyeol placed a hand over the spot on his arm.

“But…” Chanyeol said, too stunned to process this at the moment.

“But nothing! Yes, your father is wrong about this. Yes, your father shouldn’t have interfered with your relationship. But to him, you mean everything and D.O. means the future of this family, which is the second most important thing to him after you. Of course he freaked out and didn’t want it to happen. Instead of fighting him on this, you should have proven to him that it wouldn’t be an issue by showing him that things would be fine. Instead you had to be selfish about it. If you get D.O. out of this and lose your father, then you still have nothing because you’ll have lost the only person in your life that has believed in you and has done everything for you.”

His mother turned away from him and disappeared from his view before he could even take a couple of blinks. His heart ached and his mind grasped for sense but nothing felt logical or concrete in this moment, and he turned back to go to his room and figure out how he could put himself back together before seeing Kyungsoo again.

***

“Your cheek is red,” Kyungsoo observed when he had opened the door for Chanyeol.

Chanyeol was able to relax a bit at the sight of him, taking in the black slacks and black turtleneck that accompanied it, making him look like a pretentious poet or art snob but in a stunning way.

“Still?” Chanyeol asked, and he handed him the black roses he had managed to stop and pick up along the way. “Anyway, these are for you. I knew they’d match your outfit.”

“Where did you find black roses?” Kyungsoo asked, taking them and smelling them, which Chanyeol suddenly wished he had taken video of.

“I know a place,” Chanyeol shrugged, closing the door behind him as he followed Kyungsoo to the kitchen.

“Thank you. I’ve never received flowers before. Outside of the ones your father ordered for my mother’s funeral.”

“Did he?” Chanyeol’s eyebrows furrowed at this information, and then he asked, “Did my father happen to attend your mother’s funeral?”

Kyungsoo did not seem to have a vase, so instead he found a bowl and filled it with water.

“He did,” he said as he found scissors and cut the stems shorter. “He was the only person to attend, outside of myself obviously. Why is the mark on your face?”

Chanyeol watched Kyungsoo neatly place the flowers in the bowl, creating a rather pleasing arrangement that looked more like they were floating on the water. He was quite impressed.

“I told my father that after I transitioned power back to him that I never wanted to see him again, and my mother slapped me for it.”

Kyungsoo looked up at him, surprised at the information. Chanyeol waited for the question that would come next. He knew it was inevitable that Kyungsoo would jump to his father’s defense and ask him why he would have done that.

“Are you okay?” Kyungsoo asked him instead, and he suddenly remembered that this was his Kyungsoo, and he had never felt more grateful for that distinction in his life.

“I’m not sure,” Chanyeol admitted. “Seeing you now made me feel more okay. I just don’t know what to do about me and my father’s relationship right now. It’s complicated.”

Kyungsoo nodded and picked up the bowl of roses, carrying it to the small dining table and placing it in the middle.

“I hear tteokbokki can help, but if you’d rather stay here, we can order in and watch a movie.”

“No, I know for a fact tteokbokki helps,” he said, taking Kyungsoo’s hand and pulling him in closer to him. “You also help.”

“Would a kiss help?”

“A kiss would definitely help.”

Kyungsoo leaned up, placing an arm around Chanyeol’s neck as he pressed his lips against Chanyeol’s, kissing him slowly at first before his tongue demanded entrance. Chanyeol kissed him back with a combination of relief and desire, but before he could become too involved with it, Kyungsoo pulled away.

“We’ll continue that after if the tteokbokki is as good as your promised,” Kyungsoo said.

“And if it isn’t?”

“Then you’ll just have to stay the night, sleeping with me in my bed, without any kisses.”

“I would be perfectly okay with that,” Chanyeol grinned, and Kyungsoo smiled and squeezed his hand, leading him out.

When they arrived at the small hole in the wall, they were lucky to take the last table, the place only having five, which still felt like a tight fit. They had outdoor seating as well, but it was too cold, and Chanyeol wanted them to be inside and warm where they could best enjoy their food and conversation.

They were served two dishes of tteokbokki and Chanyeol dug in while also watching Kyungsoo for his reaction.

“The verdict?” Chanyeol asked him after he had taken a few bites.

“This is the best tteokbokki I’ve ever had,” Kyungsoo said, with an honest and satisfied expression, which Chanyeol knew meant approval.

“I told you. I don’t lie about this kind of thing.”

“Can we buy more to go so we can have it for breakfast?”

“Of course. We can buy the whole restaurant if you want and have them make it for you and deliver it to you anytime you want.”

“I think I’m okay with just buying some for breakfast.”

Chanyeol chuckled and said, “Okay, we’ll do that.”

They ate more, both barely savoring their dishes as they demolished them, and Chanyeol ordered another round for them to share for seconds.

“Tell me a fun story about you from your childhood,” Chanyeol asked him as he took a shot of soju. “You’ve only ever told me sad stories, but I’m sure you had to have a happy moment with your mother.”

“I had many,” Kyungsoo nodded, pouring them both new shots. “They mostly involve running around the beauty salon and stopping by the market on the way home to get steamed red bean buns, which was both of our favorites. I get my love of movies from her, and we’d spend a lot of time at home watching movies together that came on TV. Whenever she had a little bit of extra money, she’d take me to the theater, and we’d watch the movie while eating the little snacks she had packed for us. Did your parents take you to the movies?”

“Yes, all the time,” Chanyeol said with a small smile, “Mostly my mother did. My father was usually too busy to come along, so my mother would take me and Jongdae and his sister, and when Jongin got old enough, it would be the four of us at times. We were loud and I don’t think any of us ever really paid attention to the movie.”

“I’m not surprised to hear that,” Kyungsoo said with a grin.

“Do you and Baekhyun carry on you and your mother’s tradition of going to the movies?”

“We do,” Kyungsoo nodded. “He would have fit in better with your group though. He talks through the movies and doesn’t pay much attention.”

“Maybe the three of us will have to go sometime, so the two of us can properly annoy you while you’re trying to pay attention.”

“That sounds like a nightmare.”

When their new order was ready, they both dug in, as if they hadn’t just made two prior plates disappear.

“I liked him,” Chanyeol admitted between bites. “I wasn’t expecting to, but he’s nice. And hearing how you guys met, and how he had been homeless, just really endeared me. I’m guessing he’s also the guy that you mentioned had it worse than you.”

“Much worse,” Kyungsoo confirmed, blowing some of the steam off his portion between the chopsticks. “He lost his parents in a building fire when he was three. He grew up in an orphanage until he finally had had enough and ran away, learning how to live on the streets instead.”

“I wouldn’t expect someone who’s been through that to be like him. He seems really positive. And really smart.”

“Baekhyun’s a quick learner. I wish I was more like him in that respect. Not many people would have been as successful in his situation, but he adapts well and can figure things out quickly. He has good instincts. I’ve learned a lot from him over the years.”

“And I’m sure he’s learned a lot from you. Wait… is he the one that you…”

“Yes,” Kyungsoo said, and the small smile that broke on his face made it clear that he knew Chanyeol was both annoyed and amused to hear this.

“That must have been terrible,” Chanyeol said, not feeling jealous at all. He could even reason out his observation, “I mean, did he talk through the whole thing? Was it even making out if he talked through it? How did you even get it up during the hand job?” Chanyeol thought he was funny and snickered.

“To be fair, we had both drank a bit too much that night,” Kyungsoo said, his cheeks looking a bit rosy all of a sudden. “And I had no experience, so I didn’t really know what to expect. But yes, I did get it up. And also yes, he did talk through the whole thing.”

“I’m so sorry that happened to you,” Chanyeol said, but he could barely breathe as he laughed fully at the mental image of this.

“It was fine,” Kyungsoo said, trying not to laugh as well. “I’m glad he was my first kiss.”

“Did he talk through the kiss too? Oh my God, I’ll die if you say yes.”

“No, the kiss was quiet. Thankfully.”

Chanyeol laughed anyway and Kyungsoo threatened to throw the rest of the soju on him if he didn’t stop, but his eyes were shining bright in amusement.

“Are you glad I’m the second person you ever kissed?” Chanyeol asked once he was able to breathe normally again and form coherent words without giggling in between.

“Yes. What number am I?”

“It doesn’t matter what number you are,” Chanyeol said, “Since you’ll be the last person I ever kiss.”

“So you lost count and came up with a smooth line to cover for it. Nice.”

“Let me have this,” Chanyeol whined, and Kyungsoo grinned.

“Fine. You’ll be my second and my last then.”

“I like how that sounds.”

“Although I feel I might need to catch up to your numbers so we’re more equal. Maybe I’ll date around a little bit first.”

“That’s a terrible idea,” Chanyeol said frowning.

“Maybe I can hit up Sehun too.”

“That’s a really terrible idea,” Chanyeol said making a face. “You wouldn’t like him anyway. He’s not normal.”

“I’m not normal. And you’re not normal and I like you.”

“He’s a different not normal. Why are we even talking about this? You’re not dating around. Wait, do you really want to date around?”

Kyungsoo looked like a young boy the way he shook his head with a grin so bright that the hole-in-the-wall could have turned off its lights and no one would have noticed.

“No,” Kyungsoo replied. “But it’s funny to see you get jealous by the idea.”

“You like to see me suffer.”

“I do.”

“You’re not alone in that.”

“It’s because you’re insufferable.”

“I see what you did there,” Chanyeol said, and Kyungsoo chuckled.

They finished off the plate and took their breakfast order with them as they left, Chanyeol taking the initiative to hold Kyungsoo’s hand as they walked through the loud sounds and bright lights of the rather packed street. Chanyeol was grateful for the amount of people out that night, as it kept the cold chill from attacking them too fiercely.

“I like this side of you,” Kyungsoo mentioned to him, taking glances at him whenever Chanyeol did the same. “You have this romantic date thing down.”

“Would you believe me if I told you I don’t have much experience with this kind of thing?”

“No.”

“I don’t. I’ve only been on a handful of dates in my life. If that. I saw this in a movie once. Am I doing it wrong?”

“Shut up,” Kyungsoo told him, knocking his shoulder into his on purpose and looking down. “You’re not allowed to make fun of me for that.”

“I have to. It was so… not you.”

“Don’t ever make me have to do something that stupid again.”

“Oh, it was my fault?”

“Yes,” he said with a firm nod, and Chanyeol laughed and then he spotted a street vendor selling steamed red bean buns, so he pulled Kyungsoo toward that direction.

“Look,” Chanyeol said, excited at their luck. “Maybe I can take over this tradition for your mother since Baekhyun took the movie one.”

Kyungsoo seemed amused by him as he smiled, then nodded a bit shyly, and Chanyeol thought he looked the cutest he had looked all day, which said a lot since he had seen him look cute quite a bit starting from that morning.

He bought them each a bun and took his hand again as he savored the treat. Chanyeol glanced over at Kyungsoo to see him do the same with a content smile on his face.

“Have you ever been to a club?” Chanyeol then asked him.

“Yes,” Kyungsoo answered. “Baekhyun makes me go with him sometimes, to make up for me dragging him to the movies. He also makes me go do karaoke with him, which doesn’t involve a lot of singing because he likes to yell drunkenly at the top of his lungs to every song.”

“I would love to see you do karaoke,” Chanyeol said, smiling wide at the idea. “We’ll have to make that one of our dates. And clubbing. I want to see you dance.”

“You don’t have to take me clubbing to see me dance,” Kyungsoo pointed out.

“Really? So can we put music on when we get back to your place so I can watch you dance?”

“No.”

“You just said….”

“I’m just pointing out that’s not the only place you could see a person dancing.”

“If we go clubbing though, we can see each other dancing and dance with each other. See how that works?”

“Who said I wanted to see you dance?”

“Why are you like this?” Chanyeol asked. 

Kyungsoo smirked at him playfully and finished his steamed bun.

“Are you a good dancer?” Kyungsoo then asked him, licking his lips for crumbs, which made Chanyeol hesitate slightly before answering.

“Uh, no, I’m really quite terrible. My cousin got all the dance moves in our family. What about you?”

“I do well enough to not feel embarrassed by it,” Kyungsoo said. “Are you a good singer?”

“I have a deep voice,” Chanyeol said, “I can never match the key right in the karaoke rooms so I don’t tend to get a perfect score. They’re rigged against me. What about you?”

“I do well in karaoke,” he said. “When I’m not busy trying to out-yell Baekhyun.” 

And then Kyungsoo reached his hand up to the corner of Chanyeol’s lip to wipe it for him, and Chanyeol passed his tongue over his lips to make sure he hadn’t left anything else behind.

“Thank you,” Chanyeol told him.

Kyungsoo nodded, his eyes now lingering on Chanyeol’s lips for a moment before he looked back ahead on their walk.

“We should head back to your place,” Chanyeol said, “Because it’s cold and I want to warm up with you.”

“I can make us hot cocoa,” Kyungsoo nodded. “Will you stay the night again?”

“I’d like to.”

“I’d like you to too,” Kyungsoo said

Chanyeol snuck a kiss onto his cheek, then squeezed his hand tighter, as they headed back toward his car, learning more little details about each other’s experiences.

When they returned to Kyungsoo’s place, they shrugged off their coats and removed their cold shoes by the door. Chanyeol followed Kyungsoo into the kitchen and offered to help, following Kyungsoo’s directions as to where the hot cocoa was located as he began to warm up the milk.

“Hey, you’re back,” Baekhyun said coming into the kitchen while zipping up his coat. “Good. Can I steal your bodyguard?”

“Uh, sure?” Chanyeol said. “What do you need him for?”

“There’s a poker game happening tonight that I need him to help me win.”

“Oh, is he good at poker?” Chanyeol asked as he opened the canister and handed it to Kyungsoo. “I’ve never played with him before.”

“No, he’s terrible,” Baekhyun said, “It’s perfect. And don’t worry, you’ll be safe with Kyungsoo. Have fun. Don’t wait up for us,” he said, waving as he left.

“Why am I suddenly scared for my bodyguard?” Chanyeol asked Kyungsoo, who just chuckled and stirred the cocoa mixture with the milk, pointing out to him the cupboard that held the mugs.

They enjoyed their warm drinks in Kyungsoo’s bed, sitting beside each other, already having removed their shirts and pants so they could warm each other up better with skin contact. At least that had been how Chanyeol had presented the idea. But Kyungsoo had given him a knowing smile and pulled off his own shirt without a smart reply.

“I want to do this every night,” Chanyeol said, loving the sweet flavor on his tongue and the warmth of the steam on his nose.

“This would be nice,” Kyungsoo agreed. “We can if I run away with you after you give power back to your father.”

Chanyeol sighed and looked at him, giving him a soft smile.

“Have you made your decision yet?”

“I have,” Kyungsoo admitted.

“I think I know what it is.”

“You’re probably right. Are you okay with that?”

“I am. I’ve mentally prepared for it,” Chanyeol said, turning a bit to face him better as he held the warm mug between both hands on his lap. “What made you decide?”

“You,” Kyungsoo said. “And my mother. And Baekhyun. I thought about everyone I cared about and what would be best for them in the long run.”

“I’m curious about what would be best for your mother in the long run,” Chanyeol teased lightly to keep the mood from becoming too heavy.

Kyungsoo appreciated the joke with a tiny smile.

“With her, it was more everything she had told me. Like I said. I think she would have liked you. She wasn’t a fan of your father’s either. She wouldn’t like this decision. But before she left, she told me to do what made me happy and to always stay true to myself, and most importantly, to never let anyone make me think that I wasn’t as important as them.”

“Do you think, deep down inside, that she knew this could be your fate someday?”

“She groomed me to be more than my situation allowed for, long before your father ever came into the picture.”

Chanyeol nodded, clearly able to see that from his stories about her.

“And Baekhyun?” Chanyeol asked, bringing his mug up for another sip.

“I want to provide him stability,” Kyungsoo explained. “What he does, all the jobs he works, the cons he pulls, they’re all so dangerous. I usually stay awake in bed long enough to make sure I hear him come back in the middle of the night. I know he won’t take up the offer for working for the Park family. Even though I’d personally love that. But Baekhyun’s path is very much his own. At least by taking up your father’s offer, I can provide better for the both of us so he doesn’t have to take really dangerous jobs. I know he wouldn’t stop completely. He likes the challenges too much, plus it gives him something to do when he gets too bored. But I want him to know he doesn’t have to.”

Chanyeol nodded and held the mug back on his lap, cocking his head slightly as he asked, “And me?”

Kyungsoo let out a soft sigh and said, “And you.”

He took another sip of his drink, then placed the mug on his nightstand, turning his full attention to Chanyeol.

“I like your plan of running away. I’ve done it before. And it was pretty great. In a way, it helped me find myself a bit more. But at the same time, I found myself missing it. I missed my talks with my mentor, and of course, your father. I missed the camaraderie with the security team. There’s a reason the high families called themselves that instead of gangs, or mobs, or whatever other words people would use for them. They are families, and for those of us who don’t have a lot of it, we end up missing it when we no longer have it. I know you’re in a place in your life where you want to be away from your family, but the day will come that you’ll miss it so much that you’ll come running back. For you, I want to work for your father, so that instead of your own responsibilities toward it, you’ll think of something positive to look forward to. And maybe you won’t run away so far, and maybe you’ll visit more, and in the end, you won’t end up losing what’s most important to you, which is, whether you admit it to yourself or not, your family.”

Chanyeol hated hearing this, and he kept quiet for a moment then asked, “And you? The decision has to ultimately be made based on what’s best for you.”

“I’m your father’s second chance, but this is my second chance too. And this time, I won’t have to live in the shadows. I don’t have to hide anymore. And people will be able to call me by real name and finally know it. The name my mother gave me and intended for me to be called by.”

Chanyeol wanted to hold his emotions back, but he couldn’t as he dropped his head into his hand.

Kyungsoo took the mug away from him, and then moved his hand off his face, replacing it with his own as he looked at him with concern.

Chanyeol blinked his eyes to keep the tears in them from falling completely and looked at Kyungsoo, who rubbed his thumb over Chanyeol’s cheekbone.

“It’s going to be fine,” Kyungsoo said.

“I know it will be,” Chanyeol said, taking a deep breath. “I just have to change my plans a bit.”

“I’m sorry.”

“No, don’t be,” Chanyeol said, reaching up to run his fingers through Kyungsoo’s hair. He may have been a bit obsessed with watching it fall perfectly back into place. And he realized this was a thing for him and quickly blinked away an uninvited memory, one that he hadn’t had in so long that he wasn’t sure why it would pop up now.

“What’s wrong?” Kyungsoo asked, sensing his mind shift.

“Nothing,” Chanyeol said, shaking his head to clear it, and he took his hand away from Kyungsoo’s hair and instead grabbed his hand that was still on his cheek and kissed his palm. “Our date went so well. I want it to end well too.”

“I had an idea,” Kyungsoo then said, and his cheeks seemed to tinge a soft pink.

“Oh?” Chanyeol asked, raising his eyebrows and moving his lips up to his fingers, kissing each one to amuse him.

“You’re…” Kyungsoo looked at him funny and smiled at the attention each finger got. “Well, I was thinking that maybe I can try to do to you what you did to me last night. But you’ll have to teach me.”

“This is the best date ever,” Chanyeol said, pushing Kyungsoo down onto the bed to smother him with kisses, letting him know just how much he liked that idea.

They spent many moments being playful at first, and then even more playful as Chanyeol demonstrated the basics of a blowjob using Kyungsoo’s index finger, which should have been sexy. But Kyungsoo just kept laughing about it and tossing his head back as if he was being tickled, which made Chanyeol both want to continue doing it and also actually tickle him.

Chanyeol’s heart soared at seeing Kyungsoo laugh like this, his top teeth and gums on full display looking like his age instead of the mature and serious adult he always had to be.

“God, you’re beautiful,” Chanyeol said as he stared at him, and he kissed him hard, needing to transfer some of that youthful energy to himself.

They played some more, Kyungsoo laughing in his failed attempt to suck Chanyeol’s finger without doing so, and they touched each other in their favorite places, Kyungsoo finally venturing past his normal spots on Chanyeol’s body to run his hand over Chanyeol’s chest and belly, and finally reaching down into Chanyeol’s boxers to explore the thick bulge that needed attention.

Chanyeol could have died at that moment and been perfectly happy, but Kyungsoo was on a mission, and Chanyeol guided him the best he could but wanted Kyungsoo to have the freedom to explore at his own pace.

By the time Kyungsoo felt comfortable enough to duck his head down and take Chanyeol into his mouth, he was fully erect and convinced he’d combust in seconds, but he held it back, letting Kyungsoo take his time as he got used to this new activity.

“That feels so good,” Chanyeol let him know, his voice almost breathless as he ran his fingers back through Kyungsoo’s hair. He was careful not to grab it, knowing Kyungsoo wasn’t ready for that yet.

He couldn’t hold out for too long, the idea that this was actually happening too great for Chanyeol’s mind, and he warned him that he was ready, taking a hold of himself to finish himself off once Kyungsoo had removed his mouth from him. The sight of Kyungsoo wiping his lips with the back of his hand was the last thing he saw before he spilled all over himself with a loud cry.

Chanyeol had to take a few moments to compose himself enough to relieve Kyungsoo of his own boxers and hard on, and then they held each other in bliss after, their skin so hot that the cold wind from the night wouldn’t even bother to cool them.

“I’m very happy right now,” Kyungsoo said to him, cuddling further into him as if it was possible, and Chanyeol held onto him tighter, afraid this could be a dream and he’d lose Kyungsoo when he woke up.

“Me too,” he said. “How do I keep you this happy?”

Kyungsoo let out a soft moan as a response, and soon Chanyeol realized that he had drifted off to sleep, so Chanyeol followed his lead, holding him close and breathing him in as he let his mind and body finally rest.

***

Chanyeol woke up to several text messages, mostly from Anya letting him know that Taemin had kept asking about him throughout the night. Apparently skipping one night of reading him a bedtime story had been acceptable, but skipping two had not been to his liking.

“I have to go,” Chanyeol said, dropping a kiss on Kyungsoo’s lips as he looked up at him. He hated leaving the warmth of his body, the cool air making him shiver as he got out of the bed.

“Is everything okay?” Kyungsoo asked him, stretching his arms out above him as he yawned.

“I’m apparently in trouble with my kid for not tucking him in two nights in a row,” he explained, pulling his boxers on.

“Oh,” Kyungsoo said, the look of concern back on his face. “I’m sorry.”

“You have nothing to apologize for. I have to go wash up.”

Chanyeol made his way to the bathroom, cleaning up and getting the rest of his clothes on before going back to the room where Kyungsoo stood, having pulled his own boxers on, and holding Chanyeol’s socks.

“Thanks,” he said, sitting on the bed to put them on. “When do you plan on telling my father about your decision?”

“Today. I was thinking I’d stop by later this morning to meet with him.”

“Okay,” Chanyeol said, and he stood up and stole another kiss from him. “I’ll see you later today then. You know, now that you’ll be his apprentice, that means you’ll probably get a room in the house.”

“Well that worked out nicely for you,” Kyungsoo said, and he stole a kiss from Chanyeol that time before walking him to the front so Chanyeol could get his shoes and coat back on and get more kisses from Kyungsoo as his bodyguard pulled his shoes on as well, having slept on the couch.

On the car ride home, Chanyeol texted Anya back to let her know he was on his way home and to get Taemin ready for a day out. He wasn’t sure exactly how to handle this new situation in relation to his son, never having been in a new relationship with him in the picture. Plus, being on the outs with his parents at the moment made it problematic for Chanyeol to ask for help, especially with a situation they had never been in and would judge him for probably.

He thought back to one of the many times that he had to deal with that, one time in particular, when his mom had stopped by to check up on him and visit with her grandson. His mother had told him to take a nap and to let her handle things for a bit, sensing that his barely open eyes and less than pleasant attitude meant that Taemin had not let him get a good night’s sleep yet again.

Chanyeol actually remembered that Taemin hadn’t been feeling well that week, but as always, his mother was able to work a miracle on her grandson and make him fall asleep soundly, allowing her to pick up around the house and clean while he slept.

“You don’t even clean at home,” Chanyeol had mentioned to her when he had finally woken up again and caught her cleaning the coffee table.

“You don’t have a maid,” she said. “You should hire a cleaning service to come by at least once a week.”

Chanyeol had noticed her tone had been icier than when she had first arrived.

“Is something wrong?” He asked her, wondering what he could have done to upset her while he had been sleeping.

“One would think that having a child would instill some sort of responsibility in you.”

Chanyeol had been confused as to where this was coming from, and he had looked around then back at her.

“I clean when you’re not around,” he defended. “He’s just been sick this week, so it’s been hard.”

“I’m not talking about the cleaning,” she snapped. “I’m talking about the women underwear I found in your room that I’m assuming doesn’t belong to you.”

Chanyeol froze, trying to think of what had been lying around his room. He hadn’t remembered seeing that.

“I threw them in the trash,” his mother continued, “Since I’m assuming whoever she was won’t be back.”

Chanyeol let out a breath and ran his hand over his face, “Mom…”

“No, don’t make excuses for this. You have a baby in your home and you’re bringing strange women here? Where do you even find the time? I don’t understand you sometimes.”

“It’s not like that.”

“What happens when he gets older? How are you going to explain it to him when you have a different person wandering in every night? And one would also think that you’d stop this behavior since it got you into this mess in the first place. What is wrong with you?”

“So much,” he had said, getting up to check up on Taemin who was now awake, no thanks to his mother’s verbal beating.

“You have to be better than this,” she said, forcing herself to calm down. “You’re a father now. You have to put your son first.”

“I know,” Chanyeol said, picking him up to hold him as he turned to look at his mother who now stood staring at him. “I know, Mom. I’m doing the best I can.”

“Just come home already,” she had said, and he had shaken his head as he always did.

Chanyeol pushed the memory back to wherever it had come from and tried to focus on his present-day problems instead.

They arrived home and Chanyeol hoped he could get away with a quick check-in with Junmyeon before getting out of there with Taemin undetected, but as it was his luck, his mother was waiting for him in Taemin’s room.

“Daddy, where were you?” Taemin asked running up to him, dressed already in his long-sleeved shirt and corduroy pants.

“Hey, I heard you missed me,” he said, picking him up and giving a squeeze. “Did you not sleep okay?”

“I slept okay, but you didn’t read my story.”

“I’ll read you one tonight, okay?”

“Did you go home?”

Chanyeol blinked at the question.

“No, I just had to do some late-night work,” he lied instead. “Are you ready to go?”

“Where are we going?”

“Do you want to go see the dinosaurs at the museum?”

“Can Jongin come?”

“No, not yet. But when his arm is all better, then we’ll make sure and take him.”

“I want to stay here with Jongin.”

“You don’t want to go see the dinosaurs?”

“Only if Jongin comes.”

“What do you want to do instead then?”

“Stay here with Jongin.”

“But he needs to rest.”

“But I help him rest.”

Chanyeol placed a kiss on his son’s forehead and set him back down on the floor, then passed his hand through his hair as he looked at him.

“Okay,” Chanyeol said letting out a small breath. “We’ll stay here with Jongin.”

“I go see him now!” Taemin said excited, “Anya, we see him now?”

Anya looked at Chanyeol who nodded at her, and the patient woman left the room with the excited little boy.

Chanyeol looked at his mother, who had sat quietly on Taemin’s bed watching the entire episode.

“Were you trying to make it up to him?” She asked him, standing up to speak with him.

“I was trying to make him feel better. I didn’t think he’d get that upset about me not reading his story to him.”

“You didn’t think your son would be upset by a sudden change in his routine? Really? After three years, you don’t know your son enough to know that?”

Chanyeol said nothing, feeling his heart constrict a bit at the judgmental tone of his mother’s voice.

“Have you even given any thought to how he would handle you seeing someone new? Or how it’s going to change things as simple as you reading to him at night? Taemin has been very stressed out for a couple of weeks now. He’s a very smart boy. He senses that things have not been right in this house. You’ve been very caught up in other things that you’ve stopped paying attention,” she paused and shook her head as if ridding herself of a thought. “I just had a déjà vu moment,” she explained. “I remember saying these very same exact words to your father at one point. The cycle never ends.”

“Okay,” Chanyeol said with a nod. “I need to do better. I’ll figure this out. Thank you for bringing it to my attention.”

His mother raised her eyebrow at him.

“I was expecting resistance,” she said, “Or defensiveness.”

“I’d rather not get slapped again,” he said, giving her snark instead, but then he added, “And anyway, I know you’re right. I can admit that I haven’t been paying attention. I rely too much on Anya to do what I should be doing. I have to get better about that.”

“Don’t misunderstand me,” she said, moving closer to him to look him in the eyes, “We’re all here to help. We know you have a lot on your plate. You don’t have to raise Taemin by yourself while you’re here, but you do have to pay attention. Just in case. As it turns out, sometimes there are problems a son may have that requires only the help of a father.”

She nodded to him and walked toward the door, then paused as she opened it, looking back at him.

“Did your night go well?”

“Yes. It did.”

“I’m glad,” she said, giving him another nod before leaving him alone in his son’s room.

Chanyeol looked around, his heart hurting at the thought of his son being stressed the whole time he had been dealing with the Choi situation. Being locked up in the house without being allowed to go to the park or zoo probably hadn’t helped matters. And now he was going to throw another wrench into his normal day-to-day life.

Chanyeol left and went back to his room to shower and change, knowing that he was going to have to figure some more things out for his new plan after the transition to his father occurred. He should have known just packing up and leaving would be nothing more than a dream.

***

Chanyeol reviewed and signed off on some paperwork related to the damage that had been caused to his father’s new building during the ambush. It had been lucky for them that it was minimal, but it still had ended up costing them money that hadn’t been budgeted for to replace some windows and doors. Even after everything, the Choi’s were still causing them problems.

A slight knock on the door made both him and Junmyeon look up, and the security guard peeked in to tell them that his father wanted everyone to gather in the den.

“Do you know what this is about?” Junmyeon asked Chanyeol.

“I think people are about to learn who’s going to be replacing my father in the future,” Chanyeol said, putting his pen down and taking a moment to compose his own thoughts on the matter.

When they both arrived in the den, most of the family was present, along with the heads of security, their lead assassin, and other department heads.

Chanyeol glanced at Kyungsoo who glanced at him as well, looking small even as he stood beside his father, who stood without the help of his cane at the moment.

“I think everyone is here that needs to be here,” his father said, and he motioned for Chanyeol to come up and stand with them.

Chanyeol did as instructed, standing beside Kyungsoo and trying to prepare himself for the outrage that Jongin’s mother would show in mere moments.

“As most of you know,” his father began, “My son just successfully led our family to victory against the Choi’s. While filling in for me while I recover, Chanyeol has shown expert leadership skills and keen intelligence in dealing with the difficult matters we must face in our business. As most of you also know, our former assassin, D.O., was unceremoniously dismissed from the family for what was believed to be a situation of betrayal. We now know that was not the case, and D.O., as he always has done, was simply helping the family. He has been reinstated with open arms back into the family.”

The members of security and D.O.’s own mentor seemed very pleased to hear this and offered D.O. supportive smiles.

Chanyeol cleared his throat and added, “I want to personally and publicly apologize to D.O. for dismissing him from the family before I had heard all the facts. The events of that night were stressful and caused a lot of confusion, and I did not mean to react so harshly so quickly. D.O.’s work for the family is exceptional and we are fortunate to have him back.”

“Yes, we are,” his father agreed. “Which brings us to the next piece of information I needed to share. Like I stated, my son did an exceptional job of leading this family, however, it has never been my son’s desire to take my place. Even after all he did in the incidents involving the Choi family, he has decided that he will not continue on as my apprentice once I am able to take over again. This family’s future is extremely important, so I have decided that I will choose someone to be my apprentice that has shown time and time again that this family is their priority, who has shown they are loyal even when their loyalty is not being asked for, and who has already shown that they will do what needs to be done to protect the members of this family. Chanyeol and I will begin the process of transitioning the family back to my leadership in a little under three weeks. During the transition, my new apprentice will begin to train, so that one day, when the time comes in the far, distant future, he will take over and be the head of the family. I wish to introduce you to my new apprentice and future head of the Park family, D.O.” His father put his hand on D.O.’s shoulder so that no one mistook what he had said.

“What?” Jongin’s mother said immediately standing up.

“I think it’s an excellent choice,” their lead assassin said. “I look forward to working with you in this new capacity,” he stated, and gave D.O. a bow.

“As do I,” their lead security said. “The security team will look forward to working with you in this respect as well.” He also bowed toward him.

“As will the operations team,” the head of operations said, taking his turn to bow, and Chanyeol watched as each team leader did the same, and then he looked at Kyungsoo to see he was surprised, not having expected so much respect to be given to him in this moment.

Chanyeol felt so proud for him, and at that moment he understood and knew that there had been no other choice for D.O. to make. After everything his father had put him through, this was the level of respect D.O. truly deserved and had most definitely earned.

“I will look forward to advising you,” Junmyeon said with a big smile, giving him his bow, and D.O. almost broke his poker face then, the side of his lips twitching into a tiny smile that he tried to keep hidden, but Chanyeol caught it.

And then all eyes fell on Jongin, who people had assumed would one day be given this honor if Chanyeol had turned it down, but he stood with a smile and said, “The entertainment team can’t wait to work with you. It’ll be fun. Congrats on this well-deserved honor.” And then he too bowed, as much as he could with his arm in the shape it was in.

“I don’t approve of this,” Jongin’s mother said. “If Chanyeol didn’t want it, then the role belongs to Jongin.”

“The role belongs to D.O.,” Chanyeol’s father said. “Jongin and I have already discussed the matter, and we are in agreement on it. There will be no need for further outcry on your part. I heard you, your dissent has been noted, but you must accept the future. Now, I believe your future leader should say some words.”

Chanyeol almost snorted, knowing that public speaking was probably not D.O.’s forte. He did however give him an encouraging look when D.O. looked at him with slight panic.

D.O. cleared his throat, keeping his hands behind his back as he spoke.

“I know this news feels a little surprising. It was surprising to me as well when the elder Park offered me this position. I did not accept the position right way, needing several days to think through it properly. I came to the decision to be the elder Park’s apprentice after I thought about those that I loved and those that I had missed when I was away from the family. Many of you may not know this, but when I left the family voluntarily, it was because my mother had been very ill, and she had taken a turn for the worse. I wanted to be with her for the time that she had left, and the kindness of the elder Park allowed me to do that. When my mother passed, I had no family left. She had raised me, her only child, by herself. The only family I’ve ever known is my mother and this one. I may not have been born a Park, but I was certainly raised one, by the elder Park, by my mentor, and by the great security team that taught me so much about life. This is my family, and I promise that I will do everything to protect it and make it stronger, bigger and greater than it is now. Thank you for giving me this chance. I will not let you down. Also, going forward, you no longer have to refer to me as D.O. My mother gave me the name Do Kyungsoo, and in her memory, I would prefer to be called that instead.”

Kyungsoo finished by bowing to the room and Chanyeol wanted to hug him tight and tell him he did a great job, but he kept his feelings to himself for the moment, as his father took his new apprentice into a hug instead. He watched the scene, seeing the pride in his own father’s eyes as he showered what could not be interpreted as anything but love onto the younger man, and Chanyeol’s eyes dropped for a moment before he looked back up to see his father looking at him, much the same way.

He nodded at his father and left Kyungsoo’s side to stand by Junmyeon and Jongin.

“You holding up alright?” Junmyeon asked him.

“I’m fine. I’m good. He did a great job.”

“He really did,” Jongin said. “I didn’t know that about his mother. Did you know?”

Chanyeol nodded. “He had told me,” he confirmed. “His mother never liked that he was part of our family, but I think right now, she’d be pretty damn proud of him.”

“Definitely,” Jongin said with a smile.

“Without a doubt,” Junmyeon agreed.

“So does this mean you’re staying after all?” Jongin asked, a hopeful look in his eyes.

“I don’t know,” Chanyeol told him, “I have a lot to figure out. But, regardless of what I decide, you’ll definitely be seeing me and Taemin more than I had originally anticipated.”

“Yay,” Jongin said, his teeth on full display, and Junmyeon laughed at his excitement.

Later when the well wishes had died down and everyone had gone back to their normal routines, Chanyeol was able to have Kyungsoo to himself while they sat in the kitchen to drink some coffee that had already been prepared for them.

“Your speech was amazing,” Chanyeol told him.

“I hadn’t planned it,” Kyungsoo admitted. “I just tried to be honest.”

“You were perfect. I wanted to hug you. I’ll have to give you that hug later though.”

“You were right, by the way. Your father mentioned that I could have my pick of any of the guest rooms available to claim as my own.”

“Told you. You really are a Park now.”

“It feels nice. But I also told him that I’d like to keep my place. Mostly because I want Baekhyun to be able to continue to live there, but also because I think sometimes I’ll need to get away and remind myself that I’m also a Do.”

“Jongin, Junmyeon, they all have their own side place as well. Probably for the same reasons.”

Kyungsoo nodded then said, “Your father was okay with it, of course. I knew he would be. But it made me think that you could maybe consider doing the same. I know you want your own place for you and your son, and you should have that. But you technically would have the best of both worlds if you stayed here too.”

“It’s something to consider,” Chanyeol admitted. “I don’t know. I really have to think about all of this. I also have to think about how I’m going to break it to my son that I’m seeing someone. I’ve never had to do that before.”

Kyungsoo nodded at him in understanding.

“After I tell him,” Chanyeol then said, “based on how he reacts, I’ll decide if I’m comfortable with introducing you to him.”

Kyungsoo smiled, “I can wait for as long as it takes, but I do look forward to meeting the most important person in your life.”

“I think you’re going to like him. When he’s not being a brat.”

“So when he’s not being like you?”

“Hey,” Chanyeol pouted, but then he laughed as Kyungsoo’s eyes crinkled in mischief.

It was nice, Chanyeol thought, being able to sit freely with Kyungsoo in his home, now Kyungsoo’s home as well, and he realized that with Kyungsoo a part of the everyday routine of the house, the idea of staying suddenly seemed more bearable.


	2. (Full Moon)

On his way to one of his family’s casinos, Jongdae had the thought that things had been going rather well the past few days. So much so that it caused a bit of anxiety to rise in him. But he breathed through it and was able to calm down the fears that something horrible was going to happen to ruin the positive streak he had found himself in.

They arrived at the casino where they were supposed to meet up with Minseok who had been at the Park estate all morning, but before they could get out of the car, Minseok had opened the door and slid in with them, his eyes wild and bouncing with energy.

“Before we do this,” Minseok said, “I have to tell you the craziest shit that just happened.”  Jongdae and Yixing both gave their attention to Minseok who then said, “So Chanyeol isn’t going to stay on to train under his father after he gives power back to him in a few weeks.”

“That’s not surprising,” Jongdae said, not thinking it was too crazy. “He never wanted it in the first place.”

“Yeah, so guess who the elder Park chose to be his apprentice instead?”

“Jongin?” Yixing guessed.

“Nope,” Minseok said, “D.O. Their former assassin and Baekhyun’s best friend.”

Jongdae froze, and Yixing asked Minseok if he was telling a joke, just as stunned.

“Why would they make an assassin an apprentice to be head of the family?” Yixing asked because Jongdae had no words. His mind was still attempting to process the information.

“Apparently the elder Park sees him as a son and thinks his loyalty proves that he’ll be good at the job or something.”

“How did Chanyeol take the news?” Jongdae asked, his mind catching up to what was being said.

“According to the head of security, he seemed happy about it. Probably relieved honestly. Takes the pressure off him.”

“How about Jongin?” Yixing asked.

“He said he was happy about it too.”

“You’re right,” Yixing said, “This is crazy. Is an assassin normally a good choice for that type of position?”

“I wouldn’t think so, but clearly I know nothing,” Minseok said shrugging. “The whole thing is weird.”

It was weird, and as they got out of the car, Jongdae felt a bit off balance as he thought about this news.

“So this is an interesting strategy,” Minseok said, as they all walked to the entrance of the casino. “Are you planning on betting our money to try and make it multiply? Because your pool game may have gotten better, but I’m not sure about your poker face.”

“I’m just trying to assess our businesses and see if there are any we might be better off selling to try and raise cash. This one wasn’t doing as great as the other ones on our books.”

“It used to do better,” Minseok said, “I think it’s because a lot of the cool places moved further from here to new areas of town so tourists aren’t frequenting this part of the city as much.”

“That would make sense,” Jongdae said as they entered and were met and greeted by the casino manager.

Only foreigners were allowed in the casino by law, and Jongdae caught pieces of conversations in other languages, mostly Chinese, which Jongdae mildly understood from times that Yixing had tried to teach him some words and phrases.

As their casino manager pointed out the success of their Texas Hold-em tables to the entourage, Jongdae’s stomach flipped as he thought about the fact that the elder Park had made someone not blood related next in line to be head. He wondered if his father had ever considered that to be a possibility. If his father had stayed loyal to his friend instead of leaving to start his own family, would there have been a possibility that once Chanyeol expressed his desire to not run the family, Mina could have been considered for the job? How different things would have been then. Mina would more than likely still be alive if they had remained under the Park’s, and she would more than likely already have been groomed by the elder Park himself to succeed him.

“Thank you for your time,” Jongdae said when the manager finished. “This has been very informative. Continue doing a great job.”

The manager thanked him with a bow, and Jongdae turned to leave, needing to exit the loud and smoky place to get some fresh air.

“You alright?” Yixing asked him.

“I…” Jongdae didn’t know how to answer the question, so instead he put his hands on the car door to steady himself for a moment, taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly. “I knew things were going too well.”

“What do you mean?” Minseok asked.

“Nothing. It’s nothing,” Jongdae said, shaking it off and opening the car door. He hesitated and looked around, sensing something, but not entirely sure about his gut instincts at the moment. It hadn’t been the first time he had felt it that week, but he dismissed it once again and got into the car.

***

When he arrived home, he went straight to his father’s office to give him the news of the elder Park’s decision.

His father blinked several times, then finally asked, “What?”

“I take it that means you’re surprised by this decision too,” Jongdae said, sitting in the chair across from him.

“I…” his father hesitated, then let out a tense sigh. “He has always been fond of that boy. I suppose I shouldn’t have been too surprised now that you’ve told me this.”

“Really? Did you always think there could be a possibility that he may choose someone that wasn’t a blood relative to take over?”

“He was always aware that the life didn’t suit Chanyeol, but he held onto the hope that Chanyeol would come around to it someday. However, he certainly would have had a backup plan, and now it seems this would be it.”

“Why wasn’t Jongin his backup plan?”

“He may have been as well. I had left the family when all of you were still young. Those discussions had not been had then.”

“If we had stayed with their family, would Mina have had a chance to be the head of their family instead?”

His father then realized the point of his questioning, and he shook his head as if indicating that he needed to not think of such a thing.

“That’s not how life works,” his father said to him. “There’s no way of knowing what could have happened.”

“We were safer with the Park’s,” Jongdae then said. “Like we are now. She would have been better protected.”

“The Park’s have lost a lot of people. They are not immune to death.”

“If you had stayed with them, Chanyeol would be a teacher, I would be in medical school, and Mina would be the elder Park’s apprentice.”

“Is that what you want to believe then?”

Jongdae wanted to believe that there was a secret formula to figuring out how to go back in time and fix everything.

“After everything that’s happened,” Jongdae said, not bothering to answer the question, “do you wish you had never left and started your own family?”

It seemed to dawn on his father why he was asking this, and his father looked at him for some time before answering.

“Have you changed your mind then?” His father asked him instead. “Do you wish for us to stay under the Park’s?”

“They have great use for Minseok, and even if he won’t admit it, he likes working for their security team,” Jongdae said, having come to terms with the fact after the Choi’s were taken care of. “I could relieve Yixing of his duties, and he could go back home or wherever he wants. Maybe even go back to medical school. You and mom could downsize, like mom wants to do. She wants a small home in the mountains I think. Or maybe near the sea. Someplace where she feels safe.”

“And what would you do?”

“Travel,” Jongdae said. “Maybe it’d be my turn to see the world. Get away from here and figure out what the new path of my life should be.”

“It does seem like a nice dream,” his father said. “I think you should think about it and come to a concrete decision.”

“You never answered my question though. Do you wish you had never left the Park’s?”

He seemed to have to think it over, looking outside the window at the gray day. There’d be snow coming soon, or at the very least icy rain.

“I have days where I wish I hadn’t and days where I’m glad I did,” his father finally said. “I don’t want to influence your decision, so I won’t explain further, but the one thing I do want you to know, for your own sanity, is that your sister was very stubborn, and very strong-willed, and very reckless. I miss my daughter every second of the day, but I miss all of her. That includes her gifts and her faults. Your sister always found herself in some sort of trouble, and I had a horrible feeling that one day trouble would come find her. Whether or not we had stayed with the Park’s would not have changed how safe your sister was or wasn’t. However, had we stayed with the Park’s, yes, you would still be in medical school. Your fate was never as concrete as your sister’s, which is why, you get to choose what to do next. Think well on it.”

Jongdae didn’t need the responsibility of such a decision on top of everything else, but he nodded at his father and left the office, feeling that maybe his father was right. Maybe Mina’s fate would have been no different, but his fate certainly would have been. And that made him think of his own future.

He paused in the greeting room, colder and grayer due to the outside weather, and his mind drifted as he stared off into space. What if he did manage to become normal enough again to socialize and meet someone that he could start a life with? What if he managed to find enough life within himself to create children of his own? Would he really want to raise them in this way, or would he rather live a peaceful life raising them free of all the baggage that came with being in a high family? And then, what of his father’s legacy? His father has risked everything and lost just about most of it in creating his small empire. Would Jongdae just sell it all off to the Park’s and erase everything that had been sacrificed?

“You’re not okay,” Yixing’s voice said, and Jongdae looked toward his friend, unsure of when he had entered the room.

“I’m just thinking.”

“You’re taking short breaths.”

Jongdae hadn’t realized it until Yixing mentioned it, and now he forced himself to take a deeper breath to make up for it.

“I hate this,” Jongdae said taking another breath. “I thought I was doing better.”

“These things take time.”

“It’s been long enough. I’ve been seeing a therapist long enough. I’ve been taking medication long enough. I should be better.”

He passed his hand through his hair in frustration, hating that out of everything terrible that had happened in his life in the past year and a half, the fact that he couldn’t think without summoning anxiety to rise within him was the most frustrating.

“You will be. Just give it time,” Yixing said.

“My therapist won’t even take me off suicide watch yet. I kept asking her to, but it made her question my motives, which I swear just made her elongate it, so now I don’t ask, but that hasn’t helped her lift it either. And I know I could just fire her, but my parents would be upset about it and insist that I stay on suicide watch anyway, and then they would just find me someone else that would agree with the first therapist even though I haven’t thought about it since that week.”

“Do you want to play chess?”

“No.”

“Pool? I’ve been practicing a bit more.”

“No, Xing. I just want to be able to breathe and go to sleep at night without being watched.”

“I know,” Yixing said. “And I know you’re frustrated, but it really does take time, and you can’t rush it, and you’re definitely not going to get further by letting it get to you.”

“Do you want to go back to your old life?” Jongdae asked him even though he hadn’t wanted to. He feared the answer.

“I don’t think I can,” Yixing said carefully.

“Of course you can. If we stayed under the Park’s, you’d have no real role anymore. So you could go back to medical school, or China to be with your family, or whatever you wanted. Do you want that?”

“But we’re not staying under the Park’s.”

“But what if we were?”

“I took an oath when I joined this family. I will stand by that oath until the day you feel you no longer require my services.”

“Would you rather that day be sooner or later?”

“I’m not answering that question.”

“Why not?”

“Because you have a specific reason for asking it and whatever it is, it’s probably something you need to figure out on your own.”

“I was trying to do that, and as you saw, couldn’t breathe properly while doing it.”

Yixing sighed and placed a hand on Jongdae’s shoulder, giving it a squeeze and then rubbing it in a comforting gesture.

“Let’s go to the den so I can beat you at pool.”

“You’re my advisor. I need you to help me with the thoughts in my head right now.”

“I can’t help you with these thoughts. But I can get your mind off them for a little bit.”

Jongdae relented, mostly because he was starting to feel stick to his stomach with worry about the future. He had wanted to build his family back up and give everyone what they thought they deserved for everything they had suffered through, and now he could only think that the best thing to do for everyone was to let them down altogether and let them forge their own new paths.

***

Jongdae woke the next morning to light conversation, and he could overhear Yixing telling Minseok that the news of the elder Park’s future replacement had seemed to shake him off balance.

“His breathing’s been getting bad,” Yixing mentioned. “And he’s starting to act depressed again.”

“Okay, we need an intervention.”

“I tried pool and chess. Neither worked.”

“Shit, maybe we can distract him with more business stuff. Maybe we should check out our restaurants on the other side of the river.”

“I’m awake,” Jongdae let them know. “And I can hear you.”

“Oh good,” Minseok said, “Get up and get dressed so we can check out our restaurants on the other side of the river.”

“No,” Jongdae said, and he shook his head, but did get up to use the restroom.

“Dae, who cares what the Park’s are doing with their family? Why are you letting it get to you?” Minseok asked.

Jongdae waited until after he was done in the restroom to answer, facing his cousin and saying, “If we had stayed with them, it could have been Mina instead.”

“Oh,” Minseok said, and Jongdae had never seen his cousin walk over to him so fast. “Oh,” Minseok said again, putting his hands on Jongdae’s shoulders and shaking his head. “No. Don’t do that.”

“His apprentice isn’t a blood relative. If my father had never left their family, she’d still be alive, and she’d be his apprentice instead.”

“Don’t do this to yourself. You can’t do this,” Minseok said. “It wouldn’t have changed anything. If we were still part of their family, she could have been hit by a bus walking across the street, or still been in the wrong place at the wrong time. Junmyeon’s father was the advisor for the Park’s, untouchable by high family rules, and he was still murdered. Being with the Park’s doesn’t stop you from being killed.”

Jongdae knew that to be true, deep down, in the place where logic and common sense still existed in him, but right now it was clouded by feelings that he didn’t understand.

“Hey,” Minseok said, forcing his attention back on him. “Do you understand what I’m saying here? You can’t look at things like that. That’s not how the world works. Life is crap. We know this. We’re all just doing the best we can. Stop living in the past. That’s your problem. You keep holding onto this life that just doesn’t exist anymore. You have to look ahead. Think of what you’ve accomplished in just these past few days. Think of how much better you’re making things for the family.”

He wanted to feel that progress, but it seemed so far away to him.

Jongdae shut his eyes for a moment, then let out another breath, then walked away from his cousin and Yixing and headed to his office. He wanted to be alone. He hated that he couldn’t be alone.

He sat at his desk as his advisor and cousin both made themselves comfortable in the room while his security guard stayed outside as he usually did when they were in there with him.

“So what are you thinking of doing with the casino?” Minseok asked him.

“I don’t know,” Jongdae said, pulling up his email. “I haven’t thought about it.”

“Have you thought about anything since we’ve been there?” Minseok then asked as if he already knew the answer.

Jongdae confirmed his suspicion, “No.”

Minseok let out a frustrated breath and threw his hands up in the air, then he turned to Yixing and said, “I have to go to work. Let me know when he’s back on track again.”

“I don’t appreciate you guys talking about me like I’m some defective robot,” Jongdae snapped.

“Then stop acting like one,” Minseok said as he left the office.

“He means well,” Yixing said and cleared his throat. “Well, let’s try and get through some things on your to-do list. Have you looked for the key yet for your sister’s safe deposit box?”

Jongdae had completely forgotten about it. He had opened the envelope from the bank expecting more information about Mina’s mysterious windmill farm account, but all he had gotten was another mystery. Inside had been a letter with a number and a sentence stating that it was the number of the safe deposit box that belonged to the account and that all the instructions for the account were located inside. Jongdae had tossed the envelope aside, too caught up in dealing with the Choi debacle to entertain Mina’s bank account mystery. He supposed now he had the time to deal with it.

“No. What does a safe deposit box key even look like?” Jongdae whined.

“Not much different than a normal key,” Yixing answered. “It must be in a drawer in your sister’s room somewhere.”

“I can’t deal with this right now.” Jongdae rubbed his head, feeling a tiny pinch of a headache forming at his temple.

“You haven’t had breakfast yet. Why don’t we get you something to eat?”

Jongdae didn’t protest. He got dressed and threw on his coat as he and Yixing went to a breakfast place they used to like to frequent back when they were in medical school together.

It brought back memories to walk down the sidewalk that Jongdae had remembered so many mornings and nights on, grabbing coffee on his way to class or grabbing a beer to unwind after a tough lab.

They sat at a small table for two and ordered coffee and dumplings at what had been one of his regular places to eat breakfast. He looked around and thought that the place hadn’t changed much in the time he’d last seen it, and as the cafe got busier, he felt a small drop in his stomach, a tiny heavy feeling, as he took in all the students, preparing for their long day of classes.

“Why did you pick this place?” Jongdae asked Yixing.

“It was on my mind. I missed the dumplings,” he said, inhaling one in a single bite.

The dumplings had always been exceptional and that had not changed in the time he’d been absent. He ate quietly, thinking about how he had once been as energetic as the other people in the café, not having any care outside of exams and studying, and thinking that the future held so much in store.

And then he thought about Yoona. She would be in her final year now. She’d probably be on campus today, and he glanced around, as if he could miraculously see her.

“Yoona’s probably graduating soon, right?” Jongdae asked, trying to remember exactly. It seemed so long ago that he had thought about these things.

“As long as she hasn’t failed anything,” Yixing confirmed.

“She wouldn’t,” he said with confidence. Yoona was the smartest person Jongdae had ever met. It was part of what had attracted him to her in the first place.

“You could always reach out to her.”

“I can’t,” Jongdae said, and he took a sip of his coffee.

“You miss her. She probably misses you.”

“She doesn’t miss me,” Jongdae said as he put his cup back down. “She’s moved on.”

“Just because someone says they’ve moved on, it doesn’t mean they have. She told you she moved on at Red, but she still came to see you after the Wu incident.”

“Because she felt sorry for me and wanted to help. That’s just the type of person she is.”

“You should let her help.”

“How can she help?”

“You just said that’s the type of person she is. She’ll just help.”

Jongdae sighed and shook his head, forcing himself to eat another dumpling that he now had no desire to eat.

“She can’t help me. She’s about to become a doctor. She’s moved on. Her life is very different than mine.”

“Maybe that’s the help you need,” Yixing pointed out.

Jongdae frowned, not sure how that made sense, but then again, so very little in his life made sense to begin with. He then thought back to a time when his life did make sense, and he had a memory in this very café in which they now sat.

“You look like a cat,” Yoona had said, as they sat across from each other, drinking coffee. They had only been dating for a handful of days, and it had been the first time they had met up for breakfast before class.

“It’s my smile,” Jongdae said, putting his tight-lipped smile on full display, knowing it always made his mouth form a sideways number 3.

“It is,” Yoona had said with a laugh. “It’s too cute. Let me take a picture.”

She had raised her phone then and he had posed for her, watching as she changed her phone background to the picture as she smiled at it.

“Oh, we’re at that level?” Jongdae had joked, and had told her to pose so he could take a picture of her.

“I guess we are,” she laughed, bringing her hand up to push her black hair back behind her ear in a pose that would remain on his phone long after he had pushed her away. “Next thing you know I’ll be introducing you to my parents, and you’ll be introducing me to yours.”

“Let’s, um, wait on that level a little,” he had said, and she had laughed as well.

“My parents are not intimidating at all,” she said. “They’ll like you just fine when we get to that level.”

“That’s comforting.”

“You’re supposed to assure me of the same,” she said with a raised eyebrow.

He had taken a sip of his coffee instead, and she had slapped his arm and made him laugh.

“Of course they’ll like you just fine,” he had assured her.

He couldn’t imagine anyone not liking her as much as he did. If her intelligence didn’t impress them, her innate kindness and effortless elegance would. And if that wasn’t enough, once they got to know her past the cool exterior she often portrayed, she was funny, more like the girl next door than the intimidating stunning, tall, beauty people saw at first glance. At least Jongdae had thought she was tall. Though technically a tad shorter than him, in heels she’d match his height and sometimes surpass his.

“You never told me what kind of business your father was in,” she mentioned, smiling at the confirmation she had wanted of her inevitable acceptance. “You just said he was a businessman.”

She had elaborated on their first date about her parents’ professions, her father an esteemed organic chemist and her mother a world-class neuroscientist. He had simply told her that his father was a businessman and his mother was a housewife to keep things simple, and then had promptly asked her another question to change the subject.

Jongdae had cleared his throat, knowing he’d have to tell her at some point if their relationship had any chance in moving forward. He had only had one girlfriend before, his girlfriend from high school, whom he had tried to make it work with even as they attended different colleges before admitting defeat his sophomore year. He hadn’t had to explain the truth to her because in their school many of the high family children attended, and the rumors took care of the dissemination of information. The university setting had been a bit different when it came to that sort of thing.

“It’s difficult to explain,” Jongdae had started, mostly to try and figure out the best way to share the information.

“What company does he work for?”

“His own,” he nodded. At least that was an easy answer. “He runs his own business.”

“In what industry?”

“Various. Real estate, restaurants, casinos…”

“Your father runs casinos?” She asked, her eyebrow lifting, as if sure he hadn’t meant to say that.

“A couple. Yeah.”

“And multiple restaurants? Was he a chef?”

“No. Just a fan of fine cuisine.”

“What restaurants does your father own?”

He listed them for her, and her eyes widened more with each name.

“Those are some of my favorite restaurants,” she said, blinking at him. “Your father has great taste.”

“He does,” Jongdae said with a proud smile. “He’s passionate about what he does.”

“That explains his success then.”

“So, your parents really aren’t intimidating even though they’re award-winning scientists? Because that sounds intimidating.”

“Are you changing the subject on me?”

He had thought that maybe she was too intelligent then, at least for someone like him that came from the kind of family he did. He sighed and lost his smile a bit, realizing he was now out of coffee that he would desperately need for courage to tell her more about his background.

“I don’t talk a lot about my family’s business.”

“Because of the casinos? I mean, someone has to own them obviously. For the tourists,” she had reasoned in her mind. “I just always figured they were owned by mobs or gangs.”

Jongdae really needed coffee to sip on. Instead he played with the handle of the cup and looked at her.

“So, your parents may not like me just fine after all when we get to that level?” He had tried to lighten the mood with the question, but it had come out more apologetic than anything.

She had furrowed her brows to understand, then had said, “I don’t think my parents are against owning casinos for tourists.”

“Even ones that are owned by mobs or gangs?”

Yoona had stared at him evenly, taking a few moments to process the information.

“So, your father is a mobster,” she stated with a practiced sort of perfect calm.

“A little higher than that,” Jongdae had defended. “He’s the head of a high family.”

“Those really exist?” Yoona said, her eyes going wide once again.

“They do. And my family is one of them. But before you run out of here and decide to never see me again, I just want you to know that I don’t plan on following in my father’s footsteps. That’s why I’m in medical school. I want to be a doctor, not a businessman. I’m not much like him anyway. I came out more like my mother. My older sister came out like him, and she’s going to follow in his footsteps, which takes the pressure off me. Thankfully.”

“This is unexpected,” Yoona had said, and she lifted her cup to her mouth to find it also empty. She placed the cup down and looked at him. “Then does dating you come with conditions I should know about?”

“What do you mean?”

“Do I have to worry about you getting gunned down while walking down the street with you? Should I be concerned for your safety right now sitting here?”

“No,” he had said a little amused. “I don’t even have a bodyguard. It’s not really like that. It’s just business.”

“Has your family ever killed anyone?”

“I… don’t know much about my father’s business affairs. I’d rather not know, to be honest.”

“I don’t want to judge you based upon your father’s profession,” she had said with a careful tone. “But there is a saying about the apple not falling far from the tree that tends to ring true.”

“Like I said, I’m more like my mother.”

“I guess we’ll see how this goes then,” she said, sliding her cup across the small table to touch his. “We should get more coffee.”

“You’re not running from this?”

“I probably should, but I find that I like you too much. I’m rather picky about men, something my whole family likes to make fun of me for. But I know what I like. And I like you. So…” she shrugged.

“If at any point, you feel that you should walk away from this, feel free to do so. I’ll understand.”

“Good to know,” she said with a smile. “Now go get us more coffee. I’m about to ask you a lot of questions you’re not going to want to answer.”

At least she had given him the warning, and he had gotten them another round of coffees, as they sat for a few more moments, Yoona learning more about Jongdae’s family, and then making plans to continue their conversation over dinner since they both had to leave for class.

He had taken her to Red that night, for the first time ever, to give her a better glimpse into his world, and never once after that did she mention wanting to walk away from their relationship.

“Your dumplings are getting cold,” Yixing pointed out to him, bringing him back to his present-day reality.

“You can have them,” Jongdae said, pushing his plate toward them.

“No,” Yixing said pushing them back. “You need to eat. Please eat.”

Jongdae sighed and forced another dumpling into his mouth, wishing he could find it in him to enjoy it the way he used to. He pulled up the gallery on his phone and scrolled up until he got to that first picture he had taken of Yoona in that café. She couldn’t have looked more beautiful in that picture, and it hurt to be reminded that it had been him that pushed her away. She had stuck with him through plenty, more than he even knew after learning about how Mina had treated her, and when he had needed her the most, she had offered to be there, and he had rejected the help. Had he been thinking rationally at the time, he would have accepted it. He was sure of that.

“Call her,” Yixing said as he watched him.

“And say what?”

“Start with ‘sorry’ and go from there.”

“Did you do this on purpose?” Jongdae asked, looking up at him.

“You seemed to be thinking a lot this morning about the past. Maybe revisiting it might help you move forward.”

“I’m upset with you right now for doing this.”

“You’ll thank me later,” Yixing said with earnest eyes, and he pointed to Jongdae’s phone. “Text her and tell her to come meet you here. I’ll keep your bodyguards company when she arrives.”

“She’s probably in class,” Jongdae reasoned.

“Only one way to find out.”

He wanted to continue to protest, but the one thing Yixing was right about was that he owed Yoona an apology. He took deep breaths as he pulled up his contacts and found her number, then hovered his finger over for a moment, taking another deep breath before tapping to send her a message. He made it short. Saying where he was, then “ _ Can you meet me? _ ”

“I’m proud of you for doing that,” Yixing said.

“I’m probably going to have a panic attack before she replies.”

“No, you won’t. Eat another dumpling.”

Yixing fed it to him before he could protest, then Jongdae saw his phone light up with a message from Yoona saying she’d be there in 15 minutes.

“Shit,” Jongdae said, running his hand through his hair.

“You’ll be fine,” Yixing said, reaching across to fix it for him. “Do your reverse breathing and listen to me. You’re just apologizing. You’ve spent many great moments with this woman and she means a lot to you, so just treat her with the respect she deserves. That’s all you have to do. Don’t be nervous about something that’s long overdue.”

“I’m going to throw up,” he said, even as he focused on his reverse breathing.

“Dae, it’s Yoona. She’s always been on your side. Just remember that, okay?”

Jongdae nodded and guzzled down his coffee, which may not have been the smartest move as it may have made him more hyper aware.

When Yixing spotted Yoona approaching from his view out the window, he stood up and rubbed Jongdae’s back and said, “I’ll be nearby. Just apologize.”

Jongdae nodded and closed his eyes, taking a deep breath and reminding himself that he owed this to her. This wasn’t about him. It was about her. He had to do this.

He could sense her approach the table, and he glanced and saw her, almost losing his breath at the mere sight of her in her smart pinstripe pants and black sweater, carrying her coat that she had just taken off as she strode toward him in her black pumps that gave her that height just above him.

He stood and bowed his head a bit in greeting and told her, “Hi.” Then added awkwardly, “Thanks for meeting me.”

He motioned toward the chair Yixing had vacated and pulled it out for her so she could sit, then he retook his seat across from her and took in her beauty, her makeup perfectly in place and her hair straight out of a magazine ad despite the winter humidity she had braved on her walk over.

“Thank you,” she had said, as she hung her coat behind her on her chair, and then she looked at him and said, “Hi.”

“Hi,” he said back, and his heart sped up a bit, but he mentally begged it to calm down as he took another deep breath. “I’m sorry,” he immediately said, not sure how else to start. “For pushing you away. You didn’t deserve that, and I’m sorry I did that to you.”

“I didn’t deserve that,” she agreed. “I wanted to help.”

“I know,” he nodded. “And had I been in a better frame of mind, I would have let you. But, I wasn’t. So, I didn’t.”

“So, in your bad frame of mind,” she asked, again with the even tone she tended to approach things, “you were able to determine that Yixing’s help was acceptable but mine was not.”

“I didn’t want to burden you with this.”

“That was not your decision to make. I was your girlfriend. I was ready to be there for you. But maybe you thought I couldn’t be.”

“I just didn’t think I deserved you,” he tried to defend.

“Where would you get an idea like that? You lost your sister and your thought process is that you didn’t deserve me?”

“It wasn’t overnight,” Jongdae attempted to explain, grabbing onto the fabric of his pants tightly under the table to try and keep his emotions from getting the better of him. He could have a rational, adult conversation. He could. “The more depressed I became, the more I thought I deserved nothing.”

“How are you doing now?” She asked.

“I have good days and I have bad days, but I’m trying. It’s been frustrating.”

“Is this a good day or a bad day?”

“A few days ago was a good day, yesterday was weird, today’s an extension of yesterday’s weirdness, but… seeing you again is nice,” he admitted.

He missed her much more than he had let himself believe, and he wanted to tell her that maybe there could still be a chance for them, but that optimism had died within him and been taken to Mina’s grave with her instead.

“Are you still seeing someone?” She asked him.

He nodded, then confirmed, “Yes. And I’m still taking my medication. And I’m still on constant watch.” He nudged his head toward a far table where both of his bodyguards sat. Yixing had pulled up a chair from another table to join them.

“How’s Yixing doing?” She asked, after having glanced at the table and then looking back at him.

“You know how he is. He’s been my saving grace in all of this.”

“I’m glad,” she said, and then she went silent.

Jongdae wished he had the courage to say what he wanted to say, but instead he stared at her, then realized she had nothing to drink.

“Let me get you a coffee,” he offered.

“I’m fine,” she said, waving off his offer.

“Dumplings?” He asked, pushing his plate toward her.

“Is that the only reason you wanted to see me? To say sorry?” She asked, not caring about the cold dumplings. “Is that all you have to say to me?”

He hesitated and noticed the look on her face, knowing her well enough to identify the frustration it conveyed.

“I miss you,” he allowed himself to say, feeling the need to set that heavy emotion free from his chest. “I wish I had handled things better so that I didn’t lose you.”

“You didn’t lose me. You pushed me away,” she said.

“And you’ve moved on.”

“For my own sanity,” she stated. “At the funeral, you were already distant then. You say it didn’t happen overnight, but in my eyes, it did. You wanted time and space, so I gave that to you, and when that didn’t make you pull me back into your life, I had to find someone else to help me move on.”

“Are you happy with him?”

“He makes me very happy,” she stated.

“That’s good,” he said, with a slight nod, though his head felt heavy. “Is he a fellow medical student?”

“He was earlier this year. He’s a resident now.”

“Oh, you went older,” he said, though it didn’t need to be said. “I’m happy that worked out for you.”

“You don’t look happy.”

“It was… more of an expression. But, I do want you to be happy, so if he makes you happy, then I am happy, even if I can’t show it right now.”

“Because it’s a weird day.”

“Right,” he said, and he let go of his pants and instead let his fingers play with the coffee cup in front of him. “I’ve been thinking a lot about you lately. Like how we used to be, and how things were. I had to come to a pretty frustrating realization not too long ago, and it made me think a lot about how my life had changed so much. I used to think, not think, but dream about how we’d both graduate, obviously you before me. And how we’d do our residencies. And I had this master plan where after I finished my residency, I was going to propose to you. And since it’s my dream, you’d say yes. And then we’d get married and have two kids. One boy and one girl. And a beautiful house, and a dog.”

“What if I had wanted a cat?”

“Then we would have gotten a cat instead.”

“What if I had wanted both?”

“Then we would have had both.”

“What if I had wanted two girls?”

“Well, that part was just a placeholder for whatever we ended up actually having.”

“What if I had triplets?”

“That would’ve worked too.”

She gave him a soft smile and Jongdae’s heart felt relieved to see it. Only because he had missed it so much.

“I think I would have been on board with that dream,” she told him.

“Your new boyfriend probably has a similar dream in store for you.”

“Hm,” she looked at him with pause before asking him, “So what’s your dream now?”

“I’ve been struggling with that these past two days. I had decided my dream was to make my family regain its high family status again. I sort of made us lose that after my incident with the Wu family. But I’ve been wondering if it’s better to let it all go. Right now we’re under the Park’s again, and I’ve been thinking we can sell our assets to them, and my parents could retire to a nice country home away from all this. Minseok would just go work for the Park’s. Yixing would be free to go back to medical school if he wanted or go on to something new. I don’t know.”

“And what would you do in that scenario?”

“I’m not sure, but maybe I’d travel for a little while. Like how my sister did. And use that time and those new experiences to figure out a new path. Maybe in another country where it wouldn’t matter that I didn’t have honor now that I can’t join the military.”

“Maybe you could run away to China with Yixing,” she said.

“Maybe I would. And I’d spend my entire time there apologizing to his family for derailing his academic goals. Which, speaking of, you graduate soon.”

“I do. This spring. I already have a residency lined up as long as I keep my academic standing.”

“That’s great,” Jongdae nodded, thinking how amazing it must feel to still have normal goals and a clear future.

“Why don’t you go back to medical school?”

“I’m a million percent sure they wouldn’t let me back after they took one glance at my medical records. It was hard enough to get in when I was still a normal person with potential.”

“Then pursue a teaching degree. You loved biology so much. You could teach it and inspire future students to become doctors.”

“And I highly doubt schools are going to hire me to teach their children when they look at my psych records as well.”

Yoona made a frustrated hiss as she looked at him and considered another option, but he spared her the task.

“I’m sorry. I’m a very frustrating person these days,” he explained. “I’ve gone from being someone that had all the options in the world to someone with extremely limited ones. Some days I just don’t want to get out of bed. Some days I have no desire to get dressed. My appetite comes and goes. And I get these horrible panic attacks where I can’t breathe. Even after all the time that’s passed from the Wu incident, my therapist still has me on 24-hour suicide watch. I can’t even go to the bathroom without someone watching me. And I can’t sleep at night without someone in my room keeping their eye on me. I’m not even allowed to have the keys to my own car. My real dream now is autonomy.”

“I can understand being frustrated under those circumstances,” she said, clearing her throat a little as she looked away for a moment then back at him. “But, the man I knew didn’t let circumstances stop him.”

“The man you knew has long been dead.”

“No,” she shook her head at him, “He’s still inside you. You just keep trying to bury him, but he’s still there. A lot can change in a person’s life, and a lot can change a person, but at your core, you are who you will always be.”

“I can’t ever be who I was again.”

“Your sister is the one that passed, not you. You seem to think it’s the both of you buried in that tomb.”

His eyes fell, and he looked down at the almost empty coffee cup, but then he looked up at Yoona and said, “I’m sorry that I reacted the way I did to you when you told me about how my sister treated you. I didn’t want to believe you.”

“I know,” she said. “She’s your idol. She’s perfect in your eyes.”

“Not perfect,” Jongdae said, shaking his head a little. “At least not anymore. My relationship with my sister has always been complicated. She protected me, and now that she’s gone, I’ve lost this bubble of protection I used to have around me. I never thought anything in my life could really go terribly wrong because my sister and my parents always made sure my life went exactly right. But when I lost Mina, I lost my parents too. They got lost in their own worlds of grief, and suddenly I had no one to steer my life in the right direction. It’s like I was a passenger on a ship, and suddenly the crew abandoned the ship and I was left to steer it on my own, but no one had left me any instructions, and I had never had to do anything like that before, so I just got lost.”

Yoona nodded at him, seeming to understand, and he continued.

“And part of me wonders, why? Why were my sister and my parents so overprotective of me? Why didn’t they think I could fight my own battles or take care of things myself? I know I was the baby of the family, but it seems like more than just being spoiled. They did everything for me. I wasn’t prepared for anything I’ve had to deal with since Mina’s death. So I just shut down and lost my mind in the process. Every day, I have to learn how to handle something new. How to stand up for myself. How to protect myself. And the hardest one, how to trust myself. You don’t develop instincts when the path you travel is made safe for you. So I’m never quite sure of my decisions. I think I can come up with a good solution for something and then everyone looks at me like I have no true understanding of the situation. And I don’t.”

“But at least you’re learning,” she said.

“I am,” he nodded, “But it’s a slow process. Each time a new variable comes up that I’ve never encountered before, I just shut down. I keep going through this process over and over. And each time I think that I’m finally going to be able to handle it, I just end up shutting down again.”

“Maybe it’s your brain’s way of coddling you since no one is coddling you anymore.”

Jongdae blinked at her, thinking that assessment made some sense.

“So even my brain is under the impression I can’t handle things.”

“It seems your brain is the only thing standing between you and your autonomy.”

“Your mother’s a neuroscientist. Maybe she can make me a new brain,” Jongdae said in jest.

“You don’t need a new one,” Yoona said, giving a small smile at his joke. “We just need to fix yours.”

“We?”

“My offer to help still stands.”

Jongdae did not feel worthy of that help, but he also knew that he needed all the help he could get if he was serious about trying to move forward with his life. But still, his new life had no place for someone like Yoona, who had a future and large responsibilities ahead of her.

“I’m not sure how you could help,” he told her.

“I can be your friend again. You probably need another one of those in your life, yeah?”

“Before, I was going to be a doctor,” Jongdae reminded her. “My life now is very different. I’m working for my family, and depending on whether or not I go forward with my plans, I may very well end up being the head of the family. Is that someone you want to be friends with?”

Yoona didn’t answer right away, and Jongdae knew because her instinct was “no.” He watched her look out the window for a moment and then back at him.

“I would like to be your friend again and help right now before you make that decision.”

“And I’m guessing you’d stay my friend if I choose to give it all up. But won’t if I choose to be the head of my family.”

“Let’s focus on the right now, okay?” She said instead of confirming or denying.

“I want to tell you no,” he admitted. “I hate being a pity case, which is all I’ve been for the past year and a half. I admire you so much and have so much respect for you, and the idea that you feel the need to help me really makes me feel a little worthless.”

“Don’t feel that way,” she said, shaking her head at him, and she reached out to place her hand over one of his. “We’re friends, Jongdae. You let Yixing help you. I’m no different.”

“I admire and respect him too,” Jongdae said, glancing to where he sat engaged in conversation with the bodyguards. “And it’s been hard to go through all this in front of him. I feel all I’ve done is ruin his life and let him down. And my cousin,” Jongdae had to close his eyes tight for a moment to keep his emotions together. “My cousin had to go from following my sister, who was perfect for the job and a great leader, to having to follow my instructions knowing that I have no idea what I’m doing. I’ve let him down too.”

Jongdae pulled his hands away from the cup and placed them on his chest as he took a deep breath—the harsh feelings of not being worthy of the company he kept too much for the moment. He followed it with calming breaths, but the fact that he was having a mini breakdown in front of Yoona didn’t help his situation.

“You’re being too hard on yourself,” she said, and she grabbed his hand to hold it, forcing him to have to look at her. “Everyone knows what you’ve been through. The people who care about you aren’t looking down at you, and if you cared about yourself you wouldn’t be looking down at yourself either. You need to get out of your head.”

“It’s not that simple.”

“I know, but you can do it. You used to be fearless. Maybe it was because nothing bad had ever really happened to you so you truly didn’t fear anything, but you can still be fearless even if bad things have happened to you. When bad things happen, they’re learning experiences, and you’ve said it before, you’re learning. So don’t be afraid to learn. You were never afraid to learn before, why are you afraid of it now?”

He looked at her and wanted to protest, but couldn’t articulate a way to do so.

“Be fearless again,” she said looking right into his eyes. “You’re going to keep screwing up. You’re going to keep making mistakes. These are good things. They mean you’re trying. Learn, and go forward again. The more you learn, the less mistakes you’ll make, and before you know it, you’ll start to handle things just fine.”

He would have loved to be fearless again. That was a part of him that he really missed but hadn’t thought about in a while.

“It’s interesting,” she said, pulling her hand away from his, and Jongdae yearned for the warm touch to return. “You never used to be someone who pitied yourself. I found it so attractive, the way you were so short and boyish, all small proportions, yet walked around like you were taller and larger than everyone around you. You had this undeniable confidence. Now with you sitting across from me and not having any of that…”

“You suddenly find me unattractive,” he finished for her.

“No,” she said shaking her head, “That’s not it. It’s just different.”

“In an unattractive way,” he said again. “You never would have looked in my direction if I had been like this when we met.”

“Physically,” she said carefully once more, “You’re still attractive. But your new personality leaves a lot to be desired. I wouldn’t be friends with someone who can’t see his strengths. So, you’re going to need to find them again.”

“This is your idea of helping me? Insulting me?”

“Focus. What are you good at?”

“Nothing.”

“Wrong answer.”

She looked at her phone, then turned to grab her coat.

“I have to get going, but the next time we meet up and I ask you that question, you better have a long list of things to answer with.”

“You want to meet up again,” Jongdae said, more a statement to himself.

“We’re friends. Friends meet up.”

She stood and slid her coat back on, buttoning the front and freeing her long hair from being trapped beneath it.

He stood up as well and said, “When did you want to meet up again?”

“I can’t tomorrow,” she said, shouldering her purse and grabbing her phone. “But I think the day after that should be fine. I’ll text you a time and location that works best for me.” She reached her hand out to cup his face for a moment, staring at him, and he stared back at her, wishing he could be the attractive man again that she wanted.

He was surprised when she leaned in to give him a kiss on the cheek, and he closed his eyes, remembering just how much he had loved the feel of her soft lips.

“Thank you for wanting to see me again,” she said. 

Yoona gave him a small smile and told him to not forget to do his homework, then left the café.

He stared at her through the window, as she walked briskly down the sidewalk off to her normal life.

“That looked like it went well,” Yixing said, having returned by his side as he looked out the window as well.

When she was completely out of sight, Jongdae turned and looked at his friend, who had a hopeful smile on his face.

“I have no idea how that went,” Jongdae said, grabbing his own coat off the back of his chair. “I don’t know what I expected, but it wasn’t that.”

“Things never tend to be what we expect,” Yixing pointed out, then asked, “When are we seeing her again?”

“In a couple of days, I think. Whenever she texts me that she’s available. She wants me to be prepared with a list of my strengths.”

“Well then let’s get home and start working on it.”

“Ju-hyun found me attractive, right?” Jongdae asked, pausing in thought about what Yoona had said.

“Um…” Yixing seemed confused by this question, “I don’t know? I mean, she was trying to use you.”

“Yeah, I know that, but like, after. When I let her go and everything, she kinda seemed into me, right?”

“I’m not sure where this is coming from, but if you’re considering not reconnecting with Yoona to try things with Ju-hyun, then I’m going to have to advise against that.”

Jongdae shook his head and shrugged his coat on, “That’s not why I’m asking. Yoona doesn’t find me attractive anymore because I’ve lost my confidence.”

“I’m sure that’s not true.”

“She flat out just told me that,” Jongdae informed him.

“Oh,” Yixing said, looking disturbed by this.

“But I think Ju-hyun found me a little bit attractive toward the end, even without my confidence.”

“At the end when you let her free instead of deciding to kill her? You were quite confident in that moment. Also, powerful and in charge, considering you held her fate in your hands.”

Jongdae considered this and nodded, then led the way out of the café thinking about how he was still able to have moments of confidence if the situation called for it. He hadn’t had confidence in seeing Yoona again, especially since he hadn’t been able to really prepare for it, but the ability to be confident was still very much inside of him.

And that was interesting to him, because confidence required him to be able to trust himself, and he hadn’t been lying when he had told Yoona that he didn’t. But maybe she was right. Maybe all of his strengths were still inside him, lying dormant while his brain created a barrier between them and him. He was going to have to talk to his therapist about this. 

And even despite all of the harsh truths that Yoona had told him, and even after his brain had turned on him in the midst of the conversation and caused him almost to fall apart, he felt a little lighter as he walked back to the car, the cold air against his cheek only reminding him of the great dream he used to have.

***

Jongdae waited until after dinner to step into Mina’s room again. It still made his heart wrench a bit to be in there, but it managed to hurt a little less this time.

“I have no idea where to begin,” he said to no one, though his bodyguard stood inside with him.  He felt he would have remembered seeing a key in his last search, and just as he had that thought, it dawned on him that he had.

He went to her closet, assessing the shoe boxes at the top of it and trying to remember which one had the birthday cards he had given her. He got it right on his third try, finding the key again and turning it over in his palm as he stared at it.

“What are the chances that you’re the right key?” He asked it, as if this couldn’t all be that simple.

He placed the box back on the shelf and took the key with him, turning off the light to her room then walking back to his office.

“Did you find it?” Yixing asked when he entered.

“Maybe,” he said showing him the key in his hand. “I guess we’ll start with this one and go from there. It was in the same box that gave me the idea of what her PIN number was, so I have a good feeling about it.”

“What do you think’s inside?”

“Probably another envelope with another key and another set of instructions,” Jongdae said, convinced that Mina was leading them on a crazy search for something that didn’t exist, almost as if she wanted to keep herself alive for him through this mysterious game.

He pulled up the bank account information on his laptop to read over the account notes, and as he did so, he was reminded again of their influx of money, even with the money they had lost in purchasing the Choi home. If they sold their underperforming casino, they’d be in a better position to start building up their resources again. If they could get the money from Mina’s windmill account, then they’d be extremely well set up to make a case for their independence.

“I’m in the mood for coffee,” Jongdae said, closing his laptop and looking at Yixing.

“I can have the kitchen send some up.”

“I know a coffee shop. Let’s go.”

“Uh…” Yixing looked at him unsure as he stood up from his chair. “You want to go to a coffee shop now?”

He nodded and grabbed his coat and wallet, waiting for Yixing and his security guards to make sure they had everything they needed before heading out. If confidence relied on trust, and trust relied on gut instincts, then it was time for him to test the theory out.

He had that feeling again when they arrived that he’d been having, and he glanced around to see if things appeared to be in their correct place. The street lamps reflected a soft flurry of snow, too light to stick, and Jongdae hurried into the coffee shop, ordering himself an Americano as he took a seat and motioned for Yixing and his security guards to sit several tables away.

Not sure how long he should wait, he passed a bit of time looking back through all the photos of Yoona he still had on his phone, not having been able to delete them no matter how far he had pushed her away. They made him feel as warm as the coffee, and he wondered momentarily if there could be any possibility of something more than friendship for them. He didn’t want to get his hopes up, but he couldn’t stop a momentary fantasy at the thought.

He checked the time again and realized that he’d have to finally be the one to pursue the feeling that had been pursuing him.

He sent a text that simply read:  _ Instead of freezing out there, why don’t you join me for coffee? _

It took only minutes for the door to open, and Jongdae noticed Baekhyun look at him with a small sheepish smile before heading to the counter to order himself coffee. Once he had the warm cup in hand, he sat across from Jongdae at the table.

“How did you know I was following you?” Baekhyun asked first, bringing the cup up to his nose to smell the aroma and feel the warmth all at once.

“You taught me to look out for that kind of thing,” Jongdae reminded.

“Ah, you learned so well,” Baekhyun nodded, then placed the cup down and said, “I’m very sorry for not being honest with you from the beginning about what I was doing. I was trying to help my friend, and then I was trying to help you, but good intentions often have bad results.”

“I never trusted you anyway,” Jongdae let him know, and Baekhyun nodded, “But I liked working with you. So, it was disappointing.”

“I really liked working with you. I was very disappointed myself.”

“Why have you been following me?”

“Well, I wanted to make it up to you, so I thought I’d keep an eye on you in case you needed help with anything.”

“I think stealing that Choi money for us was more than enough.”

“Yeah, but, I don’t really have a lot to do right now, so I figured I’d do this.”

“You can’t keep following me.”

Baekhyun didn’t say anything and took a sip of his coffee, letting out a soft sigh.

“So I heard your best friend is going to be the head of the Park family someday,” Jongdae brought up. “Does that mean you’re working for the Park’s now?”

Jongdae noticed him light up a little.

“I’m very excited for him,” Baekhyun said. “He deserves the honor. And, I mean, I let him know that whatever he needed, I’d do, but no, I turned the elder Park down on his offer.”

“Why? Being part of a high family is your dream. You can’t ask for better than the most powerful one.”

“I know, but I really liked working for your family. Although Chanyeol did point out that technically since you’re not a high family and under the Park’s, that if I worked for them, I’d technically still be working for you, but I know it’s just a matter of time before you’re a high family again so I figured I’d wait.”

“What makes you sure we’ll be a high family again?”

“That’s what you were working toward, right?” Baekhyun said, taking another sip and making a slight face, apparently not quite content with the taste. He modified it with a little bit of sugar.

“I’m reconsidering.”

“Oh. Why?”

“Because I want to do what’s best for my family and maybe walking away from all of this is what’s best.”

“I understand. I considered a legitimate life once as well.”

“And what kept you from pursuing it?”

“It was boring.”

Jongdae wondered just how bored his father would feel, living out in the country in retirement, having nothing but time on his hands to think about all the things he had lost.

“Before my sister died, I was a pretty boring person,” Jongdae told him.

“I don’t think so. You were going to be a doctor. That’s interesting,” Baekhyun said with a matter-of-fact nod. “Plus, I bet you didn’t think your life was boring.”

No. He didn’t. He had been rather happy with his life. It had suited him.

“No, you’re right,” Jongdae amended, thinking about what Yoona had told him earlier in the day. “It wasn’t boring. Actually, this is boring. My father’s businesses and real estate papers and bank accounts and finances, it’s all boring. Going through one ledger puts me to sleep, meanwhile my sister was off discovering future investments for the family and thinking bigger than my father ever could.”

It occurred to Jongdae at that moment that selling the casino was definitely the right way to go, but before he did, he wanted to find an alternate business, maybe also in energy, that they could immediately apply the money from the sale to. He made a mental note to discuss this with Yixing.

“You know,” Baekhyun said, cocking his head from side to side for a moment, “In my short life, I’ve met a lot of people, and I’ve never truly met anyone boring. You just have to live the life that suits you, and it’s usually one you’ve created for yourself.”

“The doctor life was the one I created for myself. The one I’m living now was created for me.”

“My best friend created a life for himself by joining the Park family against his mother’s wishes when he was young, then he created a new life for himself by leaving the Park family, which is a good thing because that’s how I met him,” Baekhyun said and beamed before continuing. “But then everything with the Choi’s happened, and he was given an opportunity that was created for him, but him choosing to take it was him creating it for himself. It’s like, if you want to walk your own path, but there’s only one path you can take, then you have to walk that path, but you can choose to walk it your own way.”

Jongdae raised an eyebrow at him.

“Not my best analogy, but you get it, right?”

“I do get it,” he admitted, reaching to the back of his neck to rub it. “It’s funny. When I thought about what you did and the situation we ended up in with you, I tried to think of how my sister would have handled working with someone like you. I realized she would have, even against her advisor’s warnings as well, but she wouldn’t have relied on you as much as I did. I used you a lot because I didn’t know what I was doing. And I realized that because of that, I put you in a lot of really dangerous situations that I shouldn’t have. So, I have to apologize to you too. I’m sorry for taking advantage of your skill set and being reckless with you.”

Baekhyun shook his head and waved him off.

“It’s what I do,” he said, with a smile. “I don’t take on jobs I can’t do, or think I can’t do.”

“Like saving Jin-ri when it really wasn’t necessary for the overall plan.”

“Right. I thought I could do it. And I did.”

“Because you did that,” Jongdae said looking him right in the eyes, “We have the Commissioner General on our family’s side if we do become a high family again. Because you stole the money from the Choi’s and gave it to us, we can start building up our resources. I can’t deny that it did seem as if you were helping us out more than you had to, and while I thank you for that, if I go through with making us a high family again, I can’t rely on someone who has closer ties with another family than ours.”

Baekhyun lost his smile but nodded and said, “I understand. But maybe you can just hire me as a freelancer like you were doing before, and I could still help out?”

“I have a feeling that now that the Parks’ know of your existence and what you can do, they’re going to be keeping you busy with special requests.”

“Hm. Maybe.”

“I’m not obtuse enough to think that I can build us back up without the help of someone like you, but since I’m not sure I’m going to go forward with building us back up, I guess I can think about it further and see what happens after I make a decision.”

“Okay,” Baekhyun said, the smile returning to his face. “I wish I had a business card to give you so you don’t forget to consider my services while making your decision.”

“I have your number. I won’t forget.”

“I’ll send you a text and remind you.”

“That’s not necessary. Nor is you following me. Which you’re not going to do anymore, right?”

“Right. I won’t follow you, but I will text you.”

“You don’t have to text me.”

“It’s not a problem,” he said waving him off, and Jongdae began to protest again, but Baekhyun continued, “I might text you each day because there are things that I keep wanting to tell you, but I’ve held them back since you weren’t talking to me.”

“You are not going to worm your way back into my life like this,” Jongdae let him know.

“Right, but I still want to tell you them. They’re stuck in my head, and I need to get them out.”

“I have to go,” Jongdae said, not wanting to show him how amused he was by this, but he had a feeling Baekhyun could sense it anyway.

“Me too,” Baekhyun said, getting up as well. “Tell Minseok hi for me too and that I’m sorry. Oh and Yixing,” he said looking toward Yixing who was now standing up as well, the bodyguards moving to accompany Jongdae already. “Hi, Yixing,” he said waving at him.

“Hi, Baekhyun,” Yixing said, looking a bit dubious about this impromptu meeting that had occurred without any warning to him.

“Okay, bye,” he then said and then called out to Jongdae at the door that he’d text him later and then left.

“What….” Yixing began, and Jongdae cut him off.

“He’s been following me,” Jongdae said. “I finally decided to confront him about it, and I’m glad I did.”

“Are you hiring him again?”

“I don’t know. Something to consider down the line. I imagine you would advise me against it though.”

“Not necessarily,” Yixing said, pulling his coat on. “If his best friend will one day run the Park’s, then having him with us will give us a lot of leverage.”

“I don’t want to use him like that,” Jongdae said, “And I know that’s not me thinking like a high family head, but I don’t care. He’s helped us a lot, and I believe he does mean well. If I end up getting our status back and decide to hire him back on, it’ll be because it feels like the right thing to do, not because of strategy. I know that sounds stupid, but…”

“It doesn’t,” Yixing said, reaching over to help Jongdae with the stubborn top button of his coat. “Trusting your instincts is the best strategy. If and when that time comes, I’ll support your decision based on those terms.”

“Thanks,” Jongdae said, his expression full of warmth toward his advisor.

They left the café, and as they headed back home, Jongdae thought about how strange of a day it had been. But it hadn’t been bad, just unexpected. He realized he could handle days like that, and he was able to sleep that night without the anxiousness that normally accompanied him to bed.

***

After breakfast, Jongdae and Yixing headed back to the bank with Mina’s mystery security box. On the ride there, Jongdae received a text from Yoona.

“She’s available for dinner tomorrow,” Jongdae let Yixing know.

“And so are you,” his advisor said, motioning for him to text back.

He and Yixing had sat down to come up with his list of strengths, and when Jongdae couldn’t think of any on his own, Yixing had offered some suggestions, but Jongdae didn’t think they were strengths at all and hadn’t bothered writing them down.

He texted her back that he was still working on his homework, but that he’d try and have it ready by then. She had simply replied that she would see him tomorrow.

“Loyalty,” Yixing said. “That’s a strength. And you’re very loyal to your family. You visit Mina regularly even when others have stopped. You’re trying to figure out what best to do for the whole family. You can put that on the list.”

“Loyalty,” Jongdae said, as if he had to say it to better consider it. “Loyalty doesn’t feel like a strength to me. It feels like a duty.”

Yixing sighed and didn’t offer anymore suggestions the rest of the car ride.

They arrived at the bank and were seen quickly, an attendant directing Jongdae to follow him as he led him to the bank’s vault.

He had to wait a moment while the attendant located the companion key and then he asked to see Jongdae’s key.

“I hope it’s the right one,” Jongdae told him. “I wasn’t sure what it would look like. My sister didn’t tell me.”

“There’s only one way to find out,” the attendant said, handing him the key back.

When the correct box number was located, the attendant instructed Jongdae to put his key in, then the attendant put the second key in and Jongdae turned it with the other man’s.

Jongdae’s heart leaped a bit when it opened, and he looked over at Yixing with a smile as his advisor gave him a thumbs up.

They were one step closer to figuring out the mystery Mina had left behind.

The attendant carried the box over to a room and set it on the table.

“When you’re done, you can ring this bell for assistance to store the box back in the vault,” the man said and then he left them alone in the room.

Jongdae sat in the chair in front of the box, Yixing sitting beside him, and he slowly opened it, hoping that Mina hadn’t left yet another set of instructions on this wild goose chase.

A large manila envelope sat inside and Jongdae opened it, at first just seeing a bunch of legal papers that pertained to the account. It would take him forever to read through it all to figure anything out and he pouted slightly, wanting a quick and easy answer already.

Then he found a piece of paper with another paper clipped behind it, and he looked over it. It read that the entire account would be transferred on a certain date to the person whose birth certificate was attached to the document. The date was almost a decade and a half into the future and Jongdae quickly checked the birth certificate.

Between the shoe box, the PIN number, the key and so on, he had expected the birth certificate to be his, but instead it belonged to a name he didn’t recognize.

“Park Taemin,” Jongdae said confused as he looked at the name, and he looked at the birth date, becoming even more confused, and then the mother’s name, and then he froze.

Listed under the mother’s name was Kim Mina. And his eyes glanced down to see that the father’s name was Park Chanyeol.

“This doesn’t make sense,” Jongdae said, his heart racing and thinking there had to be some sort of mistake. Maybe Mina was playing a prank and this was a puzzle clue he had to figure out.

He showed Yixing the birth certificate and watched his advisor’s eyes go wide.

“That doesn’t make sense,” Yixing said. “When was Mina pregnant?”

“She wasn’t,” Jongdae said. “I think we would have known.”

He studied the birth certificate again, his stomach dropping as he realized the date of birth was while Mina was gone on her travels.

“That’s impossible,” Jongdae said to himself, flipping through the pages of the legal documents to see if there was any other information that explained this, but nothing did, and he stared at the birth certificate again.

“I guess we’ll need to talk to Chanyeol about why this exists then,” Yixing said, but his voice seemed unsure and when Jongdae looked at him, he could see that his advisor looked very concerned.

“This is a mistake,” Jongdae said, but now his hands were shaking slightly, and he stuffed the documents and birth certificate back into the envelope. “I’m sure my dad will make sense of this. Let’s call a meeting with him, my mom and Minseok. Tell them we’ll meet them in my father’s office in about half an hour.”

Yixing nodded and took out his phone to make the arrangements while Jongdae rang the button for the attendant. After confirming that he’d be returning the box back to the vault empty, Jongdae left with the envelope and its contents, taking a deep breath as he settled into the car and tried to calm his nerves.

He thought about the amount of time that Mina had been gone and realized it had been for six months. He then remembered that it had originally been scheduled for three, but while in Bangkok, she had let them know that she had fallen in love with the place and would be spending more time there than she had anticipated. And then she did the same when she got to Hong Kong and said she had run into some old high school friends that she wanted to spend more time with.

Jongdae remembered his father being amused each time by her new plans and giving her his blessing to continue to explore and find herself. But now it seemed that she hadn’t been finding herself at all, she had been hiding herself instead.

***

Jongdae walked straight into his father’s office, took out the instructions, still attached to the birth certificate, and dropped it onto his desk in front of him.

“What’s this?” His father asked as he picked it up.

“Read it,” Jongdae said, already beginning to feel a bit off balance. He stood behind the chair across from his father and gripped it for support.

His father scanned the document, then flipped it to look at the birth certificate, and then, much as Jongdae had done, he froze as his eyes widened. Then the older man shook his head.

“This must be some kind of mistake.”

“That’s what I said,” Jongdae mentioned.

“What is it?” His mother asked.

“This document…” his father said, looking over it again.

“Mina set up a special bank account,” Jongdae explained to them. “She invested her savings into a wind power company and they deposit her dividends into the account weekly. The account comes with very specific terms and according to that document, the account is to be transferred to the person whose name is on the attached birth certificate.”

“It must be a mistake,” his father said shaking his head.

“What’s the name on the birth certificate?” Minseok asked.

“Park Taemin,” Jongdae said, and Minseok looked confused.

“Who is that?” His mother asked.

“Isn’t that…” Minseok seemed to consider his words then finished, “the name of Chanyeol’s kid.”

“I’m assuming so,” Jongdae said, “As he’s listed as the father on the birth certificate.”

“Why would Mina leave all that money to Chanyeol’s kid?” Minseok asked, making a face.

“Because she’s listed as the mother,” his father said, passing the birth certificate to his wife to examine.

“This can’t be,” she said, covering her mouth with her hand as she looked at it, and Minseok looked over to see for himself and shook his head as well.

“That doesn’t make sense,” Minseok said. “I think we would have noticed her being pregnant.”

“Which is exactly what I said,” Jongdae told him, “Except look at the date the kid was born.”

His mother and Minseok both checked again, and Minseok looked almost scared as he said, “She was on her trip.”

“She kept extending that trip,” Jongdae said looking at all of them now. “Remember it was only supposed to be for three months? But she kept coming up with reasons to stay on it? I also discovered that she set up a separate bank account specifically for her trip, and it still has money in it. I think she set up that account to make it less suspicious if she needed to buy things that weren’t trip related so you wouldn’t be able to see her purchases.”

“Like paying for a doctor visit to have a baby?” Minseok asked shaking his head. “No, this is stupid. Mina didn’t have a baby.”

“She was acting very strange when she got back,” his mother now said, a tear falling as she stared at the birth certificate. “Why wouldn’t she tell us?”

“This doesn’t make sense,” his father said again shaking his head. “Why wouldn’t she tell us?” He reiterated his wife’s sentiment.

“No,” Minseok said crossing his arms. “How can you even entertain this idea? You’re going to believe that Mina got pregnant by Park Chanyeol of all people? Did they even talk to each other after she graduated high school?”

“According to that birth certificate, they did,” Yixing pointed out.

“Shut up,” Minseok snapped at Yixing. “This isn’t a joke.”

“Hey,” Jongdae said, putting his hand up to calm his cousin. “I know this is upsetting…”

“You don’t know anything,” Minseok said, and Jongdae couldn’t remember the last time he had seen Minseok so stressed. “If Mina had been pregnant, she would have told us. At least one of us. If not me, then you. Someone. This doesn’t make any sense. It has to be a mistake.”

“This whole time,” his mother said, shaking her head as her tears kept falling, “I’ve had a grandson that I didn’t know about? There’s a part of my daughter that’s still alive, and I didn’t know?”

Jongdae rushed over to hold his mother, knowing that this was not the news she needed after everything that had happened these past few months.

“It’s okay,” he told her. “We’re going to get to the bottom of this.”

His father ordered his advisor to call the elder Park immediately and inform him that they were on their way, although who he meant by “they” Jongdae wasn’t sure, but he had a feeling no one in that room would be staying behind.

“Why didn’t I notice?” Her mother said, having to sit down as Jongdae helped pull the seat closer for her. “She was acting so differently. After a trip like that, you would think she’d be full of energy and wonder, but she seemed so far away.”

“Because she missed all the amazing places she had visited probably,” Minseok said, but he was now pacing with his arms crossed and Jongdae could see him taking deep breaths, trying to hold his emotions in.

“She didn’t look any different,” his father said, as he stood up, but he too looked distraught and far away, as if needing to replay his memories while not trusting them at the same time.

“She looked a little different,” his mother said, “But she had been gone for six months. I thought nothing of it.”

“She sent us pictures,” Jongdae added to the spoken ponderings. “From all those places. She didn’t look pregnant in those pictures. Although, now that I think about it, she didn’t send us full body pictures after a bit. Only at the beginning of the trip.”

“But you would have seen it on her face,” Minseok snapped. “This is stupid. Chanyeol made this up for a reason. Probably to steal money from us some more.”

“That makes less sense than Mina having had a baby,” Yixing pointed out, and Minseok glared at him.

“Let us go,” his father said, taking his wife’s hand to help her up. “We can sit here all day going crazy thinking of what is happening here. We’ll go ask Chanyeol himself.”

Jongdae’s stomach flipped again and a sense of dread came over him as he left the office with his family. He began his breathing exercises once in the car, knowing deep down inside that whatever was going to happen next was not going to be easy to deal with.

He wanted to believe that this was a mistake. He wanted to believe that Mina had set up an elaborate puzzle for them, and the birth certificate had been doctored as a puzzle for them to figure out. He wanted to believe that she had traveled the world for six months. He wanted to believe that Mina wouldn’t lie to them like this about something this big.

But Jongdae knew his sister. She didn’t tend to make mistakes. She liked for things to be straight to the point. And the thing he knew most about his sister, was that she was great at lying when it came to getting what she wanted and making sure things went the way she needed them to.

He closed his eyes tight and practiced his reverse breathing.


	3. (Two Moons)

Kyungsoo had come home late after he had been introduced as the elder Park’s apprentice, and knowing that Baekhyun had probably sustained himself off leftovers, he had picked up some fried chicken and soju to bring home, a bit in the mood to celebrate.

“I’m home,” he called out as he set the bag on the counter in the kitchen and began pulling out the contents. “I brought us food to celebrate.”

“What are we celebrating?” Baekhyun called out from his room.

“I’m officially the elder Park’s apprentice,” Kyungsoo said, and he couldn’t wait for Baekhyun’s reaction, so he went to his room with a big smile on his face only to find Baekhyun sitting in front of his closet, putting things in a box. “What are you doing?”

“Oh,” Baekhyun said as he folded a pair of sweatpants, “I’m just packing.”

“Why are you packing?”

“Well, I figured since you were going to talk to the elder Park today that you had made your decision. And since you’ll be his apprentice, you’ll be living over there. So I thought I’d start packing and then tomorrow I’d look for a new place to live,” he said with a nod, more to himself.

Kyungsoo lost his smile and walked over to him, kneeling beside him as he looked at him.

“You’re not leaving,” he told him, and Baekhyun looked at him with the unsure eyes of a puppy waiting for his owner to get home. “Where do you get these crazy ideas in your head?” Kyungsoo then asked him, and he began pulling clothes out from the box. “This is our home. You are my family. This isn’t rocket science.”

“Yeah, but…”

“There’s no but. I already told the elder Park that I’d like to keep this residence as well, and he was fine with it. Yes, I’m probably going to spend a lot more time staying over there, but this is where I need to come when I need you to remind me that I’m still Do Kyungsoo.”

“You’re a very particular type of person. I’d imagine it’d be difficult for you to forget you’re Do Kyungsoo.”

“I would like to think that as well. But just in case. Now come on, I brought us fried chicken to celebrate. Let’s eat and then I’ll help you unpack after.”

Baekhyun stood up with Kyungsoo, but before leaving the room, he took Kyungsoo’s hand and held it, causing Kyungsoo to turn back around to look at him.

“Are you sure?” Baekhyun asked. “I really can find my own place. I have some leads on some singles.”

“I can only imagine in what parts of town those leads are,” Kyungsoo told him and shook his head.

“Nothing worse than where I used to live. Only this time I’d have a roof over my head. Well, as long as I keep getting good jobs.”

“Yeah, so about that,” Kyungsoo told him, squeezing his hand gently, “Part of the reason I made the decision to accept this apprenticeship was so that you wouldn’t have to do those things anymore. The elder Park is paying me far more than I need. It’s enough to support the both of us. And I have a feeling that as the years go on, that number will get bigger. I know you like the challenge and the thrill of what you do, but you don’t have to do those things anymore, and I am begging you, please don’t take on really dangerous jobs again. Promise me that you won’t. I know you’re capable, but you’ve done enough. You don’t have to struggle anymore and risk your life anymore to get by. You’re insanely smart. Maybe you should consider going to university and trying something new.”

“I would be so bored,” Baekhyun said, but his cheeks had tinted a slight pink while he had listened to him. “But, I don’t know if I can promise that because if I promise that then I might lose opportunities to strengthen my skills in certain areas.”

“You don’t need to,” he tried to stress.

“I take care of myself,” Baekhyun told him. “I don’t need you to take care of me. I’ve taken care of myself since I was a kid.”

“I know, but the thing about family is that we’re supposed to take care of each other. I know you don’t know too much about that kind of thing, but that’s how it works. You are my family. Am I not yours?”

“No you are,” Baekhyun was quick to say, “But, the more you and Chanyeol fall for each other, the more likely it is that one day you’re going to want to live with him instead.”

“Then you’d have this place all to yourself,” Kyungsoo told him. “But I would still keep a copy of the key because it’d be my hideout from when I have to get away from Chanyeol’s annoying tendencies.”

“I just know that life doesn’t tend to work out how you want,” Baekhyun told him. “At least not for me. One day…”

“Okay,” Kyungsoo said, pulling his hand away to hold it up to him. “I’m not going to stand here and listen to you try and talk about a future that may or may not come. All we have is right now. And right now, you have a home, you don’t need to take on dangerous jobs, and our fried chicken is getting cold. So let’s live in the moment and deal with the future when it gets here. You were so quick to pack up now, it’s not like you can’t pack up in 80 years’ time when you decide you want to move to a quieter place and be rid of me. So this is a pointless conversation.”

“Hm, that’s true,” Baekhyun nodded. “Although I will be over a hundred, so I will probably need help packing.”

“I’m sure you’ll be able to find someone to help you,” Kyungsoo said with a smile.

They sat at the dining table, eating their chicken and drinking their beer, and Kyungsoo wondered if Baekhyun really would give up the dangerous jobs. He supposed he’d find out, but he would really like to be able to work on his apprenticeship in peace without worrying about what his best friend was up to.

“So when do you officially start?” Baekhyun asked him.

“Officially when the elder Park takes back over, but I’m technically already starting because there’s much to learn and to prepare for when he does take over. Plus, the added bonus of seeing Chanyeol for lunch if I start now.”

“I’m really glad you two worked things out.”

“I am too,” Kyungsoo said with a soft smile. “I wish you had been there when the elder Park made the announcement about me. All the department heads gave me their well wishes and bowed to me. I felt like I was in a movie.”

“You should have had someone record it.”

“I didn’t know it was going to happen. And then I had to give a speech.”

“Oh, man, I really wish I had seen that,” Baekhyun laughed. “I can’t imagine you giving a speech.”

“It was awful. I tried to channel you. I thought to myself, Baekhyun would love this opportunity to address a room full of department heads, how would he do this? And I went with it. So it’s like you were there in spirit.”

“I totally was,” Baekhyun nodded. “I can tell you’re happy with your decision. I’m glad.”

“I am,” he confirmed. “It feels like I’ve come full circle.”

“You have. Also, I’ve been thinking about this, and I think your mom is okay with you taking the apprenticeship.”

“Why do you think that?”

“Because, based on all the stories you’ve told me, I think that what she didn’t like about you joining the Park family was the fear that you would lose your identity. You would just become another thug in their gang, following rules and letting yourself be used. You never told her your real role in the family, so she had no way of knowing that what you did was more specialized. And now, with this new role, you’re being groomed to be the one making the rules, the one giving orders and the one whose identity will define the whole family. I think that’s what she ultimately wanted for you, so while she wouldn’t like the chosen company, she would be proud of you for having beat the system to rise to the top of it. It just sounds like that’s the type of person your mother was.”

Kyungsoo took a moment to think about what Baekhyun had said, and then he nodded.

“That was exactly the type of person my mother was.”

“She’s proud of you, Soo. And I am too. So both of your family members are proud of you,” he said with a big grin.

And Kyungsoo grinned back, because he wanted to believe that his mother was proud of him, and he could really believe Baekhyun’s words if he allowed himself to.


	4. (New Moon)

Chanyeol could admit that his favorite part of the day now was lunchtime with Kyungsoo, but the one drawback of it was having to remember that while it made sense for him to have lunch with his father’s apprentice, it did not make sense to reach over and wipe his upper lip or sneak in a kiss on the cheek when no one was looking, so he tried very hard to keep his hands to himself and their conversations casual for any eavesdroppers in the kitchen staff.

He wondered what the fallout would be if the information about his and Kyungsoo’s real relationship did make it around the estate. He also wondered how long it would take for his room to be ready since he couldn’t risk Kyungsoo coming into his in the middle of the night with Taemin still occasionally sneaking in to come sleep with him.

Which reminded him, he still needed to have a conversation with his son about the changes in their lives and the changes to come. He still didn’t have a game plan for going about it, and he twitched his nose in annoyance.

“You’re so cute when you do that,” Kyungsoo told him, finishing up his bowl of stew.

“Do what?” Chanyeol asked, not sure what he meant as he focused back on eating. “Sorry, I have a lot on my mind today.”

“Anything I can help with?”

“Unfortunately no,” Chanyeol sighed, but he gave him a small smile and said, “Well, one of the things on my mind was that you need to get your room set up already so I can hide out with you in it.”

“Your mother is having it cleaned out and redecorated,” Kyungsoo told him. “I told her it was not necessary, but she said that it was and then asked me what colors I liked.”

“My mom likes the idea of… um... us,” he said quieter so no one could hear that part. “I think she also likes the idea of making you comfortable here so you stay here more often than you don’t, which she probably thinks will mean that I will end up spending more time here than I won’t.”

“Your mother and I are on the same wavelength then,” Kyungsoo said with a small smirk and Chanyeol made a face at him but then smiled.

“Sorry to interrupt your lunch,” his bodyguard said coming into the kitchen, “But your father told me to find you and tell you that the Kim’s are on their way.”

“Why?” Chanyeol asked, certain they hadn’t been on the schedule for the day.

“He only said that it was the elder Kim that requested the meeting and that it was regarding a personal matter.”

Chanyeol furrowed his brows not sure what that was supposed to mean.

“Well then let’s go see what the Kim’s want.”

The three men walked to his father’s office where he found his mother, Jongin, and Junmyeon already there looking just as confused as he.

“What’s this about?” Chanyeol asked his father who sat in his seat. His tone could have been nicer, but he had still been doing his best to avoid speaking with his father if he could.

Kyungsoo sat off to the side with Junmyeon as his bodyguard joined his father’s bodyguard in the corner.

“No idea,” his father said. “I was surprised that I was contacted instead of you. I tried to get more information from his advisor, but he just reiterated that they were coming and that they wanted to speak of a personal matter to the both of us and your mother. I asked Jongin to be here, in case the matter concerned him as well.”

“Kyungsoo and I can step out when the Kim’s arrive,” Junmyeon said, “If you think the matter will be too personal.”

“I’d rather the both of you stay,” his father said, “Personal or not, I’ll need you to keep record of what this is about, and Kyungsoo might as well learn now that some matters go far beyond business.”

Chanyeol couldn’t fathom what could be so important and personal that the Kim’s would pull a stunt like this. They had sent a gift and everything seemed to be fine with them. Unless…

“Do you think they want to leave the family?” Chanyeol suddenly asked his father. “Do you think that’s what this is about?”

“How could they?” His father said. “They’re still barely standing on their own two feet. Also, why would that require your mother’s presence?”

That was a good point, and Chanyeol paced a bit, trying to make sense of this. His mother was never present for matters that involved other high families. But if she had been requested, then did that mean Jongdae’s mother was coming as well? Why?

“Maybe they’ve run out of money and are coming to ask for help,” Jongin tried.

“Again, why would I be here for that?” Chanyeol’s mother said. “I think they meant personal when they said personal. Maybe they want to do a special remembrance for Mina and would like us involved. It’s going to be almost two years soon.”

Chanyeol closed his eyes and crossed his arms, forcing himself to not think too much about that suggestion and hoping it wasn’t that. And then he opened his eyes because he had a much more terrifying thought.

Something very personal. Something that needed to be discussed with the whole family. Something that couldn’t wait so they were demanding to meet right then regardless of what they had already scheduled for the day.

He knew he was overreacting, but his overprotective parenting ways kicked in, and he pulled his phone out to text Anya and ask her where she and Taemin were. When she replied that they were playing with the snow in the garden, he ordered her to take Taemin to his room and lock the door and stay in there until he himself came to get them. Then he asked her to confirm when they had done as he had instructed.

The door opened as one of their security guards peeked in and said, “The Kim’s have arrived.”

“Send them in. We’re waiting for them.”

Chanyeol knew that his mother was probably right about this visit, but that did nothing to calm his sudden nerves. Though Anya’s confirmation that they were locked in Taemin’s room did help some.

He walked toward his father’s desk, leaning as casually as possible against it with his arms crossed as he waited for the grand Kim entrance.

“This is so intense,” Jongin said a bit nervously as he sat by Chanyeol’s mother with a small smile.

“Because it’s never happened before,” Chanyeol’s father said. “I really don’t know why we couldn’t be informed of…” but before he could finish his thought, the door opened and the Kim’s were announced.

Though the announcement hardly seemed necessary with the way they stormed in, the elder Kim marching straight toward Chanyeol with a piece of paper and shoving it into his chest.

“Explain this,” the elder Kim barked at him, and Chanyeol’s security guard was quickly by his side, though the elder Kim had taken several steps back. “Explain it!”

“What is this?” Chanyeol’s father said standing up. “How dare you come…”

“We deserve an explanation!” the elder Kim said. The rest of the Kim family stood staring at Chanyeol with similar expressions of anger and confusion.

Chanyeol looked down at the piece of paper and felt his entire state of being dissolve into nothingness as he stared at Taemin’s birth certificate in his hands.

“What is it?” His father asked, and Chanyeol could only assume he was asking him, but Chanyeol felt nothing, and in turn heard only distant voices as he stared at the document.

His blood ran cold, and he shivered, his hands beginning to tremble as all of his worst fears now stared straight at him.

“Say something!” the elder Kim shouted at him.

Chanyeol could only shake his head, out of fear mostly. He had failed in protecting his son, even after he had made sure to be so careful.

“Chanyeol,” his father said. “What is that piece of paper?”

A noise came from his lips, but it sounded more like a whimper, and he grasped tighter onto the paper, needing to find strength from somewhere because he was certain he would collapse.

“It’s his son’s birth certificate,” Jongdae answered for him, but Chanyeol could still not look up from the paper.

“Why do you have my grandson’s birth certificate?” His father sounded more upset than confused in his question.

“Show it to your father,” Jongdae said, and Chanyeol didn’t need to look up to see the snarky way Jongdae must have been looking at him since he could hear it well in his tone.

Chanyeol took a deep breath and closed his eyes as he loosened his grip on the paper and held it out for his father to take. Once his hands were free, he buried his face in them, needing to disappear. He needed this to not have happened. He needed this moment to be gone. His chest constricted and he felt a dull pain spread.

It took a moment before his father’s reaction came.

“This doesn’t make sense,” his father then said. “This isn’t what…”

“Chanyeol, look at us and explain this,” his mother said, her voice shaking, and he could only assume that she had chosen to look at the paper with her husband.

But he couldn’t look up. He was trying too hard to hide and disappear, and he heaved as his emotions began to well up.

“Chanyeol!” His father told him, grabbing his arm to force him to look at them.

“I’m sorry,” Chanyeol cried out, and he looked toward the Kim’s and said “I’m sorry,” again, though he knew from their faces that “sorry” was not what they wanted to hear right then.

“You’re sorry?” His mother said. “You told us his mother was a stripper.”

“How dare you?” the elder Kim said, his face turning quite red. “How dare you cover the truth and then replace the memory of my daughter with a story about a stripper?”

“How is this possible?” His mother asked him.

“It is true then?” Jongdae’s mother said, tears falling from her face. “We have a grandson?”

Chanyeol looked at the woman and slowly nodded his affirmation, then softly said, “Yes.”

“How could you not tell us this?” His father yelled at him.

“Why would you not tell us this?” His mother yelled right after.

“We demand to see our grandson,” the elder Kim said, and Chanyeol shook his head rapidly.

“Please let us see him,” Jongdae’s mother said.

Chanyeol felt so overwhelmed that he buried his face in his hands again, needing fresh air, needing to escape, needing for all of this to have never happened.

“You need to start providing answers,” the elder Kim said, and he felt his arm tugged away from him as he looked up just as his bodyguard intervened again. “Explain this!” the elder Kim yelled into his face.

“Please,” Chanyeol’s father said, coming out from behind his desk and reaching for the elder Kim’s arm. “Let us try and get to the bottom of this civilly.”

The elder Kim pulled his arm away from Chanyeol’s father’s reach and took several steps back again.

“We are owed an explanation,” he stated.

“You are,” Chanyeol’s father said, “And so are we. We are not leaving this office until we get one, so Chanyeol, I suggest you begin speaking now.”

The problem was, he had pushed so many of his memories away in an attempt to deal with the loss of Mina, that he didn’t know how to begin explaining any of it. He didn’t have words. He had done his best to push past the life he had when she was around so that he could better provide a good life for his son without her. Revisiting the past was too painful.

But the people in the room wanted an explanation, and he swallowed and didn’t know which hurt face to look at.

“Mina and I,” he began, “were secretly in a relationship for many years.” He took a deep breath, just as everyone else made their own small noises of gasps and disbelief. Although he did notice a certain look of understanding on Jongin’s, Junmyeon’s and Kyungsoo’s faces, as if a missing piece of the puzzle in Chanyeol’s relationships had been found. “And, during that time, we found out we were going to be parents.”

Chanyeol choked over his words, having to take a moment to clear his throat and take another deep breath. Then he continued.

“We were very scared, and we didn’t know what to do. But, we both agreed that we didn’t want our child to grow up in a high-family environment. We came up with a really terrible plan, but we were scared and desperate enough to go through with it anyway. So she planned a trip, and I waited for the day that she was back in the country. Then I met her at the place we had decided upon for our son’s birth. I had made all the arrangements beforehand, and we were there for three days before he was born. And then we stayed there for several weeks. And then I took him home.”

And then Chanyeol broke down and cried, the memory too strong and the emotions rushing back in full force, remembering how happy they had both been, how Mina glowed as she held her son and told him how much she loved him as she fed him, how they both couldn’t stop staring at their tiny Taemin, and how Chanyeol couldn’t stop staring at how beautiful Mina looked as she held him, and how he’d catch her staring back at him when it was his turn to hold their son, and somehow everything in life made sense in those crazy days after Taemin’s birth, yet right now nothing made sense at all.

Chanyeol fell to his knees as his sobs escaped him, and he said sorry again, over and over, though what he was most sorry about was that she was gone.

“I couldn’t even say goodbye to her,” he cried out, finally able to release so many of the emotions he had to hide when he had first found out the news of her death. “I loved her so much, and I couldn’t say goodbye, and our son didn’t get to say goodbye.” He sobbed even louder, his body collapsing as he rested his head on the floor, the weight of it too heavy for him to bear.

There was silence louder than his own cries surrounding him, and then he felt a hand running through his hair and Jongin’s soothing voice telling him it was okay.

But it wasn’t okay, and everyone in that room knew it, including Chanyeol. The repercussions for this secret would be severe, and he was not ready to deal with it.

“I don’t understand,” Chanyeol’s father said. “We loved Mina. She was like a daughter to us. Why wouldn’t you tell us the truth?”

“We could have helped,” his mother said, and she sounded angry through her tears. “What could you possibly have been scared of? We would have been there for you both!”

But Chanyeol continued to cry because this was all too much. How simple it would have been to have believed that back then, but neither he nor Mina did.

“I want to see my grandson,” Jongdae’s mother said. “Please. Please let us see him.”

Chanyeol shook his head and fully expected the elder Kim to get back in his face again, but instead he heard his father tell him to get up.

“You need to take responsibility for what’s happening right now,” his father told him, and his tone was not kind. “Get up and give your son’s grandparents the respect they deserve.”

Chanyeol felt as if his father had just slapped him, and he felt Jongin’s weak attempt at pulling his arm up at the very least. He saved his cousin the effort as he pushed himself back up from the floor, wiping his face with his sleeve as he looked at the Kim’s again. He had been so focused on the elder Kim and his wife that he hadn’t noticed before the glare he was receiving from Minseok and the rather dangerous look on Jongdae’s face.

“Please,” Jongdae’s mother said again. “Please just let us meet him. Please.”

Chanyeol shook his head again, not mentally capable of dealing with the idea at the moment.

“Why not?” the elder Kim yelled yet again. “He’s our grandson too. He’s our family. Our blood. We have the right to see him. Do you want me on my knees begging? I will beg if I have to.”

Chanyeol shook his head rapidly, not able to verbally answer their questions, and not able to articulate at the moment that all he wanted was for everyone to leave so he could cry in peace.

And then Jongdae spoke.

“Wow,” he said, and Chanyeol looked at him to see that unlike his parents, Jongdae’s emotions were nonexistent. “You must be really getting off on this power trip right now. You have both of my parents begging you to see their grandkid. My dad literally offered to go on his knees. It’s kind of amazing. Do you know why this is so important to them? Because up until I showed them that birth certificate, they were convinced our family had no legacy. They act as if having this grandson in their lives will make our family live again since we’re all dead right now. I’m standing right fucking here, but it’s their long lost grandson that’s going to bring life back to our house. Kind of amazing, right?”

“Dae…” Yixing said, reaching out to him, but Jongdae waved him off.

“That’s not true,” Jongdae’s mother then said. “Why would you say that?”

“You’re both wasting your time,” Jongdae said to her and to his father. “Chanyeol is a selfish person. He’s not the type to do the right thing unless it benefits him. It kind of makes sense that he and Mina found each other because she was a selfish person too.”

“Shut up,” Chanyeol said to him, not knowing why Jongdae was acting like this but needing him to stop.

“That’s enough,” Jongdae’s father told his son.

“No, I’m not done,” Jongdae said and Chanyeol felt his emotions begin to well up again, only this time there was frustration mixed in. “You and my sister combined your powers of selfishness to make the most selfish decision I have ever heard of. I can only imagine what kind of relationship the two of you had with your egos and self-adoration combined.”

“Jongdae, stop it!” The elder Kim snapped at his son so loudly that even Chanyeol flinched.

“Fine, whatever,” Jongdae said. “I personally don’t give a shit about your son, or you, or this entire situation, but if you were a decent person, you’d at least let my parents have their little bit of hope they so desperately want. I’m done here.”

He moved toward the door, but Chanyeol could not let his words go.

“How can you say you don’t care about your sister’s son?” Chanyeol defended.

“Don’t fucking talk to me about my sister,” Jongdae snapped, and he glared at him having turned back around.

“She wanted to tell you,” Chanyeol told him, hoping he understood.

“Don’t talk to me about her,” Jongdae said in anger. “I don’t give a shit about her either. You two deserved each other.”

“Jongdae!” Jongdae’s mother cried out and this time Jongdae did walk out, Yixing close behind as he tried to reach out to him.

“We’ll leave,” the elder Kim said, his face contorted into despair as he looked at Chanyeol. “Please consider what we have asked of you.”

He bowed toward Chanyeol then turned to leave as well. Minseok paused for a moment and looked at Chanyeol, still with a glare, then he grabbed the birth certificate from the desk and shook his head before looking down and following his aunt and uncle out of the office.

Chanyeol placed his hand on his chest as he attempted to regain his breath and sanity, having been holding it for longer than he had realized.

“It’s okay,” Jongin said, still standing close beside him and looking at him with so much concern that Chanyeol’s heart almost broke for him too.

“I have always been proud of you,” Chanyeol’s father said addressing him as he stood now before him, and Chanyeol looked up at him. “Never had you ever given me a reason to not be. Until now. I cannot begin to express the level at which I am disappointed in you right now. Jongdae was not wrong. This is the most selfish thing you have ever done, and you deserve every bit of pain that you feel right now for it.”

The pain that he felt intensified at his father’s words, and Chanyeol let out another whimper as he tried to keep the fresh set of tears in his eyes from falling.

“I’m sorry,” Chanyeol said.

“Damn right you are,” his father nodded. “There are a large number of things regarding this that you should be feeling very sorry about. I know that you’re in no condition to speak right now, but you owe us a very detailed explanation of what exactly happened here. I will give you some time to gather your thoughts. I suggest you go to your room and think carefully upon what you have done. After dinner, we will gather in the den tonight, and you will tell us everything. Do you understand?”

“Yes,” Chanyeol said, closing his eyes hard to stop the tears from falling, but failing as a few escaped.

“Go,” his father commanded, and Chanyeol gave him a small bow and left the office as fast as he could.

He tried to wipe his face as best as he could as he made his way to Taemin’s room first, knocking and announcing to Anya through the door that it was him.

“Text my security guard,” Chanyeol instructed her, peeking around her for a moment for the visual proof he needed that his son was fine and playing with his toys. “Tell him that I want him to stay with you and my son for the rest of the day. He is not to let Taemin leave his sight. Do not leave this room until he gets here. Do you understand?”

Anya confirmed his orders and quickly pulled her phone out to text the security guard.

Chanyeol left and headed to his own room and sobbed into his pillow convinced that there was no way to fix anything that had happened. His son’s safety was now compromised, and now that the Kim’s knew the truth, they would want access to him, and want to help raise him, and possibly want him involved with their family, three things Chanyeol had never wanted to happen. Yes, he was selfish. But he was selfish for the sake of his son, and the only person that understood that was buried and gone.

He hadn’t been prepared for the disappointment he had caused his family either, and it hurt as he thought about the looks upon his parents’ faces. All they ever did was love him and support him, and this is how he returned the favor. He had failed as a parent and as a child. He had failed period.

And it hurt so much. That familiar feeling of loneliness crept up into him, and he wailed as the thoughts of hearing about Mina’s death resurfaced. He had never felt more alone in his life than in that moment when he had found out that he would never see her again. And his heart broke a thousand times over when he had realized that his son would never see his mother again either. And now he felt alone once more, wishing she could be there with him to go through this together because everything had always been easier when she had been around.

“Why did you leave me?” He cried out as more sobs came out. “Why did you leave us?” He asked, and he cried out again as a new wave of pain took over his entire body. “Help me,” he called out to her, “Please help me. What do I do? What do I do?”

He didn’t know.

***

He had heard someone bring food to him in his room, but he paid it no attention as he kept his eyes closed, the dried tears sticky upon his face. It was sometime after that when he heard someone else come in and then a gentle hand rub his arm.

“It’s time to go to the den,” Junmyeon’s soft voice said, almost apologetically.

“So they’ve sent you to come get me,” Chanyeol mumbled, sniffling hard. “Did they think I’d need advice before going in there?”

“I volunteered,” his advisor said. “Let me get you a washcloth for your face. Try and sit up.”

He refused to budge at first, but when he heard Junmyeon come back toward him, he forced himself to sit up and accepted the washcloth, attempting to freshen up his tear-stained face.

“Your family just wants to hear the truth,” Junmyeon told him as he reached his hand out to help him stand up once he was done. “Just go in there and tell them the truth. Then the healing can begin.”

“There’s no healing this,” Chanyeol said as he walked to the bathroom and dropped the washcloth on the sink. He took a large breath and looked at himself in the mirror, looking pathetic and not worthy of his family’s forgiveness.

He left the bathroom feeling disappointed and headed toward his bedroom door, but Junmyeon grabbed him and pulled him into a hug first.

“There will be healing,” Junmyeon told him. “Just remember that your family loves you. They’re hurt, but they love you.”

Chanyeol nodded and his advisor let him go with a pat on the back, leading him to the den and opening the door for him.

“If you need me after, I’ll be in my room.”

“You’re not coming in?”

Junmyeon shook his head and said, “They’re the ones that need to hear the truth from you. If you feel inclined, you can brief me on the important points later.” Junmyeon gave him an encouraging smile and then left Chanyeol to enter the den alone.

His father and mother both sat on the couch, while Jongin sat on the loveseat, and Chanyeol moved the armchair to a better angle to address the three of them all at once.

“I had the maid bring us tea,” his mother said, tight-lipped and tense.

He noticed the tea arrangement on the coffee table before him, but made no move to take any.

“I’m so very sorry for keeping this secret from all of you,” Chanyeol rushed in because if he waited any longer, he was sure the tension in the room would suffocate him. He played with the long sleeves of his shirt nervously, pulling the ends to cover his hands as he gripped the fabric for support.

“You need to start from the beginning,” his father said, not caring for apologies at the moment.

Chanyeol looked toward Jongin, who he felt might be his only ally in the room, and saw his eyes very attentive as he sat with his legs tucked under the other on the couch, holding a warm cup of tea in his lap. Jongin gave him a small nod of encouragement.

“The beginning,” Chanyeol said more to himself, trying to organize his thoughts. “Not long after I had gotten out of the military, I ran into Mina at a club. We hadn’t seen each other in so many years, so we were surprised to see each other. We caught up a bit over drinks,” Chanyeol paused because the memory came back to him so suddenly and he could remember how she looked – not entirely different than he had last remembered, but older, her face more mature, and the short dress she wore had made him a little shy during the course of their conversation.

But these were not things he could share with his parents, so he cleared his throat and moved forward, “We enjoyed catching up,” he said. “And we exchanged numbers and said we should hang out sometime.”

That part was a lie, and even though Junmyeon had told him to tell the truth, there were some truths that were best left unsaid to parents. He doubted they would have appreciated knowing that their son had carelessly hooked up with her in the bathroom of the club that night, or that he had thought it might end up being the most random and unexpected one night stand of his life.

“So we met up at another club,” he continued. “And another. And things progressed from there. She started coming over to my place, obviously I couldn’t really go to hers. I think for her, coming over was like an escape from her life. We would talk about that a lot. She would tell me how cool she thought I was for leaving the family and trying to strike out on my own. I would tell her she could do the same. And she’d always tell me that she couldn’t. That she knew she was meant to follow in her father’s footsteps.”

He took a deep breath and took a good look at the three faces staring at him intently, enraptured in his story. It gave him the courage to keep going.

“Anyway, I don’t know how we got to the place where we were confessing our love for each other, but along the way that’s where we ended up. I used to look forward to her texts telling me that she could escape for a bit and come over. It was hard, keeping it a secret. You guys always made sure that someone was checking up on me, and her father would do the same to her, but we made it work, our own little secret bubble that we both got to be free in.”

He paused for a moment, thinking of the thoughts he had had back then.

“It wasn’t that I wanted to keep it from you guys. I wanted to tell the world that I was in love. That I had found the one person that had gotten through my defenses and made me take a chance at having a real relationship, and hopefully, a future with that person. But she didn’t want her family to find out, and telling you guys was too big of a risk because once you tell someone, the information begins to disseminate whether intentional or not.

“I asked her what was the worst thing that could happen if they found out. I thought maybe she was scared of her father or something, even though I knew her father was not that kind of person, but I didn’t know what else it could be. And then she said she didn’t want her father to feel as if she had betrayed him. I learned a lot during that time about how the Kim’s felt about our family. Mina was candid. Most of our arguments over the course of our relationship was about our families. I would flat out tell her that her father betrayed mine. She would retaliate with how my father never saw hers as an equal and just used him for his skills. It would go back and forth, but we always ended with an understanding that despite our families, the two of us loved each other, and in our bubble, the families just simply didn’t exist.”

Chanyeol looked at the tea for the moment, contemplating it to delay him having to get through the next part, but he knew he had to keep going.

“And then we got pregnant,” he stated, and shook his head. “We were so scared,” his voice cracked, and he had to clear this throat and take another deep breath. “We didn’t know what to do. And Mina was convinced that her father would kill her. I told her he’d never, but she pointed out the likelihood that at the very least he would kill me. That I believed. We were young. Neither of us had ever dealt with anything like that before. I wanted to reach out to you guys then to help, but again, she didn’t want her family to find out, so we had to figure it out on our own. Neither of us wanted to suggest the simplest solution, but she did finally bring up the possibility of terminating the pregnancy. After she did, she broke down and cried.”

That had been a painful moment for them both, and Chanyeol remembered holding her tight and letting her cry for as long as she needed, shedding his own tears in the process.

“We realized that neither of us had the heart to do it. So we started coming up with stupid plans. The next more stupid than the last. We had a fantasy of both of us disappearing altogether. We had a discussion about having it and giving it up for adoption, as ridiculous as our plans were, the one that seemed the least ridiculous was her going on a trip and having the baby without anyone knowing. And this will sound sick and twisted to you guys, but we had so much fun coming up with how we were going to pull it off. It almost became like this adventure game that we had created for ourselves. Maybe that’s what helped us go through with it.”

He shook his head knowing his family was probably thinking that it all would have been easier if they had just told them, but that’s a lot clearer in retrospect than it was at the time. He knew they’d never be able to understand that.

“Anyway, while she was traveling, I was making arrangements for us when she got back. I found a place in the southern part of the country that specialized in private births. I asked every question I could think of to make sure I covered all our bases, and when she arrived there, I went down to meet up with her. Like I said before, we had three days together before she went into labor. He wasn’t supposed to come then. We thought we had another week, but I guess he couldn’t wait to meet us.”

Chanyeol smiled a little at the memory because it was always a great one for him. His son had been ready to take on the world since day one.

“It was amazing. It was… the greatest thing that ever happened to me. He was perfect. When I held him for the first time, I thought there was no way I could have been responsible for something so perfect. It didn’t seem real because I didn’t think I could ever be that blessed. We were so happy in the weeks that followed because we were still in this little bubble and didn’t have to deal with reality quite yet, but the week after that, when we knew we were coming close to having to return to our real lives, things started to get harder.”

Chanyeol hated seeing Mina cry when she held Taemin during that week, knowing that her time with him would be limited.

“No matter how much we planned for it,” he continued, “We knew that she wouldn’t get to see him much after. It would be too suspicious, and she couldn’t have a routine because it would make it easier for someone to figure out something was going on. I knew it was going to be hard to raise him by myself, but as you know, I literally called you guys to come over on the first day to help because it was so much harder than I had expected. He just wouldn’t eat. I had told Mina that she shouldn’t breastfeed him those first couple of weeks, but she wanted to do it for him. She wanted to give him that because she knew she wouldn’t be able to give him much else. That whole week in preparation, when we were trying to wean him off and get him to take a bottle was very hard and trying. He wouldn’t eat at first, and I was convinced we were going to starve him to death.”

Chanyeol’s eyes began to tear up again at the memory. It had been a harsh reality after their initial bliss.

“We finally got him to take the bottle, but that first day back at my place, with only the two of us alone, he wouldn’t eat at all, and I knew it’s because he missed his mom. Luckily you were able to help, and I knew then how important it was that he have you guys in his life. That’s why I never told you no to coming over and always invited you to see him, because I knew. Plus on top of that, I couldn’t have done it alone, and I knew that too.”

He thought through his emotions again and sniffled to keep the tears back.

“And it felt like it didn’t matter after a certain point. You were in his life, and things were working out. Mina would come by whenever she could, and those moments together were a dream. We were a real little family. We’d cook together, and play with the baby together and just watch him, sitting there together, just watching him, not believing how lucky we turned out to be. But then it ended.”

He closed his eyes because these memories were the worst. In fact, he had done a decent job of hiding the memories so far in the dark recesses of his mind that he couldn’t believe he had managed to resurface them to explain.

“When you called to tell me the news,” Chanyeol said to his father, “I didn’t believe you. I stayed on the line in shock as I processed the words, but I still didn’t believe you. I couldn’t give myself away, so I said I was shocked, and then as calmly as I could, I thanked you for telling me, and I hung up. Once I hung up, I…”

Chanyeol had to blink several times, shaking his head to himself.

“I couldn’t handle it. I fell to the floor and cried for so long. And Taemin started crying. I felt like he knew too. Like he had sensed it. I tried to hold him, but it only made it worse because I was in such a state. I turned on the news to see if there was anything said, but the news wasn’t on at that time so there was nothing to make it seem more true. I texted her to tell me she was okay. I waited for responses that never came. And I had no one to grieve with except for my son who couldn’t understand what had happened but knew something was wrong.”

The tears did come out then, and Chanyeol hated himself so much at the moment for not keeping the memories buried where they couldn’t hurt. He took a few jagged breaths before continuing.

“I wanted to go to the funeral, but I knew that if I did, my reaction would expose the truth. So I stayed away and kept living this life we had created, even without her in it. And that’s it. That’s the truth of what happened.”

He rubbed his face and tried to keep himself collected, grateful that his family took a few moments to process the information before they began asking questions.

“The story you told us never made sense,” his mother said first. “Now we know why. I never thought it was true. But I never could have imagined that this was the truth. And yet I wish I had imagined it because my god I would have loved it. I would have taken Mina into my arms and treated her as my own child, helping her through her first pregnancy.” His mom now had tears falling from her eyes, and Chanyeol felt the weight of his guilt increase. “It’s so difficult to go through a pregnancy. The idea that she went through it alone, traveling to hide it. If you guys had just told us, we would have played along until the right time came to tell her family. And we would have made them understand and accept it.”

“Her father would not have felt betrayed,” Chanyeol’s father then said. “I know him better than I know most people. He may not have liked the idea of it being you, but he would have accepted it and loved her and poured all his love into his grandson as we have.”

“She was very scared of disappointing him,” Chanyeol explained. “She didn’t want to give him a reason to think that she wouldn’t be capable of taking over the family.”

“She chose the family over her own child,” his father then said.

“It wasn’t like that,” Chanyeol quickly defended. “Yes, in a way she did, but she was trying to choose both in the best way she knew how. She loved Taemin with her whole being. She did what she thought was best, and that was keeping him away from growing up in a high family. We were both adamant about that. We just wanted to protect him however we could.”

“In a high family, you could assign him a bodyguard to protect him at all costs,” his father said. “The decision on both of your parts was selfish with no regards whatsoever for anyone but yourselves.”

“It was for him.”

“It was for yourselves,” his father said with a firm tone. “You thought you had found a utopia for yourselves, and you didn’t want anything to interfere with it. So instead of doing the right thing and doing right by your son and your family, you perpetuated this childish notion for your own self interests. It was irresponsible on both of your parts, and as you’ve learned while you’ve been the head of this family, not the best way to protect your son. There is no excusing either of you for not telling your families about it. You should have revealed your relationship from the start. Had you done so, by the time you ended up with a child, we all would have been accepting and welcoming with open arms. Instead you’ve created a new rift between our families, you’ve disrespected the Kim family, and you’ve dishonored ours. How do you intend on fixing this?”

By disappearing into a hole and never emerging from it, Chanyeol thought as new tears welled in his eyes from hearing his father’s words.

“I wanted to leave,” Chanyeol said, his voice shaky again and he struggled to keep himself composed. “Now more than ever, I want to take my son and leave and get as far away from here as possible. Maybe move to another country and change our names and never have to deal with any of this ever again.”

“So after everything that’s happened today,” his father said with a level glare, “Your instinct is still to be selfish.”

Chanyeol dropped his head into his hands, letting some of the tears spill to make room for the new ones.

“I don’t think Chanyeol’s being selfish,” Jongin said, and Chanyeol looked up at his cousin, just as his parents had turned their attention to the young man as well. “Chanyeol’s always had a big heart, and he’s always been expressive about his feelings. It’s why he never lets himself get too close to people. He loves hard and sometimes that can be difficult to deal with. Chanyeol loves Taemin so much that he’d be willing to leave his family and the only home he’s ever known to try and protect him. And Mina always had a big heart too. You could see it by the way she loved Jongdae, and how she treated him like her own child and protected him at all costs. Chanyeol and Mina are both people that love hard, and that love is very evident in Taemin, who’s just like them and is also very expressive about his feelings.

“It’s not selfish to love hard and make decisions based on your emotions instead of rational thoughts. It’s that very trait that made Chanyeol such a great leader for us while you were recovering. When the Choi’s suggested we all cut our alliances with the Kim’s, it was obvious from a rational perspective that that’s what we should do, but Chanyeol used his emotions instead, and now we know why. Because of Mina. Because he knew what the Choi’s and all the other allies would do to the Kim family if we broke our alliances, and he couldn’t stand by and give the order for the family of the woman he loved to be attacked from every angle. So he made a decision based on emotion, and it ended up being the best decision he could have made. The Kim’s are alive. They helped us figure out the truth of what was happening. And we got rid of the problem and are now stronger than ever, not because Chanyeol was being selfish, but because of his big heart.”

Chanyeol owed Jongin the biggest hug he could muster, and he also owed him a lot more that he’d ever be able to give. But still Chanyeol’s father looked dubious about his nephew’s assessment, though his mother did seem to be nodding in agreement.

“That may be the case,” his mother then said, “But it doesn’t change that now we all know the truth. And that does include the Kim’s. You owe it to them to let them meet and get to know their grandson.”

Instinct took over as Chanyeol shook his head again at the suggestion.

“What is it that you’re afraid of?” His father said, the annoyance in his voice clear, “Do you think we’d let anything bad happen to Taemin? The Kim’s are well aware that if they were to try any stunt, they would face severe repercussions. They will not kidnap him. They will not take him away from you. They have no right to. You are his father and that’s all there is to it. You’re the one that makes the decisions about him, not them. So what are you afraid of?”

Everything he had mentioned, plus so much more. And maybe a lot of it was irrational to think, but the idea of losing his son, of him being taken away from him, of him not protecting him was too much for him to bear.

“I don’t trust anyone when it comes to my son,” Chanyeol tried to explain.

“So then supervise the visits,” his father stated, “Have two bodyguards with him at all times. Do whatever you need to do that will make you do the right thing and let those poor people meet their firstborn grandson.”

“They’ve lost so much,” his mother said, wiping her tears delicately with a finger. “I can’t imagine how they feel with this knowledge on top of everything else they’ve been through this past year. A part of Mina lives in your son, and you have to let them experience it. And it will only be good for Taemin to have so much more love in his life. You’re worried about the Kim’s taking him from you, but all they want to do is love him and spoil him and be reminded of their daughter in a happy way instead of the sad way they’ve had to be reminded of her for almost two years now.”

“You don’t have to trust the Kim’s,” Chanyeol’s father stated. “But you can trust that the Kim’s know when they need to stay in line. Maybe not Jongdae, but his father knows better. And it was clear from earlier today, that for all his threats and posturing, he knew his place in the matter, and he knew that you held all the cards. They will stay in line to see their grandson.”

“Is this just a business thing to you?” Chanyeol then said, feeling the residual anger toward his father well up in him again. “Are you trying to use my son as leverage against the Kim family?”

“How dare you suggest such a thing?”

“I don’t put anything past you anymore.”

“The feeling is mutual.”

“Please,” Chanyeol’s mother said as father and son glared at each other. “This needs to stop as well. Whatever the problem is with the both of you needs to be resolved before you both destroy this family. I think we’ve had enough for tonight. Today has been shocking and all of our emotions are out of hand. Everyone to bed.”

“I’m not that sleepy,” Jongin stated, placing his tea cup on the coffee table.

“You especially need to be in bed and resting,” Chanyeol’s mother said motioning for her nephew to get going.

“I’ll walk you to your room,” Chanyeol said standing up, more than done with anything having to do with his father that night.

They stayed silent on their walk to his room and then when they reached the door, Chanyeol pulled Jongin toward him by the waist to give him the biggest squeeze he’d ever given him.

“Thank you,” Chanyeol said.

“For what,” Jongin said, amused but wincing a little and Chanyeol let him go.

“Sorry, I tried to avoid your arms.”

“It’s okay. But why are you thanking me?”

“For defending me in there. And for always being on my side, even when I don’t deserve it.”

“You have yet to not deserve it,” Jongin told him with a soft smile. “This will all work out, okay? And I’ll help you however you need to make it all work out. You don’t have to do this alone.”

“I know I never really tell you this,” Chanyeol said, “But I love you.”

Jongin smiled bright and said, “I love you too.”

Chanyeol nodded at him and opened the door for him, making sure to not look inside just in case Chrystal was already in bed.

After he closed the door for his cousin, he took a very large breath and headed to his son’s room.

“Hey,” he said, seeing that Taemin was in his bed, his pajamas on and ready for a story. Anya sat beside him with one on her lap.

“You come read me story?” Taemin asked, surprised to see him.

“Of course,” he told him, and he let Anya know she was dismissed for the evening. She handed him the book as she left and Chanyeol took her place on the bed, opening it to the first page.

“Are you okay?” Taemin then asked him.

“I’m not feeling too well,” Chanyeol lied.

“Daddy sick?”

“A little, yes.”

“Why weren’t you at dinner?”

“Because I wasn’t feeling well so I went to lay down for a little bit.”

“You feel better now?”

“A little, yes,” Chanyeol said, and he ran his fingers through his son’s hair, taking him in and wondering how different his life would be if he and Mina had been honest from the beginning to their parents. “Tae, do you remember mommy?”

“Mommy?” Taemin asked him, probably surprised that he had brought up the subject after specifically having told him to never bring it up.

“Yeah, do you remember her?”

“I talk to her.”

“Yeah, me too,” he nodded, sniffling a little as his emotions started to play ping pong inside of him again. “Do you remember what she looked like?”

“In picture,” he said, and Chanyeol knew he was referring to the photos he would show him from time to time whenever Taemin requested to see them. “Mommy pretty.”

“Your mommy was very pretty,” Chanyeol agreed. “She was beautiful.”

“Beautiful,” Taemin repeated and nodded.

Chanyeol tried to wipe away a few tears with the back of his hand before they fell, but he wasn’t successful, and he used his sleeve to wipe them off his cheeks.

“Remember before when I told you that you couldn’t talk about mommy here?”

Taemin nodded.

“Well now you can, okay? You can talk about her all you like.”

“To grandma?” Taemin asked, looking excited by this prospect.

“Yep, to grandma, to grandpa, to Jongin, to anyone.”

“I can?”

“Yes. Now you can. Now it’s okay.”

“Why are you crying?”

“Because I miss your mommy so much, and I wish she was here with us right now. Do you remember when your mommy used to sing to you? She’d hold you in her arms and sing. She had the nicest voice.”

Taemin shook his head, but then he said, “Can daddy sing to me?”

“I can’t sing like mommy did.”

“Try. Sing mommy song.”

“The one she would sing to you?”

Taemin nodded, pulling the book away from Chanyeol’s hands making it clear that he wanted the singing to happen instead of the reading.

“Okay, but I’m not that good of a singer,” he warned him.

“It’s okay. You sing.”

Chanyeol remembered the song too well – a girl group ballad that Mina had been obsessed with at the time – and he knew he sounded ridiculous as he cuddled with his son and began to try and lower the key for his deep voice so that the song didn’t sound too scary.

Taemin was no music critic as he clapped when he was done and told him to sing it again, so Chanyeol did, and by the time he had finished, Taemin had fallen asleep safely in his arms.

***

Chanyeol had taken his son out to eat for breakfast, and then on a small shopping trip for the two of them, letting Anya have the morning off to thank her for all she had done yesterday.  Taemin had insisted that he and Chanyeol’s bodyguard buy matching train toys so they could play together again like they had the day before, and Chanyeol had to take a picture for his own amusement of the two of them together holding their trains.

By the time they arrived back home, it was lunch time, and Chanyeol’s thoughts turned to Kyungsoo. He wanted to talk to him, but he wasn’t sure where he stood on the issue after having been in the office and hearing all of Chanyeol’s dark secrets spilled. 

However, he missed his boyfriend, if he still would be his boyfriend, and he went to his father’s office, knowing he was there since Kyungsoo had texted him that morning to let him know he’d be coming in to work if he wanted to talk.

He opened the door to the office to find Kyungsoo, his father, and Junmyeon. Chanyeol wondered if his father was just going to go ahead and take over now since he probably didn’t see a point in transitioning from such a failure of a son. He honestly wouldn’t blame him, but he couldn’t help but take the idea personally.

“Sorry to interrupt,” Chanyeol said bowing his head slightly at his father, “But it’s lunch time, and I would like to steal Kyungsoo for a couple of hours if that’s okay with you.”

He hated that he felt he had to ask permission, but he had no idea where he stood anymore with the older man.

“It’s fine,” his father said, looking a tad bit put out by the request as his demeanor stiffened. “We’ll pick up when you get back,” he said to Kyungsoo, who nodded at him.

Once outside the office, Kyungsoo grabbed Chanyeol’s arm and squeezed it gently, looking up at him with concerned eyes.

“Are you okay?” Kyungsoo asked, and Chanyeol wanted to break down, mostly out of relief that it appeared Kyungsoo didn’t hate him and seemed to still care.

“I need to get out of here,” Chanyeol replied. “I know a place we can have lunch if you don’t mind.”

“Let’s go,” he said squeezing his arm again before letting go so they could walk side by side.

In the car, they could be more candid with just the security guard with them, and Kyungsoo made the first move, holding Chanyeol’s hand and looking at him with as if wondering if he was okay.

“Are you mad at me?” Chanyeol asked him, his own eyes certainly filled with worry.

“Why would I be mad at you?” Kyungsoo asked him back.

“Because of everything you learned yesterday.”

Kyungsoo shook his head and said, “It was the last thing you hadn’t told me, right? I’m sorry that it had to be revealed in that way.”

“It was my deepest and darkest secret,” Chanyeol nodded slowly.

“I was worried about you all night,” Kyungsoo then said, squeezing his hand. “I wanted to reach out to you, to see if you were okay, but I thought it might be too soon and that you’d be busy dealing with your family or hiding from them. Does that make me a bad boyfriend? Should I have called?”

Chanyeol took Kyungsoo by surprise when he leaned in and kissed him right then, for being who he was, and for making Chanyeol feel as if nothing at all had really changed, at least in this respect. But he also wasn’t naïve, and as he pulled away to look at him, Chanyeol felt he knew Kyungsoo well enough now to know that there was more on his mind that he wanted to know about the situation.

“Thank you,” Chanyeol told him.

“What am I being thanked for?”

“For not dumping me after yesterday.”

“Oh,” he said his eyebrows furrowing. “Was that what I was supposed to do? You know I’m bad at this.”

Chanyeol had to let out a soft smile at the joke, at least he sensed it was a joke, he thought he knew him well enough to know the difference now as well, but he got his confirmation when Kyungsoo smiled back at him.

“That’s good,” Kyungsoo then said staring at him. “I wanted to make sure you could still smile.”

“Until now, I didn’t think I’d ever be able to again.”

“So you’re not okay.”

Chanyeol shook his head and admitted, “I’m not okay.”

“It’s okay to not be okay. How do I help make you okay?”

“Being here with you feels okay,” Chanyeol said squeezing his hand back. And he slid down a bit in the seat so he could be low enough to lean his head on Kyungsoo’s shoulder because that helped him feel okay too. Kyungsoo rested his head against Chanyeol’s and played with Chanyeol’s fingers as his security guard drove them to a place that Chanyeol hoped made him feel like he had gotten far enough away from his problems.

***

Chanyeol pointed to a modern white building with large balconies and white framed glass sliding doors and windows, then explained to Kyungsoo that it was where he had lived earlier in the year before he had to move back home. He then led Kyungsoo inside the cozy pub he used to frequent all the time for a good meal, even though after Taemin had come along, he’d spend less time eating there and more time picking up food to go.

They were greeted by the bartender who remembered Chanyeol well and made small talk with him, asking how he’d been and why he hadn’t been around in a while. He felt a sense of warmth at the interaction, the type of emotional coddling he needed for himself right now, and promised the man that he’d try and visit more often.

They were seated at a table for two by the brick wall that lined the interior and before Kyungsoo could open the menu, Chanyeol ordered them a couple of curries and his favorite beer on tap.

“This place has the best curry in the whole city,” Chanyeol explained.

Kyungsoo raised a dubious eyebrow.

“I know,” Chanyeol said. “But trust me on this. It’s not even a curry place, but they just happen to have the best curry. We can order other things as well, but it would have been a crime to bring you here and not have you at least try it. The beer too. It’s my favorite.”

“This place seems to be your favorite altogether.”

“I spent a crazy amount of time here when I lived in the area. It was a short walk from my place and their food was better than what I tried to make for myself, so I considered this my dining room.”

“Did you bring Mina here?”

Chanyeol knew the topic would be broached, but he had hoped for a little more time and at least a sip of beer before it had been.

“Sorry,” Kyungsoo then said, sensing that perhaps Chanyeol was not ready to talk about it yet.

“It’s fine,” Chanyeol told him, putting his hand up to motion it was fine as well. “I know you have questions, and I know I owe you some explanations as well.”

Their beer was brought to them and Chanyeol took a much-needed sip before continuing. It was just as good as he remembered, and he savored it for a moment before speaking.

“No. I never took Mina anywhere. In order for everything to remain a secret, our entire relationship took place in my home. However, yes, I did pick up food from here to bring home for us to enjoy often.”

“That must have been frustrating,” Kyungsoo said carefully. “Never being able to go anywhere together. At least we get to do that in our secret relationship.”

He sensed an undertone of slight bitterness in Kyungsoo’s words, or maybe Chanyeol inferred it from what he had said. Either way he let out a soft sigh as he thought about how to respond.

“Okay,” Chanyeol said, closing his eyes and having to be somewhat amused by himself for a moment before opening them and saying, “It seems that I like to keep my real relationships secret. I actually have thought about it a lot this morning, the parallels, but anyway, um, yes. I mean yes and no. It was only frustrating when we weren’t together and I thought about it too much. When we were together, we were just happy being together, and we always found ways to have fun. It never felt like we were missing out at those times. When we weren’t together, and I was out and about, I’d have thoughts like, oh I wish we could be out eating together, or wouldn’t it be nice to go ice skating like all the other couples in the park.”

“I can see that,” Kyungsoo nodded. “So…” He paused and looked up a bit to the side, almost as if he was reconsidering asking what was on his mind, but then he looked back at Chanyeol and said, “Are you still in love with her?”

How could he be? She was no longer around. But he had very much been in love with her when she had died, and he wasn’t sure if the kind of love that could never have full closure could ever really go away. He swallowed and thought about this before answering.

“Does it really matter now?” His voice came out softer than he had intended, and he cleared his throat.

“You told me that you didn’t let yourself fall for people before…”

“I know. I wasn’t completely honest about a lot of things because I couldn’t talk about that part of my life. But even before her I didn’t because I didn’t want to bring anyone into this crazy world I was from, but she was already part of it, so I made the exception. And after her I didn’t think I’d ever be able to do that again. Because yes, I was very much in love with her, and I knew that no one was safe in our world, and losing her validated my stance on never getting serious with anyone and bringing them into this whole mess. But when I met you, I… I mean, you saved my life. I think you’re a risk worth taking. But if you didn’t have the skills that you did, I probably wouldn’t have allowed myself to… take a chance, I guess.”

“I want to believe that after knowing what I told you about me, that you wanted to take a chance because you really felt something for me. But if you’re still in love with her…”

“No,” Chanyeol shook his head, “I definitely bothered to even entertain the idea of taking a chance with you because I really felt something for you. In a way…” he paused, not sure what he was going to try and say, so he thought it over for a moment. “The thing is, I didn’t really get to grieve and process her death. I had to do it alone, with just my son, and the way I ultimately ended up dealing with it was by pushing it away. I just stopped thinking about it. I buried it really deep in my mind and wouldn’t let it surface, and any time it tried to, I’d just push it away really quick again. Having everything revealed yesterday, when I went to my room, I just cried. I let everything out. All of it. How scared I had been, how upset I was at the Kim’s finding out, but also, how much I missed her, and everything that I had been holding in just came out. I guess it’s why I’m not okay right now.”

Kyungsoo nodded and took another sip of his beer.

“I know the answer you’re looking for,” Chanyeol told him, observing his facial expressions and realizing the poker face he had when he had first met him had returned. “I want to give you that answer, but I have to deal with all this first before I know for sure what the answer is.”

“I will wait for it,” Kyungsoo said diplomatically, not revealing any emotion as he placed his glass back down.

Chanyeol nodded, then asked, “What do you really think of me right now? You had already thought I was a selfish person. Does this solidify that for you? Am I still someone you even want to be with after what I’ve done?”

“I’m the last person who can judge you for what you’ve done. I lied to my mother for years and never told her what I really did for your family. And I was someone that otherwise shared everything with my mother. So I understand that sometimes there are things you feel you must hide.”

“I don’t think keeping that fact about your life away from her was selfish on your part though. Last night my parents told me that they would have played along until they could help break the news to the Kim’s with us. My dad…” Chanyeol took another deep breath at the memory of yesterday, “…it didn’t feel like a selfish decision at the time. We really had no idea what to do. My parents can say today that they would have reacted a certain way, but there’s no way of really knowing that. But, deep down inside, I do know that I could have told my parents and asked them to help. I’m not sure Mina felt that way about her own parents. Especially her father.  She idolized her father. I don’t think anything scared her more than the idea of disappointing him.”

“Were they close?”

“Mina and her father? Yes. Very. A lot like me and my father. She wanted to be just like him. Even when we were young she talked about him in that way, wanting to follow in his footsteps and make him proud. Jongdae was closer with his mother. He was close with his father too, but his bond has always been tighter with his mother. He came out more like her. Mina came out exactly like her dad.”

“So chances are, her dad would not have been too disappointed in finding out she was going to be a mother,” Kyungsoo observed. “He may have actually been excited that his favorite child was giving him a grandchild.”

Chanyeol hadn’t considered that possibility, and Kyungsoo continued before he could respond.

“I only guess that because if her relationship with her father was similar to yours and your father’s, then he would have been very forgiving of just about anything she had done.”

And then Chanyeol closed his eyes because it suddenly hurt too much to think that everything could have turned out fine if they hadn’t been so scared to tell the truth. He bit his lip and tried hard to keep his emotions back, refusing to break down in public like this.

“I’m sorry,” Kyungsoo said quickly, “I’m probably very wrong.”

“No,” Chanyeol said shaking his head and taking a very large breath, “You’re probably right.”

“I’m not saying this out of jealousy, but if possible, Mina sounded like she was more selfish than even you.”

“She wasn’t selfish,” Chanyeol defended. “She had her reasons. She was just a very driven person. And a lot of people didn’t understand that about her. Some people are like me and have no idea what they want in life, but she was the exact opposite. She knew exactly what she wanted, and she had a plan, and she followed that plan. Taemin was not part of that plan. A truly selfish person would have gotten rid of the baby, not adjusted the plan to accommodate the unexpected turn.”

“A selfless person would have scrapped the plan altogether for their child.”

“I never claimed to be selfless, and neither did Mina. Okay, we were selfish people, but sometimes you have to be selfish. There has to be a balance between being selfless and selfish, and the decision we made was us trying to find it.”

“I don’t disagree that there has to be a balance,” Kyungsoo said, and Chanyeol hadn’t expected him to say that. “I’ve often thought that my mom deciding to keep me, even knowing that it would be difficult in our society to do so as a poor single mother, was her attempting to find a balance between selfishness and selflessness. Her life may have been significantly better if she had not had me at all. I was a great burden in her life. But she never seemed to regret the decision, at least not in a way I would notice.”

“I can tell you for a fact that she didn’t see you as a burden,” Chanyeol assured him. “And when she first held you, she knew she had made the right decision. There is never a second in my life that I consider my son a burden. I’m just always left thinking that I’m not doing enough, and I’m very sure that’s how your mother felt as well.”

“And maybe that’s how your father feels now.”

It stung to hear Kyungsoo say that to him, and he retaliated without thinking, “Did he tell you that in your meeting today?”

Kyungsoo looked surprised momentarily at the attitude, but then he shook his head, “We did not talk about you at all. He’s been going over all the businesses with me all morning so I can familiarize myself with them better. We had a short discussion when we spoke about me accepting the apprenticeship where we established that we wouldn’t discuss you. It was interesting. I hadn’t thought to mention it to you before, but maybe I should have. He told me that he wanted to make it clear that he still didn’t approve of our relationship, but should I need to ever talk to someone about it or needed advice, that he would listen and objectively give it to me. He said he would try to channel my mother to give me the correct advice she would have given me, and I had told him that I appreciated the sentiment.”

“That’s sweet, but I wouldn’t trust it,” Chanyeol said, as their curry was brought to them and placed on the table.

Kyungsoo said nothing and tried the curry, his eyes widening a bit before he went in for more. Chanyeol would have normally smiled at his reaction if he had been in a better mood, but he filed it away to replay it in his mind when he could enjoy it better.

“Either way,” Kyungsoo said, “I know you and I made a rule to not talk about your father, but everything you said about yourself and my mother applies to him too. Just try and remember that.”

“It matters to you a lot, doesn’t it?” Chanyeol then asked him. “That me and my father are fighting.”

“You’re two of my favorite people in the world. Also, as someone without parents, I just know how important it is to have them.”

“I find it hard to believe that this is the first time he’s ever really been disappointed in me. There have been a lot of times that I’ve seen the look of disappointment on his face. Like when I told him about us. Also when he found out I had a kid. Also when I made the decision to leave and strike out on my own. Honestly he’s a liar. He’s been disappointed a lot in me.”

“Maybe he thought he was but then realized he wasn’t when he thought more on it. I don’t know, but I believed him yesterday when he said that.”

Chanyeol rolled his eyes, not needing to deal with Kyungsoo’s hero worshipping of his father on top of everything else, so he switched the subject.

“I don’t know how I’m going to get through any of this,” Chanyeol said, grateful for the incredible curry that made him feel comforted at the moment. “I want to take my son and run. Just get out of the country, change our names, and start over somewhere else.”

“That’s not what you want to do,” Kyungsoo told him. “You’re just scared.”

“I’m very scared,” Chanyeol confirmed. “I’m scared the Kim’s are going to kidnap my son. I’m scared that I’ve let my family down beyond repair. I’m scared that I can’t protect my son now the way Mina and I promised each other we would. I’m scared that my son is going to grow up and hate me for all of this when he finds out one day what happened. I’m scared that now it’s impossible for me to really leave the family. I’m scared that my dad is going to find a way to take control of this whole situation for his own benefit without any consideration for me and my son. I’m scared that I’m going to lose you because of all of this. I’m scared that I’ll never deserve to be happy again. I’m scared that I’m going to be punished for this for the rest of my life.”

“No one in the family is going to let the Kim’s kidnap your son, especially me. And as of now, you haven’t lost me. And you do deserve to be happy again, and you will be. Those are the only three I can speak for. I’m willing to bet all the other things can also be resolved, but you’ll have to figure that out on your own I guess. Just use your history as an example. You were scared before and made a decision based on that fear that’s now come back to haunt you. Why would you do that again? Instead of being scared, tackle each thing head on and start fixing what you can.”

“How is this fixable? Mina and I promised each other that we wouldn’t raise our son in a high family.”

“How could you guys even think that you’d get away with that for long? Sure, when your son was a baby, but as he got older he would have started asking questions. He would have found out the truth, and then what? You grew up in it. She grew up in it. She was going to be the head of a family someday. Someone would have eventually found out and used it against her. In the case of high families, you’re safer in the light than you are in the shadows.”

Chanyeol knew he was right, and he ate his food silently. He wondered how long it would be before he’d no longer feel all of this emotional pain.

“We talked about what would happen when he got older,” Chanyeol then told him. “I would tell Mina that we wouldn’t be able to keep him from talking about her when he got old enough to, and she would say that we’ll handle it when the time comes.”

“Well the time came.”

That it had, and Chanyeol ate quietly after that, thinking through what exactly it meant to break a promise to someone that had moved on to the next life.

“I told you I was bad at this,” Kyungsoo said after a while. “I’m not sure how to help, but I do want to. I probably didn’t say the right things today, but if you need an escape, you can always stay at my place tonight. After you read your son his story.”

“You said what you had to say, which means it was probably the right thing to say. And I would really love to stay at your place tonight, but I’m a little too freaked out to leave my son alone in the house overnight under present circumstances.”

“I understand. Then I’ll stay in the house as well. Even if the guest room isn’t ready yet, it has a bed and will do just fine.”

“I’d invite you to stay over in my room, but my kid may come in during the night.”

“You could always stay in the guest room with me. We can set up the baby monitor in case he’s looking for you in the middle of the night so you can go to him.”

Chanyeol sighed at him, in pure relief, and said, “You’re a liar too,” and Kyungsoo looked at him unsure until he explained, “You said you weren’t sure how to help, yet here you go perfectly offering a suggestion that will help. I’m about to sound really needy, but can you hold me really tight tonight while we sleep?”

“You didn’t have to ask,” Kyungsoo said with a soft blush, “I planned on doing that regardless.”

“I really… yeah,” he said, stopping himself from saying anything that he shouldn’t be saying in his emotional state. “Thank you.”

Kyungsoo nodded and finished off the last drop of curry in front of him and said, “This is the best curry I’ve ever had.”

“I told you.”

“I feel you spoil me like this, and I never really spoil you at all.”

“You’re the one that demanded dates and to be spoiled in the first place.”

“And I still demand them, but I think I would like to spoil you too. The problem is, I don’t know restaurants to get the best food, or shops to buy the best clothes.”

“I spoil you in the only way I know how, with things I know about. You have to do the same. Spoil me with the things you know about.”

“I don’t know about many things. I live a very simple life.”

“Then spoil me in a simple way.”

“I’ll think on it,” Kyungsoo agreed, giving him another soft smile that Chanyeol wanted to bottle up and cherish forever.

Their time ran short and Chanyeol didn’t want to make his father more furious by bringing Kyungsoo back to him late, so he settled the bill and they headed back, but not before Chanyeol stole more kisses from the man that had decided he still wanted to be with him, at least for now. 

***

Chanyeol had been met at the car by Junmyeon.

“The elder Park is in the den,” the advisor told Kyungsoo, “that’s where the two of you will continue. You,” Junmyeon said to Chanyeol, “have work to do. Jongin’s already in the office waiting for us.”

Kyungsoo nodded and gave Chanyeol an encouraging glance before he split ways to head to the den, while Junmyeon and he continued to the office.

“I half expected my father to have already taken over,” Chanyeol admitted to both his advisor and cousin once they were all inside the room. “I was pretty sure he didn’t want me in charge of anything anymore.”

“Well, actually,” Junmyeon said sitting across from him at the desk, “the transition might have to wait a little longer.” Chanyeol gave a questioning glance while Junmyeon continued. “Your father’s doctor came by to visit him for his usual checkup, and he didn’t like what he saw. The stress of the last few days haven’t been the best for him, so the doctor wants him to take it easy for a bit.”

Chanyeol dropped his head into his hands because this was not guilt he needed on top of the guilt he already felt.

“Is he okay?” Chanyeol asked.

“He’s fine. He’s resting,” Junmyeon assured him.

Chanyeol sighed and looked back up at him and over to Jongin.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah, why?” Jongin asked.

“Aren’t you supposed to be resting too?”

“Yeah, but I’m bored.”

Chanyeol sighed again and looked back at Junmyeon.

“So what’s the work I have to do?” Chanyeol said, thinking that maybe working might help to get his mind off things.

“Your father received a rather impassioned phone call from the elder Kim this morning begging him to talk to you about letting them see your son. Your father wants you to handle the matter.”

“This is not business,” Chanyeol said, hating that he hadn’t anticipated this in the moment. Of course that would be the only thing his father would want him to deal with right now.

“It kind of is,” Junmyeon said.

“No. It’s not,” Chanyeol stressed. “They’re not a high family anymore and we don’t have to treat them like one. We don’t have to negotiate with them or bow to their demands or keep them happy to stay on their good side.”

“What happens if they decide to be a high family again?”

“They’d be stupid to decide that.”

“But say if they did. Then what?”

“They’d be stupid to attack us, so then nothing. It doesn’t change things.”

“Mina knew that we spent a lot of time with Taemin, right?” Jongin interrupted. “Like, she knew that I’d go over and babysit sometimes or that your mom and dad would go over to spend time with him, right?”

“Yes, she knew,” Chanyeol confirmed. “Of course, she knew. We always had to coordinate her visits so you guys didn’t run into each other.”

“Did she ever have a moment where she wished that her family could do the same?” Jongin then asked, and Chanyeol’s eyes fell, memories popping up back to the surface.

“She did,” he said. “But she would always say she knew she couldn’t.”

“She only said that because she didn’t want them to find out,” Jongin said, “Now they know. I didn’t know Mina as well as you did, but don’t you think that now that they know, she would like them to know him?”

It hurt to think about it, but the memories wouldn’t leave him alone, and he remembered the day that Mina had come over, a couple of days after Jongdae’s college graduation, excited to show their infant son the pictures she had taken as Chanyeol held him in his arms while feeding him.

“Doesn’t your uncle look so handsome in his cap and gown?” She had cooed at him while showing a picture on her phone.

Taemin reacted with wide eyes to his mother’s excited voice as he ate from his bottle.

“Now he’s going to medical school and he’s going to be a doctor. One day you’ll get to know him and he’s going to take good care of you whenever you get sick.”

“Oh, now you like the idea of Jongdae being a doctor,” Chanyeol had teased her.

“For now it’s okay,” Mina had waved off. “Besides, it’ll come in handy later on when we’re running the family together.”

“Jongdae is never going to agree to run the family with you.”

“Shush, you know nothing,” she had said as she showed him a new picture, and Chanyeol had chuckled. “Look how beautiful grandma looks,” Mina had then said to Taemin. “Isn’t she stunning? You have the best genes. And she loves you so much, she just doesn’t know it yet.”

“Why do you say those things to him?” He asked her. “He’s too young to know what you’re saying. You don’t have to do that to yourself.”

“It’s how I punish myself for being a terrible mother,” she said and showed him the next picture. “And look, it’s your cousin Minseok. If anything were to ever happen to me, your cousin will protect you fiercely in my place. Ah, and look, here’s your grandpa. Isn’t he handsome too? See how proudly he’s looking at your uncle? That’s how proud he is of you and he doesn’t even know it yet.”

He watched her, sensing the emotions that she was fighting within her as she went through this exercise, and he stretched his hand out a bit to grab the bottle with it, so he could free up his other hand to take her phone away from her.

“I had more pictures,” she said.

“You’re not a terrible mother,” he told her.

“Why do you like lying to me?”

“You’re not a terrible mother,” he reiterated. “A terrible mother would have abandoned her child, or abused her child, or never had it in the first place. You love him. You’re not a terrible mother.”

“I am a terrible mother. Love isn’t enough. You, on the other hand, are the most amazing father I ever could have hoped for my kid to have. I wish I had realized it sooner. Back when we were young and our families were still one and would have accepted it. I would have robbed the cradle much sooner had I known you would turn out like this.”

“I’ve always been like this. I just wasn’t hot enough for you back then.”

“It’s true. You took too long to get on my level.”

“And now I’ve surpassed it.”

She normally would have had a quick line to throw back at him, but this time she had just stared at him and reached her hand out to run it through his hair, much how he loved to do to her.

“You have,” she said, leaning in to give him a soft kiss and settling in beside him to continue to play with his hair while using her other hand to play with Taemin’s tiny little fist while Chanyeol continued to feed him.

Chanyeol tuned back into his present situation and found both men staring at him unsure.

“Help me,” he said to them both, also unsure, but for entirely different reasons.

“Of course,” Junmyeon said, “But what are we helping you with exactly?”

“You’re my advisor. What should I do?”

“Put yourself in your son’s shoes,” Junmyeon told him. “Now that the truth is out there, he will learn of it. And chances are, he will want to meet his mother’s side of the family. You don’t want to have to explain to a young boy why you won’t let him see the only ties he has to his mother.”

It was true, and Chanyeol closed his eyes and hung his head as he thought about how this was already too hard, and the longer it went on, the harder it would be. Taemin would want to know her side of the family. Of course, he would.

The problem Chanyeol had with that scenario however was that what if he liked that side of the family too much? What if they influenced him as he got older to follow in his mother’s footsteps and take her place as next in line? He wouldn’t allow it. But he knew all too well that not allowing your child to do something didn’t mean they wouldn’t go do it anyway.

This was his own punishment for being a terrible son to his own father, and he knew now that this was not a scenario he could win on any level. He had failed at keeping his promise, he had failed at protecting his son, he had failed at keeping his and Mina’s secret, he had failed at being a father, he had failed at being a son, and he had failed at doing what was best for the situation initially.

So he decided to give up instead. His father was getting worse again, the truth reaching Taemin’s ears was inevitable, he had already disappointed his family, power would be transitioning back soon enough, and the only other person he wanted to be with had made an oath to the family and would be staying in the very house that Chanyeol had wanted to escape. It was time to give up.

He dropped his head into his hands to cry and sobbed the words “You win” over and over, knowing that even though his father couldn’t hear him from the den, the older man may have felt a sudden satisfaction come over him for no reason at all.

***

Chanyeol had arranged for dinner with him and Taemin alone to be had in his room, and he had requested a fun array of food items on trays so that his son thought it was more a fun party for the two of them instead of some sort of punishment to keep him away from the rest of the family.

When they had finished playing and eating, Chanyeol had gotten Taemin ready for bed and let him pick out his book of the night, sitting on the bed with him to read it. But before he began, he had a very important matter to discuss with his son, and it took all the courage within him to bring it up.

“Tae,” Chanyeol said, “You know how grandma is my mommy and grandpa is my daddy?”

Taemin nodded.

“Well, your mommy also had a mommy and daddy. So you have another grandma and grandpa.”

“Mommy’s mommy and daddy?” Taemin asked, his eyes wide and attentive.

“Yeah, your other grandma and grandpa. You have two. And, you know how I have a cousin? Jongin?”

Taemin nodded again, sitting up straighter as he paid attention.

“Your mommy also has a cousin. His name is Minseok.”

“Mommy’s Jongin?”

Chanyeol smiled and nodded, “Yes, Minseok.”

And then Chanyeol debated mentioning Jongdae because he wasn’t sure how serious he had been about not caring about Mina or her son. But then again, he’d find out about him anyway, so he went ahead and mentioned him.

“Also, your mommy has a brother. His name is Jongdae. That makes him your uncle.”

“Mommy has a brother?”

“Yes. You were actually named after him. Kind of. You were named after him and your mommy. His name is Jongdae, and your mommy’s name was Mina. So we combined it to make it Taemin.”

He was aware the concept may have gone over his kid’s head, but he’d tell him again someday when he’d understand.

“Taemin,” he said, pointing to himself.

“Right,” Chanyeol nodded. “So, do you want to meet mommy’s family? Your other grandma and grandpa and cousin?”

“Yes,” he said nodding vigorously. “I can meet them?”

“Yes. You can meet them.” Chanyeol said, and his heart tugged in too many directions to count.

“I meet them now?”

“No not now. They’re probably sleeping. Like you should be,” he said, giving him a little tickle on his side that made Taemin laugh loudly. “But I will talk to them tomorrow and see when you can meet them, okay?”

“Okay. Do they like me?”

“What kind of silly question is that?” Chanyeol said giving him a funny look. “They love you. They love you so much.”

“I love them too,” Taemin said.

“They know that, even though they haven’t met you yet,” Chanyeol said, to punish himself for being a terrible father, and he opened the book and started reading the story as Taemin smiled wide, already off in a daydream world where he was probably envisioning meeting his mother’s family.

***

Kyungsoo did hold him tight that night in the guest room as Chanyeol cried into his arms without bothering to explain why.

When he had finally let out all the tears he could, he squeezed Kyungsoo back even tighter, burying his head as best as he could into his chest.

“I’m going to contact the Kim’s to work out when they can meet Taemin,” he explained, and Kyungsoo ran his hand through his hair and dropped a kiss on his wet cheek.

“It’s going to be okay,” Kyungsoo told him. “You’re doing the right thing.”

“I’m going to be selfless and do all the right things,” Chanyeol said as he sniffled hard. “I give up on whatever I was trying to do. Whatever I was looking for, my future, my independence, I’m giving it all up. My dad wins. He’s going to get everything he wants. We’ll stay here, and him and my mom can be happy while they help raise their grandson, and Jongin can be happy because he won’t be alone here to deal with our crazy family by himself, and you’ll be happy because you’ll get to see me all the time, and Taemin will be happy because he loves everyone in this house so much.”

“But will you be happy?”

“I’m stubborn. But maybe over time, when I see how happy everyone around me is, I can just join in. I don’t know.”

“Why did you give up?”

“Because now the Kim’s know my son exists, and the only way I can keep him safe for sure is to have him raised here, where he’ll be surrounded by the best protection in the city, and where he’ll be raised with the Park ideals and influence, which will help me steer him away from any crazy ideas the Kim’s might put in his head one day to run their family when he gets older.”

“So then what if he wants to run your family when he gets older?”

“No,” Chanyeol shook his head. “Besides, you’re going to live forever, so he’d never get the chance anyway.”

“I’ll do my best to live forever then,” Kyungsoo said, bringing his hand back down to return to holding him tight. “But you need to be happy with your decision. It has to be right for you as well. There’s no point in you staying just to be bitter. Your aunt does that enough for everyone.”

“Same gene pool. I clearly got my stubbornness from that side of the family.”

“Maybe it can just be temporary,” Kyungsoo told him, and Chanyeol appreciated that he was trying to make him feel better. “Maybe in a couple of years, when things settle, you guys can get your own place nearby, and you can go back to school and finish your teaching degree knowing that Taemin’s in safe hands here being babysat while you focus on your studies. And then when you get home, I can finish up my duties and bring him home, and we’ll have dinner and watch movies, and I can stay the night from time to time.”

“That sounds like a dream,” Chanyeol said, envisioning it perfectly.

“Then we’re going to make that dream come true,” Kyungsoo said. “It’s all going to work out, even if you’re too stubborn right now to believe it.”

Chanyeol wanted to tell Kyungsoo that right now, after everything that had emotionally drained him for the day, his presence and words meant everything to him. But he didn’t say anything at all, as his exhaustion overtook him and he fell asleep cradled in Kyungsoo’s arms.


	5. (Full Moon)

When they had left the Park’s estate, Jongdae had felt nothing. And as they rode in the car back to their own home, he kept staring out the window, refusing to look at anyone else in the car, though he could hear his mother crying and his father doing his best to console her and tell her that it would all work out.

Jongdae didn’t think it would.

Instead he thought that their family was cursed. From the moment his father made the decision to leave the Park family, a curse had been placed upon them and it had all led to everything happening to them now. Even Mina had been cursed, not able to cut ties with them, finding her way back through Chanyeol of all people. Their families were fated to be connected forever and everything they had attempted to do had been for nothing.

What was he supposed to do now?

Their family had no real hope and would always be under the jurisdiction of the Park’s, especially now that they held the greatest leverage of all, one of their own family members that they could keep from them whenever they wanted.

Everything was Mina’s fault.

Jongdae could not be convinced otherwise, and he thought about how his sister had sabotaged him for coddling him too much, and then sabotaged their family by being in a relationship with Chanyeol, and sabotaged the future of the family by dying before she could be held responsible for any of her actions and be forced to fix all she had damaged.

He hated her so much.

For a year and a half, he had been losing his mind thinking he had lost the only person that ever really looked out for him, but now he realized that Mina had only ever looked out for herself, and he had been too stupid to realize it, letting her manipulate their relationship for only her benefit.

And then he couldn’t breathe.

He didn’t realize it right away, but he had forgotten to do his breathing exercises while his mind had gotten away from him in the car, and now that he realized it, he panicked even worse, and everything that had happened at the Park’s, and all of the secrets that had been revealed, and all of his feelings attacked him all at once, and he really couldn’t breathe.

“Dae,” Yixing said, and he felt his friend’s hand on his arm, but he didn’t look at him. He kept staring out the window as they pulled into his family’s property. “Dae,” Yixing said again. “Breathe, come on, breathe.”

As soon as the car came to a stop, Jongdae threw open the door and ran, though to where he wasn’t sure. He just needed air, but the cold winter made things worse and he felt small pellets of sleet hit his face as the sky descended upon him.

He could hear people yelling after him, and could sense he was being chased, but he needed to run and find a breath he could take as his feet hit damp brown grass. He tore off his coat to try and help him run faster, the weight of it shedding helping to carry him a few extra steps before he fell to his hands and knees, gasping for air that his lungs couldn’t seem to intake as sharp pains stabbed through his chest.

He could feel the water of the ice-cold sleet seep through his sweater and he shivered as the ground beneath him began to blur. And then he collapsed completely and cradled the ground, trying to grasp the dead earth with his shaking hands, the pain in his chest so intense that he knew he would finally be joining Mina in the afterlife. And then everything went black.

***

Jongdae stirred, the soft blue glow of dusk settling in his room, and he woke up confused and unsure of when he had gotten into bed. He was warm, and he had not remembered changing into the soft baseball tee and sweats he now wore.

“He’s waking up,” he heard his mother say, and as he turned his head to look toward the sound of the voice, he felt his head throb and his chest ache. He coughed slightly and the ache turned into a palpable pain that made him gasp slightly. “It’s okay,” she said, and he felt her hand running through his hair now. “Just rest and take it easy. That’s what the doctor said you needed to do.”

“What happened?” He asked, looking at her to see her face swollen with shed tears and sorrow.

“You had your worst panic attack yet,” his father’s voice came, and Jongdae saw that he sat beside his bed as well, but a bit down from his mother. “You blacked out. The doctor said you should be fine with rest, and we’ve already called your therapist to be on standby to come speak with you when you’re able to.”

He did not want to speak with his therapist. He didn’t want to speak to anyone.

“My chest hurts,” he said, more to himself.

“I’ll let the doctor know and see what he says,” his mother said, pulling out her phone.

“I’m sure it’s fine,” he said, not wanting to worry her further. He was confused still, and looked around, and spotted Yixing sitting on the other side of the bed, staring at him in thought. He looked sleepy, as if maybe he had just woken up as well.

And then he thought about what had happened earlier in the day, as it finally dawned on him why he would have had a panic attack in the first place.

“Oh God,” Jongdae said as he realized all over again the mess their family was in, and then he realized how disrespectful he had been, and the things he had said. “Oh God, I’m so sorry,” he said looking at his mother.

“No, please, rest your mind,” she said.

“Maybe we should give him the sedative the doctor left,” his father then said to her, and his mother looked unsure.

“He said only if his anxiety came back,” his mother said.

“I’m okay. I’m fine,” Jongdae said.

“Let me have the maid bring you up some food,” his mother then said.

“I’m not hungry,” Jongdae told her, perhaps more out of habit.

“She’ll just bring it up and leave it here for when you are,” his mother said, and he could hear her voice wavering, so he closed his eyes and forced himself to go back to sleep because he didn’t want to cause her anymore grief.

When he awoke the next day, he was grateful to find that only his bodyguard sat in the room. He let out a deep breath and forced himself out of bed to start his morning routine. Once he had showered, he had thrown on a new T-shirt and a pair of sweats, not needing to be told that he’d more than likely not be allowed out of the house today after what had happened. He still didn’t feel like confronting anyone, so instead he sat on the wide windowsill where he normally kept extra pillows and some of his stuffed animals that he hadn’t wanted to put in storage. He brought his knees up and hugged them tight to his chest as he stared out the window at the layer of frost covering the backyard.

He had no thoughts. He just stared, his eyes locking onto nothing in particular, and he barely blinked, his mind so far away he was sure it wouldn’t hear him if he called for it.

“I was told to alert your parents and your advisor when you were awake, so they’re probably headed in any moment now,” his bodyguard warned him.

Jongdae said nothing and continued to stare, but the door opened soon after and all three of the alerted people did come in as expected.

“How are you feeling?” His mother asked, running her hand through his damp hair. “You showered. This is a good sign.”

His father sat on the window sill facing him.

“Do you want to come down for breakfast?” He asked.

He supposed he needed to start reacting to them and their questions, but he couldn’t, and he wondered if maybe he was still asleep and this was a strange dream. But he waited too long, and he heard his mother sniffle and he finally did look over at her and felt a new wave of guilt wash over him.

“I’m fine,” Jongdae told her, and he reached his hand out to place it on her arm and give a small squeeze.

“We can call the therapist now,” she said, almost pleading with him for an answer as to his behavior.

“Sure, that’s fine,” he told her and sighed as he put his arm back around his legs.

“You don’t have to pretend to be fine for us,” his father said.

“I’m not pretending,” Jongdae said looking at this father. “I am fine.” And he perhaps should have left it at that, but now his mind had started working again and he realized he had things to say. “I meant what I said at the Park’s,” he stated and his father looked worried, but listened. “Maybe not all of it, but I did mean that I don’t care about Mina and her son. So if you’re going to pursue trying to get a relationship with him, then you’re going to have to do it. I’m not going to fight Chanyeol on this.”

“And you shouldn’t,” his father said, as he appeared to process his son’s words. “In fact, I wanted to talk to you about something. I suppose your mother and Yixing should both hear it from me now as well since they’re here. After what happened yesterday, I realized that you are in no condition to run a family.”

“I can…” Jongdae began to protest, but his father cut him off.

“It was wrong of me to ever push you into the situation in the first place. It wasn’t what you wanted, you weren’t ready, and I did not train you properly. It wasn’t the right time, and I’m not sure it ever will be.”

Jongdae looked at his father, feeling betrayed, but not surprised that the man didn’t trust him once again.

“It was also wrong of me to abandon this family and let it fall into a defenseless situation. My grieving did not allow me to be the leader that I needed to be to make sure this family was safe and taken care of. And I cannot apologize enough to you and the rest of the family for that. But yesterday made me realize that if we keep going down this path, and if I don’t return to the person that I need to be to run this family, then I am going to lose you too. I don’t care if you sit there and tell me you’re fine. You are not fine, and you haven’t been since Mina died. This family is no longer your burden to carry. I have already spoken with my own advisor about this, and I have resumed head of the family duties. They are no longer your concern.”

He couldn’t express how he felt because it involved too many things at once, embarrassment, failure, sorrow, defeat, too many things that made his emotions well up so fast.

“What…” he began with an unsteady voice, “What… what am I supposed to do?”

He no longer had a purpose. He had nothing. He didn’t even have his own goals for the family anymore. Now everything had really been taken away from him and his eyes watered thinking about it.

“Get better,” his father said, and he placed a gentle hand on Jongdae’s shoulder as he spoke to him. “You need to focus on yourself without any pressure. I was thinking last night that Mina got to go on a trip, but you never did. Maybe you and Yixing should travel the world a bit, release the stress from your mind, be inspired by new things, and figure out your new path at your own pace.”

Jongdae had no words for this. He felt insignificant and lost, not sure what any of this really meant for him.

“Is it because you have a real legacy now?” He finally asked, his newest fears surfacing. “You don’t need me anymore to follow your lead.”

“That’s not it at all,” his father said squeezing his shoulder and looking a bit sad himself, “Even if our grandson himself wanted to be the head of this family, I know for a fact that the Park’s would never allow that to happen. However, my old friend did recently think outside the box to fix the same issue in his own family, and I think I can do much the same. Unlike the Park’s, however, I do have enough faith in your cousin to lead this family if it should come to that, and there is time to see if another candidate may even fit the role better. But again, these are not your concerns anymore. You are my legacy. You, Jongdae. And I am very scared right now for you and your well-being. Your mother and I do not want to lose you. We will do anything to help. We can get you a different therapist if this one isn’t working. Anything. Just tell us what you need.”

Again Jongdae had nothing to say, and then his father added another thought.

“I’m not sure if I should tell you this now, but I guess I want you to understand as best as possible. You did the best job you could as head of this family with the situation you were given. And I appreciate that. You inspired me a lot. I know you won’t believe me, but you did. You had good ideas, and you were instrumental in bringing down the Choi’s. Because of you, we have a chance to regain our high family status, and we have the Commissioner General on our side. I know it’s not what you wanted, but after you’ve taken time off to focus on yourself, if you should go on your journeys and come to the conclusion that you do want to follow in my footsteps after all, I will be happy and honored to make you my apprentice, and train you the way I should have from the beginning, with respect, dignity, and love. But only if that’s what you truly want after you’ve gotten better.”

His father barely finished his final sentence before Jongdae had lunged forward to wrap his arms around the older man, burying his head in his chest as his tears fell. The tears were from a mixture of frustration and relief, since he felt a large weight come off his shoulders at his father’s words. He realized it’s all he had wanted: a chance, recognition, to be believed in, the ability to choose his path for himself. And his father had gifted these things to him right then and there.

His father held him for some time. He felt his mother join them as she leaned her own head against his, and Jongdae felt something that he hadn’t felt since Mina had died.

He felt a spark of life within him.

***

As Jongdae walked with Yixing down the hallway toward Minseok’s room, Yixing explained that his cousin hadn’t really spoken to anyone.

“He’s pretty much stayed in his room drinking since we got home yesterday,” Yixing told him as he knocked on Minseok’s door, then opened it, knowing he’d get no response.

Jongdae walked in to find Minseok curled up, his room smelling fermented with all the open bottles lying around his floor.

Though it was cold, Yixing cracked open the window to allow fresh air in.

“We brought you some bibimbap,” Jongdae told him, as he sat on his bed, tucking his legs under each other and facing him.

Minseok rustled and then looked over his shoulder at him before pushing himself up to sit.

“You’re alive,” he commented as he rubbed his eyes.

“More alive than you at the moment. Here, eat,” he insisted, moving the bowl into Minseok’s lap.

His cousin seemed to consider the bowl, but he did begin eating, probably not able to deny how angry his stomach was with him.

“Just so you know the latest news,” Jongdae began while his cousin ate, “I’ve been fired.”

“What do you mean?”

Yixing joined them on the bed, sitting on the other side of Jongdae and facing Minseok as well.

“My dad’s taken back over as the head of the family. I’m supposed to plan a trip, travel the world, and find myself.”

“Are you serious?”

Jongdae nodded.

“Wow,” Minseok said, looking unsure as he thought about it, and he took a few more bites then said, “You’ll probably take this the wrong way, but I think it’s a good thing.”

“I’m not upset about it,” Jongdae let him know. “I was at first, but then my dad explained how he feels about the overall situation, and I understand. I have to get better.”

“You will,” Minseok nodded.

“So how do we make you better?”

“I’m just upset. I’ll be fine once I get it out of my system.”

“What’s upsetting you the most?”

“That I didn’t notice,” Minseok admitted. “At first, I thought I was upset because she didn’t tell me, but after some time sitting here thinking about it yesterday, I realized that I was upset because I should have known something was off. She was my best friend. We shared everything with each other. We spent almost every single day together, and not once did it occur to me to think it was weird when she started disappearing more.”

Minseok shook his head and ate more food before continuing. 

“She was smart about it. She texted me all the time from wherever she was, sending me on errands or asking to do something for her that she wouldn’t get around to. Sometimes she’d text me to just chat. I just thought… I don’t know what I thought. You know how your sister was. She was always up to something. I just thought she was involved in some stupid shit with her friends.”

Jongdae nodded because that made sense. Unlike Minseok, he was too busy in school to notice the day-to-day differences that had been occurring with his sister.

“The thing with Mina,” Minseok continued, “Is that we all trusted her too much. She was good at making us all think she had everything under control. I never questioned much of anything she did.”

“I hate her,” Jongdae stated, and both Minseok and Yixing looked at him unsure.

“You don’t hate her,” Minseok said.

“I do. She lied to all of us. She spent my entire life treating me like I was some fragile toy of hers without ever realizing that I was my own person that needed to grow and make mistakes and figure things out on my own. She died never knowing the damage she did to this family.”

Minseok studied him for a moment, but then he spoke.

“Yes, your sister was very overprotective of you. But you were tiny, and you were… so you. You turned out really different than we did. Yes, she was selfish in her love for you, but you have to know, she genuinely never wanted anything bad to happen to you. Just like she didn’t want anything bad to happen to her son, which is why I’m guessing she kept him away altogether.”

“I can’t believe you’re excusing what she did.”

“I’m not. You’re not the only one upset with her right now. But I’m not going to let my emotions get in the way of facts. You held her up too high. Because she loved you how she did, you ended up idolizing her and thinking she was perfect.”

“I didn’t think she was perfect.”

“Yes, you did. That’s why you’re taking this the way you are. I knew Mina wasn’t perfect. Who do you think she called when she got too drunk at a club and couldn’t find her way home on her own? Who do you think she would rely on to help her out when she would pick a fight with someone because her ego was too big and wouldn’t let her back down? Who do you think had to keep her secret when she had her first pregnancy scare in high school? Who do you think had to stand there with her and lie to your parents when she was accused of stealing a bracelet from a girl in school she hated? Which for the record, she did steal, simply because she liked the bracelet and hated the girl enough to do it.”

Jongdae had never heard these stories before and it bothered him even more now. Why had she never shared anything that personal with him? He now believed that he hadn’t ever really known his sister at all. And then his thoughts turned to the day that Yoona had come to visit him and the words she had spoken.

“Did she also tell you about how she hated my girlfriend? Did you hate her too since you were Mina’s other half apparently?”

“Mina hated anyone who dared to claim you,” Minseok said. “She was possessive of you and thought you deserved better at all times. But, she knew you were happy, so she didn’t say anything to you and let you have it. She was convinced you’d break up with them eventually. You proved her right so…” Minseok shrugged.

“I didn’t technically break up with Yoona,” Jongdae said, more to himself. “And she let me have it? Would she have stepped in to stop my relationship?”

“Your sister wasn’t good with boundaries. It wouldn’t have been her place, but if she had thought there was a reason to, she would have made Yoona stay far away from you.”

“Then I’m right,” Jongdae said. “I do hate her.”

“She was just looking out for you.”

“Yixing looks out for me. You look out for me. My parents look out for me. Looking out for someone comes from a selfless place. What she did was treat me like she owned me, and that comes from a very selfish place.”

“This is going to have to be between you and your sister,” Minseok then said, shaking his head. “I can’t change your mind about this. All I can do is tell you the truth. She loved you. She wanted the world for you. She could have gone about it better, but she was the way she was. If you need to believe the worst of her because you need to hate her right now to get through this, then do what you have to do. But it doesn’t change the truth.”

Jongdae heard what Minseok said, but he couldn’t accept that as the truth right now. What Mina had done to them as a family had been too damaging for him to just excuse it as the way she was.

“You didn’t answer my question,” Jongdae stated, “Did you hate Yoona too?”

“No. I was just happy you were getting laid. I always told your sister to stay out of it, but I do know that she said things to Yoona to try and convince her to walk away from the relationship, and then she would always be frustrated when she hadn’t. And now that I know she was in her own relationship with Chanyeol while treating Yoona like that, I’m pretty pissed off at her on your behalf. So at least that one I can understand you on.”

He hadn’t even thought about that, not able to wrap his head around her relationship with Chanyeol being an actual thing that happened.

“They really did deserve each other,” Jongdae mumbled.

“Honestly, I can understand her not telling me about it because she knew I never liked him. She probably didn’t want to hear it from me. But I would have gotten over it if she had. Maybe I would have even found a reason to like him.”

“More like forced yourself to like him.”

“Either way, it would have been better. But we all know that. They should have told the truth from the beginning. End of discussion.”

Jongdae nodded then asked him, “Are you going to be okay?”

“Yeah. I just needed a little bit of time, but I’ll report for duty at the Park’s tomorrow. You just gotta move on, you know?”

“Are you going to try and talk to Chanyeol about letting my parents see his kid?”

“It’s not really my place,” Minseok said. “Your parents are going to have to work that out with him. Or you…”

“Not me,” Jongdae said shaking his head. “I don’t care. It’s not my problem.”

Minseok looked at him and said nothing, then let out a sigh and finished what was left in the bowl.

Jongdae left his cousin’s room with Yixing soon after, Minseok wanting more time to rest and get his head together.

Jongdae would like to have done the same, but he still felt a bit dazed by everything. Not having direction freaked him out if he thought about it for too long, so he headed toward the library to bury his thoughts in a book instead, needing the escape.

“Before Mina passed,” Yixing said to him as he looked through the shelves, trying to find one that he had previously enjoyed, “I never would have thought I’d hear you say you hated anyone. Much less your sister.”

“I don’t want to talk about her,” Jongdae said, already having exhausted the topic enough with his cousin.

“I’m not talking about her. I’m talking about you. It’s not in your nature to hate people.”

“I changed. You know that.”

“I don’t think you have. I think you’re just hiding under a protective shell, but it’s still you in there. Hurt, a bit battered, but still there.”

“Why do you sound like Yoona?”

“I had dinner with her last night.”

Jongdae blinked, turned his attention to Yixing, and blinked again.

“You had dinner with her last night?”

“It was supposed to be you, remember? I told her you couldn’t make it, and she didn’t like that answer. I tried to explain a lot was going on, she wanted to know what, I told her you’d have to tell her later, but she said that she would come over and find out herself. To make a long story short, I told her I’d meet up with her to tell her what had happened to save her the trouble. So she knows. And we spent a lot of time talking about you. And she told me she felt helpless when it came to you. And I told her that I did too, but I kept trying anyway. We both miss the old you. A lot.”

“Well maybe the two of you should date and be there for each other instead then,” Jongdae said with a snippy tone, not because he believed they would, but because he was upset that Yixing had told Yoona and now she knew that he couldn’t handle hearing a secret about his sister without falling completely apart.

“That’s not a nice thing for you to say,” Yixing told him, his face falling a bit, and Jongdae felt terrible.

“I’m sorry,” he quickly apologized.

“Dae,” Yixing said, and he seemed to be choosing his words carefully, “You pushed Yoona away. If you push me away, then all you have left is the family you didn’t choose. I know you were upset with me for setting up the situation for you to talk to Yoona, but it’s because I think you need your own people back in your life. The ones you chose, and especially the one that your sister felt threatened by. You were creating a life for yourself that reached past Mina’s grasp, and your sister knew that. So, when she died, she selfishly grabbed you and took you with her. Now it’s time to reach past her grasp again and free yourself from it, and reconciling with Yoona is a great step in that direction.”

Jongdae swallowed as he thought about this, crossing his arms at the sudden chill he felt.

“When you had dinner with her last night, did she indicate at all that reconciling with her was even a possibility after what you told her?”

“Yes. She misses you. But honestly, she misses the you that she knew. The one that’s under the defenses. You’re going to have to open yourself up to her more to make it work.”

“Then why should I bother?” Jongdae wondered out loud. “You’re still my friend with my defenses. If she can’t take me with my defenses, then she doesn’t want to be my friend.”

“If you hadn’t pushed her away, then she would be here right now by your side helping you through all this like I have. The problem is, you pushed her away. She doesn’t know the you with your defenses in place. So you’re the one that’s going to have to do all the work, not her. She’s willing to listen, and that’s all you should expect from her. She owes you nothing more.”

Jongdae thought about all this as he finally grabbed a book off the shelf.

He settled into the armchair by the window to try and read a book he had liked in high school, back when his life still made some kind of sense. He knew Yixing was right. He had no one of his own choosing in his life except for him, and it would be nice to have another. But he didn’t think he was worthy of being friends with the woman he loved, and as he sat there, he mentally tried to convince himself otherwise. He was still a good person deep down inside. He knew he was. He deserved good things.

This all felt too confusing to him, but he pulled his phone out anyway and looked at Yoona’s name for a long moment, imagining how she must have looked at dinner last night with Yixing. She would have looked beautiful, and she would have looked concerned, and she wouldn’t have really understood, but he could visualize her perfectly telling Yixing to let her help regardless.

He sent her a text.

_ Sorry I couldn’t make it last night. Can we try again tonight? _

He waited for a response, each second that ticked away causing his anxiety to slightly rise.

_ What’s something you’re good at? _

He drew a quick breath and scratched the back of his head, trying to think of an answer that would help him pass this test.

_ Listening to Yixing. _

He closed his eyes as he waited, certain the next response he’d received would be “no.”

_ What’s something you like about yourself? _

This test was getting harder in his current state, and he had to take a moment to really think of an answer, not liking much of anything about himself these days. So he decided to cheat.

_ That I listen to Yixing. _

_ He told you about our dinner I take it. _

_ He did. Can it be my turn next? _

Too many minutes passed and Jongdae had a feeling that Yoona was attempting to figure out the best way to let him down. He wouldn’t be surprised if his answers made her feel like he was a hopeless cause.

_ Why don’t you come over to my place for dinner instead? I can make you food and we can talk more openly and take our time discussing things. _

He froze for a moment, not sure if he wanted to step into her world like that. With his state already fragile after everything he had learned, the idea of seeing how well she had moved on from him and signs of another man in her life strewn about her place seemed like a new batch of anxiety he did not need.

But either way, she was willing to talk with him, and she was being kind about it, unless she really did want to throw her new life in his face. He couldn’t be sure, but as Yixing had told him so many times before, he didn’t have her now, so he had nothing to lose.

_ What time should I be there? _

***

It wasn’t as difficult to convince his father to let him leave the house as he thought it would be. He had lied to him, telling him that he and Yixing wanted to do dinner out, and his father had thought it over then told him that as long as Yixing was with him it was fine, and that he had to be home no later than 10:00.

Jongdae took what he could get and thanked him, but then had to deal with the anxiety that came with figuring out what to wear to go have dinner at his ex-girlfriend’s place.

“It’s not a date,” Jongdae had to remind Yixing more than once as he put together outfit combinations for him, but Yixing seemed to ignore him and casually mentioned that he should bring wine and flowers. Jongdae attempted to protest, but Yixing insisted that he shouldn’t arrive to a dinner invitation empty handed, and that wine would complement her meal and flowers would be nice for the table.

So there Jongdae stood, breaking out into a slight sweat as he looked at Yoona’s door holding a bottle of wine and a bouquet of bright flowers. He felt too warm under his coat and wished he had taken it off as soon as he had stepped into her building, only imagining how sweat-soaked his shirt underneath was getting.

“Would you like me to knock?” One of his bodyguards asked.

“I want to throw up,” he said instead.

“She already knows you’re here,” the other bodyguard pointed out, her having to buzz them into the building.

He sighed and did it himself, and shut his eyes as he did quick breathing exercises. He opened his eyes when he heard the jostle of the doorknob, and before he could process it, there she stood in front of him, looking casual and elegant in the way that only she could, wearing a crisp T-shirt and designer jeans.

“Hey,” she said, giving him a soft smile.

“Hey,” he said back, then held out his offerings. “These are for dinner.”

He sounded like an idiot. Now he needed to throw up. And disappear. Preferably all in the next millisecond.

“How nice,” she said accepting both, “Thank you. Please come in.”

He stepped in then motioned toward his bodyguards, “Um… they kinda have to… I didn’t want to leave them out in the cold…” he attempted to explain.

“No, of course,” she said motioning for them to enter as well. “Please make yourselves at home.”

They took off their shoes and she opened the coat closet by the door so they could all hang their coats, Jongdae unable to take his eyes off her and how stunning she looked, even with light makeup and her long hair pulled back into a neat ponytail.

He felt ridiculous standing in the same vicinity as her as he handed his coat over to his bodyguard to hang as well, and he pulled the cloth of his shirt away from his damp skin to try and salvage his own neat appearance, though he knew it was a bit hopeless.

Tension and anxiety swirled through his body and he did his best to not let it show too much as he followed her to the dining room, where she set down the flowers and the wine.

He thought of the first time he had ever been invited to her place, and unlike this moment, he had walked in confident, giddy, and ready to get to know her better in every sense of the word.

“You look a bit tense,” she observed, and he focused back in on her, having lost himself a bit.

“Oh, I am,” he admitted, his nerves causing his chest to ache with tiny pangs of something he couldn’t quite recognize. “Sorry, let me…” he looked around and toward her kitchen. “I can help. What can I do?”

“The meat is ready. You can put it on the table,” she said.

He was grateful for the task, and he took a few deep breaths as he picked up the meat. It smelled delicious and made him realize he was a little hungry.

He then helped her bring the sides to the table as well, and she gave him the honors of opening the wine and pouring it for them. He tried to keep his hands from shaking so he wouldn’t splatter it, then breathed a sigh of relief when he had accomplished his mission.

They ate in silence for a moment before Jongdae complimented her food, and she thanked him and said that she was glad that he liked it, and then they returned to silence until she finally approached a topic.

“I can’t imagine how shocking it must have been to find out such a big secret about your sister. I’m very sorry you had to go through that.”

Jongdae’s hand began to shake and he had to place his chopsticks down, reaching for the safety of his wine glass instead and taking a drink from it.

“I hate her,” he then said, but he didn’t dare put the glass down. “I don’t even care anymore. She was a selfish person, and now my parents are hurting more than they should be because of what she did.”

“Hm,” Yoona said, observing him, and Jongdae could feel her judging him. “Maybe it was selfish of her, but no one keeps a secret that big unless they’re really terrified of the consequences of people knowing.”

“You’re the last person that should be defending her with the way she treated you.”

“I’m not defending her. I’m just being logical. Do you think she would hate you after some of the stunts you pulled this past year that made your parents hurt more than they should have?”

“If she had been here, I wouldn’t have done them,” he defended himself. “I was here and she still did what she did.”

“Are you sure you’re not just upset that she didn’t tell you specifically?”

“I have a therapist already. I didn’t come over here for a therapy session.”

“I’m sorry,” Yoona then said, making what looked like an annoyed face to herself. “I’m so used to how we were. Sparring with you and challenging your ideas while you did the same to me.”

“We’re not talking about a class or an assignment.”

“I know,” she said, and she bit her lip slightly and looked down, then took a sip of her wine.

This was such a disaster. What did he think would happen if he came over to talk to her? What kind of reconciliation were they supposed to have if he was defensive with every question she asked? They were never going to be friends again like this.

He took a deep breath and steeled himself with another drink of his wine.

“I’m obviously upset that she didn’t tell me,” he said. “But that’s a small part of a bigger thing I’m upset about. I’m upset that she never told me anything about herself. I’ve realized that she never respected me or thought of me as an equal.”

“You weren’t her equal. You were her little brother,” Yoona said.

“You’re an only child. You don’t get how it feels.”

“That’s probably very accurate,” Yoona admitted and let out her own sigh. “Tell me about your day then instead.”

“My day?”

“Yes, how has your day been? What have you done today?”

Jongdae snorted and poured himself a very full glass of wine.

“I started my day with my dad firing me.”

“Firing you?”

“My reaction to the news made him realize that I wasn’t mentally fit to lead the family,” Jongdae said, “So I was told that I no longer had to worry about the job. He’s taking back over the family, and I’m supposed to travel the world and find myself and the path that I want to take in life.” His tone was bitter and he tried to wash the taste away with the drink.

“I’m sorry to hear that,” Yoona said, and Jongdae could tell her tone was careful. “But I’m also glad to hear that. I think it might be good for you.”

“Yep, we all agree it’s going to be good for me,” he sighed and had to put his glass back down as he held his head with his hand. He had to keep it together. It was just a conversation. He could talk to her and be honest without falling apart.

“I’m sorry,” she said again, his action giving her no confidence either.

“Anyway,” he waved off, taking another deep breath. “Um, I went to talk Minseok. He’s taking it hard too, but he’ll be fine. He always is. And then… I went to the library to find a book to get my mind off things, and I did some reading then texted you. Then I had to meet with my therapist. Then I had lunch. Then I got ready for tonight. And now I’m here. How has your day been? What have you done today?”

“I had class this morning, and then a lab, and then a study session, and then I went to the grocery store to buy food to cook, and I came home and cooked it, and now I’m here eating it with you.”

“Your day was amazing,” he said, and he did feel the subtle ache of jealousy.

“It was boring for the most part,” she waved off. “Typical of all my days. Except for this part now.”

“I’m probably not making it anymore exciting for you.”

“That’s too negative. Tell me something positive about yourself.”

“I just told you how my day went. It’s going to be impossible to find something positive right now.”

“You’ve always liked a challenge. Tell me something positive about yourself.”

He almost rolled his eyes, but he knew she wouldn’t appreciate it since she was trying to help, so he stared off a bit and tried to think, but it was so hard, so it took him a bit of time, but she waited patiently for an answer nonetheless, eating a bit more as she did so.

“Help me out,” he finally said, “Tell me something positive about yourself first.”

“I’m a good cook.”

“Yes, you are,” he said warmly, and he looked down at the food she had prepared and felt envious that she could answer that question so quickly and without hesitation.

And then he tried really hard again, but felt more frustrated as nothing came to him. The only things he could think of were negative: he was good at screwing up, he was good at letting his parents down, he was good at being a terrible friend to Yixing, he was good at frustrating Minseok. He felt his emotions start to well up and blinked quickly to keep them down.

“You’re good at helping,” Yoona then told him, and he lifted his eyes to her. “You helped me bring dinner to the table.”

“Okay, I’m good at helping you bring dinner to the table,” he played along, and cleared his throat.

“You’re kind. You didn’t want your bodyguards to freeze. That was kind of you.”

“That’s not really…”

“Yes, it is. I’m sure you know people that wouldn’t have cared and would have left them outside because it’s just part of their job.”

He wouldn’t argue with her, but he didn’t think he was particularly kind these days, although he certainly did used to be back when his goals were to save lives and make the world a better place.

“I’ve given you two. Give me one.”

He had a feeling that if he didn’t, this dinner would be over and she’d send him and his bodyguards on their way. He’d hate to interrupt Yixing’s alone time at his condo earlier than planned, so he tried really hard to figure out a positive thing about himself that would satisfy her question. And then he considered a possibility.

“I like to learn.”

She gave him a small smile, her eyes suddenly a bit brighter than previously, and she nodded for him to continue.

“I mean, you knew that. I’ve always liked to learn. But even while I was going through this hell of having to learn to lead the family, I really wanted to learn how to do it. Even though it wasn’t my passion, I knew that there was a lot I didn’t know, and I wanted to know it.”

“I did always love that about you,” she said. “What are some other things about you that you found didn’t change while you went through the past year?”

She was trying to figure out if the old him still existed, and he wanted to tell her to stop looking for something that wasn’t there, but if he had found one thing, then maybe there could be another. He thought again, thinking through the past year and the things that had happened, but that might have been a bad idea, because he considered how badly he handled most things.

He took a frustrated breath and looked away for a moment, shaking his head.

“It’s fine,” she said, and she reached to him across the table to get his attention. “It’s fine,” she said again when he looked back at her. “I keep wanting to push you. I don’t know how to deal with this and my instinct is always to push. I often thought that part of the reason why your sister hated me so much was because I challenged you instead of coddled you like she did. Sometimes I wondered if I should try and be more like her, that maybe that’s what you needed or expected, and that one day you’d realize that I wasn’t loving you right and you’d leave me for someone more like her.”

Jongdae shook his head, upset to hear this from her.

“No, I didn’t need that. I don’t think I ever realized back then that you were exactly what I needed. It must have been why I was so attracted to you. You were so calm and quiet. I wasn’t used to do that. Everyone I’ve ever known has been loud. Including me.”

“Your sister was very popular,” Yoona pointed out. “I’ve had maybe three close friends in my entire life.”

“People were scared of my sister,” Jongdae explained. “People thought they had to be her friend, or she made people think that. It’s because she liked having followers and being surrounded by people. You didn’t need anyone else. You were perfectly fine to sit by yourself and eat while enjoying a book.”

“I preferred it,” Yoona said with a soft smile. “I don’t like being around a lot of people for too long, but I do like the energy of other people for a little bit. It’s why I’ll go to bars and cafes on occasion, take it all in, then go back to my own comfortable place and unwind from it.”

“My sister would go stir crazy at home then spend as much time as possible at bars and clubs to unwind from it.”

“You used to be a lot like your sister,” Yoona pointed out. “I’d want to stay home and watch dramas and you’d want to drag me out to a club instead. I’d want to cook and have us stay in for dinner, and you’d want us to go to Red to have dinner so you could hang out with your big group of friends at the same time.”

“I haven’t talked to any of those people in over a year,” Jongdae said. “I’ve been pretty lonely this year.”

“That probably hasn’t helped you out much.”

“I’m never really alone though. I always have my bodyguards. And Yixing tends to always be with me. But no, it’s not the same.”

“Let’s plan a dinner out then,” Yoona said, smiling at her own idea, “You, me, Yixing, and Minseok. We’ll go to Red and it’ll be fun. And we’ll make it a weekly thing, and as you start making new friends again, you can invite them along. Before you know it, you’ll be back to taking up two round booths again and driving the staff crazy with more drink orders than they can handle.”

Oddly Jongdae’s mind turned to another person whose acquaintance he had happened to make that year.

“I’m not sure I’ll be making too many new friends,” he said, picking up his chopsticks to eat a bit more. “I met someone this year that I liked hanging out with, but it turned out he had purposely infiltrated my family and sought out my friendship to find out information for the Park family. I have a feeling that’s going to be indicative of most people I meet now, since I won’t be meeting them in medical school where no one cares about my family.”

“I’m sorry to hear that,” she said frowning. “I’m surprised to hear you opened up enough to allow it to happen in the first place.”

“I never trusted him. At first, I just thought I could use him for some things for the family, and he was very useful and very skilled. It’s weird because he’s a con artist, but he was fun to be around. He made me almost smile more than once.”

“I’m guessing con artists are very good at making people like them.”

“Yeah, it’s part of their job I guess,” Jongdae sighed and ate some of the salad. “He won’t stop texting me.”

“Who?”

“The con artist,” Jongdae explained. “After I cut off ties with him because we found out what he was really up to, he started following me. And when I finally confronted him about it, he apologized for everything and offered his services again. I told him I’d keep him in mind. So, he keeps texting me to ask if I need him yet.”

“Why would you have told him that after he betrayed you?”

“Because I genuinely liked being around him. Also, the situation wasn’t as black and white as a betrayal. His intentions weren’t bad. He was just helping his best friend find out information to help figure out who had tried to assassinate the elder Park and my father. And it worked. They put the pieces together and we brought the Choi’s down because of it. And he did some things for us that he didn’t have to do to help us out when he didn’t have to.”

“Invite him to our weekly dinner then,” Yoona said. “I’ll give you my opinion on whether you should keep him around or not.”

“Oh, you’re going to decide then?”

“No, but I’m a great judge of character.”

“You’re a harsh judge of character.”

“It’s not my fault I have standards.”

“I don’t think he’d meet your standards.”

“I’ll be the judge of that,” she said, and Jongdae felt amused by this, his lips wanting to twitch into a smirk, but unable to.

“I can’t invite him though. If I do, he’ll be too happy and hopeful that I’ll hire him and hang out with him again.”

“You guys would hang out?”

“He was teaching me how to do con artist types of things. I thought at the time it would be helpful to be out of my comfort zone a bit more. I thought it might help me understand being the head of a family better. Doing illegal things I shouldn’t be doing and stuff. I kind of enjoyed it,” he admitted, biting his lip knowing she wouldn’t approve.

“Because you like learning,” she said instead, “It makes sense.”

She ate some of her rice and Jongdae couldn’t believe she hadn’t flat out disapproved.

“Yeah, and the challenge of it.”

“So, you do still enjoy a good challenge. That’s another thing that hasn’t changed. And you still enjoy the company of new people when you get the chance to be around them. That’s three things now.”

He stared at her, realizing that he felt much calmer and relaxed now that they had been eating and talking casually, and he also realized that there was a fourth thing that hadn’t changed.

“I still love you,” he said. “I never stopped loving you. That’s a fourth thing. You have no idea how hurt I am that you moved on. I understand why you did, and I don’t blame you, but that night we ran into each other at Red and you told me you had moved on, I thought I was going to have a heart attack.”

She looked at him, her face showing understanding, but also a bit of relief.

“I never stopped loving you either,” she said.

“But you moved on…”

“It was casual. A distraction. I physically moved on, but emotionally my heart still belonged to you.”

Jongdae looked at her a bit stunned by the confession, and he looked around as if he could spot a trace of a casual relationship that could corroborate her words.

“Well then you should break up with him if your heart doesn’t belong to him,” he said, not finding the evidence he searched for and looking back at her.

“I already have.”

And it was like déjà vu, only this time the words didn’t break his heart, they made his heart flutter instead.

“You have? When?”

“The day you texted me to come meet you at the coffee shop. All I was waiting for was for you to reach out to me and want me back in your life, and when I left, I knew that you did. So I told him to come get his things and I thanked him for helping me through the pain of the last year and a  half.”

“How did he take it?” Jongdae asked, his heart racing at the implication of this.

“Fine. Like I said it was casual. He understood the situation.”

Jongdae took a deep breath and blinked a few times, then asked the first question on his mind.

“How do I get you back?”

“Tell me something amazing about yourself.”

“Amazing?” He asked, looking up knowing he definitely had nothing amazing about himself to share. “I don’t know. I survived a year and a half of being a high family apprentice and lived to tell the tale?”

“That is pretty amazing,” she said with a smile, as she put her chopsticks down and wiped her mouth with her napkin.

She stood up and picked up some of the empty plates from the table to take them to the kitchen, and he watched her stunned and unsure of what to say next. Then his brain kicked into gear and he got up as well, taking more empty plates to the kitchen and putting them in the sink as she walked back to the table to grab more.

He waited for her by the sink, and when she returned, she put the small bowls on top of the others and he reached out and grabbed her by the waist, pulling her closer and staring into her brown eyes.

She stared back at him, and her words had given him a new swell of courage that he couldn’t imagine having when he first showed up at the door. He tilted his head and pressed his lips to hers, the feeling so familiar that he almost wanted to cry at how comforting it was and how much he missed it. He brought his hand up to cup her face, his lips savoring hers as she returned it, and he could feel that she had been waiting for this, that she had wanted it as much as he had.

He had to pull away though, as too many things happened at once: his heart raced, his nerves vibrated, his breath got caught, and he trembled slightly.

“What’s wrong?” She asked him, her eyes shifting to concern.

“Nothing,” he said, and really nothing was. For the first time in a year and half, something was very much right. “It’s just. I’ve missed you. This is a lot. I want this so bad. I want you so bad. I haven’t kissed anyone since I last kissed you. I haven’t been with anyone since I was last with you. I’m freaking out a little, but not because anything’s wrong, but because, I think I’m really excited that this is happening. Even if it’s just a kiss.”

“You haven’t kissed a single person since me?” She asked him, looking a bit dubious.

“Who would I have wanted to kiss when every woman I met paled in comparison to you?”

Her lips were on his now, and he pulled her closer to him, needing to feel her body against his as she kissed him. And though earlier in the evening he would have felt self-conscious if she had run her hand over the back of his shirt that had been damp with perspiration, now he only cared that she was touching him at all, and he needed more of it as he let his hands roam as well, remembering well all of his favorite curves and all of her favorite places she liked to be touched.

“You weren’t kidding,” she said when she stopped to catch her breath. “You really are excited.”

And he may have blushed a bit, glancing down at the bulge that had appeared in his pants, but it had been so long, and his body was far ahead of him in this situation.

“I’m sorry,” he said.

“No, don’t be.”

“I just haven’t…”

“Have you at least taken care of yourself in a year and a half since you haven’t been with anyone?”

“No,” he admitted, and she looked at him surprised. “I couldn’t at first because I was too depressed and anxious. I wouldn’t have been able to get it up even if I had tried. By the time I started therapy and had moments of normalness again, I was on suicide watch and couldn’t be left alone so…”

“We need to take care of this,” she said, and he could tell that she wanted to laugh, but she took his hand, leading him out of the kitchen and through the hallway to her bedroom.

Her room looked the same, and that simple fact made him feel warm. This was a safe place, a place that he could feel comfortable. No anxiety or panic attacks needed to find him in here as he felt a slew of comforting memories come back to him.

But then Yoona was unbuttoning his shirt, and he placed his hands on her hips, sneaking in another kiss, that she returned before shoving his shirt off his shoulders and tugging it down his arms. He let go of her hips to finish the task, and before he could reach out to take her shirt off, she had already done it, tossing it to the floor.

He knew he wouldn’t survive whatever happened next, but the simple joy he felt at everything made him feel emotional again. Though he had little time to think on it as he found himself on her bed, his pants and underwear now discarded, and the most beautiful girl in the world, kneeling naked beside him as her hand helped relieve him of all the stress he had been carrying for so long.

She knew it would barely take touching him to send him over the edge, and he felt pure embarrassment when he cried out so quickly after. He really did shed some tears because only he would be so pathetic that he couldn’t handle a hand job long enough to put in a respectable time.

But Yoona seemed to understand, and she straddled him and leaned down to wipe the tears before placing kisses on his cheek and then on his lips.

“I’m sorry,” he mumbled.

“What could you possibly feel sorry about right now?” She asked him, placing more kisses on his jaw, and then back on his cheeks. “You needed to have the edge taken off. I was more than happy to help.”

“That was pretty pathetic of me.”

“Hey, positive remember? From my perspective, it was nice to know that I could still have that effect on you.”

He looked at her and saw the small smirk on her face, and he leaned his head up to kiss her again, before moving her so that he was now the one on top of her. He slid his hand between her legs to begin to return the favor, watching her reactions and getting the impression that he still could have that effect on her as well.

With everything she had put up with while he had been mentally gone, and everything he had emotionally put her through, he thought that he needed to make it up to her in many ways, and he decided to start by moving his body down so he could duck his head between her legs and replace his fingers with his tongue and lips, hearing her cry out at the action.

Even though he hadn’t done it in so long, it felt like instinct, where to apply pressure, where to spend more time teasing her, and flicking his tongue in just the right way to get a fistful of his hair tugged at as she bucked her hips against his face and rode out the wave of pleasure that took over her body.

He moved back up so he could hold her tight and kiss her hard, pressing his hips into her wanting her to feel as much of the feelings he had running through him at the thought of having been able to please her after all this time. 

“Do I have you back yet?” He asked, his chest heaving as he had to catch his breath again.

“You had me back the moment you walked in through my door tonight,” she said, raking her fingers over his bare chest as she caught her breath as well.

“I don’t deserve it to be that easy.”

“You don’t, but I expect you to spend the next several decades making it up to me.”

“I will spend the rest of my life and the next one making it up to you.”

“Even better,” she said, and they kissed again, and touched each other again, and made each other feel intense pleasure again.

But then reality came back to interrupt them in the form of a slight knock on the door.

“I wanted to remind you of the time,” one of his bodyguards told him from the other side of the door, and Jongdae buried his head in Yoona’s hair, wishing he hadn’t needed to be reminded.

“So, I have a curfew,” he confessed to her.

“What will happen if you break it?”

“My father will get worried and probably think that I did something crazy again.”

“How worried do you think he would be if you called him and told him you wouldn’t be coming home tonight because you were with me?”

“I’m not sure he would believe me,” he said, but he was already scooting down the bed to reach for wherever his pants had landed, pulling his phone out of his pocket as Yoona joined him, placing kisses on his back.

He texted his bodyguards first to let them know he was calling his dad to extend his curfew and told them to standby. Then he called his father, hoping he was already asleep and that he could just leave a message.

“Are you on your way home?” His father answered.

“Not exactly,” Jongdae said, squeezing his eyes shut to collect his thoughts, and Yoona paused her kissing as she looked toward him. “So, I’m at Yoona’s. Is it okay if I stay the night?”

He could not believe he had just told his father that he was at a woman’s place and then asked permission to stay. He felt like he was in high school all over again.

“You’re at Yoona’s?” His father asked, and Jongdae did not blame the older man for the incredulous tone to his voice.

“I am. Yoona, say hi,” he said, holding the phone toward her.

“Hello, Mr. Kim,” she said, then covered her mouth as she tried to hide her laugh.

“Dad, this is already super awkward. Can I please just stay?”

“Yes, just call me in the morning so I know you’re okay.”

“Will do. Can you let my bodyguards know their new orders? I’m a little busy right now.”

Yoona slapped his arm lightly at that, and Jongdae snorted and did find that his lips still knew how to twitch up into a small smile.

“Yes, good night.”

“Good night,” he said and hung up. “Hold on, one more call,” he said, dialing Yixing.

“I can’t believe you said that to him.”

“I’m just being honest,” he said, smiling a bit more now, and she smothered him with more kisses while he waited for Yixing to answer.

“Hey, what’s up?” Yixing answered.

“I’m staying the night at Yoona’s. I already let my dad know. We’ll pick you up in the morning.”

“I had a feeling,” Yixing said, and Jongdae could almost picture the smug smile on his face. “I’ll see you in the morning.”

“Good night,” he said and hung up, moving to put the phone on the dresser beside the bed in case he needed to answer any calls throughout the night. Then he shifted back toward Yoona who stared at him with a soft expression. “What is it?” He asked her.

“I missed your smile,” she said.

“I missed smiling. I haven’t done that in a while.”

“You haven’t lost your touch.”

“Does this mean you find me attractive again?”

“I never stopped finding you attractive.”

“You told me at the coffee shop that because I lacked confidence I wasn’t as attractive to you anymore.”

“That’s not what I said. I said that physically you were still attractive, but that your new personality left a lot to be desired.” She reached her hand out to his face again, letting her fingers follow the curve of his jaw. “Now that your true personality is starting to shine through again, you’re starting to look a bit more like your old self again.”

“I should never have pushed you away,” he realized out loud, and it caused a small pang in his chest to think about how therapeutic Yoona had always been for him. He could have saved himself so much grief if he had just let her help from the beginning.

“You shouldn’t have. Lesson learned, right? Promise me you’ll never do that again.”

“I promise I will never do that again.”

She smiled, and god he loved seeing her smile at him, and when she leaned in to kiss him again, he kissed her back and guided her back down so she lay on the bed while he spoiled her with more kisses and touches, knowing what should come next, but realizing he hadn’t been prepared for the possibility of any of this happening.

“I didn’t bring any protection with me,” he told her in between heated kisses that became more fervent each second that passed.

“I have some in my drawer.”

“You do?” He asked, having to pause the kissing to look at her and make sure he had heard her right. “Are they leftover from…”

“No,” she said shoving his arm, “They’re your size, dumbass.”

“Bigger or smaller than the previous person’s size?”

“I’m not telling you. And I can’t believe you didn’t come prepared.”

“I wasn’t even expecting you to let me in.”

“I invited you.”

“I thought you’d take one look at me and realize you’d made a mistake.”

“Well I knew better. Top drawer.”

He reached over her to open the drawer and did find a box of condoms his size inside.

“Are you still on birth control?” He asked her as he opened the box.

“Yes, and I’ll be on it for many years, at least until I complete my residency and first year of private practice.”

“So about…”

“Six years.”

“Six years,” he echoed her, nodding and laying back beside her and nipping at her neck with his lips. “You’re going to be the hottest doctor.”

“If that’s your idea of talking dirty to me, then you’re doing it right,” she said, letting out a soft moan as he sucked her neck.

They did make love, and Jongdae could have sworn that it was better than any other time they had ever done it. Maybe it was all the pent-up emotions inside of him, or maybe it was that they had matured since last time, or maybe it was because neither of them thought this might happen again and they needed to make it everything they had been denied. Whatever it was, when they fell asleep in each other’s arms that night, Jongdae felt truly happy and at peace.

***

Jongdae didn’t want to leave Yoona’s in the morning, as they ate leftovers for breakfast, he wondered if he could escape his other life entirely and just move in with her and be a professional stay-at-home boyfriend. But he had a feeling she wouldn’t like that too much, and he knew he wouldn’t either. If nothing else, the fact that he really did need to find himself and his new path became very evident over the course of the night. Yoona was going to be a doctor, a surgeon actually, and he wanted to be on her level in some way.

He’d figure it out.

It took many playful kisses to finally leave, and he told her that he’d be inviting her for dinner soon so that his mother could cry in happiness. She had promised to make it, and then more playful kisses were given, before he finally did leave.

They arrived at Yixing’s place to pick him up, and Jongdae may have had a slight smile on his face that he couldn’t get rid of just yet.

“You look amazing,” Yixing commented upon first sight, and his advisor’s eyes almost twinkled as he smiled.

“I feel amazing,” Jongdae admitted, and then he narrowed his eyes and then realization dawned on him as it was his turn to say, “Wait, you look amazing too.”

“Oh, did you think you were the only one having fun last night?”

“Who with?”

“Just an old friend from home who happened to be in town. We were catching up.”

Jongdae smiled more at Yixing who looked surprised by the action.

“I’m glad you had a chance to catch up.”

“Oh my God, you’re smiling. Like real smiling.”

“Shut up,” Jongdae said, burying his face behind his hand as he faced the window, but he couldn’t keep the smile off his face.

“I knew I’d be right about you reconnecting with Yoona.”

“You’re my advisor. It’s your job to be right. And it’s my job to listen to you. And even if I’m no longer a head of a high family, and you’re no longer technically an advisor, it’s still your job to be right and my job to listen to you.”

Yixing leaned over to cuddle Jongdae, which made Jongdae smile even more.

“Title or not. I’ll always be your advisor and your best friend. Don’t push me away, okay?”

“I won’t,” Jongdae promised him. “I’ve learned my lesson.”

They stayed this way in the car, both taking slight naps on the way home, which may have been the only thing that helped Jongdae process the information he walked into once he had entered his home.

“Good, you’re home,” Minseok said, greeting them at the door while eating noodles out of a bowl. “Just so you’re aware, Chanyeol called to confirm that he’d be bringing his kid by to meet everyone. They haven’t set up a time, but your parents are in panic mode and your mother is trying to redecorate the entire front room and living room in record time. Also, why do you both look like you got laid?”

“We did,” Yixing confirmed for the both of them.

“Yoona?” Minseok asked Jongdae.

Jongdae nodded, but his good mood had deflated a bit at the news and he excused himself to go to his room.

He knew he’d be followed and he tried to work out why he cared so much about his parents meeting their grandson. He reasoned that he didn’t care, and for their sake, he was grateful that Chanyeol had allowed it, but the idea of this big secret becoming a bigger reality for them seemed to unnerve him a little.

“Dae?” Yixing asked, once they were in his room and Jongdae had begun pacing.

“I’m fine,” he said, and turned to face them, putting his hands on his hips as he thought about the situation. “It’s fine. I’m happy they’ll get to meet him.”

“Are you meeting him?” Minseok asked.

“Are you?”

“Of course I am,” his cousin said, and his tone made it clear that there’d be no other option for him. “The poor kid’s being raised by the Park’s, he’s going to need all the Kim help he can get.”

“I can’t,” Jongdae admitted. “I just… can’t.”

“It’s okay,” Yixing told him.

“I mean, do what you need to do,” Minseok shrugged, “But just because you’re upset with Mina doesn’t mean you should take it out on her kid. You’re the only uncle or aunt this kid has. You know that deep down inside, had things been different and she had told us about all this, she would have wanted you to be in his life. And based on the fact that she left his bank account in your hands, I’m pretty sure that was her way of choosing you as the person to take care of him should anything happen to her. I’m just saying, Mina’s kid hasn’t done anything to you. It’s not his fault he got born into this situation. Mina loved you more than anyone else in the world, maybe you can find it in you to return the favor at least a little bit for her kid.”

Minseok left the room not bothering to care if Jongdae even had anything to say in return. He had said his piece and Jongdae sat on his bed and let out a large sigh.

“It’s okay,” Yixing told him again. “Do what you feel is right for your mental health.”

“This situation not existing is what’s right for my mental health,” he whined, but then he closed his eyes and took another deep breath.

He didn’t know how to handle this situation, but he did also know that none of this was his nephew’s fault. He could only imagine how the kid would feel many years from now when he was older and able to understand all this, and he did hope in that moment that the kid had received the Park’s genes of resiliency when that time came.


	6. (Two Moons)

“Ah, he never dusts up here,” Baekhyun complained as he stood on a small step ladder and handed jars and bottles of herbs down to Kyungsoo to hold. “It’s because he’s getting too old and doesn’t remember.”

“Or maybe he just can’t reach them,” Kyungsoo said.

Baekhyun dusted the top shelf, making sure to clean the corners as well. Since Kyungsoo hadn’t wanted him taking on really dangerous jobs anymore, he had been spending more time at the herbal shop, helping the shopkeeper with the maintenance of the store.

“It’s okay. I’ll remember to do it for him.”

“I’m really worried about Chanyeol,” Kyungsoo said, and Baekhyun looked down to see him staring at the jars in his hands.

“He’s strong. He’ll get through this fine,” Baekhyun said in encouragement as he continued to dust.

“He feels defeated,” Kyungsoo told him, and then started handing the jars back to Baekhyun to replace on the shelf. “I know it’s something he has to work out on his own, but I wish there was something I could do. I feel I’m not doing the boyfriend thing right.”

“You’re doing it right, Soo,” Baekhyun said with a little smile on his face. He had been enjoying Kyungsoo’s journey into relationship land and liking the way it made his friend light up or act amazed when each milestone was hit. It was nice to see Kyungsoo be in wonder. “The important thing is to be there for him when he needs you.”

“I’m doing that,” Kyungsoo nodded, and then sighed once his hands were free of herbs. “I just wish I knew a way to make him instantly happy again.”

“That’s going to take time,” Baekhyun said stepping down from the ladder and dusting his hands on his jeans. “But the fact that you care so much shows you’re doing the boyfriend thing right, so try not to worry too much about it.”

He moved the ladder over to the next shelf to repeat the process again, passing down new jars.

“So have you given much thought to your future stepfather role?” Baekhyun then decided to tease him, and Kyungsoo made a small threatening grunt to him that made him laugh. “It’s so funny that your first relationship is with someone with a kid. You couldn’t even start off simple.”

“I’m never going to meet the kid so I don’t think I have to worry about it, although he said he’d be talking to him about it soon, so we’ll see.”

“Are you ready for that?”

“I am,” Kyungsoo said with a firm nod. “It’s such an important part of Chanyeol. I want to be there for him too.”

“Those natural father instincts are already kicking in,” Baekhyun joked.

“Which I must have gotten from my mother.”

“I get mine from both of my parents I think. I’m not sure which one threw me out the window, so in my head, they both did it at the same time.”

“That makes sense,” Kyungsoo agreed.

“Ah, we’re almost out of comfrey leaf,” Baekhyun stated. “I’ll have to add it to the order form. He probably hasn’t noticed.”

“Maybe I should bring Chanyeol herbs to make him feel calmer and more at peace with his decision.”

“That’s a good idea,” Baekhyun said thinking through the stock. “We have a tea that should work. Oh, we have a tincture too, but he’d probably like the tea better. I’ll get it for you when I’m done with this shelf.”

“How are things progressing with you and Jongdae?”

“He hasn’t needed me for anything yet, but I can tell he’s thinking about it. I know it’s hard to make out a tone in a text message, but I can still tell.”

“What does he normally text you back when you bug him?”

“It’s not bugging,” Baekhyun defended, but he also laughed. “I usually text him that I’m thinking of him and that I’m here if he needs me. And he usually texts back that I don’t have to text him that.”

“Because you really don’t have to text him that.”

“I just don’t want him to forget about me.”

“Byun Baekhyun, you are the most unforgettable person in this whole country, probably the world. I bet if you stopped texting him, he would freak out and start texting you instead.”

“He has a lot on his mind. It’s best for me to make sure.”

When Baekhyun finished dusting the last shelf and putting back the last jar, he folded up the ladder, but before he could pick it up to take it to the back, Kyungsoo had unexpectedly pulled him into a hug.

“Ah, what’s that for?” He asked, giggling a bit as he hugged Kyungsoo back.

“I know you feel lonely, but you’re not alone, okay?” Kyungsoo said to him, and Baekhyun blinked, unsure of why he would tell him that. “I mean, it’s obvious you keep harassing Jongdae so much because you genuinely need another constant in your life. You found someone too, maybe not in the same way as me and Chanyeol, but as a friend to hang out with and keep you company. And I want that for you too. But even if Jongdae doesn’t come around, I’m still here for you, okay?”

“You’re being so mushy,” Baekhyun teased him, giving him a squeeze before playfully wiggling out of Kyungsoo’s embrace. “But I know. And I’m not worried. He’ll come around.”

He really knew he would. Even though Jongdae was always accompanied by someone, Baekhyun knew that he felt a little lonely too. 

His phone beeped with a new text and he laughed.

“It’s Jongdae,” Baekhyun said, showing it to Kyungsoo. “He must have known we were talking about him.”

Kyungsoo smiled as well, looking amused.

“Is he saying he misses you?”

“No, this is better,” Baekhyun said as he read the entire text. “He said that he got his girlfriend back and that she wants to meet me. He wants to know if I can do dinner with them sometime this week.”

“Wow,” Kyungsoo said, looking a bit surprised, “Meeting the girlfriend. This is such a big step. You’re growing up so fast.”

“Shush,” Baekhyun said laughing as he texted Jongdae back that of course he could do dinner with them sometime this week. “If his girlfriend wants to meet me, that means he must have told her about me, which means he’s thinking about me. See, I told you!”

“His girlfriend wants to meet his competition.”

“She has nothing to worry about. It’s Yixing that needs to accept that he’s going to have to make room for another best friend.”

“I’ll bring popcorn to that conversation.”

“This is such a good day. Let’s pass some of that along to Chanyeol,” Baekhyun said, practically bouncing as he pulled the jar with the relaxation tea off the shelf.

The shopkeeper returned from his errand and noticed Kyungsoo as he took off his scarf.

“Every time you stop by,” the shopkeeper said to Kyungsoo, “It makes me think you’ve reconsidered the Academy’s offer.”

“That’s really never going to happen now,” Baekhyun reminded him. “Remember I told you he’s going to be the head of a high family instead?”

“Ah yes, congratulations on that,” the shopkeeper told him with a short bow and Kyungsoo returned it and told him thank you very politely. “Should you ever need the Academy’s assistance, you know where to find it.”

“I will keep that in mind, thank you,” Kyungsoo said with another bow.

“He won’t need them,” Baekhyun waved off before placing the perfect amount of the tea in a small tin can. “Kyungsoo can handle everything well himself. Plus, he has me to help him.”

“Then please definitely consider the Academy,” the shopkeeper said, and Kyungsoo laughed while Baekhyun made a hissing sound at them.

He handed the tin to Kyungsoo and replaced the jar on the shelf, then wrote down the things that needed to be ordered before saying goodbye to the shopkeeper.

“Are you headed over to Chanyeol’s now?” Baekhyun asked as they left the shop and were greeted by the cold air outside.

“Yeah, he’s really nervous about talking to the Kim’s. I’m going to make sure he drinks this tea during lunch and then again before bed. Where are you headed?”

“I’m going to go find a nice outfit for my important dinner. I need to make a good impression on Jongdae’s girlfriend so she can let him keep me.”

“I don’t think you have to worry too much,” Kyungsoo assured him.

“Ah, you never know. Better to be safe than sorry.”

“True enough. Well text me your choices and I’ll give you my opinion.”

“Will do.”

They gave each other a hug when they got near the subway station and then parted ways, Baekhyun happily jumping onto the next train and having a good feeling about how the dinner would go. But he also knew it would be okay because, even if Jongdae’s girlfriend didn’t let Jongdae keep him, he still had Kyungsoo and that was more than enough.


	7. (New Moon)

No amount of Kyungsoo’s tea could calm Chanyeol’s nerves, as he finished putting Taemin’s coat on the excited little boy that kept wiggling around as he did a little dance. And while the elixir had helped him go to sleep last night, now his nerves had no way of being contained and each second that passed made Chanyeol want to throw up.

“We go now, daddy!” Taemin said once the coat was finally on.

“Here, this will help,” Junmyeon said, handing Chanyeol a glass of something strong.

Chanyeol downed it and handed the empty glass back to him.

“Daddy, I bring book to read?” Taemin asked, already running toward his bookshelf.

“Yeah, sure,” Chanyeol said, running his hand through his hair as he looked to Junmyeon for some other kind of help.

“It’ll be fine,” Junmyeon assured him with a soft smile. “They’re going to be so happy to see him. This is about them and him. Just remember that.”

“Okay, but hold my hand if I look like I need my hand held.”

“I promise I will,” Junmyeon told him with a small laugh.

His nerves got worse as they headed to the car, accompanied by his mother, father, Jongin and Kyungsoo, all who seemed to want to make sure they actually left. If they were expecting Chanyeol to grab Taemin and hide in his room the entire day instead, they were probably not far off considering how he felt.

“Take pictures,” his mother told him. “They’re going to be so happy. I’m so proud of you for doing this,” she told him as she fixed the top of Chanyeol’s coat.

“I’m sure you’ll get a phone call letting you know how it went from their side,” Chanyeol said to both her and his father.

“It will be nice to hear some joy in their voices again,” his mother said with a smile. “Okay, go.”

Chanyeol looked toward Kyungsoo who gave him a quick hug for support.

“Try and have fun,” Kyungsoo told him.

“Fun?” Chanyeol asked, sure he was going to lose his mind before he even got there.

“Yeah. It’s a new adventure for you and your son. Take it in. You’ll only ever get to see him react to this particular situation only once.”

Chanyeol thought that was a rather good point, and he gave him another hug back and thanked him for the words before getting into the car. Junmyeon had already buckled Taemin into his car seat, and Chanyeol sat beside him wishing he could have some of his son’s enthusiastic energy instead of the annoying dread that kept welling up.

And then they were at the Kim’s and Chanyeol wondered if this was how Jongdae felt in his office during the night of the Choi operation when he’d had his panic attack because, right at that moment, Chanyeol felt like he could use a few extra breaths to help him out.

“Okay,” Chanyeol said, unbuckling Taemin from his car seat. “Are you ready?”

“I’m ready! Is this mommy’s house?”

“Yep, this is mommy’s house,” he said, grabbing the book and handing it to Junmyeon to hold along with the envelope he made him bring along.

He helped Taemin out of the seat and then out of the car, holding his hand and noticing that his son held onto it even tighter, apparently excited, but still nervous as well. It oddly made Chanyeol feel a little calmer to know he wasn’t the only one.

He wasn’t surprised when the door opened before they reached it, or when Jongdae’s mother held her hand over her mouth to keep her emotions back at the sight of her grandson.

They reached the door and Chanyeol bowed and said hello, Taemin copying his father, which made tears form in the older woman’s eyes.

“Please come in,” the elder Kim said, a bit tentative, as if afraid to say the wrong thing that would cause Chanyeol to take their grandson and leave right away.

Once inside, Chanyeol, who had been expecting the cold front room he had last walked into, was surprised to find it warm and inviting. The pictures that had been missing had returned to the walls, and more lights had been added to give the room a welcoming glow.

A maid relieved them of their coats and Chanyeol took a deep breath and began the introductions.

“Taemin,” Chanyeol began, “This is your other grandma and grandpa. They’re your mommy’s parents. Do you want to say hi?”

Taemin apparently had decided that Chanyeol’s leg was now some tree to cling onto and duck behind, and Chanyeol had not anticipated him starting off the meeting shy.

Mrs. Kim crouched down to be at eye level with him and gave him a big smile.

“Hi, Taemin. I’m so happy to meet you. You are such a beautiful boy, and you look so much like your mommy.”

“I’m so sorry,” Chanyeol said, a little caught off guard by his son’s behavior. “He’s not normally this shy.”

“No, it’s fine,” the elder Kim said. “Please come sit. Perhaps if he’s more comfortable. We got him some toys.”

“Look, toys,” Chanyeol said pointing toward a colorful train toy that he knew he’d like. “You want to play?”

Taemin shook his head against Chanyeol’s leg and now Chanyeol felt perplexed and a little embarrassed, but at least this ridiculous display on his son’s part had made him lose a lot of the anxiety he had come with.

He picked him up to take him over to the couch to sit with him and Junmyeon, who was trying to coax Taemin into trying out the toys.

“I can’t believe how beautiful he is,” Mrs. Kim said, staring at the tiny boy as she leaned forward in her own seat. “He really does look like her.”

“He got lucky,” Chanyeol agreed. “We were both really glad when he came out with her ears.”

“He looks like you as well,” the elder Kim observed. “It’s a good mix of the two.”

“Thank you,” Chanyeol said with a polite nod, and he looked back at Taemin. “Do you want to show your grandparents the book you brought for them to read to you?”

“They read me?” Taemin asked, surprised to hear this.

And Chanyeol almost laughed at how adorable Jongdae’s mother looked, her hands going back up to her mouth at hearing his voice for the first time.

“Of course, if you want them too.”

“Daddy, they read me this book?” He asked, grabbing his book from Junmyeon’s lap.

“Yep, do you want them to read it to you now?”

Taemin looked toward his grandparents and back at Chanyeol then shook his head.

“No, bedtime.”

“Oh, well that’s going to be a long time from now. Do you want to play with the toys right now?”

“They’re yours,” Mrs. Kim said.

“My toys?” Taemin asked surprised, and suddenly very interested.

“Yes, honey, they’re all yours,” she said. “We didn’t know what kinds of toys you like, but we can get you ones you like for next time. What’s your favorite toy?”

“Go play,” Chanyeol encouraged him, putting him on the floor.

Taemin ran over to the train, just as Chanyeol knew he would, and said, “This one. This one mine?”

“Yes,” Mrs. Kim said, as a tear fell that she tried to wipe away quickly while she smiled at him. “That’s yours. Do you like it?”

“Mhm,” Taemin nodded, kneeling down to push it back and forth.

A maid came in with a tray of tea and snacks.

“I had some tea arranged,” the elder Kim said, “But would you prefer something else? Would you like some water? Coffee? Wine? Soju?”

“Tea is fine,” Chanyeol said. “Thank you.”

Taemin became lost in his own little world as he played with the train, making “choo choo” sounds and warning a teddy bear to watch out because it was coming through.

“He’s so wonderful,” Mrs. Kim said as she watched him. “You’ve done such a great job raising him.”

“I didn’t do it alone,” Chanyeol was quick to say, and then he realized that he had so much to say to these people that he barely knew where to start. “I’m very sorry, to the both of you, for keeping this secret from you for so long.”

“It’s fine now,” Mrs. Kim said, but Chanyeol knew it wasn’t, and each tear the woman spilled only proved it that much further.

“I wish I could explain better why it happened the way it did,” Chanyeol continued, “But, it really came down to being terrified.”

“Was she happy?” Mrs. Kim asked.

“Very,” Chanyeol assured her with an emphatic nod. “When she first held Taemin, she had never looked more beautiful. She was so happy and so proud.” Chanyeol had to clear his throat, and he reached for the envelope on Junmyeon’s lap. “Actually, I brought these for you.”

He held the large envelope out to the woman, which caught Taemin’s attention as he stood up to run over and see.

“Daddy, is a present?” He asked, as Mrs. Kim looked at Chanyeol curiously as well.

“Kind of,” he said to his son, and then he looked at the people in front of him. “They’re pictures that I thought you’d like to have. Of Mina and Taemin together. I took a lot of pictures. Probably too many,” he said self-consciously.

The elder Kim leaned into his wife as she opened the envelope, and she made a soft crying sound as she saw the first one. He had put them in order, so he knew that was the one of her holding her newborn son for the first time.

The elder Kim held his wife, and it seemed evident he was doing his best to hold back his own emotions as well, so Chanyeol looked toward Junmyeon to blink away his own tears of guilt that had begun to form.

“Why are you crying?”

Chanyeol looked back to see Taemin asking his grandmother this question.

“Because I miss your mommy,” the woman said, showing him the picture. “Look how beautiful she looks holding you.”

“That’s me?” Taemin asked surprised.

“It is,” she told him with a small laugh. “Look how little you were.”

“I little. I big now.”

“You are,” she said, wiping her tears quick before she moved on to the next picture, shaking her head at each new moment she hadn’t had the chance to be a part of.

“She did look very happy,” the elder Kim said after they had seen all the pictures. “Thank you for making my daughter happy.”

“Yes, thank you,” Mrs. Kim said as well.

“We made each other very happy,” he told them. “And Taemin made us both happier than we could even make each other so, yeah.”

“Do you have a picture of the three of you together?” Mrs. Kim then asked.

“I do. I have several. I didn’t think to bring one because I didn’t think you’d want any with me in it.”

“Please bring us at least one,” she said. “I would like to put it up. My daughter’s family. You are part of our family forever now in our hearts, even if you don’t wish to acknowledge us.”

“I don’t deserve that kindness from your family,” Chanyeol said, his heart pounding with too many emotions. “But I am honored and humbled. Thank you. I’ll bring you copies of the ones I have.”

“What’s his name?” Taemin asked, bringing the teddy bear over to his grandmother, and Chanyeol was relieved to see him more relaxed now.

“Whatever you want to name him,” she said.

“I name him?”

“Yes. He’s yours, so you can name him whatever you want.”

“Okay,” he said, taking the teddy bear back to the train to have him pretend to be the conductor.

“He’s so smart,” the elder Kim observed. “Has he started school already?”

“Uh, not yet,” Chanyeol said, feeling a little embarrassed again. “I was waiting for him to turn closer to four, but I’ll be looking into that very soon.”

“He’s already so smart without starting school,” the elder Kim said with pride in his voice.

“Does he ask about his mother?” Mrs. Kim then asked him.

“Yes, well, not really asks, but he talks to her a lot. I told him that if he talked to her she would always listen, so sometimes he talks to her. He doesn’t really understand too much that she’s not here, or why she’s not here. So sometimes, like when I first told him that we were coming here, he asked if he would see her here, and so I kinda had to explain that no, and stuff like that. It’s a little hard. He’s just not there yet.”

“Do you think he remembers her?”

“I don’t know,” Chanyeol said, trying to explain. “I’ve asked him before if he does, and he seems to not really remember her, but I’ll show him pictures and he knows it’s her, and he’ll always say things like ‘Mommy is beautiful’ and ‘I miss mommy,’ but I don’t know how much he actually remembers.”

“Does he have any of her mannerisms? Or habits yet?”

“Well,” Chanyeol said looking at Taemin and cocking his head, “Mina and I were a lot alike, so he seems to have gotten his stubbornness from the both of us.”

“Oh dear,” the elder Kim said with a small laugh.

“Yeah, sorry about that,” Chanyeol said a bit sheepish, “Um, he can be pretty loud, like us as well. The shy thing he was doing earlier was really out of character for him, he usually walks into a place thinking it’s his and ready to take over, which he definitely gets more from his mom than me. Um, he can get super whiny, and Mina and I used to joke that he got that from Jongdae.”

“Whining is a Kim trait,” the elder Kim confirmed with a soft smile.

“Yeah, actually, um, you’d probably like to know that Mina came up with his name. She wanted it to be a combination of her and Jongdae’s name, so originally, we were going to name him Daemin. But then we freaked out and thought that might be too obvious and give us away so I suggested Taemin, since it was similar in writing and speaking. So that’s why that’s his name.”

“That’s so wonderful,” Mrs. Kim said, as warmth took over her face. “I love that story. Thank you for sharing it with us.”

“Oh, and also, she was covering her bases with Minseok as well, since both their names started with Min. You can let him know that too.”

“We will,” the elder Kim said. “He’ll love to hear it.”

“Speaking of Minseok,” Mrs. Kim then said. “He would like to meet his cousin as well, but wanted to make sure to come at an appropriate time. Would you mind if we called him in?”

“No, of course not,” Chanyeol said, and then he turned his attention to his son. “Tae, are you ready to meet your cousin?”

“My cousin?” Taemin asked looking up from the train.

“Remember how I told you that Jongin is my cousin, which makes him your cousin? Well mommy has a cousin too, which makes him your cousin too. Do you want to meet him now?”

“Okay,” he said with a nod, standing up as he hugged his teddy bear to his chest.

“Okay, he’s going to come now. Do you want a snack while you wait?” He said pointing to the tray beside the tea.

“It’s snack time?”

“Yep.”

“Really?”

“Yep. Really.”

“Really?”

“Yep,” Chanyeol said again, hoping the Kim’s didn’t think he was starving the kid with how excited he was about snack time.

“We weren’t sure what he was allowed to have,” Mrs. Kim explained, “But if you’d prefer he eat something else, we can have the maid bring it.”

“This is fine,” he assured her as Taemin picked out a sweet cake.

“Daddy, can I have this?”

“Yep. Thank your grandma for giving you your snack.”

“Thank you,” he said, pausing to make sure he gave her a little bow before taking a bite.

“Oh my God,” she said covering her mouth again. “He’s the most precious child.”

Chanyeol thought she’d change her mind about that after she witnessed his first temper tantrum.

Minseok came into the room just moments later, carrying a gift bag with him and taking in the scene with a big smile on his face.

“Hey, little guy,” he said as he walked over.

“Taemin, this is your cousin Minseok,” Chanyeol explained.

“Minseok?”

“Nice to meet you, Taemin,” Minseok said. “I got you a present,” he said handing him the bag.

“A present? For me?”

“Yeah,” Minseok said with a wide smile, as he sat on the floor to watch him better.

“Daddy, can I open my present now?”

“Yep, and make sure you thank your cousin for your present.”

“Thank you,” Taemin said to Minseok as he reached into the bag to pull out a yellow helicopter with a big smile on its face. “It’s a helicopter!”

“Yeah, and look, it’s smiling at you,” Minseok pointed out.

“It’s smiling!” Taemin screeched and then started laughing. “Daddy, look, it’s smiling! The helicopter is smiling.”

“Sorry,” Minseok said. “I was trying to find a fun toy for him, and I saw this and couldn’t stop cracking up, so I had to get it.”

“No, it’s pretty funny,” Chanyeol agreed, snickering at the sight of it. “Why is it smiling?”

“I don’t know,” Minseok said cracking up all over again.

“It’s smiling!” Taemin said again, laughing along as well. “Look, daddy, the helicopter has eyes too.”

“It does,” Chanyeol said. “What are you going to name it?”

“Smile!” He said.

“You’re going to name it Smile?”

“Yeah,” he said laughing as he flew it over to the train and introduced the nameless train to Smile.

“He’s such a funny kid,” Minseok observed.

“Wait until he gets cranky and throws a temper tantrum,” Chanyeol told him, mostly to warn all of them. He had a feeling he was overdue for one.

“He seems to be so healthy,” Mrs. Kim observed. “Has he ever had any major illnesses or any health scares?”

“Um, no,” Chanyeol said wondering if him being sick in general counted. He wasn’t sure why she was asking, but he assumed she just wanted to know as much as possible, so he elaborated. “He was early, so we were a little freaked out about that, but he was healthy. He seemed to just be ready to meet us.”

“How premature was he?”

“A week, but he didn’t have any health issues from it.”

“Do you happen to know what Mina’s pregnancy was like? I can’t imagine her traveling around all alone not knowing what to expect with the changes to her body.” Mrs. Kim lost her smile at the thought of this, and Chanyeol wished he could assure her that everything was fine.

“She had morning sickness. That’s what tipped her off that she might be pregnant. She would tell me she was tired in her updates, or how she couldn’t walk as far and fast as she used to when she was sightseeing, and obviously how she was running out of things to wear, but it all seemed to go okay. Whenever she wasn’t sure about something she’d go to a hospital wherever she was to have things checked out, but… I don’t know. I feel a lot of guilt at not having joined her on her trip toward the end, just to keep an eye on her, but she kept telling me she had it under control so…” Chanyeol bit his lip, also hating that she had gone through the pregnancy mostly alone. “I’m sorry,” he said again.

“How did you guys meet?” Minseok asked. “I’ve been curious.”

“At a club,” Chanyeol told him. “We ran into each other, and it was one of those moments where you haven’t seen someone in forever and you just catch up over some drinks,” Chanyeol said. “It was kind of crazy.”

“What was his first word?” the elder Kim asked.

“It was ‘dada’,” Chanyeol said with a small smile. “But ‘mama’ came soon after. It was mostly my mother’s fault. She always tried to make him say ‘dada’ whenever she was with him. I always tried to make him say ‘mama’ so he could surprise Mina one day with it. Which he did when he finally said it.”

“She must have been so happy that day,” Mrs. Kim said.

“Yeah, she took video of it, and after he had gone to sleep, she just kept playing it over and over with a proud smile on her face.”

Mrs. Kim was about to ask another question when she paused, looking a bit surprised. Chanyeol looked over to see that Jongdae and Yixing had walked into the room, and Chanyeol felt a bit surprised as well.

Jongdae had his hands behind his back and a neutral look on his face. He stopped right by where his father sat, taking in the sight of Taemin.

“Hey, Tae,” Chanyeol said, hoping this didn’t turn into some weird confrontation. “There’s someone else here to meet you.”

“Meet me?” Taemin asked looking up from his helicopter.

“Yeah, come here.”

Taemin ran over with his helicopter, pretending it was flying as he did so.

“So, remember I told you that your mommy had a brother?”

Taemin nodded.

“Well this is him. This is your uncle, Jongdae. Do you want to say hi?”

“Hi,” Taemin said, giving him a little bow.

“Hi,” Jongdae said back, and he looked more unsure than Taemin had felt when he had walked in. “It’s nice to meet you, Taemin. I have a present for you.”

“Another present?” Taemin asked surprised as he looked at Chanyeol for confirmation.

“Everyone was very excited to meet you,” Chanyeol told him with a smile.

Jongdae stepped forward toward Taemin and knelt down in front of him, then showed him the stuffed red panda that Chanyeol instantly recognized. His heart skipped a beat and he lost his smile a bit.

“So, when I was very young,” Jongdae began, “your mommy gave me this red panda as a present. She won it from a machine and she said it was for a special boy, and she gave it to me. But, I think you’re her special boy now, so I think you should have it. His name is Ppalhan.”

“Ppalhan?” Taemin asked looking at the red panda.

“Yes, but if you want, you can give him another name since he’s yours now.”

“Ppalhan mine?”

“Yes,” Jongdae said, pushing it more toward the little boy, who did take it then and hugged the little stuffed animal tight to his chest. “You have to promise to take really good care of him, okay?”

“I promise,” Taemin said jumping up and down, “Mommy give you and you give me.”

“Yes,” Jongdae confirmed with a nod.

“Daddy, Ppalhan sleep with me in my bed?”

“Of course,” Chanyeol said, still sobered by the interaction. He knew how much that red panda had meant to Jongdae, and he wondered if parting with it was Jongdae’s way of parting with Mina for good. But he couldn’t make anything out in Jongdae’s face to indicate one way or another. “Tae, remember when I told you that your mommy gave you your name?”

“Mommy gave me my name,” Taemin nodded.

“Well she named you after her and your uncle. So, he’s Jongdae and you’re Taemin. Dae and Tae.”

“Dae and Tae,” Taemin said and laughed because it seemed to be as funny to him as Smile the helicopter. “Daddy, I take Ppalhan home with Jongin?”

“Yeah, I’m sure Jongin would like to meet him.”

“No,” Taemin said and he ran over to where the teddy bear was by the train and picked it up. “Jongin.”

“You want Jongin to have the teddy bear?” Chanyeol tried to decipher.

“No, daddy, I give name. Jongin,” he said holding up the teddy bear.

Minseok cracked up all over again, putting his hand over his mouth to quiet his cackling.

“You named the teddy bear Jongin?” Chanyeol asked too amused to properly react. “Why?”

“He look like Jongin.”

“He kind of does,” Minseok agreed.

“I take home?”

“Yes, you can take him home, but you can also leave him here if you want since you’ll come back to visit.”

“No I take Jongin and Ppalhan home. Can I take Smile and Train?”

“The train doesn’t get a name?” Junmyeon asked.

“Train!” Taemin said.

“You can take home whatever you like, but you’re going to come back so you’ll want to leave some toys here too,” Chanyeol told him.

“I come back?”

“Yeah, don’t you want to see your grandparents again? And your cousin Minseok? And your uncle Jongdae?”

“Okay, but I take home okay?”

“Sure. Do you have to potty? You keep bouncing.”

Taemin shook his head as he bounced some more and Chanyeol steadied himself for a possible tantrum.

“Tae, I think you have to go potty. Do you want Junmyeon to take you?”

“Okay, Junmyeon, can you take me to potty?” Taemin said putting down Jongin the Bear, but keeping Ppalhan with him as he ran over to Junmyeon.

“Of course,” he said standing up and taking Taemin’s little outstretched hand. “Uh, where is it?”

“I can show you,” Yixing said with a big smile, having appeared to have been entertained by Taemin as well.

“You uncle too?” Taemin asked him.

“No, I’m your uncle’s friend. My name is Yixing, and I’m very happy to meet you.”

“Yixing?” Taemin tried to say, but he stumbled a little over it.

“Close enough,” he said with a laugh. “Come on, let’s go find the potty.”

“Let’s go,” Taemin nodded, walking with the advisors out of the front room.

Chanyeol let out a small sigh of relief as Jongdae got up and sat near his dad.

“He has so much energy,” Mrs. Kim said with a knowing smile.

“That is a lot to deal with on a daily basis,” Minseok told him. “Props to you for handling that.”

“I have a lot of help at the house,” Chanyeol said, knowing he couldn’t take much credit for it. “And he has a nanny who’s a saint because his temper tantrums are pretty brutal to deal with.”

“He gets that from you and Mina,” Minseok said.

“Yeah, I know,” Chanyeol said humbly. “I’m in for a fun ride when he gets older.”

“Did you mean what you told him?” Mrs. Kim then asked, “About him coming back to visit?”

“Yes,” he said with a nod as he looked between all four of the Kim family members in the room. “It’s been long overdue and it’s important for him to get to know you guys.”

“Is that how you really feel?” the elder Kim then asked, “Or is that what you think you should do? I’ll take it either way, but I do want you to want us in his life as well. We want to be there for him and protect him and love him, just like your family has had the privilege to.”

“It’s how I really feel, but I am very overprotective of my son. I don’t know how comfortable I’d be right now having him come over without me here, but I figured we could build up to things like that. Slowly. Very slowly. I just have to come to terms with things better. I know that. I’m trying.”

“It’s fine,” Mrs. Kim said. “Take your time. I know what it’s like to be fiercely protective of your child.”

“Speaking of fiercely protective,” Chanyeol said looking back at Minseok. “Mina used to talk a lot to Taemin, even though he was too young to understand, and she would always tell him that if anything ever happened to her, you would protect him as well as she would have in her place.”

“Damn right I would.”

“I…” Chanyeol smiled a little at his reaction before continuing, “I know we haven’t gotten along well in the past, or ever, but, it would mean a lot if you did sort of take on that role for him in your family.”

“Already doing it,” Minseok said with a nod. “Once you give a kid a ridiculous smiling helicopter, there’s no going back.”

Chanyeol could have hugged the man then, but he thanked him politely instead and looked toward Jongdae, who seemed to be staring off at nothing, lost in his own world.

“If you ever have a moment for whatever reason,” Ms. Kim said, “that you don’t feel comfortable bringing him here, we’d be more than happy to come see him at your family’s home. We just… this has been so wonderful.”

“No, I’ll bring him. There’s no reason not to. We’ll work out a schedule that works best for everyone and adjust it accordingly when he starts school.”

“Thank you,” the elder Kim said.

Taemin ran back into the room proclaiming, “Daddy! I went potty!”

“Good. Do you feel better now?”

“Mhm,” he said with a nod. “Ppalhan go potty too.”

“Oh good, does he feel better now?”

“He feel better,” Taemin said, and then the little boy looked toward Jongdae. “I take care of him.”

“Good,” Jongdae said, tuning back in, and then he stood up. “I should get going, but it was very nice to meet you.”

“You leave now?”

“Yes. I have to go do some things.”

“I see you when I come back?”

Jongdae seemed to hesitate, but then he said, “Uh, yeah, I’ll be here.”

“Yixing? You be here next time?”

“Yep, I’ll be here,” he said, his smile somehow even wider.

“Okay,” Taemin said, and he turned his attention back to his other toys.

Jongdae left the room with Yixing, and Chanyeol had no idea how to feel about him at the moment. His parents may have sensed this since his mother felt compelled to say something.

“He’s been having a hard time since finding all this out.”

“I understand,” Chanyeol said, because he did, even if not from Jongdae’s perspective.

“Just give him time,” the elder Kim said.

Chanyeol nodded and continued to answer their questions as Taemin played and insisted that Minseok joined him, telling him to hold Jongin the Bear who would fly the train, while Ppalhan flew the helicopter.

Sometime later, the crankiness slowly began to set in, and Chanyeol knew the small reprieve he had been given was up.

“It’s definitely nap time for him,” Chanyeol explained as he stood up.

“Noooo,” Taemin said. “I don’t need nap.”

“Anya is waiting for you, and don’t you want Ppalhan to have nap time with you?”

“No, I stay here with Minseok.”

“You’ll come back and play with him. Why don’t you grab the toys you want to take with you?”

The elder Kim motioned for the maid to bring them their coats.

“No, I stay heeeere,” Taemin whined.

“Do you want your crackers?” Junmyeon offered.

“Noooo,” Taemin screeched.

“Well,” Chanyeol said to the Kim’s, “It wouldn’t have been a complete visit without a temper tantrum.”

“He’s fine,” Mrs. Kim said, as she took some steps forward to her grandson to crouch down in front of him. “Taemin, did you like being here today?”

“I stay,” Taemin said with a nod.

“I liked having you here. I love you very much, and anytime you want to come back, you can come back, okay?”

“Okay, but I stay.”

“You have to go home and eat and show Ppalhan his new room, right? And then you can come back and play again. And maybe next time I can show you around the house. Would you like that?”

“I wanna play with Minseok,” the little boy whined.

“I can show you my room next time,” Minseok told him.

“We go to your room now?”

“No, next time.”

“Nooooo.”

“Okay, Tae,” Chanyeol said, having gotten his own coat on and holding his son’s in his hands. “We need to get your coat on.”

“Nooo!” He screeched.

“I’ll hold him,” Junmyeon said, crouching behind the little boy to hold him in place as he tried to wiggle away from Chanyeol.

He managed to get the coat on enough and then picked him up, as Taemin cried and kicked.

“Hey, no kicking daddy,” Chanyeol said a bit sternly. “You’re not being good right now. Do you want to say bye to Minseok and your grandparents?”

Taemin just cried louder, and Chanyeol gave them an apologetic look.

“Next time,” Mrs. Kim said. “We’ll walk you to the car.”

Chanyeol nodded and followed the elder Kim out of the home as he led the way, and Taemin cried louder and then realized he didn’t have any of his toys with him that he had wanted to bring along, which made him cry even more.

Luckily for the little boy, Minseok had carried along the toys he had originally requested, so after Chanyeol dealt with fussing to get him strapped into his car seat, Minseok leaned in.

“Here’s Ppalhan and Jongin the Bear,” Minseok told him, and the little boy accepted the stuffed animals as he sobbed and held them close to him. “And I’ll put Smile and Train right here, okay?”

Taemin hiccupped and nodded as he continued to cry.

“I’ll see you next time,” Minseok told him with a little rub of the head. “Love you, little guy.”

Chanyeol thanked Minseok and then turned to his aunt and uncle and said, “We’ll coordinate the next visit. I want to talk to him tonight and kind of figure out where his head is with all this before I set that up.”

“Of course,” the elder Kim said. “We are so thankful that you let us meet him.”

“I am so thankful that you didn’t kill me so I was able to bring him here and watch him meet you guys for the first time.”

“I know you may not believe this,” the elder Kim said, “But even back then, had you and Mina told us about the two of you, I wouldn’t have killed you. Whatever differences or separate ideologies your father and I may have, we both know better than to take it out on each other’s children. I watched you grow up, and I have always felt a fondness for you because of it. You are always and have always been welcomed in the Kim home.”

“Please don’t tell me that,” Chanyeol said closing his eyes for a moment.

“I do not say it to make you feel guilty. The two of you were young and scared. You said that, and I believe it. Your actions make it clear that it was the case. Now you’re older, and I hope you know now that there is nothing for you to be afraid of here.”

“I really appreciate that,” Chanyeol said, bowing respectfully toward the man as he thanked him again, as well as his wife.

When he finally sat in the car and they were on their way back home, Chanyeol felt exhausted, but hopeful.

Taemin had stopped crying and fallen asleep within no time, and Chanyeol watched him and hoped that he really was doing the best thing for him. The meeting hadn’t been a disaster, but he wasn’t sure how to go forward from here.

“You handled that really well,” Junmyeon told him.

“It definitely could have been worse.”

“You handled it in a mature manner, and they got to see what a great father you are. It went really well.”

“I’m not sure about the great father part, but I’ll take it for now.”

If anything, he hoped they saw that he was a loving father, and maybe that could be enough, just like he would tell Mina that her being a loving mother was enough as well. He really wished they could have done this together, and part of him wishes that she could have experienced the love from her family for both her and her son at the same time. He shut his eyes tight as many emotions hit him, and he did his best to keep them in check for the rest of his ride home.

***

When they arrived home, everyone wanted to hear how the visit had gone, and Chanyeol felt exhausted by the morning that he barely had the energy to tell them. Taemin wasted no time in showing off his new toys, and as he did so, Chanyeol pulled Anya aside to tell her that Taemin would need lunch and possibly another nap though he had passed out in the car.

“I think you’re the one that needs the nap,” she told him with a smile. “Go. I’ll take care of it from here.”

Chanyeol thanked her and excused himself from the family, heading straight to his room and not bothering to take off his clothes as he fell onto his bed and let out a large breath. He could feel the tension in his muscles attempt to relax, and Chanyeol had the thought that laying down after a stressful morning was one of the best feelings in the world.

There was a slight knock on the door and Chanyeol hoped it wasn’t his parents.

“Are you decent?” Kyungsoo said instead as he came in and closed the door behind him.

“Yes. Are you disappointed?”

“Shut up,” Kyungsoo said and Chanyeol snorted, watching him as he came over to the bed as well and laid down with him.

Chanyeol cuddled into him and held him close letting out yet another sigh.

“It seems it went well,” Kyungsoo mentioned.

“It did. They didn’t kill me, so that was a plus.”

“This morning was the first time I ever saw your kid. He’s really great.”

Chanyeol had been so wound up this morning that he hadn’t even stopped to think about how Kyungsoo had accompanied them to the car. He had been worried about him, so Chanyeol hadn’t said a word, and Taemin was too excited about the visit to be concerned with what he probably thought was another security guard. Chanyeol did wonder if Taemin saw the hug, and now he realized that his time had run out to confront the issue.

“I promise that I will talk to him about us tonight.”

“You don’t have to. He’s had a very eventful day.”

“No, we can’t keep doing this without him knowing. I needed you this morning. I can’t keep trying to keep it two different things.”

Kyungsoo fell silent and Chanyeol enjoyed the rhythm of his heart beating for a moment before he looked at him to see if he had fallen asleep, but he was just staring at him as he held him.

“You went so quiet on me I thought you had fallen asleep,” Chanyeol told him, running lazy fingers along his back.

“No, I was just thinking. You should take your nap though. I should leave. I’m a distraction.”

“Stay. Don’t leave me. I need this right now.”

Chanyeol did begin to drift asleep, and he almost thought he heard Kyungsoo say “I need you too” before he drifted off completely.

When he woke up, however, Kyungsoo was gone. Chanyeol felt more relaxed and well-rested from his nap. He got up and went to grab lunch from the kitchen and served himself a bowl of rice and meat just as his bodyguard walked in.

“I didn’t find you in your room,” he said, “So I figured you’d be in here. Your father wishes to see you. He’s in his office.”

“Great,” Chanyeol said, knowing this was the last thing he would be able to deal with right now. Still he thanked the man and told him he’d be there in a minute. He finished his food quickly and grabbed himself a soju to help it down, taking it with him to his father’s office where he knew he’d need it to make it through whatever this conversation would be.

He knew his father would want a complete update, but he figured the elder Kim would have called him by now to tell him anyway.

When he walked in, he found Junmyeon and Kyungsoo inside with him, and they both abruptly stood and began to make their leave.

“This is dramatic,” he mumbled to himself as he went to sit in the chair across from his father.

Once they were in the room alone, his father began.

“I was very proud of you this morning for taking Taemin to meet the Kim’s.”

“Well, I’m sure everything I do from now on will make you proud since it’s all exactly what you want me to do.”

His father looked at him confused and said, “I’m sorry?”

“You won,” Chanyeol shrugged. “Everything you want, you got. I can’t win against you, no matter how hard I tried. So now the Kim’s are in Taemin’s life, which means now we’re staying here because this is where he can be best protected, which means you’ve won.”

“This was never a competition.”

“No. It was a game that you invented and made all the rules for while permanently having the upper hand.”

“You could have chosen to keep Taemin away from the Kim’s and run away from us as well. You are not making these decisions because of some game you invented in your head. You’re making them because you know it’s the right thing to do.”

“Yep, you’re right,” Chanyeol said taking a drink from his soju bottle.

“Why are you acting like this? The elder Kim called and sounded grateful beyond words. He told me to tell you thank you once again and that there is a new energy in their family that had been missing. He sounds like the man I used to know once more.”

“That’s great for the both of you.”

“Did it not go well?”

“It went well.”

“Then what is the problem?”

“The problem is that I have completely lost control of the situation,” Chanyeol admitted, both in defeat and in frustration. “I now have to live in this house and go back to living under your rules and the family rules. I have to go back to worrying that someone will attack us in the middle of the night the way we did the Choi’s. I have to go back to worrying that my son will be exposed to what we do, and the violence that comes with it, knowing that when he’s old enough you’ll be teaching him to shoot a gun, just how you taught me, and he’ll start learning about the family business, because you can’t avoid it when you live under this roof. This isn’t what Mina and I wanted for him, but I’ve failed. I broke my promise to her. I broke my promise to him. And I broke my promise to myself. That’s the problem.”

“I understand,” his father then said and he reached across the desk to grab Chanyeol’s bottle and take a drink from it himself. “I too have completely lost control of the situation. I have a son that hates me and wants nothing to do with me, and a wife that keeps threatening to leave me if I don’t fix the situation. Chanyeol, whatever it is you want, I want you to have it. You want your freedom? Then have your freedom. You want to take your son and move to another country and be far away from all this. Then do it. Will it hurt me if you do it? Yes. But if it makes you happy, then I will adapt to the situation. It’s what I always do when you decide to run away. You keep saying I won a game, but what game have I won when my son has made it clear that staying in this house will make him miserable and resentful for the rest of his life? There’s no game. There’s just this situation that’s been created. How do I help you out here? What do you want me to do? Do you need me to call the real estate agent to find you and Taemin a new place? Should I ask him if he has any expertise in international properties? I have many business contacts in Beijing, Hong Kong, Tokyo. I can set you up wherever you like. Or is that still too much of the game for you? You want to do it on your own? What do you want?”

He could tell his father was more than frustrated with him, and he felt guilt knowing that he was stressing his father out more than his doctor would like.

“I can’t leave now,” Chanyeol said, his voice softer than he had been going for and he cleared his throat. “People will find out about my son and how he’s related to the Kim’s. It will make him more of a target. This is the only safe place for him.” It pained him to admit it, and he hated his entire life in that moment.

“You can still leave with him and we can employ security guards to live with the two of you if you’d prefer it that way,” his father said. “Twenty-four-hour security.”

“We’re staying,” Chanyeol said. “I’ve already made the decision. I don’t have another game plan anyway. I kind of gave up on thinking of one when I started realizing I wasn’t going to actually get out of here.”

“No one is forcing you to stay.”

“It’s what you and mom want. It’s fine.”

“It’s not fine if you’re going to be miserable about it.”

“What do you care if I’m miserable? You have more important things to worry about. Like training your new apprentice and making the family even greater once you’re back full time.”

“Wouldn’t you care if Taemin was miserable?”

“I would care, but if Taemin was miserable I would blame myself for it because it would probably be my fault.”

“I do blame myself for you being miserable and I know it’s my fault,” his father stated.

Chanyeol looked at him and blinked a few times as he processed that statement.

“Great, this is what I have to look forward to when he’s old enough to realize I’m a shit father.”

“You’re not a shit father. You’re a great father who has done nothing but love your son and do the best you could under your circumstances. But I can tell you from experience, that may not be enough to keep him from thinking you’re a shit father.”

“You looked me in the eyes and told me that you were disappointed in me, without even trying to understand what I went through or how hard it was for me to deal with everything I had to deal with for the past three years. Don’t lie to me and say I’m a great father when you yourself made it clear in this very office that I was anything but.”

“I was very angry that you kept that secret from us,” his father explained, pushing the bottle back toward Chanyeol as if he needed it now. “And I reacted based on my emotions. And when you told us more of the story, I was still very upset. But I’ve had time to let it all settle in and accept it for what it was. What’s important is now and the future. How we move forward in this situation. You’re a great father, and since this all came to light, you have made decisions that prove it. On the call, the elder Kim was sure to say that he and his wife both thought you were a wonderful father, and they complimented me of all people on raising you to be this way. Ridiculous, isn’t it?”

“They’ll say anything to stay on our good side. They’re scared that we won’t let them see him again.”

“You. They’re scared that you won’t let them see him again. My position on this is clear, and they know what that is. Whatever happened at their home today, you made a great impression, only overshadowed by the impression Taemin made. He could not stop saying how proud he was to have such an intelligent and kind grandson. And he made it a point to say that he knew he had you to thank for raising him that way. Which brings us back to the matter at hand. Your whole life with him, you’ve always done what you’ve felt is best for him and what you thought was right. No one was forcing you to stay. We always knew in the back of our minds that you’d leave us again because you hate it here so much. Your mother and I were even considering a condo near wherever you selected to live so that we’d have a place when visiting. We knew you’d prefer that to having us stay in your home.”

Not only was he a shit father, but he was officially the worst son on the planet, and he dropped his face into his hands overwhelmed by emotion at hearing this. He knew he had to concede on this too. He had to accept he wasn’t going to get what he wanted out of any of this, and that was okay. He’d just have to figure it out, kind of like Kyungsoo had told him when he mentioned that after things had settled, maybe things could be different. He just had to do this for now.

He rubbed his forehead then looked back up at his father and said, “Okay, so I’m staying and this is what it is and I’ll try and do a better job of being a father and a son. I’ll make it a point to no longer be ungrateful, and I’ll do my best to not look miserable while I’m here.”

“Chanyeol…”

“No, I’m going to do this right. I’ll figure things out and spend more time with my son, which I haven’t been doing. Maybe now I can take him to the zoo more often, and I have to focus on finding him a school, a really good one, that’s nearby, and that he’ll like.” And at some point, tears started to fall and he furiously wiped them away as he continued. “And I’ll help mom out more so she doesn’t have to take care of all the house stuff by herself. And it’ll be fun to hang out with Jongin when he’s not busy working.”

“Chanyeol stop,” his father said. And then his father stood from his chair and came over to him, swifter than he had seen him move since his injuries. His father took hold of him and hugged him as tight as he could. “I love you. I’m proud of you. You do not have to stay here, but if you choose to, only stay for as long as you feel you need to. This will always be your home, even if you’re physically not living in it. Taemin too. I’m sorry that I betrayed your trust to the point that you no longer wish to be near me. I was always only doing what I thought was right for you. Just remember that.” And then he let go to turn his head so he could wipe his own tears.

And deep down inside, Chanyeol knew his father was telling the truth. Even after learning what he had about his father in the past several months, he knew that his father did always do what he thought was right for him. Which then made him think of Kyungsoo.

“If you really want me to be happy here, then do you promise to not interfere with my relationship with Kyungsoo anymore? I know it’d be too much to ask you to accept it, so can you at least do that?”

“I’ve already accepted your relationship with him,” his father said, and Chanyeol looked at him surprised. “What choice did I have? You both argued that the other made him happy. It’s all I want for the both of you. When he hugged you this morning and gave you those encouraging words, and I saw the effect it had on you, it reinforced that acceptance in my mind. And I will tell you the same thing I told him. If you need any advice along the way, you can come and talk to me, and I will do my best to give you an objective answer. Even if you hate me, I’m still your father, and I’m always here for you if you need help, or guidance, or advice, or need to just talk.”

“I don’t hate you,” he then said, and he stood up to give his father a hug this time. “I’m sorry I disappointed you. I’ll try harder to be better. I’m sorry I made you stressed. Please don’t stress anymore and please get better.” He pulled away to look at the man who seemed relieved to have heard this from him.

“The same to you. Please don’t stress about staying here. Try and use this time to figure out what you want to do next and where you want to do it. Whatever you decide, as always, I’ll support it. Your mother will too.”

“Mom wants me and Taemin to stay forever.”

“Well then lucky for you, we don’t have the option of sticking around forever, do we? As long as you continue to consider what is best for you and your son, I believe you will continue to make the right decisions. And I will support them.”

“Even though I made a horrible decision that led to all of this.”

“You had your reasons. I don’t fully understand them. But as they say, hindsight is 20-20. It’s easy for us to say now what you and Mina should have done, and how we would have been there for you and what we would have done, but who knows what would have actually happened. Mina was not wrong, and she perhaps had better insight than you, being an apprentice to her father at the time. If she feared all would not be well between the Kim’s and the Park’s if we were to find out, then chances are, even if she was being overly cautious, there was enough of a possibility to not risk it. Or maybe, it was as you said, she was frightened of disappointing her father. Whatever the case, her father and I did not do a great job of assuring the both of you that you could come to us with something like what happened, so that falls on the both of us. We discussed that. We are aware. And we accept the consequences of it. We made a pact going forward to try and be better fathers. I know I need to work harder to be a better father to you under these present circumstances, and he feels the pressure to be better for Jongdae, who has not handled anything well since Mina left us. He blames himself entirely for that. I blame myself entirely for your hatred of this house. We both have vowed to do better.”

Chanyeol wondered if these were real conclusions he had come to, or if he knew some of these things were just what Chanyeol wanted to hear. He accepted all the words regardless, adding it to the list of things he’d need to think about further.

“I vow to be a better father too,” Chanyeol said, “And I’ll try really hard to be a better son. I guess we’ll see how things go with me living here.”

“I guess we will,” his father nodded. “If it becomes unbearable for you, let me know. We’ll make arrangements to find you another place.”

“I’ll keep that in mind,” he said, and his father had driven the point home so many times throughout their conversation that he started to believe him a little.

When he left his father’s office, he felt exhausted all over again, and he went back to his room to lay in his bed and contemplate this new life of his that he had signed him and Taemin up for.

***

In the morning, Chanyeol went to go find his son, having pushed off his conversation to when they were both hopefully well rested. He found him already in his playroom with Anya and Jongin, and Taemin lit up when he saw him.

“Daddy! Look!” He shouted with too much energy and excitement for an early morning. “We finish your home.”

He looked to see that his large building of colorful blocks stood tall, just up to Jongin’s chest in height.

“Wow,” he said, “It’s so much higher than you, Tae.”

“It’s tall like you,” he explained. “Do you like it?”

“I love it. Here, let me take a picture,” Chanyeol said, taking out his phone and taking one with its builders beside it.

“Okay, you live here now,” Taemin told him after the picture. “You live in this building, okay daddy?”

“It might be a tight fit,” Jongin joked.

“Okay, and where’s your room? Are our rooms next to each other?” He asked, playing along.

“No, I stay here. Only daddy’s building. Daddy’s room here,” he pointed to an area in the corner of the building.

“Do I get a room?” Jongin asked.

“No, you stay here. Daddy go home to his building so he can be happy.”

Chanyeol lost his smile then and Jongin looked a bit surprised to hear this and quietly said, “Oh.”

“If you’re not living with me, then I wouldn’t be happy,” he said, crouching down to look at him eye-level.

“No, but I stay here. Taemin happy here, but you go back home to be happy.”

Chanyeol was mentally cursing so loud that he swore they could all hear his mind, and Jongin was the first to say something.

“I’m going to go see what’s for breakfast,” Jongin said. “Anya, you should come check it out too.”

“Sure,” she said and looked at Chanyeol. “I’ll have my phone ready for your instructions.”

Chanyeol just nodded and said nothing, as he shifted his position to sit in front of his son.

“We go breakfast too?” Taemin asked.

“In a little bit,” Chanyeol said, taking one of Taemin’s small hands into his and holding it as he tried to figure out how to address this unexpected issue with his son.

All he could think about was his mother’s words to him on that one night when she had told him that he hadn’t been paying attention to his son. Judging from this morning, he hadn’t been paying attention for a while considering how long Taemin had been trying to build this building.

“Tae, I know you really love living here,” Chanyeol began, “With grandma and grandpa and Jongin and everyone. Does this feel like home to you?”

Taemin nodded, “This is home. I have my own room.”

“What about our old home? When it was just you and me? Did that feel like home?”

“I live here now.”

Chanyeol sighed, knowing he wouldn’t get answers to those types of questions when his son was being stubborn.

“Okay, well, we live here now. You and me. I know I told you before that we’re going to move back home, but I changed my mind, okay? Now we’re going to stay here. This is your home now. Our home.”

“But you go building,” Taemin said.

“You’re my son. I live where you live.”

“No, daddy go building to be happy.”

“Hey, want to hear something funny?” Chanyeol said, forcing a small smile on his face, “If I lived in the building without you, I wouldn’t be happy. I’m only happy when I live with you. So, if this is where you want to live, then this is where I’ll live, and I’ll be happy.”

“But you’re sad.”

Why did his son have to be so smart and perceptive? Or maybe just smart enough to overhear his parents or aunt mention it and know what they meant. This was an absolute nightmare and Chanyeol’s guilt ascended to a new level. He was definitely the worst father to ever exist.

“I was a little sad at first,” Chanyeol tried to explain. “I was very worried about your grandpa and wanted him to be better. But now he’s getting so much better, right? So now I’m not as sad. I can be happy here, in our home, with you. Do you understand?”

“You can be happy here?”

“Yes. I’m already happy here because you’re here. And you make me very happy,” he said, not even having to force the smile onto his face for show. It came naturally to him at the sight of his son looking a tad bit relieved, even if not fully just yet.

They’d get there, and now, just like he had told his father, he would be able to focus on his son more again. Maybe that alone would make staying there worth it in the end.

“Speaking of homes and happy and stuff,” Chanyeol said, needing to change the subject, “Did you like meeting your other grandparents yesterday?”

Taemin nodded and said, “And Minseok, and I got Smile, and I go potty.”

“You did,” Chanyeol said, now his smile turning into amusement. “Do you want to go back and visit again?”

The little boy nodded.

“I play with Minseok again?”

“Yep. You’ll play with your cousin Minseok. You really liked him, huh?”

“He funny,” Taemin said with a small laugh.

“He is. Did you show Jongin the bear that looks like him?”

“Jongin laughed!” Taemin said laughing even more now. “Jongin held the teddy bear, and he go ‘It’s me!’”

Chanyeol had to laugh as his son cracked up over this memory and Chanyeol could envision it perfectly, looking forward to teasing his cousin about it later.

And now that he had his son in a good mood, he took a deep breath and found a good way to segue into the real reason he had needed to talk to him.

“Speaking of Jongin, you know how Jongin has a girlfriend? Chrystal?”

“Chrystal,” Taemin said with a smile. “She play with Smile too.”

“Oh how cute,” he said, envisioning this scene as well. “Well, um, you know how they’re friends, but they’re friends in a way where they like to hold hands and stuff?” He was absolutely terrible at this. Why wasn’t there a guidebook for this sort of thing?

“They hold hands,” Taemin nodded.

“And sometimes they kiss. You know like how sometimes grandma and grandpa will give each other a kiss?”

“Like daddy kiss me and I kiss daddy.”

“No, this is a little different. I kiss you because you’re my son and I love you, but Jongin kisses Chrystal because she’s his special friend.”

“Special friend?”

“Right. And, I have a special friend.”

“You have special friend?”

“Yes. And I hold hands and kiss him because he’s my special friend.”

“Do I have special friend?”

“Not yet. You don’t get special friends until you’re much older. Like daddy’s age. Right now you’re a little kid, and little kids don’t have special friends. I mean, you can have a best friend, which is close.”

“I have best friend?”

“Yeah, when you start going to school, you’re going to meet a lot of other kids your age, and you might like one a lot and want them to be your best friend.”

“Daddy have best friend?”

“I do. Jongin’s my best friend.”

“But Jongin cousin.”

“Yep, he’s my cousin and my best friend. When you get older, sometimes your best friend is also your special friend. Like when your mommy was still with us, she was my best friend and my special friend.”

“Can Jongin be my best friend?”

“You’ll have to ask him,” Chanyeol said with a small laugh. “But, um, I’m telling you this because I have a special friend, and I wanted to know if you wanted to meet him.”

“Okay.”

“Okay? Do you want to meet him now? During breakfast?”

“He eat with us?”

“Yeah. Is that okay?”

“Okay,” Taemin said.

Chanyeol felt relief and he pulled Taemin in for a little hug and kiss on the head, then stood up and texted Kyungsoo to meet them for breakfast in the breakfast nook instead of the dining room. He didn’t think they should meet each other with other family members watching, or maybe Chanyeol was just too nervous to have this happen with others around to judge him.

He made his way to the kitchen with his son, letting the staff know they’d be taking their breakfast in the nook and that they’d be joined by Kyungsoo so they knew to bring three servings to them.

“Oh no, we need your booster seat,” Chanyeol realized, looking around to see if one was in the nook somewhere.

“No, daddy, I don’t need it. I’m a big boy now.”

“You are a big boy, but you’re still small too,” he said, and asked a member of the kitchen staff to bring one from the dining room.

“I’m not small.”

“You are,” Chanyeol said with a laugh, “Just like your cousin Minseok.”

“He small?” Taemin asked surprised.

“He’s smaller than me,” Chanyeol remarked, and Taemin found this funny and laughed.

“I grow tall like daddy,” he said as he held onto the table and jumped up and down in the chair he had climbed on. Then he stood straight up in the chair and said, “Look, daddy, I tall now.”

“You are. You’re almost as tall as me.”

Taemin laughed and Chanyeol noticed Kyungsoo walk in with a small smile on his face. Chanyeol cleared his throat, mostly because the sight of Kyungsoo in the morning was always a good one.

“Hey,” he said to Kyungsoo, and his cheeks may have gone a little pink for whatever reason. Chanyeol would never understand why his feelings and emotions always had to make themselves so obvious.

“Hey,” Kyungsoo said back as he smiled a little wider.

“Tae,” Chanyeol said, focusing back on Taemin who was back to trying to jump in the chair, “This is my special friend, Kyungsoo.”

“Kyungsoo?” Taemin tried out, and Chanyeol had to admit that he loved the sound of his name coming out of his son’s mouth a lot.

“Yep, and Kyungsoo, this is my son Taemin.”

“Very nice to meet you, Taemin,” Kyungsoo said with a big smile now.

“Nice to meet you, Kyungsoo,” he said, giving him a little bow.

The booster seat arrived and Taemin felt it necessary to explain to Kyungsoo, “I still small, but I grow tall soon.”

“I’m still waiting to grow tall,” Kyungsoo replied, having sat across from Taemin and beside Chanyeol who sat between them.

“You small too?”

“I’m very short for my age. Your dad is very tall for his age.”

“There’s no such thing as very tall for my age,” Chanyeol said with a laugh.

“When you were little, you were small like me?”

“I was,” Kyungsoo nodded.

“So was I,” Chanyeol said.

“No, daddy tall.”

“Not when I was little.”

“You no little,” Taemin said, turning his focus to the bowl of soup that had been placed in front of him.

“Here, eat the tofu while you let your soup cool down a little,” Chanyeol said, pushing the small bowl of tofu toward his son, and then testing out his own soup to assess the temperature.

One of the members of the kitchen staff brought Chanyeol a smaller little bowl for Taemin so he could scoop smaller portions of the soup out for him, and Chanyeol busied himself with this task while Taemin ate a piece of tofu.

“Daddy, I go play in park today with Jongin?”

“I don’t know. You’ll have to ask Jongin. You know he still needs to rest, right? His arm still hurts him a little.”

“I know, but he says he’s fine.”

“Here, open up,” Chanyeol said feeding him his first spoonful of soup after blowing on it, and Taemin ate it. “Still too hot?”

“No, it’s fine,” he said and opened his mouth for another spoonful as he bounced in his booster seat.

“As you can see,” Chanyeol said to Kyungsoo, “my dad life is riveting.”

“I wish I was recording all of this,” Kyungsoo told him.

“You’re weird,” Chanyeol teased him, feeding Taemin some more soup.

“Daddy, Kyungsoo come play in the park too?”

“He has to work, but I bet sometimes he can come with us.”

“I would love to,” Kyungsoo said. “What’s your favorite thing to do in the park?”

“I go on swing and Jongin make me go high. I fly like Smile.”

“His toy helicopter,” Chanyeol explained.

“Oh wow, I bet you go really high,” Kyungsoo said, and now Chanyeol wished he was recording all of this.

“Mhm, I fly high. You push me really high when we go?”

“I’ll try, but I don’t know if I’ll be as good at it as Jongin is.”

“You try,” Taemin nodded, grabbing another piece of tofu with his hand.

“So, Tae,” Chanyeol said, “Do you know how I said Kyungsoo is daddy’s special friend?”

“Special friend,” Taemin nodded.

“Well you know how Chrystal sleeps in Jongin’s room with Jongin?”

“Mhm.”

“Well, sometimes Kyungsoo will sleep in my room, okay?”

“A sleepover?”

“Something like that,” he said, scrunching his nose a little in amusement and now Kyungsoo seemed to blush. “But, you can still come in at night if you want to. But I just want to make sure you know that sometimes Kyungsoo will be there too, sleeping in the bed with me, okay? But you can still come in and sleep in the bed if you need to.”

“Okay, I sleepover with you and Kyungsoo?”

“Oh man, um, you can come into my room like you do now if you want to, but sometimes he’ll be there too. Okay?”

“Can Jongin sleepover too?”

Chanyeol chuckled, “Okay, we’ll tackle this concept again later,” he said, and rubbed his son’s hair, then looked at Kyungsoo. “He’s like obsessed with this sleepover concept. We did one in his room a bit ago and it ended up being really nice.”

“That sounds very nice,” Kyungsoo said.

“You see my room?” Taemin asked Kyungsoo.

“I would love to,” Kyungsoo told him.

“Maybe after breakfast,” Chanyeol said, “Before he goes back to work. Kyungsoo works with grandpa. Isn’t that cool?”

“Daddy, I want to work with grandpa!”

Chanyeol froze a bit, and then ate more of his soup, which still awarded him no reply to give his son, so he switched the topic.

“Are you going to show Kyungsoo all the books in your room?”

“Yes! Kyungsoo read me story for bed?”

“If he can read, sure.”

Kyungsoo kicked him under the table, and Chanyeol yelped then laughed.

“Kyungsoo, can you read me book?”

“Of course. Do you have a favorite book you like?”

“Mhm,” Taemin nodded. “Daddy, can I have a helicopter book?”

“We can try and find you one at the bookstore.”

“We go today?”

“I have to work a little, but after that we can go. We can go to the bookstore and get some lunch. How does that sound?”

“Okay,” Taemin approved. “Can we read to Minseok at his house?”

“Of course. I think he’d like that a lot.  I’m pretty sure he’d love to read it to you. Actually, if you finish eating all your breakfast, I might have a little surprise for you later before we leave to lunch.”

“A surprise?”

“Yep,” Chanyeol said with a big smile to let him know it’d be a good one.

As they finished their breakfast and Chanyeol watched Taemin and Kyungsoo interact more, he felt a strong sense of peace finally settle over him that he had not felt for a long time in this home, and he wondered if that feeling would stay for a long time. He found that he hoped it would.

“He was extremely well behaved,” Chanyeol told Kyungsoo as they finished up breakfast.

“He’s a really great kid,” Kyungsoo told him.

“He’s usually not this angelic. I’m just warning you. Because the moment he throws his first temper tantrum in front of you, you’re going to reconsider wanting to stay in this house.”

“I doubt it. I put up with your temper tantrums just fine.”

“I am going to kick you back for that when I have you alone tonight,” Chanyeol warned him.

Kyungsoo chuckled, and Chanyeol took his hand to hold it as they walked behind Taemin who excitedly led the way to his room.

“You know,” Chanyeol then thought, “My dad will probably want you to start coming to the family dinners, since you’ll be the head of the family one day, so technically, you belong at them.”

“He’s already asked me to,” Kyungsoo informed him. “But I told him that I’d only feel comfortable with it once you were comfortable enough with having me around your son.”

“Why didn’t you tell me? I would have spoken with him sooner.”

“I didn’t want to rush you. It had to be done when you felt it was right. But I’ll let your father know that I can start attending them now.”

“I can’t wait. You’ll make them less boring.”

“After this breakfast, I highly doubt they’re ever boring.”

“Just wait and see. You’ll get over the novelty soon enough.”

“I don’t think I will. I really like you in dad mode. You seemed like an actual adult.”

“That’s going to be another kick.”

And Kyungsoo chuckled again, which naturally made Chanyeol sneak in a quick kiss on his cheek.

“This my room,” Taemin announced as he opened the door for them to enter.

Chanyeol let Kyungsoo go in first, then followed him in and watched as Taemin introduced Kyungsoo to his world, and the last part of Chanyeol’s world that he had to share with him. And as he watched, he thought about how this was exactly the life that he wanted, even if it hadn’t come to him exactly the way he had envisioned. In that moment, he truly felt that he had everything he needed, and he knew it would require hard work on his part to keep it that way.

As he watched Taemin show off his books to Kyungsoo and pull out his favorites for him to see, Chanyeol decided that he was up for the challenge.

***

Chanyeol set off toward the security bungalows, alone for once, needing the quiet stroll to work out his thoughts and emotions a bit better. He realized he needed to make sure and start taking these daily alone times to reflect and offer himself some quiet meditation – two things he had never been good at.

He walked into the main bungalow and was glad he didn’t have to ask around for Minseok, as the man sat at a table with two other members of security looking to be in serious discussion. They looked up when they noticed others bowing and greeting him and Chanyeol nodded at them, then pointed toward Minseok.

“Can I borrow you for a moment?”

“Sure,” Minseok said, excusing himself from the others and following him outside, Chanyeol choosing to stand near a barren tree off to the side of the bungalows. “What’s up?”

“Hey,” Chanyeol said, a bit light hearted at the request he had in mind. “I just wanted to thank you for being super amazing yesterday. I was scared shitless and didn’t know what to expect when I came over, and your family has every reason to hate me so thank you for being really awesome.”

“You had no reason to be scared. We just wanted a chance to meet the little guy. He’s all of Mina that’s left, you know?”

“Yeah, I do,” Chanyeol nodded. “Um, if you’re not busy around lunch time, I was wondering if you’d like to join Taemin and I. We’re going to a bookstore because he wants to find a helicopter book.”

Minseok laughed, and Chanyeol chuckled with him.

“I would seriously be honored and love that.”

“Great. I’ll text you when we’re getting ready so you can come meet us in the front room. I kind of want it to be surprise for him since he doesn’t know you’re on property. And of course, now that he’ll know, you can feel free to come into the house whenever to play with him or just say hi. You’re part of that part of the family now, so, you know.”

“Do I sense character growth?”

“Hey, you seem to have had some too,” Chanyeol pointed out. “This is definitely different than how we interacted during the whole Choi mess.”

“After finding out about all of this, I spent a good amount of time thinking about it,” Minseok said. “Mina was my best friend. She never kept a single secret from me, except for this gigantic one that must have been so much bigger than her that she didn’t even know how to process it enough to tell those closest to her. That’s my theory to help me cope with it and accept it.”

“That’s a spot on theory,” Chanyeol nodded. “Neither of us could wrap our heads around it, much less deal with it.”

Minseok nodded in thought, then said, “She chose you. She cared about you. It’s clear from the things you’ve told us. And you cared about her, and that’s the part that’s most important to me. You made her happy, and you were there for her throughout this mess you guys got yourselves into. You could have abandoned her to let her deal with it on her own, you could have betrayed her trust and told her parents so you could get out of the whole thing. But you were there for her, and after she died, you were still there for her, raising your kid in the way she wanted and trying to keep your promise to her. It’s hard to not like you after finding all that out. Mina found something about you to like, so I’m sure I can follow in her footsteps and do the same.”

“I’m pretty sure I can do the same. Thank you. I’ve already discovered several things I like about you. It’s funny, I expected you to react more like how Jongdae is acting, and I expected Jongdae to not show up at all, so you both surprised me.”

Minseok seemed to have to think about his reply before speaking.

“I don’t always understand my cousin. But I do know he’s really hurting right now. He just needs time to process and work out this curve ball in his life.”

“I was very shocked he parted with that red panda.”

“You and me both.”

“I had the thought when he did it that it was his way of really getting rid of Mina from his life.”

“It might have been. Jongdae was the most loyal about visiting her grave often, now he won’t go at all. I tried to get him to go with me and he said he was never going again. I think, if I had to try and make sense of it, when you love that hard, and you feel betrayed by that person, after the pain passes, you’re left with hatred. It’s the only thing that makes sense to me. I think it’s going to take him some time to get to the point where he can love Mina again, although in a more realistic way. I think the pedestal he had her on is forever destroyed.”

“That’s probably for the better. Mina was hardly perfect,” Chanyeol said, but in a fond way.

“That’s the truth,” Minseok snorted.

“It’s part of what I loved about her. She knew she fucked up a lot. She never claimed to be a saint. It was a big part of her personality.”

“She used to always tell me that it was Jongdae’s job to be the perfect child. They mutually had each other on pedestals.”

“He was hardly perfect too.”

“That’s an even bigger truth, but you know, Jongdae always meant well. And so did Mina in her own way. They were very different in their approaches, but it came from the same place. They were a lot more alike than the other ever thought.”

“No, that’s a fact,” Chanyeol nodded. “The whole time I had to deal with him during these last months, there were so many times he reminded me of Mina. It could be very unsettling at times. Not in a good way or bad way, but just unsettling.”

“I get that,” Minseok nodded. “Well, you don’t have to worry about that anymore. And neither does he for now. My uncle took back the reins on the family and he told Jongdae to travel and go find himself. He left the door open for him to be his apprentice much later if he really wanted to, but for now, I get the honor.”

“Seriously?” Chanyeol said surprised to hear this. “Congrats. Wait, does this mean you guys are going to try and be a high family again?”

“My uncle’s already had that conversation with your father. I’m surprised your father didn’t mention it to you. They had a long discussion after all this went down, and my uncle told him his intentions for when he had things back in order again. He made sure your father knew that he didn’t expect any help from your family, but it was something he felt he had to do to repay his own family for everything he had put us through. He also told him he felt he owed a legacy, not just to Mina and Jongdae, but to Taemin as well. He explained that it’s what Mina would have wanted.”

Chanyeol was shocked by the news, but not entirely surprised by the reasoning.

“How did my father take it?”

“You’d probably have to ask him for his side, but on our side, my uncle said that he supported it, and he would start transferring control of our businesses back to us once you guys were done transitioning power back to him from you. I get to stay on board here during the transition to keep helping out, which I’m grateful for. There’s no security like the Park security, and I’ve learned a lot that our family will definitely need to implement if we have any chance surviving our first year as a high family again. We’re starting at the bottom as the weakest of all the high families. Luckily, your father made it clear that we would still be allies, at least as long as he’s the head. It’s going to be hard work, but I think we’re all up for the challenge.”

“I think if there’s any family that has shown it can overcome the worst of what can happen to them, it’s your family. I really hope my son inherited that Kim resiliency.”

“I’m sure he did. He seemed to have gotten all the best parts of both. Some of the worst too, but definitely all the best.”

Chanyeol snorted at that, but nodded in agreement before letting Minseok get back to work. As he walked back toward the house, he felt calm and in a rather good mood.

So much so that later when it was time for lunch, Chanyeol decided to start bringing joy into his family instead of misery, or maybe he felt more that he owed it to them, but either way, Chanyeol had invited his parents and Jongin to Taemin’s surprise, knowing his reaction would put big smiles on their faces as well.

“Daddy, my coat is on. I get my surprise now?” Taemin asked after Anya had helped bundle him up.

“I’m curious as well,” Jongin said looking as excited as his little cousin.

“Yep, your surprise is that I invited someone to come with us to go to lunch and book shopping.”

“Is Jongin coming?”

“No, someone else,” Chanyeol said glancing toward the doorway where Minseok had just appeared. “Turn around.”

Taemin turned around and screeched in surprise and yelled “Minseok!” before running over to him to hug his leg.

“Hey, little guy,” Minseok said with a big smile at the reaction as he tousled Taemin’s hair with his hand. “Do you mind if I come with you to lunch?”

“You coming to lunch?” Taemin asked excited. “Daddy, Minseok come to lunch?”

“Yep. I thought he might be able to help you find the book you wanted.”

“Minseok, you help me buy helicopter book?”

“That’s why I’m here,” Minseok nodded as he took Taemin’s hand, which the little boy had outstretched to his to hold, and Chanyeol could hear everyone in the room coo at the same time.

“Daddy, let’s go! Minseok coming too.”

“I know, surprise!” Chanyeol said laughing as he opened the door.

“I’m so happy I recorded that,” Chanyeol’s mother said as she tapped some buttons on her phone. “Please take pictures.”

“I’ll try and remember,” Chanyeol said with a small chuckle.

Then the three of them said their farewells and headed to the car that waited for them.

***

It had been such a good day that Chanyeol debated whether or not he should ruin dinner for everyone. He had come in with Taemin and Anya and found Kyungsoo already there, sitting beside Junmyeon as he spoke with him and his father.

“Is Kyungsoo,” Taemin said and Chanyeol tried to hide the smile on his face, but it was futile as he watched Taemin sit beside Kyungsoo.

Chanyeol sat on the other side of Taemin, hoping Kyungsoo didn’t mind sitting by his kid instead for the first dinner.

“Yes, it is,” Chanyeol’s father said also amused. “Kyungsoo will be joining us for dinner now regularly.”

“I hardly find it necessary at this point,” his aunt then said, and that was when Chanyeol contemplated ruining dinner.

“Mom,” Jongin said. “It’s okay. Kyungsoo is part of the family.”

“I don’t remember having him,” she stated and looked at her sister-in-law. “Do you remember having him?”

“Okay,” Chanyeol started before his father could reprimand her first.

“No, wait,” his father said putting his hand up to stop him, and then he addressed his sister. “I warned Kyungsoo about your behavior, and he is well aware of how you feel about him and this situation. If you cannot accept him as part of this family, then you will need to leave.”

“Also, he’s my boyfriend,” Chanyeol added, because he was not going to let this go no matter how many hands his father put up. “And since I’ve decided to stay in the house and not leave, you’re going to have to put up with me if you say something to him or about him. You know how I am.”

His aunt’s eyes went wide as he looked at her brother first for confirmation and then Chanyeol.

“I’m sorry, what?” She asked in a tone that may have been more vitriol than confusion.

“Kyungsoo and I. We’re together. He’s my boyfriend, and I’m his.”

“He’s special friend!” Taemin announced before eating more rice.

“Right, he’s my special friend,” Chanyeol said, trying not to laugh and he looked over to see Kyungsoo also holding back the laugh that wanted to come out.

“This is preposterous,” his aunt said now looking at her brother. “Is this why…”

“No, of course not.” His father said before she could finish the question. “Kyungsoo had always been a consideration of mine for the position. It has nothing to do with his relationship with Chanyeol.”

“If it were up to me,” Chanyeol stated, “He wouldn’t have taken the position.”

“You cannot seriously be okay with this,” his aunt continued.

“I wasn’t at first, but they’re both very happy with each other, so I’ve accepted it.”

“You’ve accepted this? Well how do you plan on getting more grandchildren from this relationship?”

“I think I’m done with the kid thing,” Chanyeol played along, more to keep himself from throwing stuff at her and demanding security to remove her from the premises permanently. “I’ve discovered one is enough.”

“We’re taking care of the more grandkids part,” Jongin said, smiling at Chrystal who smiled back and nodded.

“You’re perfectly okay with this random man being a part of your grandson’s life like this?” She asked her brother, ignoring Chanyeol.

“He’s not a random man,” his father said, completely visibly done with this conversation that he had to continue to entertain. “Kyungsoo is like a son to me, and he will be the head of the family and you will need to begin showing him respect right this moment. When I’m not here to protect you any longer, he will be the one deciding your fate.”

“Mom, we love Kyungsoo,” Jongin said. “If you get to know him better, you’ll love him too.”

“You heard what he said when he was announced to the family,” Chanyeol’s mother then said to her sister-in-law, “This boy lost his mother, and we’re the only family he has. Please treat him accordingly. Imagine if something happened to you and your husband, and Jongin only had us to take care of him. This is no different. Treat him the way you would wish us to treat Jongin in that situation.”

The idea seemed to sober his aunt just enough, but she looked down at her food then looked back up at Chanyeol.

“So, it appears I’m the last person to know this information. Is this something everyone else in the house is aware of?”

“No,” Chanyeol said. “We’ve been keeping it low key. We’re not hiding it, but we also didn’t want to flaunt it, especially after the losses in the family from the Choi operation. I thought it would be in bad taste.”

“There are rumors going around,” Jongin told her, “Between the security guards and the cameras on the grounds catching them interacting, people had been starting to suspect.”

“The kitchen staff definitely suspects,” Chanyeol’s mother let them know as well.

“The advisor staff knew,” Junmyeon joked, and while Chanyeol’s father laughed at the lame joke, Jongin and Chanyeol both groaned at it.

Kyungsoo however let out a little chuckle.

“No,” Chanyeol said, “You’re not allowed to find Junmyeon’s lame jokes funny.”

“They’re a little funny,” Kyungsoo said.

“Junmyeon funny,” Taemin agreed, and Chanyeol realized his son had finished his entire bowl of rice in the time they had been sitting there.

“Did you eat all that?”

“I hungry. I play now? Kyungsoo, you play car?” He rolled his little car toward Kyungsoo while making engine sounds.

“That’s a cool car,” Kyungsoo told him, and Chanyeol wanted to kiss the wide smile on his face.

“Do you want more?” Chanyeol asked, spooning some of the rice in his bowl over to his son’s. “Let’s eat first, then we can play.”

“Kyungsoo, you play after we eat?”

“I think I still have some work to do, but maybe after that?”

“We can continue tomorrow,” Chanyeol’s father said. “Playing sounds much more important.”

“Thank you,” Kyungsoo said with a polite head bow to his father.

“Then finish eating and Kyungsoo will come with us to play.”

“Jongin too?”

“Yep, I’ll be there.”

“Chrystal too?”

“Definitely,” she said with a smile.

“Junmyeon?”

“Um, sure, for a little bit.”

“For a little bit?” Taemin asked for confirmation.

“Junmyeon has big plans tonight,” Jongin said with a snicker.

“I can’t wait to hear all about them,” Chanyeol teased him.

“Why can’t you wait to hear all about them?” Kyungsoo then asked him, and Jongin and Junmyeon almost fell out of their chairs in laughter.

Chanyeol wondered if Kyungsoo now purposely did this as a joke, or if he did feel some sort of jealousy at Chanyeol inquiring about Junmyeon’s relationship with Sehun.

“I love when that happens,” Jongin said between laughs and trying to catch his breath.

“It’s honestly my favorite part of their relationship,” Junmyeon agreed.

“I don’t actually care,” Chanyeol tried to stress to Kyungsoo. “I just like teasing him about it.”

Kyungsoo just looked at him with a raised eyebrow.

“What happened?” Jongin’s mother said. “I don’t understand. Please explain.”

“I can’t breathe,” Jongin said trying to contain his laughter.

“It’s nothing,” Junmyeon said to Jongin’s mother.

“Must be an inside joke,” Chanyeol’s mother said.

“Seems like a good one,” his father agreed.

The mood had been lifted once again, and the rest of dinner went by without any further incident much to Chanyeol’s relief.

That night, he invited Kyungsoo to sleep with him in his room, and it ended up being the best sleep he had ever had since having to move back home.


	8. (Full Moon)

Jongdae had tried to stay quiet during dinner after they had met Mina’s child for the first time. He attempted to eat his food in some sort of peace, already looking forward to his dinner the following night with Yoona, and more importantly looking forward to not being in the house.

“I’m going to buy him the train again,” his mother had declared, excited by a new shopping excursion for her grandson. “Maybe multiple ones.”

“He won’t need the same train, will he?” his father questioned with an amused smile on his face.

“Of course he will. He’ll need one for here and he’ll have one in his other home. I should have known he’d like the teddy bear as well. That must be a Kim trait.”

His mother seemed so proud of this that Jongdae rolled his eyes at the food he was eating.

“You could always get him more helicopters too,” Minseok offered. “He seems to have a thing for transportation.”

“Maybe a car then,” his mother agreed.

“Oh yeah, a big one,” Minseok nodded, “That he can sit in and pretend to drive around like a real one.”

“That’s perfect,” his mother said, “Also, I was thinking, and I know, you guys can call me ridiculous, but, even though I know he’ll only be coming over for short visits to start, I really want to make him his own room. We can turn one of the guest rooms into his room. I mean, in case he wants to take a nap or something while he’s here.”

“I think that’s a lovely idea,” his father agreed.  “We could choose a guest room on the first floor closest to our room.”

“Why don’t you just give him Mina’s room?” Jongdae offered, saying out loud the snarky comment on his mind that he maybe should have kept to himself.

There was silence around the table and Jongdae felt guilt at having killed the spirited mood, so he tried to offer an explanation.

“It’s not like we’re using it for anything.”

Or maybe he should have kept his mouth shut.

“Why?” His father asked him, placing his chopsticks down to focus on his son instead. “Why do you need to act like this? We understand you’re upset about this situation, but why do you need to take it out on us?”

“I’m sorry,” Jongdae said.

“When was the last time you’ve seen your mother this happy?”

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, then looked at his mother.

“I’m sorry,” he told her. “But also, are we really going to keep it there like some sort of museum or shrine? What’s the point of it? She’s never going to be back in there. No one goes in there. If we’re all trying to move on, shouldn’t that include turning her room back into a guest room or something else?”

“I’m not agreeing with his behavior or comments right now,” Minseok said, “But he does kind of have a point. From a non-bitter perspective, I think it might be a nice gesture to redecorate Mina’s room to be Taemin’s room. We could put most of her stuff in storage, or donate the things we don’t need to hold onto, and some of the stuff, like her stuffed animals and pictures, we can keep in the room as part of his room decoration. It gives him a chance to have a piece of his mom, while giving the room the life that deserves to be in there.”

“Minseok,” Jongdae’s mother said nodding, “That’s a beautiful sentiment and idea. I do like it. Yes, let’s do that. Will you please help me with the redecoration?”

“Of course,” Minseok said.

“I could help as well,” Yixing volunteered, and Jongdae had a feeling that was coming. “You’ll need a hand with filling up boxes and things.”

“Thank you, Yixing, that would be lovely,” the older woman said.

Jongdae knew he was being an asshole in this situation by not saying anything or offering his help, but he didn’t know what to say or how to help. Sure, he could pack up boxes too, but the idea of seeing anything related to Mina right now just made him angry.

So instead he focused again on eating his food and staying quiet for the rest of dinner.

***

In the morning, he awoke to excited commotion from outside his room, and as he listened to the voices, he realized his mother had decided to take on the undertaking of his sister’s room first thing that day. It hadn’t occurred to him when he had made the suggestion last night that he had pretty much offered up the room closest to his as the alternative, and now he regretted saying anything.

After a slight knock, Yixing entered and, seeing he was awake, stated, “Oh good, you’re awake.”

“It’s hard not to be with all that noise outside my room.”

“Yeah, we’re starting to clear things out. Your mom came to our rooms to see if we were up yet. Well not your room, but the rest of ours.”

“I’m happy for her that she’s excited.”

“No, you’re not,” Yixing said, sitting on the bed and facing him. “The thing is, she knows you don’t want to be part of this. We all know. But, she wants to know if there’s anything in the room you’d like to keep for yourself before she puts it in storage or donates it.”

“No,” Jongdae said. “She can throw it all away for all I care.”

Yixing sighed and rubbed a calming hand over Jongdae’s leg through the comforter that currently kept him warm.

“I guess when the time comes, you can spend time in storage figuring out what you might want to recover. Just be aware that you can’t complain when you realize you want something that may have been thrown away.”

He said nothing to that and blinked several times wondering why all this had to be so hard. He also wondered how his family had moved on so easily from Mina’s betrayal, and why they were all capable of taking the steps forward that they needed to in order to deal with all this while he just lay there stuck in his head and feelings. Why was he the broken one yet again? It was so tiring, and he wanted it to stop. It all hurt too much, and he intellectually knew that it all hurt too much for his parents and Minseok as well, but somehow, they were able to carry on despite the pain. It was so frustrating that he couldn’t do the same, and he really wished he knew why he couldn’t.

“Alright,” Yixing said after some time of silence had passed, “I’ll be across the hall if you need me.” He patted his leg and stood up, leaving him alone in the room again with just his bodyguard, who sat doing one of his puzzle books.

Yet in the afternoon, when he had finished watching a movie on his laptop and realized that things had quieted down across the hall, he figured that everyone had probably taken a break to have lunch.

He ventured out of bed and opened the door, seeing the coast was clear, and then he took a deep breath and convinced himself that he too could push past all this, just like his family had. He needed to get better, and he would have to work harder to get to a steady place, so with everyone gone, he figured he could at least try in peace.

He hesitated at the doorway of his sister’s room, seeing that all the furniture had been removed already, and many things were in boxes labeled Storage, Donate, or Décor. His mother must have employed every able-bodied person to help out for them to get things done so quickly, and as Jongdae stepped into the room and slowly took inventory, he noticed a box labeled differently than the others.

In Yixing’s distinctive handwriting, the box had been labeled “Jongdae.”

Jongdae took another deep breath and kneeled by the box, taking a look at what Yixing might have thought he would ultimately want to keep. Knowing his best friend, he had probably been planning to keep it in a closet in his own room until he felt Jongdae was ready.

In the box lay mostly journals, small photo albums, and the shoe box that had all of his cards to her and where she had hidden the safe deposit box key. There was also a small drawing that Jongdae had never seen and he picked it up to look at it better.

It appeared to have been a school assignment when she was still a child, and the top instructions had been to draw the person you loved the most. She drew a picture of a little girl holding a baby and had attempted to write “my baby brother” at the bottom, though she hadn’t quite learned how to spell it correctly yet.

Tears formed in his eyes as he shoved the drawing back in the box, scooting away from it and holding his knees to his chest as he tried to compose himself again.

He could do this. He wanted to do this. Everyone else had moved on. He could move on.

He decided to peek into one of the boxes marked for storage, and he reached into it, pulling out a small statue of a ballerina that Mina had always had on her desk. She had had that dream once. Jongdae remembered her practicing her ballet moves around the living room and he would try and imitate her only to fall clumsily on the floor.

He also remembered that when they got older, she had pushed that idea aside, deciding instead that she wanted to run the family business with their father.

“Why would you want to do that over your passion?” He had asked her one day when they had been having the discussion in her room, sharing gummy fruit candy as they sat on her bed together.

“It’s not my passion anymore.”

“Why not?”

“I don’t know,” she said, and after thinking as she ate a few gummies, she then said, “I’m not good at it.”

“You’re great at it,” Jongdae said surprised by this answer.

“No, I’m really not. I’m not good enough. Other girls in the class are so effortless. You can tell it’s what they were born to do. When I look at myself in the mirror while practicing a routine, I don’t look like someone who was born to do it.”

“Whenever we see you perform at your recitals, you look like someone who was born to do it.”

“You have to say that. You’re my brother.”

“I think you’re the best one in your whole class.”

“Now you’re laying it on thick.”

“It’s true though,” and then he had shrugged. “But if your heart isn’t in it anymore, then I can see why you’d want to do something else.”

“It meant something to me before,” she explained. “Now other things mean more.”

“Like your stupid boyfriend.”

“He’s not stupid,” she said hitting his arm. “And he’s not my boyfriend.”

“You’re not quitting ballet just to hang out with him more are you?”

“You know me better than that,” she said with a soft glare. “There’s no boy in the world that would ever make me quit something I want to do. Boys are stupid.”

“You just said he’s not stupid. And hey, I’m not stupid.”

“I mean stupid in a different way. And no, you’re not, but you’re also different. I wish I had come out more like you.”

Jongdae had laughed, knowing she was joking.

“Yeah right. You and Minseok like to tell me all day that I’m so different you’re not sure I’m a real Kim.”

“You’re the good part of the Kim family. Unfortunately, not many of us seemed to have fallen on that side.”

“Why would you say that?”

“You wouldn’t understand,” she said and she had leaned her head back against the headboard of the bed. “In my next life, I’m coming back as you, and I’m doing everything differently. I’m going to be intelligent like you, and nice like you, and happy like you. And everything’s going to be great.”

“You’re all those things now.”

And then she had changed the subject.

“God, I can’t wait for Minseok to get out of his stupid boarding school already,” she said. “I need to talk to him about stuff that I can’t write to him because I’m convinced they monitor all the emails they get over there.”

“He seems to like it there,” Jongdae said, which had always confused him. He knew he wouldn’t survive going to a boarding school and being away from his family, especially a school known for its strict and controversial disciplinary style.

“He does, but that doesn’t change that he’s not where I need him to be, which is here.”

“Well you have me.”

“Not the same. You’re too pure for the things Minseok and I need to discuss.”

“I’m not pure,” Jongdae had scowled, and Mina had laughed at him and ruffled his hair, which had made him whine.

The memory reminded him of his conversation with Minseok and all the things he had told him that he had never known about his sister. He didn’t understand why his sister felt that he wouldn’t understand or handle well anything she would tell him, and now he started to get angry again as he thought about it.

Sure. Maybe when they were younger, he could understand Mina keeping things from him, but by the time they were in college, she should have respected him and understood that she could talk to him about anything.

“You never loved me,” Jongdae said to the stupid statue in his hand. “I was born and you thought our parents had given you a new toy to play with. That’s how you treated me. I wonder if that’s how you treated your son too. Is that why it was so easy for you to give him up to Chanyeol and be a part-time mother? Did you even know how to love anyone? Or did you only ever really care about yourself?”

He looked up from the ballerina to see his bodyguard leaning against the doorway of the room, watching him, as he had been doing since Jongdae had walked in. However, Jongdae hadn’t felt the need to acknowledge him until now.

“I know I sound crazy again,” he told him.

“I’m not here to judge,” his bodyguard said. “My orders are to watch you and make sure you stay alive. I don’t care what you do as long as it doesn’t interfere with those two things.”

He oddly appreciated that and he looked back down at the ballerina, then put it back in the box, standing up and looking around one more time at the room.

And then he left to hole himself back up in his bed and watch another movie.

***

Jongdae’s mood was much better as they entered Red for dinner that night and found Yoona, punctual as always, already waiting for them at the bar.

“You look beautiful,” he complimented her as he greeted her with a kiss, and she thanked him and said he looked handsome as well.

They were seated in a booth, and Minseok wasted no time in ordering them a wine bottle for the table.

“It’s good to see you again,” Minseok told Yoona. “I feel I haven’t seen you for a long time.”

“It has been too long,” Yoona said with a smile. “But I think you’ll be seeing me around more now.”

“Good,” he stated. “We’ll drink to that when the wine gets here.”

“You should have brought your friend from out of town,” Yoona told Yixing.

“She left back home last night,” Yixing informed her. “It was a short business trip.”

“A well-timed one,” Jongdae pointed out, and Yixing grinned.

“It did work out nicely,” he agreed.

The wine arrived and the server poured them each a glass before leaving the bottle on the table.

“Should we wait for Baekhyun?” Jongdae asked, raising his glass just the same for the toast.

“Nah, we’ll just do another one when he gets here,” Minseok said, then they all raised their glasses and Minseok said. “To Jongdae and Yoona reuniting. And to him getting laid.”

Jongdae smacked Minseok’s shoulder and gave his own toast to make up for his cousin’s crudeness.

“To Yoona for giving me another chance.”

“To you for still being good in bed,” Yoona said back with a smirk.

Jongdae had not been expecting her to say that, and then, he laughed. Maybe it was out of embarrassment or pure surprise, but he laughed, and that may have been Yoona’s intent with her toast.

“You fixed him,” Minseok said, smiling at Jongdae’s laugh.

“I knew she would,” Yixing nodded, taking a sip of his wine now that the toasting appeared to be over.

Yoona gave Jongdae a small kiss, that he returned, and he looked at her still smiling as his own eyes conveyed gratitude to her.

“Well look who finally showed up,” Minseok announced, breaking them from their small moment, and Jongdae looked over to see Baekhyun arriving at the table.

“I’m not late,” Baekhyun said as he bowed to everyone at the table in greeting. “I was just letting you guys settle in before joining you.”

“Of course,” Yixing said, knowing better.

Minseok moved out of the booth so Baekhyun could sit next to Jongdae, and then Minseok slid back in beside Baekhyun.

“So this is your girlfriend?” Baekhyun asked excited, “I missed you by the way. You look very happy.”

“You missed it,” Minseok told him, “He just laughed.”

“No,” Baekhyun, said looking at him and then Jongdae in disbelief. “Really? Do it again.”

“It has to happen naturally,” Jongdae said, “Um, but yes, Baekhyun meet Yoona, Yoona this is Baekhyun.”

“Very nice to meet you,” she said, and Jongdae could tell that she was studying him and taking everything he said and did in.

“It’s nice to meet you as well. I’m really happy you guys are back together.”

“So am I,” she said. “So Jongdae told me you’re a con artist?”

“Ah,” Baekhyun said a little sheepishly, and then he thanked Minseok for pouring him a glass of wine before answering her. “Yeah. Well, yeah, but I do other things too.”

“Like?”

“Oh, whatever. It’s not always cons. People pay me to do things like deliver items for them, or follow people and give messages, or find their lost dogs. Really anything.”

“Are you successful at finding people’s dogs for them?” Yoona asked, looking a bit dubious, and Jongdae sat amused as he took turns looking between them.

“Most of the time. Oh, but one time I found the person’s dog dead and I felt bad, but I took it back to them anyway in case they wanted to bury it. They still wanted to pay me, but I felt bad and told them to keep the money for the funeral.”

“What funeral?” Minseok asked. “It’s a dog. They probably buried it in the backyard or threw it in the dumpster.”

“Oh, I didn’t think about that. I’ve never had a dog.”

“How old are you?” Yoona asked him.

“We’re the same age,” Jongdae answered for him.

“Are you sure?” Yoona asked with a raised eyebrow. “You seem really young, Baekhyun.”

“No, we are,” he nodded. “But I get that all the time. People say I look young for my age. I used to lie about my age when I was younger, but no one believed me so I stopped, and now I give people my real age, but they still don’t believe me. I can’t win.”

The server came by to take their food order, and Baekhyun leaned into Jongdae.

“I’ve never been here. What’s good?” He asked him.

“Everything’s good,” Jongdae said with a smile. “Did I never tell you my family owns this place?”

“Your family owns this place?” Baekhyun said, surprised.

“Sorry, I thought I told you. Well, yeah, so everything’s good.”

“I’ll have what he’s having,” Baekhyun then told the server, motioning toward Jongdae.

Jongdae had originally intended on getting a light dinner, grilled chicken and a side of asparagus had been his front runner, but now he had to get something that Baekhyun would find more memorable.

“I’ll have the rib eye,” Jongdae said.

“I’ll have the same,” Yoona stated as well.

With their orders in place, they enjoyed their drinks, cocktails and soju having been brought to the table in the meantime.

“Are all your restaurants this fancy?” Baekhyun asked.

“Most of them,” Jongdae said. “My dad’s a foodie and opening restaurants is a passion of his. When he was younger, he was a cook at a restaurant, and I guess that’s where his dream started.”

“What’s the least fancy restaurant your family owns?”

“Are you trying to see if you’ve been there?” Minseok asked with a laugh.

“Probably the bulgogi place we have across the river.”

“That’s my favorite one,” Yixing stated.

“That means nothing coming from a man obsessed with a run-down noodle shop,” Minseok waved off.

“I love that noodle shop,” Yixing confirmed.

“I love that place too,” Baekhyun said excited. “Those are the best noodles I’ve ever had.”

“What place is this?” Yoona asked.

“We’ll have to take you,” Yixing said as he explained to her its location.

“So,” Baekhyun said to Jongdae, “I heard a rumor you guys were going to be a high family again.”

“Must be nice to get all the inside information from the Park’s,” Jongdae said, not as bitter as he would have normally said it.

“It comes in handy. That’s exciting though. Congrats.”

“Did you also hear that I’m not going to be the head of the family anymore?”

“Yeah, I did. Congrats.”

“Congrats?” Jongdae asked, raising his eyebrows.

“It takes the pressure off, right? You didn’t seem to really want to do it. Or did you?” Baekhyun asked, with his own raised eyebrow as if teasing him.

“I didn’t want to do it at first, but if I was going to be stuck doing it, then I wanted to do it right. Now I don’t have to do it, but if I end up wanting to do it, I can. After I go off and travel and get my mind together or something.”

“Look at you getting to walk your own path after all,” Baekhyun said with a smile.

And Jongdae smiled back just a little and nodded.

“Funny how that worked out,” Jongdae acknowledged before taking a drink from his refilled wine glass.

“That’s how life goes,” Baekhyun mused. “It goes bad, then it goes good, and it just keeps doing that over and over. You’ve got your girlfriend back, you’ve got your freedom, and you have me back too, so your life is good right now.”

“I didn’t want you back,” Jongdae teased him.

“You invited me. You wanted me back.”

“No one wanted you back,” Minseok interjected.

“When Jongdae was telling me about you,” Yoona explained, “I could tell that he was fond of you. But he also told me you were a con man, and how you betrayed him.”

“Oh,” Baekhyun said losing his smile. “It couldn’t be helped, but I feel really bad about it.”

“You don’t have to feel bad about it anymore,” Jongdae assured him.

“Why do you like Jongdae so much?” Yoona asked Baekhyun.

“I don’t know,” Baekhyun said, seeming to have to think about it. “When I first met him, he was very sad, so I thought to myself, I’m going to try and make him happy. And I needed to get him to hire me so I could get closer to him, so I tried different things to see what he responded to, and he responded best to being challenged, so that’s what I went with. But he was also different than the people I normally work with, and I found it calming. Kind of like my best friend. He’s also a very calming person. So I liked being around him too.”

“I don’t know what that says about you that you found Jongdae calming,” Yoona said.

“Hey,” Jongdae said.

“I was thinking the same thing,” Minseok added. “Between the whining and woe-as-me attitude we’ve had to put up with this year, he’s been a pain in the ass.”

“It’s because Baekhyun is a bigger pain in the ass,” Yixing pointed out.

“Ah, it’s true,” Baekhyun agreed with a laugh.

“But I agree with you that Jongdae is different than most people,” Yoona said with a soft smile toward Jongdae, and he wasn’t sure how to take the apparent compliment.

“Actually,” Jongdae pointed out, “No one is more different than Baekhyun.”

“That’s why we should be friends,” Baekhyun nodded.

Their food was brought out to them, and they enjoyed it as Minseok and Yixing discussed the pros and cons of a Jongdae and Baekhyun friendship.

Jongdae found himself both amused and at peace as he watched everyone interact, and he tried to assess what may have been going through Yoona’s mind, as she sat and observed as well. He imagined she was analyzing and reading between the lines of the discussions taking place, but he did notice that she tended to smile when Baekhyun answered questions, or seemed very interested when he told a story, and Jongdae started to think that maybe he would end up keeping the crazy con man in his life.

“This is the most expensive tasting steak I’ve ever tasted,” Baekhyun decreed halfway through his meal. “It’s really good.”

“I’m glad you like it,” Jongdae said, impressed with himself for having almost finished his as well.

“Kyungsoo would really like it. Can I take half of mine home or is that frowned upon in a place like this?”

“Eat yours,” Minseok told him, “We’ll order a separate one for you to take.”

“Is that your best friend that’s training to be the head of the Park’s?” Yoona asked, trying to remember all that she had learned.

“Yes,” Baekhyun said with pride. “He’s already started training, but it’s boring stuff right now. Learning the businesses and things like that.”

“That stuff is incredibly boring,” Jongdae agreed.

“What type of doctor are you going to be?” Baekhyun then asked Yoona.

“A surgeon. I’ve considered following in my parents’ footsteps and specializing in neurosurgery, but I’ve recently been considering just doing general surgery.”

“Is that more or less challenging?”

“They both have their challenges. But since my boyfriend is in a high family, I feel it might come in more handy to focus on general surgery.”

Jongdae looked at her surprised, not knowing those had been her considerations.

“You don’t have to…” he began.

“Of course I do. If this is our future together, then I can play my role in the family as well. Better I be equipped to handle gunshot wounds and other high-family related injuries.”

“I feel the same way,” Yixing said. “Which is why I’ve decided to go back to medical school after we come back from our travels.”

“What?” Jongdae asked, and he looked at Minseok who also seemed surprised.

“I’ve already discussed it with your father. He wants me to continue training as an advisor, but he agrees with my decision to go back to school and finish my studies.”

“Are you going to be a surgeon too?” Baekhyun asked.

“No, I’m going to focus on psychiatry.”

Minseok busted out laughing, and Jongdae felt his cheeks go red, both embarrassed and possibly a tiny bit grateful.

“What a great decision,” Yoona said smiling wide at Yixing.

“You don’t have to do that,” Jongdae said.

“I want to do it. I think it’ll come in handy in the role of advisor. And we focus so much on physical health, that we often forget that mental health is just as important.”

“That’s very true,” Baekhyun agreed. “When I was in jail, they’d make me talk to the jail therapist, but they didn’t really care about helping you, so I’d just talk about whatever and entertain them. I can do that for you when you’re a real therapist.”

“The idea of getting into your brain sounds a bit amazing to be honest,” Yixing said. “It’s a deal.”

“I feel like being a therapist and an advisor is a conflict of interest,” Jongdae pointed out.

“I wouldn’t be your therapist, or your father’s, or Minseok’s, or whoever ends up head of the family. I’d just be your advisor. But my knowledge might help me better assess your mind frame so I know how best to advise to the situation at that moment. I’m really doing it so I can be a better advisor for the family, while also giving my family back home the bragging rights they wanted of saying I’m a doctor.”

“That’s smart,” Minseok said.

“I’m excited for you,” Yoona said.

Jongdae was happy for him too, but it made him think of his own lack of direction. How nice it would have been to be able to go back to medical school and return to life as usual.

“Did you ever attend university?” Yoona asked Baekhyun.

Baekhyun laughed in response, and Minseok joined him.

Another round of drinks was ordered and they carried on their conversations, Jongdae laughing at least once more before it was time for them to leave.

That night, as Jongdae spent the night in Yoona’s arms once again, he thought about how nice it had been to be out for drinks and food with such good company.

“It’s obvious,” Yoona said as she ran her fingers through his hair, “That I liked him.”

“You got conned,” he said, “Just like the rest of us.”

“It’s okay. I think you have enough people looking out for you to make sure he doesn’t pull another stunt on you.”

“I honestly don’t think he would. And I don’t need people looking out for me. I have to trust my instincts, right?”

“Right.”

“I think he really does feel bad about the last time. And he wasn’t in the wrong. He was being loyal to his friend. I think he wants to be part of our family enough to not do something like that again to us.”

“So, you’ll let him in?”

“I think so. I’ll decide for sure in the morning.”

“He’s a breath of fresh air for you. I think it’s a good choice.”

“And you as well apparently. You like challenging, and he’s pretty challenging.”

“It’ll be fun,” she said with a small laugh, and she gave him a small kiss, “But not as fun as sparring with you. When do I get that side of you back?”

“I’m working on it,” he told her, and he kissed her back, and put all thoughts of his uncertain future away from him for the night.

***

When he arrived home later the next day, he had gone to see his father in his office, having been informed that he had wanted to speak with him.

“I would suggest we go for a walk, but it’s a bit cold and you’ve just come in. Why don’t we go to the library for some coffee?”

“Sure,” Jongdae said, though what he felt was unsure. Not knowing what this was about, he could only assume it had something to do with his behavior and attitude toward anything related to Mina.

He knew the room was almost finished for her son, and he wondered if his father was about to give him a talking to about it.

They sat in the library where the maid had brought them coffee, and Jongdae held the warm mug in his hands, not realizing how cold they had been from his brief moments outside that morning.

“How are you feeling these days?” His father asked him.

“I think you know the answer to that.”

“I don’t. That’s why I’m asking.”

He shrugged and didn’t answer, taking a sip of his coffee instead, the warmth steadying him enough for whatever his father would say next.

“Well, I spoke with your therapist this morning,” he said, and Jongdae froze. “And after hearing her update, I’ve decided that you no longer will need two bodyguards with you at all times. You can go back down to one.”

He looked at his father surprised, and asked the first thing that sprung to his mind.

“Am I off suicide watch?”

“Not yet, but it looks like you’re getting closer to that. It seems that way, right?” His father said looking hopeful. “Your therapist seemed optimistic about things.”

He didn’t know what to make of this information. He hadn’t thought their last session would lead to optimism, but then again, he wasn’t the professional doing the assessing.

“So, one bodyguard,” Jongdae attempted to process.

“At a time. They’ll still be on rotation, but now it will be two guards in rotation instead of four.”

“Can I get my car keys back?”

“Not yet. When you’re completely off suicide watch, that’s when you’ll get them back.”

While grateful for the improvement in his situation, it bothered him that even if he was getting better, he still was on suicide watch. He hadn’t had any suicidal thoughts in a long time, but something he was saying, or maybe how he was acting in front of her, made his therapist think it might still be the case. It was so frustrating.

“Do you want to tell me about some of the things that have been going better for you?” His father prompted when Jongdae hadn’t spoken back to him. “In my own observations, you seem a bit more relaxed than before. Not all the time, but enough that I’ve been able to notice.”

“I got my girlfriend back,” Jongdae said, “So that’s helped I think.”

“I’m so very happy to hear it. You should ask Yoona to come join us for dinner. Your mother would love seeing her again.”

“Yeah, she’s got a pretty busy schedule since she’s graduating soon, but I invited her for when she could. Probably sometime this week.”

“Good. Speaking of school, did Yixing mention to you his plans?”

“Yeah, he told me last night. I’m happy for him. I think it’s good for him to go back to school.”

“I thought it rather heartwarming that he wanted to change his concentration to psychiatry.”

“That’s very Yixing. Always thinking of how he can help those he cares about most. I’m surprised you asked him to stay on as the advisor apprentice. I remember how against you were me choosing him to be my advisor in the first place.”

“That seems like a lifetime ago now,” his father said, his eyes appearing to replay the memory in his mind. “I was very against it. He was a foreigner and we knew nothing about his family or the life he had come from. However, he has proven in this past year and a half that he was the perfect choice and a great asset to our family. Thank you for bringing him into our lives. I have often thought that had it not been for him, I would have ended up having to bury you as well.”

“That might have been true,” Jongdae admitted. “I credit Yixing with keeping me sane, but maybe, since I haven’t been entirely sane during this time, what I meant was alive.” He shrugged and bit his lip a little and then before his father could say something in return, he said, “There’s actually someone else I think we should bring into the family.”

“Would it happen to be your little con artist friend?”

“How did you know?”

“I’m guessing. I’ve been spending a lot of time speaking with my old friend and he often brings up whether or not I’ve hired him on yet. He really wants him for the Park’s, but it appears that your friend refuses in hopes we hire him instead.”

“It’s his dream to be part of a high family. He’s tried to get into one before, but he has a really long police record so he’s a bit of a liability. If we keep him off the record, like our assassin, I think it shouldn’t be a problem.”

“It wouldn’t be, and that’s exactly how we’d have to go about it, but do you think he’s trustworthy enough, and if so, what position exactly would we hire him on for? It seems his talents would be wasted in security, and we already have advisors and an assassin.”

“I think the fact that he helped out his friend in the way he did proves he’s trustworthy to those he cares about, and he doesn’t have a family, so I think if we were his family, then he would be loyal to us. Although, he would still have loyalty to his friend, so we’d have to make it clear that while he might help his friend out from time to time, he can’t help him in matters that would be detrimental to our family.”

“That seems fair, especially considering that our families are now linked through blood. It would seem that the Park’s wouldn’t necessarily be doing things that would negatively affect us.”

Jongdae hadn’t given that much consideration, but it made sense. Now the two families had a shared blood relative, to be at odds would be directly against family rules to protect their own.

“So, I guess that’s not as much of an issue as it would have been before then, him helping them and us. I did think of a position we could create for him though. What do you think of calling him a specialist? That’s what he does. He specializes in things that can help security, strategy, business, everything really.”

“A specialist,” his father said, thinking this over. “Who would he report to then?”

“You, like the assassin. We’ll treat him exactly the same as the assassin position, with one exception.”

“And that exception is?”

“I think he should get a room in the house. Kind of like an advisor. Let’s say he’s like a cross between an assassin and an advisor.”

“You want him to have a room in the house?” His father asked, but a small smile twitched on his lips.

“You haven’t met him yet, so you don’t know this about him, but you will. The thing that I got the most from him or that I realized I needed the most from him, was his energy. He has this crazy energy to him that I think this house could really use. I know the warmth and life is coming back to this house because of Mina’s kid, but I think we could use more since Chanyeol probably won’t let him stay here all the time. And like I said, he has no family, outside of his best friend, who is going to be spending a lot of time living at the Park’s now because of his apprenticeship, so I thought we could offer him a home. It’s not like we don’t have the space.”

“You brought us Yixing, so I trust your judgment. Have Minseok get his complete background check to me so I know what we’re dealing with. I imagine you’ll want to give him the news, so you can go ahead. I’ll meet with our accountant and work out the details.”

“Thank you,” Jongdae said, relieved that his father had taken it well. This experience had been entirely different than before when he had chosen to bring Yixing into the family and his father had berated him on his stupid choice and inability to have common sense.

It occurred to Jongdae then that his father had improved as well and also seemed more relaxed. So Jongdae returned the favor and asked the older man, “Do you want to tell me about some of the things that have been going better for you?”

His father smiled at the question and said, “So much. My heart is still broken. It always will be, but some of the fractures have begun to mend. You’re still alive. Your mother hasn’t left me, though she had every right to, and I know she considered it on many occasions. We’ve actually reconciled a bit. I’m not sure if you knew that she had moved out of our room, but she’s come back now, and I am so grateful for that simple act. My nephew is doing well and has shown leadership skills this past year that I had never seen in him before. I think losing Mina forced him to realize that he didn’t need to always be a follower, and it’s so rewarding to see him grow in that way. And of course, I now have a grandson, an absolutely wonderful, intelligent little grandson. I’ve been trying to return to being the father you deserve. I want to be the grandfather he deserves as well. And the uncle Minseok deserves. And the head that Yixing deserves. And the husband that your mother deserves.” His father seemed to smile to himself at this, and Jongdae thought his father deserved that as well.

“I know I have to work harder on being the uncle that my nephew deserves as well,” Jongdae admitted, though he didn’t feel as emotional speaking about it as he had before. “I’m working on it.”

“Take your time,” his father told him. “You have a lot to work through. You’re doing so much better, please continue to take your time. It’s okay if you’re not ready yet.”

“Everyone else is ready,” he said.

“Everyone handles things in their own way. Handle this how you need to handle it.”

They finished their coffee and Jongdae went over to his father to give him a big hug, sitting beside him on the couch, much like he used to do when he was younger. He was glad that his father seemed to have no interest in getting up or having him stop, and instead the older man wrapped his arm around his waist and hugged him also, as they both watched a new set of snow flurries coming down outside the library window.

***

Jongdae knew that Chanyeol would be coming over again today with his son and that his mother could not wait to show her grandson his room. After he brushed his teeth that morning, Jongdae stared at himself in the mirror trying to will himself to handle today better than he had their first encounter.

All he had to do was spend some time with them, playing along and trying to start to get to know his nephew better. This shouldn’t be so hard. But it was the reminder of why this was happening that kept eating at him. The idea that Mina had lied to them so brutally. The idea that her selfishness couldn’t be put to the side for one moment to consider the family as a whole. What kind of head of the family would she have really been? Now that Jongdae thought about it, she probably would have ran them into the ground much like he had. Yoona’s words came back to haunt him: he and his sister were more similar than he thought.

“Hey,” Yixing said, peeking into the bathroom. “Are we going to go down? Chanyeol should be here any minute now.”

Jongdae took a deep breath and nodded.

“Yeah, let’s go.”

He ignored the surprised looks on his family’s faces as he walked into the living room, his mother deciding that it would be nicer to play with Taemin in there than in the front room like before. He sat next to Yixing on a couch, not saying anything as he looked around at the new toys his mother had added to the previous collection.

It made him think of the time that his father had taken him and Mina with him to the Park estate to play, and Jongdae had been shown a bunch of new stuffed animals that had been added to Chanyeol’s playroom.

“These are for you, Jongdae,” Chanyeol’s mother had said with a big smile. “I know you like stuffed animals, and I want to make you feel more at home here. Chanyeol knows they’re yours, so you let me know if he tries to steal them from you.”

“I’m not going to steal them,” Chanyeol had said with indignation, and then he had smiled at Jongdae and told him, “I helped pick them out. I knew you’d like these best.”

Jongdae had loved them, and had left most of them there to have each time he came over, while taking home his favorites for his own private collection at home.

Jongdae pushed the memory away, and Chanyeol arrived, his son walking in while holding his hand then lighting up as he saw Minseok and running to give him a hug.

“Hey, good to see you again,” Minseok said with a laugh, giving him a squeeze, and Jongdae again was struck by how tiny Mina’s son was. That had definitely come from their side of the family since the Park’s were all giants.

“Do you want to give your grandma and grandpa a hug too?” Chanyeol asked, and the little boy ran over to give them hugs, which spawned a set of tears from his mother.

“I’m so happy to see you again,” she told him. “We got you new toys. Do you like them?”

“New toys?” Taemin asked looking around, and he opened his mouth in wonder. “I play?”

“Yep, go for it,” Jongdae’s father said and the little boy ran to inspect all his toys, gravitating toward anything with wheels or wings.

“He’s been very excited about coming back,” Chanyeol let them know.

“We’ve been so excited for him to come back,” his mother said, and Jongdae knew that was the truest statement his mother would ever make.

“Here, this one lights up,” Minseok said as he crawled over to press a button on one of the toys.

“Oh!” Taemin said excited, pressing the button on and off to see for himself. “It light up,” he said back, as if he had been the one to discover it.

Very Mina, Jongdae thought.

“Tae, you didn’t say hi to your uncle or Yixing,” Chanyeol pointed out.

“Hi,” Taemin said, but he didn’t bother looking at them.

“Tae, don’t be rude,” Chanyeol said.

“I play with Minseok,” he said, not paying much attention to anything outside of his toy and the man that had become a toddler in front of him.

Jongdae knew it should be him on the floor playing with him instead, and in another life, one in which Mina had told them the truth and let them be part of this world from the beginning, he would have been. Maybe he would have been even treating him like a toy, much as Mina had done to him, and Jongdae shook his head and had to look away from the scene for the moment.

“Do you need us to leave?” Yixing asked him softly.

“No, I can do this,” Jongdae said, sighing and turning his attention back to his nephew.  He wished he had something to offer him – another toy maybe, or a fun story, or even a smile. His uselessness in this situation astounded even him.

“So, Chanyeol,” his mother began a bit tentatively, and Jongdae knew what was coming next. He let out a bigger sigh. “I know this is only his second time here, and I know that you wouldn’t let him stay here, but, we made a room for Taemin. Just in case he wanted to take a nap or something while he was here. Not now, but in the future when you’d let him stay a little longer. This is his home too, not in the same way as yours, but we wanted to give him his own room. And for you too, of course, if you’d like to rest while you’re here.”

It killed Jongdae how scared his mother was to share something she was so excited and hopeful about, and he had to look away again because this time his emotions were surfacing.

“That’s… very… thoughtful,” Chanyeol said, and Jongdae had to look over to see how he was going to break his mother’s heart. “Uh…” Chanyeol seemed to be the one that needed to take a breath, but then he nodded. “Okay, I mean, it makes sense, yeah. I mean, this is his home too.”

“I’m sorry,” his mother said, fearing she may have overstepped. “I should have consulted you first.”

“No, it’s okay,” Chanyeol waved off. “This is still a little hard for me. Like I said, I’m really overprotective, but I’m trying.”

“Forget I mentioned it,” his mother said.

“No, no,” Chanyeol said quickly. “It’s good. Taemin should have a room here. Thank you for doing that for him. It may take some time, but I’m sure we’ll get to the point where he can stay over sooner than we all think.” Jongdae noticed Chanyeol had to swallow at that statement. “But also, he definitely will need a place for naps, and it’s good he has a room that’s his to make him feel more comfortable. Thank you.”

“You said you had a room. Does that mean the room is ready?” Junmyeon, who had been sitting quietly by Chanyeol with a smile on his face, asked.

“It is,” she said. “Sorry, it’s my fault. I got so excited by the idea that I had everyone pitch in to get it ready quickly.”

“Don’t apologize,” Chanyeol told her. “Thank you so much for wanting to do that for him. He won’t understand it now, but later when he’s older, it’ll mean a lot to him when he hears about it.”

“You should tell him,” Minseok then said to his aunt, and Jongdae was glad he said something since it seemed his mother wouldn’t.

“Tell me what?” Chanyeol asked with a raised eyebrow.

“Well, um,” his mother began, and Jongdae felt terrible at how hesitant she felt. “The room we chose to turn into Taemin’s room was Mina’s room.”

“We felt that it was a way to give him part of her,” Minseok added.

Jongdae noticed Chanyeol’s expression change from surprise to contemplation, and then he nodded.

“If you feel it’s too strange…” his mother began.

“No,” Chanyeol shook his head. “I… think it makes sense.”

“It sort of helped us out too,” Jongdae’s father then said. “We’d been keeping her room intact, a constant reminder of what we had lost. Most of us hadn’t even been in there since we’d lost her. It was painful to do so, but converting it into Taemin’s room gave us a reason to go in there, and seeing her things as we packed them up, gave us each a chance to share stories and memories that each item triggered. A lot of tears went into clearing out her room, but a lot of laughter did as well. It is a room full of love, and I hope when Taemin sleeps in it, he feels the love of his mother and the spirit of who she was.”

Jongdae was grateful he had missed that family bonding event. He knew he wouldn’t have survived it.

Chanyeol nodded and said, “I’m glad.” Then he looked at his son and said, “Hey, Tae, did you hear what grandma was saying?”

“No, I play,” he said, being rather loud as he moved a toy car across a train track he had set up with Minseok’s help.

“Your grandparents fixed up a room for you. Do you want to go see your room?”

“I have room?”

“Yeah. You know how you have your own room back home? You have your own room here too.”

“I do?”

“Yep. Do you want to go see it?”

He stood up, which appeared to mean yes, and Chanyeol looked at his mother.

“Lead the way,” he said.

Jongdae wasn’t sure he could be part of this excursion, but he stood up with everyone else and made sure to walk behind the party as they ascended the stairs, just in case he decided to disappear into his room instead.

“Daddy, we live here?”

“No, but we’re going to visit here a lot.”

“Do you have a room?”

“I’m going to share yours with you. Is that okay?”

“Okay,” he said, and Jongdae watched as his mother stretched her arm out and welcomed Taemin to his room with a smile.

Jongdae debated bolting then, but he let his feet continue to carry him forward, and he leaned by the door jamb with his arms crossed, taking in the new décor just as Taemin did.

It was nice how his mother had chosen to tone down the room a bit and make it simpler, removing the bold colors of Mina and painting the room a calm blue. The pictures Mina had hung on her wall were still there, only they had been transferred to understated white frames that allowed the images to take center stage.

“Look, it’s your mommy,” Chanyeol said, pointing a picture out to Taemin.

“Is mommy?” He asked, pointing at it as well.

“Yep, that’s your mommy when she was a teenager.”

“Teenager? Mommy beautiful.”

“Very beautiful,” Chanyeol agreed.

“This my bed?” Taemin asked running over to it, and his mother had gotten a bed set with blue and white trains all over the comforter and large trains on the pillow.

“It is,” Jongdae’s mother said, “Do you like it?”

“Yeah,” Taemin said, climbing onto it. “Is my train.”

“Yes, they’re all yours.”

Shelves had been installed on the walls and they held books and little toy trains, and Jongdae noticed that they had kept Mina’s desk in place, replacing her items with more books and a train lamp.

“This was your mommy’s desk,” his father pointed out to Taemin. “This is where she would do all her homework.”

“Mommy work there?”

“Yes,” he said. “It’s still a little too big for you, but it’s ready for you when you get older.”

“Is too big?”

“You’re too little still,” Chanyeol told him with a smile.

“I grow big and sit there,” he stated.

“Do you like your room?” Minseok asked him.

“I like my room. I stay here?”

“You can take naps here if you like,” Chanyeol told him.

“I live here?”

“When you’re older, you can stay here if you want sometimes, but right now you’re too little.”

“I too little,” he agreed and hugged his pillow in a way that reminded Jongdae very much of how Mina would hug her pillow when she would sit on her bed.

It suddenly became too painful to stand there, but he kept his feet in place.

“Before I forget,” Chanyeol then said to his parents, “I brought you the pictures of the three of us together.”

Junmyeon, who had been holding the envelope, handed it over to his mother, who began thanking Chanyeol before she had even taken it.

She opened the envelope and new tears fell, which made Jongdae look down at his socks instead. He really wanted all of this to be over soon.

“You were the most beautiful family,” he heard his mother say, and when Chanyeol didn’t thank her, Jongdae looked up to see that he seemed to be struggling with words as he blinked back his own emotions. “I’m going to put some of these up in here, but most of them in the living room so we can see them all the time. Thank you.”

Chanyeol nodded.

Jongdae’s mother had looked at them with her husband, and then she passed them to Minseok, who stood by Yixing so they could glance at them, not bothering to show Jongdae.

Jongdae did his best to look away and focus on the books on the shelf, seeing that most of the books chosen had been about cars and trains. There was even one about planes and helicopters, which he was sure Minseok may have been responsible for.

“Dae,” Yixing said softly, and Jongdae looked over at him. “Are you sure you don’t want to see these?”

“She’s going to put them everywhere,” Jongdae pointed out, “I’ll see them eventually.”

“Yeah, but, at least this one,” Yixing said, and before Jongdae could protest again, Yixing was holding a picture in front of him where Jongdae barely recognized the people in it.

He had never seen his sister look as happy as she looked, and he had never seen Chanyeol look as relaxed as he looked. They had set up the camera to take the picture themselves. It was daylight, the sun coming into the apartment giving a natural glow to the subjects in the image. Mina and Chanyeol were looking at each other, both laughing, while Chanyeol held a very tiny baby Taemin on his lap and Mina held onto her son’s little hand. Taemin was looking down, oblivious to what was clearly love happening behind him.

And it broke him for reasons he couldn’t understand.

He left the room and went to his own, inadvertently slamming the door in his haste as he fell onto his bed and buried himself under the covers, tears falling as he tried to hide his face in his pillow.

He knew that the person rubbing his back was Yixing before he even said, “It’s okay,” and that he was sorry. He wanted to tell Yixing that it wasn’t his fault, that he didn’t do anything wrong, but all he could do was cry.

***

_ I need a positive thing tonight. Is there any way you can make it for dinner? _

Jongdae hadn’t left his bed for the rest of the day, but when he began to feel a bit hungry, he took the chance to text Yoona. His thought process on this was simple. He knew he had probably upset his parents with his reaction to the picture, and he also knew that being with their grandson that day had put them in a good mood, so if they saw him at dinner, they’d be upset or at the very least a little bit deflated at the reminder of what he had done. So, in order to counteract that, he thought he’d surprise them with Yoona. If she had other plans, he’d probably end up skipping dinner altogether to save everyone the grief.

_ What happened? _

_ Chanyeol brought Mina’s kid by again and I tried really hard to play along, but then I kind of lost it at some point and I’ve been hiding in my room ever since. _

_ I’ll come by. What time is dinner? _

He felt so grateful that, after he gave her the information, he motivated himself to get out of bed and freshen up, knowing his face looked haggard from all the crying.

“Wait,” he then said in the middle of washing his face, and he looked over at his bodyguard who sat outside the bathroom door watching him, “Did you get your new orders or are there still two of you?”

“Just me,” the bodyguard confirmed. “Congrats.”

“Uh, thanks,” Jongdae said, and he nodded, feeling relief that what his father had told him had been a reality that had been immediately implemented.

Yoona was prompt as always, and he greeted her at the door, having pulled himself together enough to look decent as he gave her a kiss and took her coat for her.

“Look at you,” his mother then said, surprising him as she appeared behind him with her arms outstretched for Yoona. She gave her a big hug and then assessed her. “Just as beautiful as I always remember. I’m so happy you could make it for dinner tonight. I had the cooks prepare the kimchi dumplings that I remembered you liked so much.”

“Oh, I can’t wait,” Yoona said with a big smile. “You look stunning as always,” she then complimented his mother and the older woman gave her another hug.

They spoke as Jongdae followed them to the dining room, where she was warmly greeted by his father as he shook her hand telling her it was wonderful to have her for dinner again.

Jongdae sat beside her, clearing his throat as he started in on his wine.

“We’re so happy you and Jongdae have reconnected,” his mother said, and she looked so thrilled that Jongdae mentally gave himself a pat on the back for thinking to do this tonight.

“I did miss him quite a lot,” Yoona said.

“I missed her more,” Jongdae said, giving her a tiny smile, and Jongdae’s mother cooed.

“How has your family been?” His mother then asked her.

The small talk continued with plans made for a weekend shopping trip for his mother and Yoona, and promises of continuing to come for dinner whenever she could.

Once the last bite had been taken and the last drink had been finished, Jongdae led Yoona to the living room where his mother had wasted no time in having the perfect frame acquired to put up the picture that had triggered Jongdae so badly.

“So that was the picture that did me in,” Jongdae said, pointing it out to Yoona.

“Wow,” she said, taking a close look at it. “I’ve never seen your sister that happy.”

“Right? So here she was being the happiest she had ever been, and she didn’t feel like sharing that with the family so we could all see her like that too. The queen of selfishness.”

“Is that what bothered you about it?”

Jongdae rubbed the back of his head then shrugged and said, “I don’t know.”

He sat on the couch and Yoona sat beside him, passing her fingers through his hair as she crossed her leg over his and leaned into him.

“We have to get to the bottom of what this is,” she said.

“I’m trying to,” he assured her, as he ran his fingers over the soft fabric of her sweater sleeve.

“Do you still hate her or are you onto something else now?”

“I don’t know,” he said a bit frustrated by it. “I just don’t want to care about it anymore. I want to be able to put up with these situations and not let them affect me.”

“If you’re just putting up with them, then you’re still letting them affect you.”

“So, I have to be joyful like everyone else about every time her kid comes to visit?”

“Not joyful. You just have to accept it. It’s a part of your life now. Her kid is a part of your life. You don’t have to love it, but you have to let it be what it is, and probably in time, when your heart heals a bit more, you’ll maybe find you enjoy hanging out with your nephew.”

“Hm,” he said, letting the words settle in his mind a bit. “I’m pretty sure he doesn’t like me already.”

“Well, you haven’t given him a reason to.”

“First impressions are everything. He’ll probably not want to give me a chance now.”

“He’s a child. You can change his mind easily at this point. It’s when he’s older that you’ll have a hard time doing it.”

“He reminds me so much of her,” Jongdae then admitted, the memories of earlier that morning coming back to him. “He’s already a lot like her, and he has some of her habits and mannerisms, which is crazy because she hasn’t been around for him to pick them up from her.”

“Genetics are a funny thing,” Yoona said with a smile. “So, is that going to make it harder for you then? It’s understandable.”

“I don’t know,” he said yet again. “Maybe. I hope not. I don’t want anything to be harder than it already has been.”

“If your sister was here right now, what would you tell her?”

“I’ve already been through this exercise with my therapist.”

“Sorry,” Yoona said with a sigh. “It’s hard to turn off what I learn in school when trying to help you with all this.”

“Are you going to be a therapist as well?”

“No, but I have taken my share of psychology courses. I’ll change the subject. Should I try and stay in your room tonight and hope your parents don’t notice?”

“You have a one-track mind.”

“It’s been awhile since we’ve done it in your room.”

“Too long. Although I don’t think we were as covert about it as we thought.”

“No, I’ve been well aware for a long time that there are no secrets in this house. Just the same, I don’t think your parents would mind as much anymore.”

“I don’t think they ever minded in the first place. When I was in high school though, that was a different story.”

“Oh wait, I seem to remember you telling me a story of you and your girlfriend being walked in on.”

“And I have never recovered. Thanks for bringing that up again.”

“I imagine it wasn’t their first time dealing with that issue.”

“No, that’s true. I still remember the loud fight that took place when my father kicked a boy out of the house because he had caught him and Mina doing something. I never found out what they were doing, but now that I think about it, I can assume.”

“All these years it never occurred to you to assume?” Yoona asked with a chuckle.

“I never thought about it. My sister always had friends over. I just thought maybe my dad didn’t like this particular one.”

“Oh, Dae,” Yoona said laughing.

“I was young and innocent. Leave me alone,” he said, but he knew his face had turned a bit pink. “That’s the thing though. I never thought my sister was always up to no good. I didn’t realize that she was doing so many things that she wasn’t supposed to be. I wish she had told me.”

“Do you? I know you keep saying you wanted her to respect you and tell you these things, but do you think you really would have wanted to know that your sister was doing things she shouldn’t be doing?”

“It would have given me a more realistic idea of who she really was. Now I just think I never knew her at all.”

“The way it seems to me, you knew a side of her that she didn’t tend to show other people. I think she felt most comfortable with you, and with you she could relax and not have to try as hard to impress. With everyone else, it seems like she was always trying to outdo herself. And maybe your sister didn’t want you to see the parts where she was screwing up, not because she wanted you to think she was perfect, but because she didn’t want to hurt you.”

“How would she have hurt me?”

“By showing you how she wasn’t really happy, and how she may have been a little lost and looking for something she couldn’t quite find. That was my first impression of your sister when I met her. Other than the obvious impression of here’s this beautiful and confident girl that is clearly judging me as I stand here meeting her for the first time. But as we sat and spoke, all I could think was that she was somewhere else, something was on her mind, she had a lot of worries behind her judgmental eyes. It was definitely not the girl in that picture,” she said, looking back up toward it.

“I still don’t understand how that would have hurt me,” Jongdae said, not trying to be obtuse. He needed to understand.

“Because of the person you used to be before all this happened. You were so happy. You didn’t have a care or concern in the world. You thought the world was a perfect place that catered to you. I remember when I first told my girlfriends about you, after our first date, and I told them that I’d be crazy to date someone like you who had no idea what the real world was like. Normally by your age, you would have met some people that would have shattered those ideas for you, but you actually hadn’t. So, imagine if your nephew grew up in the same way. We know he didn’t. He lost his mother at a young age, whether he remembers or not, that will affect him in some way as he grows up. He’s already learned that he can lose people. Something you didn’t learn until you were in your twenties. But imagine that he was able to grow up like you had, and had been sheltered enough and lucky enough to not have had anything terrible happen to him. Would you want to be the one to break it to him that the world was actually a rather unforgiving and cold place? You found out recently that your sister had some dark times in her life, surely you can understand why she would keep that from you. Would you want to be the person that explains to your happy nephew that horrible things happened to you and they could happen to him too? You blame your sister for loving you too much and coddling you too much and for not preparing you for the real world, but babe, that wasn’t her job. That was your parents’ job. It wasn’t her burden to carry. As your big sister, she did what she was supposed to do. She loved you and protected you and did her best to always make sure you were happy.”

It had never occurred to Jongdae until Yoona had just mentioned it that Mina had grown up differently than him. He now wondered at what point she had stopped being a happy child and had realized that the world was a cold and unforgiving place? He tried very hard to think back to his earliest memories of her, but he couldn’t be sure of their accuracy. He knew she had been happy when they were younger, even if still assertive and demanding.

At what point had Mina learned the truth about the world? Was it when she had gone to school and had started to deal with girls that were jealous of her? Was it when Minseok had been sent away to boarding school and she had felt alone at no longer having her best friend with her? Was it her first heartbreak?

He’d never know. Just as she’d never know the situation she had put them all in now. And Jongdae’s heart ached at how much of his and Mina’s relationship would always remain unresolved and incomplete. And maybe that had been the root of the problem from the moment he had found out she had died. Maybe it was because there was still so much he needed her to tell him, and so much he had wanted to share with her, and now these were just things that no longer needed to exist, and that felt so painful that Jongdae cried out as he buried his head in Yoona’s shoulder, letting her hold him as he sobbed for the second time that day.

***

Because of the emotional day that Jongdae had had the day before, Yoona had coordinated another night out for them at Red, and Jongdae had appreciated the chance to hopefully get back to a better mood.

“Hey, guys,” Baekhyun said as he joined them a few minutes late. “So don’t be mad, but I kinda told my best friend that I was coming to dinner with you guys again, and he said that he wanted to come and officially meet you, Jongdae, so he’s coming.”

“The more the merrier,” Yixing said as he scooted over to make more room in the booth.

Jongdae had not been expecting to formally meet the future head of the Park family that night, but he did think that he should finally meet the man that had been responsible for Baekhyun’s infiltration of their family, and also the man that had risked his own relationship with the Park family when the truth had come out the night of the operation.

It was only moments later that Kyungsoo arrived, and he bowed respectfully to the table and sat beside Baekhyun.

“This is Kyungsoo everyone,” Baekhyun said with much excitement, “Kyungsoo, this is Yixing, Yoona, Jongdae, and Minseok.”

“It’s very nice to meet everyone,” Kyungsoo said so politely and softly that Jongdae couldn’t imagine how him and Baekhyun were friends. “I’m very sorry for crashing like this, but I thought it’d be a good opportunity.”

“It’s fine,” Jongdae said. “Actually, it works out because I kind of have something to tell Baekhyun that you might want to hear as well.”

“Ooh what is it?” Baekhyun asked.

“How would you like to officially be part of the Kim family?”

Baekhyun lost his smile and stared at Jongdae, as if needing further instructions on how to make this happen, and then Jongdae noticed that Kyungsoo had a proud smile on his face as he looked at Baekhyun.

“I’ll do anything. What do I have to do to officially be part?”

“Well, all you had to do was get my girlfriend’s approval, which you did, so I’ve already talked to my father about it, and I’m officially extending the offer to you. Do you accept?”

“Are you joking?”

“Nope.”

“Jongdae, if you’re joking...”

“I’m not joking.”

“He even came up with a new title for you,” Yixing told him.

“Subadvisor?” Baekhyun said excited, and Kyungsoo hit his arm causing Baekhyun to ask him, “What?”

“Specialist,” Jongdae said.

“Specialist?” Baekhyun said, and the smile on his face returned with a quickness, “That sounds so cool! I’m the Kim family specialist?”

“Yes,” Jongdae said. “If you accept.”

“I accept!”

“Great,” Minseok said, and he told their server to get them champagne to celebrate.

“Soo, I’m part of a family,” Baekhyun said.

Kyungsoo leaned over to give him a hug and congratulate him, which made Jongdae suddenly realize how important the two of them were to each other. He supposed he now understood even better the choices Baekhyun had made, and he felt even more confident about his decision to make him part of the family.

“When do I start?” Baekhyun asked.

“Uh, whenever my dad’s ready?” Jongdae asked.

“I can’t wait. I’m going to be the best specialist any high family has ever had.”

“Well, that wouldn’t be hard,” Minseok said, “Considering you’ll be the only specialist any high family has ever had.”

“I bet all the other families will start having one once they hear about it,” Yoona said.

“I don’t know,” Baekhyun said, “Other families didn’t start having subadvisors.”

“I’m going to kill you,” Kyungsoo told him, and Baekhyun laughed.

The champagne was poured for each of them and they toasted to Baekhyun’s new employment and the Kim family’s newest asset that would very much be needed as they started to rebuild.

They were in mid-conversation about nothing important when Kyungsoo appeared to have received a text message that made him suddenly look panicked.

“Is everything okay?” Yoona asked before Jongdae could.

“Uh, so,” Kyungsoo began to explain, “I kinda told my boyfriend that I was coming here to meet you tonight.”

Jongdae blinked a couple of times, unsure if he had heard him correctly.

“You have, a boyfriend?” Yixing asked on Jongdae’s behalf.

And then Baekhyun started laughing, while Kyungsoo nodded.

“I didn’t know that,” Jongdae said, not having expected that, and now he wondered if Baekhyun had a boyfriend, since he had never made mention of a girlfriend.

“Yeah, um, so here’s the thing,” Kyungsoo continued. “I didn’t think anything about telling him that, but he’s now here. He texted me to say he’s here.”

“The more the merrier,” Yixing said again, scooting as close to Yoona as he could to make more room.

Baekhyun laughed out loud again and then said, “This is so great.”

“What’s so great?” Jongdae asked.

“Just wait for it,” Baekhyun said, putting his hand up.

And then if that wasn’t enough, Park Chanyeol of all people, walked up to their table and Jongdae felt the entire night was becoming an absurd play that he was the main protagonist of.

“Hey, sorry for crashing,” Chanyeol said.

“Why are you here?” Minseok asked, though not rudely.

And then Baekhyun pointed toward Chanyeol and said, “The boyfriend.”

“Wait what?” Jongdae said, not processing any of this.

“I knew it!” Minseok said, “Everyone in security was convinced you two had a thing going.”

“That’s what I tried to tell him,” Jongin said popping up beside Chanyeol, holding the hand of his long-time girlfriend that Jongdae had only remembered from when she was much younger.

“Hey, guys,” Junmyeon said, showing up as well. “Do you have room for more?”

“We need the big booth,” Minseok told the waiter. “Party’s moving.”

“Wait,” Yixing said to Minseok. “Why didn’t you tell us about this?”

“I didn’t have full confirmation, and I didn’t want to stir up something that was nothing, but I so deep down inside felt it was something. Wait, is this why you’re going to be the head?”

“No,” Chanyeol said waving his hands. “I didn’t want him to take the position. I have nothing to do with that.”

Jongdae’s head was still reeling from all this information, even as they sat in the bigger booth toward the back for private parties, and even after more champagne had been brought to the table for everyone, he still hadn’t quite processed this turn of events.

“So, let me get this straight,” Yoona said to Jongdae, “Your sister’s ex likes guys too?”

“Yeah, he’s always been like that,” Jongdae told her.

“I don’t have a gender preference,” Chanyeol told her with a smile. “And I don’t think we’ve formally met. I’m Chanyeol.”

“Yoona,” she said, reaching across to shake his hand.

“Very nice to meet you, Yoona. This is my cousin, Jongin, his fiancé, Chrystal, and my advisor and Kyungsoo’s future advisor, Junmyeon.”

“It’s nice to meet all of you,” Yoona said to them.

“I can’t believe you showed up like this,” Kyungsoo said to Chanyeol, not looking as amused as Baekhyun was.

“I can’t believe you said you were meeting Jongdae for dinner and didn’t think I wouldn’t show up.”

“You weren’t invited.”

“Yeah, but still. I had to be here.”

“Why?”

“Is this a lover’s quarrel?” Minseok asked.

“Yes,” Junmyeon said.

“They have the best fights,” Jongin said with a big smile.

“We’re not fighting,” Chanyeol said.

“We’re having a disagreement,” Kyungsoo agreed.

“How’s your arm by the way?” Yixing asked Jongin.

“Much better,” he said. “Thank you for asking. It barely even hurts anymore, even when I accidentally knock it into things. Hopefully the sling can come off soon so I can start sleeping like a normal person again.”

“How did you injure it?” Yoona asked.

“The Choi’s were trying to take out Chanyeol,” Minseok told her, “But they hit Jongin instead.”

“Twice,” Jongin said, “Once on each arm, but this arm wasn’t really injured too much by it,” he said putting up the arm that wasn’t in a sling.

“You must have been terrified,” Yoona then said to Chrystal.

“Very,” Chrystal confirmed. “I just kept thinking positive thoughts and telling myself that if anyone would pull through, it’s Jongin.”

“And you were right,” Yixing said with a smile.

“You guys missed the big announcement,” Baekhyun then said, “Oh hi, by the way I’m Baekhyun.”

“Oh, God, sorry,” Kyungsoo said. “Um, this is my best friend Baekhyun. Baekhyun, this is…”

“Jongin, his fiancé Chrystal, and your future advisor Junmyeon,” Baekhyun said as he pointed to each one. “Got it.”

“So you’re the best friend,” Jongin said, looking excited to meet him, “I’ve heard the best stories about you. Thanks so much for helping us against the Choi’s.”

“Yes,” Junmyeon agreed. “Your bravery was quite amazing.”

“And because of that bravery,” Kyungsoo said, “Baekhyun has just accepted a position to officially be part of the Kim family.”

“That’s why we’re celebrating,” Minseok pointed out.

“More champagne!” Baekhyun yelled out holding his glass in the air.

“More champagne!” Jongin echoed, doing the same. “And congrats. The Kim’s are very lucky to have you.”

“Yes, they are,” Chanyeol agreed with a smile.

And even Jongdae had a smile on his face now, not just because they were lucky to have him, but because he had missed celebrating something with a large group of people and having cause for celebration in the first place. It made him feel a bit as if things hadn’t changed at all, and he got that nostalgic feel that made him a bit warm, like an old, familiar blanket that made him feel that all would be alright.

“And the Park’s are very lucky to have Kyungsoo,” Baekhyun said.

“Yes, we are,” Chanyeol said.

“I still can’t believe you showed up,” Kyungsoo said before taking another sip of his champagne glass.

“Are you really going to be upset about this the whole night?” Chanyeol asked him amused.

“I hope so,” Minseok said, “This is so amusing. I can’t wait to tell the guys at work tomorrow.”

“So,” Jongdae said looking at Baekhyun, “Do you also have a boyfriend we should know about?”

And since Kyungsoo laughed at the question, Jongdae assumed that no, Kyungsoo would not continue to be upset about Chanyeol crashing.

“Ah, no,” Baekhyun said laughing as well. “I’m a single person.”

“Do you have a preference for boys?” Jongdae flat out asked, since it was what he really had been trying to find out.

“No, not really. I mean I’ve been with boys, and I’ve been with girls, but I don’t think I have a preference for either.”

“Like Chanyeol,” Jongin said.

“Maybe, but different, but kinda, but not really,” Baekhyun said as he thought through it. “But yeah. I guess.”

“Okay, clearly Baekhyun has some things to figure out about his future love life,” Minseok said with a laugh. “Hey, what do you guys want to eat? Let’s order some appetizers for the table to share.”

“I’ve never been here,” Kyungsoo said, looking over the menu.

“This is the place that I brought you that steak from,” Baekhyun told him.

“Oh, that was really good,” Kyungsoo said.

“Everything here is good,” Chanyeol confirmed.

“Let’s get oysters,” Jongin said.

“The tuna tartare is excellent,” Junmyeon mentioned.

“Oysters, tuna tartare,” Minseok started rattling off to the server, adding on the other selections by the table until he gave up and told the waiter to just bring one of everything.

“So, how long has this thing with the two of you been going on?” Yixing asked Chanyeol.

“Oh, it’s a long story,” Chanyeol said.

“It’s the best story!” Baekhyun said, “So what happened was…”

Jongdae listened intently with the rest of the Kim family, caught up in Baekhyun’s storytelling skills as he felt he was being told the plot of a K-drama that Yoona would have liked. Yoona, for her part, did look enraptured by the story and made the appropriate gasps and other sounds that she normally made when watching K-dramas on TV.

When the story was over, Jongdae shook his head at Chanyeol, both in amusement and disbelief.

“Only you,” Jongdae said.

“I know, I know,” Chanyeol said looking a little embarrassed by it. “Trust me, it was not my intention when I took over for my father to have any of this happen.”

“So, is that why you’re staying at the estate?” Minseok asked. “That’s been going around security as well. That you’re staying after saying you would leave once your dad was better?”

“Yeah, there are a lot of reasons,” Chanyeol sighed, “But yeah, it’s one of them. Everything I want and need right now is there, so I’m staying for the time being.”

“So, are you guys going to share a room then?” Minseok asked jokingly.

“He has his own room,” Chanyeol said looking a bit embarrassed again.

Jongdae thought it was interesting that Chanyeol wouldn’t be leaving after all. He was always the type to forge his own path and stay away from the family, and it made him a little sad to think that he was giving that up in a way. Chanyeol himself hadn’t seemed too happy when he had first mentioned it, and it made him briefly think about how he now knew that his sister hadn’t been too happy either with things in her life.

When the appetizers were brought out, everyone dug in, commenting on how incredible one was, or how someone had to try the other immediately.

“What is this?” Baekhyun asked Kyungsoo as he showed him something from his plate that he had scooped from one of the appetizer dishes.

“I’m not sure,” Kyungsoo admitted.

“It’s steak tartare,” Yixing informed him.

“Oh,” Baekhyun said, still looking unsure, and then he said to his best friend, “Kyungsoo, I’m going to have to learn fancy things to be a proper Kim.”

“Well it’s a good thing you’re a quick learner,” Kyungsoo told him with a smile.

“That’s true,” Baekhyun said taking a bite, and then he made a confused face as he chewed, and after he swallowed it, he stated, “This needs to be cooked more.”

They all busted out laughing and Yoona was the one to tell him, “It’s not cooked at all. Tartare means raw.”

“Oh, really? You guys pay money to eat raw steak? When I was homeless and living on the streets, I’d go looking for food behind restaurants to see what they had thrown out, and sometimes they’d throw out raw steak, and I never thought to eat it. I wish I had known it was okay.”

“No, that probably wasn’t okay,” Yixing said quickly. “It’s a good thing you didn’t eat it.”

“Yeah that’s probably different,” Chanyeol agreed.

“They make sure this steak is the kind you can eat raw,” Minseok explained, so he was clear.

“You used to be homeless?” Yoona asked, looking around to see if she was the only one that hadn’t known this information.

“Oh, yeah,” Baekhyun said with a smile. “I was an orphan, so when I got older, I ran away from the orphanage and lived on the streets instead. And that’s how I met Kyungsoo. And I think he felt bad for me, so that’s why he asked me to be his roommate.”

“And my life hasn’t been peaceful since,” Kyungsoo deadpanned.

“And now you’re with Chanyeol so it’s even less peaceful,” Minseok said.

“Hey,” Chanyeol said, pretending to throw an oyster at him.

“No, he’s right,” Kyungsoo lamented, which caused another round of laughs from the table.

As their dinners were brought out, the night carried on in much the same way, with teasing, and questions, and surprising answers, and not-so-surprising comments. Jongdae hadn’t stopped smiling through most of it, not even caring that the Park’s had crashed, and realizing now that in this new life of his, these were exactly the kinds of friends he’d end up making anyway. The fact that he already knew them, made it a little easier to accept.

When the night did finally end, they all walked outside to the valet stand, and Chanyeol motioned to Jongdae to step a bit to the side with him.

“Hey,” Chanyeol said, “I just want to be clear about something. Like, getting it all on the table and everything. I really, genuinely had nothing against you when we had to start interacting with each other in this way this year. I just didn’t know how to handle the situation I was in. Like at all.”

“I believe you,” Jongdae said. He was finally able to understand the situation a bit better, maybe it was the clarity of an emotional week combined with all the alcohol he was not supposed to have had. “We were both in pretty messed up situations.”

“Yeah, we were,” Chanyeol agreed, “It kinda sucks a little that we didn’t understand what the other was going through better back then. We probably could have helped each other out a bit more.”

“Maybe, but I’m starting to think we both had to go on these individual journeys.”

“Like life tests that we didn’t ask for.”

“Exactly.”

“I hope that was the only one for both of us.”

“I have a feeling it wasn’t,” Jongdae sighed.

Chanyeol nodded and seemed to think about what he wanted to say next, but Jongdae had a feeling he knew what it was already.

“Do you think we could get together sometime soon? Maybe for like coffee or lunch or something?”

“Because you want to talk about how I’ve been reacting to your son,” Jongdae stated the words that Chanyeol hadn’t added.

“I know you just need time, but I was thinking I could help.”

“It’s not something you can help with,” Jongdae told him. “It’s something I have to figure out on my own. I have to fix myself somehow. I’m trying.”

“I just… Taemin’s a really great kid. I think you would really like him if you gave him the chance.”

“I don’t have anything against him,” Jongdae said with earnest eyes so Chanyeol could try and understand. “My issue isn’t with him. I know I said I didn’t care about him during that whole mess, but it’s not him that I have anything against. He is a great kid. And I do like him. But I’m just not ready.”

“Okay,” Chanyeol said, “I can understand that, but I still think we should meet up and talk. I really do want to try and help.”

“You want to make sure no one treats your son in a rude way. I won’t.”

“No, I mean yeah of course that too, but I mean it. I really do want to try and help. Think about it. Just coffee or something simple. It doesn’t have to be a big deal. Let’s just sit and talk sometime, okay?”

Jongdae sighed and nodded, “Okay.”

“Thank you. By the way, tonight was pretty fun. Do you mind if we keep crashing?”

“It’s not crashing if you guys are invited,” Jongdae told him with a small smile. “I’ll see you at the next one.”

“I can’t wait.”

A simple smile of understanding was exchanged between the two of them, and then Chanyeol was gone, as the only car left at the valet was for the Kim’s.

“So, did you guys kiss and make up?” Minseok asked as he held the door open for him to get in the car.

“We’re working on it I guess,” Jongdae told him.

He slid beside Yoona and cuddled into her as best as he could with their coats on.

“You looked like you had fun tonight,” she told him.

“I did. This reminded me of old times.”

“See? You don’t have to leave everything in the past to move forward. There are always things you can bring with you on a new journey. Like a girlfriend.”

“This new journey wouldn’t have been possible without you,” he told her, turning his face to look at her. “I’m not going to bother asking you now, because of medical school, and your residency, and me not being okay yet and so on, but one day, I’m going to ask you to marry me.”

“Thanks for the advanced warning,” she told him with a small giggle. “Since I’ll have plenty of time to think about it, I’ll make sure and have an answer ready for you when the time comes.”

“I’ll appreciate that.”

He gave her a small kiss before snuggling into her again, and he spent the rest of the ride back to her place in a half daze, thinking that so much of the night had been surreal, and so much of it had been the realest he had felt in a while.


	9. (Two Moons)

“Hey, Mama. Hey, Papa.” Baekhyun said after he left a flower wreath on the side of the steps of the building that had been raised in place of the one that had burned down with his parents in it.

“Hello, Mr. and Mrs. Byun,” Kyungsoo said with a bow.

“So, I have big news to share with you,” Baekhyun said excited. “I finally found a family! It took me longer than expected, and probably longer than you hoped, but I finally found one, and they’re really nice people. Well, I haven’t met all of them yet, but I know they’re all probably really nice because the ones I’ve met have been. Oh, and I’m going to get my own room in their house. Isn’t that cool? I’ll let you know next time what it looks like because I haven’t seen it yet. And then next time I’ll confirm that everyone is nice too. But don’t worry because Kyungsoo and I are still going to have our other place, so I’ll have two homes. I bet that’s way better than you expected, right? Anyway, my new family’s name is Kim, and you guys would really like them because they work hard and are very successful. They own restaurants, like really fancy ones, with food that has fancy names. Did you know people pay a lot of money to eat raw steak? I didn’t either, but I’m going to be learning more things like that now. Kyungsoo, do you want to tell them your big news?”

“Sure,” Kyungsoo said, “So I’m also back with my previous family, the Park’s, and I’m training to one day become head of the family. I wanted Baekhyun to join me in that family, but he really likes the Kim family, and Jongdae, the son of the family, really likes Baekhyun, so it was a good fit. Jongdae makes Baekhyun very happy, so he’s going to be smiling and laughing a lot with his new family. You know you don’t ever really have to worry about him because no one takes care of themselves better than he does, but he has a lot of people now that care a lot about him and are taking care of him, so you can be free of that worry. Also, you should be very proud of him because the Kim’s created a position for him in the family business because he’s so talented. I’ll give him back to you guys now. I hope you are both resting well and at peace.”

“I wish you guys could meet Jongdae. I think you would like him a lot. You’ll have to make sure and meet him in the next life. It’s very cold outside and there is snow around the building so it’s very pretty. I hope you can see how pretty it is. I also hope you can see that Kyungsoo and I look very healthy. We are eating well and staying warm. You guys have nothing to worry about. Okay, we’re going to go now to go find warm food to take home so we can be warm again. I love you both and I’ll come back with an update soon.”

Baekhyun gave two air kisses and Kyungsoo waved goodbye as they walked back toward the train station. They picked up fried chicken and noodles to bring back home and they ate it at the table, discussing the matter of what to pack to take to their new homes.

“It’s a good thing I kept that box you told me not to keep,” Baekhyun mentioned as he filled his mouth with noodles.

“I’m debating how much of my clothes to leave here,” Kyungsoo said. “I know the majority of my time will be spent there, so it makes sense to take most of it.”

“How often do you think you’ll be back?” Baekhyun asked. As much as he was excited to be moving into the Kim home, he didn’t really want to leave his apartment with Kyungsoo, nor Kyungsoo for that matter.

“I was thinking. Maybe we can pick a day that’s our day. The day that we stay here and just be us. It’ll be our break away from the two crazy worlds we’ve chosen to live in.”

“A specific day or just a different day each week?” Baekhyun asked, liking the idea very much.

“Maybe a specific day, but if that day gets compromised because of high family things, we make sure to take a different day that week to make up for it.”

“What about Sunday?”

“Sunday works for me.”

“Okay, Sunday will be our day.”

“And if we need more than one day some weeks, we can do that too.”

“Like if you and Chanyeol get into a fight and you can’t stand to look at his face.”

“Like if Jongdae goes off on vacation with his girlfriend and you get bored not having him around.”

“This is a good plan.”

“I think so as well.”

“Okay, but how far into our first Sunday will we get before Chanyeol is calling you and asking you how you’re doing, and what you’re doing, and telling you he’s bored, and sending you selfies, and asking you to send him selfies, and…”

“Probably in the first hour,” Kyungsoo admitted, and Baekhyun laughed.

“I hope the elder Kim likes me and doesn’t find me too annoying,” Baekhyun then said, his own insecurities surfacing as his first meeting with Jongdae’s father got closer.

“You make Jongdae smile,” Kyungsoo told him. “He’s going to like you a lot.”

“I hope his mom likes me too.”

“I’m sure she will.”

“I wonder if Jongdae would let me call her ‘Mom.’”

“You could ask him. You should definitely ask him before you try.”

“I’ll ask him. Soo, what if I hate living there?”

“Lucky for you, you have a second home.”

“Did you ever think you might hate living at the Park’s?”

“I kinda grew up there, so it already felt like home.”

“Oh, right.”

“Baek, you’re going to love living there. Probably too much. My biggest fear is that you stop coming back here altogether, even on our one day a week.”

“That’s my biggest fear about you!”

“I have a Chanyeol I’ll need to escape from every now and then, you, however, are about to have everything you ever wanted.”

“It’s not everything if you’re not there.”

“That was so cheesy.”

“You started it. But it’s true anyway, even if it’s cheesy.”

“Our future plans haven’t changed,” Kyungsoo said as he put more chicken on both of their plates. “You’re still one day going to run the herbal shop, and I’m still going to have the salon right next door.”

“It’ll be funny when you’re in big boss meetings making big money deals and then stopping by to check up on your salon.”

“It’ll be great. I know it’s far off in the future, but I’m looking forward to it.”

“Me too,” Baekhyun said with a smile.

He was nervous about this new path that had opened for him, but he was also excited, and he knew that he would never have had the chance to walk down it if it hadn’t been for Kyungsoo. A lot of times he thought back to that day in the park when he had asked Kyungsoo if he would join the Academy. Baekhyun still didn’t know why Kyungsoo had come back to offer him a room in his apartment, and over time, he had convinced himself that Kyungsoo had felt sorry for him, except on happy days, when Baekhyun was convinced that Kyungsoo had just really liked him that much.

But Baekhyun knew that the reason didn’t matter as much as the fate of it all. Their paths had crossed at exactly the right time in their lives, under exactly the right circumstances to produce this result. It was the only thing that made sense to him, and it was that same fate that had led him to this new destination. And for that reason, everything felt right and as it should be, and Baekhyun couldn’t be any happier about it.


	10. (New Moon)

Chanyeol hadn’t wanted to waste any time in meeting Jongdae, knowing how easily Jongdae may change his mind, or mood, and go back to hiding. So, he made it a point to lock down a meeting time for them, and as Chanyeol walked into the coffee shop they had chosen, he was relieved to see Jongdae sitting at a table, waiting for him and looking lost in thought as he took a sip from his cup.

Chanyeol ordered himself coffee and then shrugged off his coat before he sat across from him, giving him a soft smile.

“I’m glad you didn’t bail on me,” Chanyeol told him.

“I considered it,” Jongdae admitted.

“It’s just talking,” Chanyeol said, and then he thought of a better approach. “Okay, how’s this? If a topic comes up that you don’t want to talk about, just pass on it.”

“I don’t want to talk about Mina.”

Chanyeol looked at him and bit his lip, not sure how to respond since that needed to be one of the main points of the conversation.

“At all?” He asked unsure. “Because I think we kinda need to.”

“Why?”

“Because she left me too,” Chanyeol said, his voice a bit raspy all of a sudden and he cleared his throat. “And no, I know I wasn’t close to her the way you were, but I was still close.”

“I think you may have been closer,” Jongdae said, his eyes narrowing a bit, though Chanyeol didn’t think that was directed toward him. At least he hoped it wasn’t.

“There’s no way. You and I stopped being friends in high school, but every day I was with her, I knew exactly what was going on in your life. You were her favorite topic of conversation. She was so proud of you. Like all the time. It was this constant reminder of how you had stuck to our plan and I had gone wayward with no direction at all.”

“I thought after the military you went to school to get a teaching degree.”

“I did, but I was also out every night not taking it seriously like I should have been. And then I became a dad and had to quit school to focus on that, so yeah, directionless.”

“My sister was selfish to leave that burden on you.”

“It was a decision we both made.”

“But it was her son. She chose business over family. We’re raised to always put family first, and she broke that rule.”

“I think,” Chanyeol said, trying to find the best way to explain, “In her mind, that was her way of putting family first. Her whole family, not just her son.”

“No,” Jongdae shook his head. “It was her own ambition.”

“Okay,” Chanyeol said, rethinking his approach. “Let’s say it was. Let’s say that she cared more about running the family than being a mother. That’s still fair. Fathers do that all the time. They expect their wives to take care of the children while they go off and run businesses, and stay out late at dinners with colleagues, and barely hold themselves responsible for their children when they do come home. So, our situation was reversed. In our relationship, Mina had the potential, and I was the directionless one. I knew that’s the type of person she was, and I wanted her to fulfill her ambitions. She had a fire in her eyes whenever she talked about taking over and the things she wanted to do. That’s what she was meant to do, and I supported that.”

He could see that Jongdae was thinking about what he said, and Chanyeol hoped something he said made sense to him.

“I can actually relate to that now,” Jongdae said. “Yoona’s going to be a surgeon, and I want her to fulfill her ambitions as well. And she’s made it clear that even if I proposed to her today, we wouldn’t be having kids for at least six years. But she’s actually the type to make sure it doesn’t happen. So… I guess, I can understand that.”

“And if you guys did screw up? You’d take care of that baby for six years and not once consider her selfish as she spent all her time working instead.”

Jongdae nodded, and Chanyeol saw the understanding on his face.

“It’s so weird,” Jongdae then said, “To even think about you and my sister together as a couple.”

“Tell me about it,” Chanyeol said with a snort.

“But it’s even weirder to think that you really loved her. Like, you were really in love with her.” And then something seemed to dawn on Jongdae and he looked at Chanyeol surprised. “Wait, are you the one that always has those bright flowers delivered to her at the cemetery?”

Chanyeol’s cheeks may have turned pink and he looked down for a moment at his coffee and nodded, and then he cleared his throat again and looked back up at Jongdae.

“I have always hated that I couldn’t go to her funeral, or that I couldn’t say goodbye. It was my way of telling her that I was there, and that I missed her, and that I loved her. I couldn’t risk going myself, so I had them delivered in hopes that she understood.”

“You can visit her now.”

“I want to,” he said. “I’ve been debating whether or not to bring my son. I don’t think he’ll understand, but I think he should see her too. Do you go often?”

“I used to,” Jongdae said biting his lip a little. “I stopped after you told us the truth about the two of you. I didn’t care to ever see her again after that.”

“What made you so angry? Was it that she had kept this secret? Or was it because it was me?”

“All of it,” Jongdae said, and Chanyeol was a bit shocked that he admitted it. “All my life I thought that I was the person closest to my sister, and then all of a sudden, I find out that not only was she closer to you, but she wasn’t even close enough to me to tell me the truth. It really hurt.”

“Again, she was not closer to me. You were close to her your whole life. I was only close to her for a couple of years. If that. I’m not sure when we went from having fun to something more. But it wasn’t my whole life.”

“I’ve found out recently that my sister kept all kinds of things from me,” Jongdae said, and he let out a huge sigh before continuing. “I feel I didn’t really know her after all. And now I’ll never get to know who she really was.”

“Yes, you will,” Chanyeol said, and his heart did ache a bit for Jongdae then. “You’ve already started to learn who she really was, and as time goes on, and people open up and speak more candidly about her, you’ll learn even more, and some of it might not be that great, but a lot of it will be good.”

“Did you know that about her before? When we were all growing up together?”

“No. I only hung out with her when she was with you, so whatever she showed you, she showed me.”

“So, when did you start learning who she really was?”

“I…” Chanyeol had no idea how to reply to that. Talking to Jongdae, his former best friend, was one thing, but talking to Jongdae, Mina’s brother, was an entirely different thing altogether.

“Was it early on or later in the relationship?”

“Um…” Chanyeol tried to think of the best way to handle this question. “It was early.”

“How early?”

“Pretty early.”

Jongdae looked at Chanyeol, not looking too amused by his lack of revealing answers.

Chanyeol took another sip of his coffee and then tried again.

“I always knew your sister as someone who was stubborn and bossy, and very protective of you. She naturally was always in charge, but she also seemed to have it all together. I mean she was older than us, so I guess it seemed easy to think that. When we ran into each other in the club, it was crazy for me. Like here was this girl that I’ve known my whole life, in this completely different context, hanging out with her friends, getting drunk off her ass, as if she didn’t care about having it all together. I lied to my parents about this, and I’ve lied to your parents and your cousin about this, but I’ll tell you the truth. That night was insane. And I won’t spell out how it was insane, but one minute we were recognizing each other and asking how the other was, and then next thing I know, she’s making moves on me, and I’m confused as fuck because it’s Mina, but also, excited as fuck because she had this wild energy that I wanted to feel too. At that moment, she was like this answer to a question I didn’t know I had needed to ask.”

“You used my sister as one of your stupid one-night stands?”

“What part of ‘she made the moves on me’ are you choosing to ignore here?”

“You said she was drunk.”

“Yeah, well so was I. And again, she was using me as a one-night stand. Something I found out your sister did as often as I did. And one of the first things I learned when we started getting closer was that she hooked up with random people for the same reason I did. She didn’t want to bring anyone into that world where she knew she’d be worried about their safety at all times. The way she constantly and persistently was worried about yours.”

“Constantly and persistently are pretty much the same thing.”

“Really, Jongdae?”

“Sorry,” he said, and Jongdae took a deep breath and rubbed his forehead before looking back at him. “I’m trying to process all this.”

“Are you going to listen to anything I’m saying, or are you just going to pick out the parts to critique?”

“I’m listening,” Jongdae told him, and Chanyeol tried to calm his own frustrated feelings down as he noticed a subtle look of pain on Jongdae’s face.

“I just want to tell you the truth,” Chanyeol explained to him. “I feel you deserve to know it. Although it’s good we’re not friends anymore because I never would have told you that if we were.”

“Because you wouldn’t have wanted to hurt me.”

“Yes, and it would have been more awkward. I mean it’s pretty awkward now.”

“This is awkward,” Jongdae agreed. “I knew my sister went clubbing and to bars a lot with her friends. I thought they were just hanging out because whenever we’d meet up at Red, or wherever, that’s what we would do. And she would get drunk, but we all would, and it never ended with her leaving with a random person.”

“Again, because you were there. That would’ve been even more awkward, don’t you think?”

“Yeah,” Jongdae said softly, looking down at his cup but not making any motion to drink from it.

“Let me ask you this, let’s say you had known all these things about your sister. Let’s say Mina came to you one day and confessed all her dark secrets to you. Would you have loved her any less?”

“I wouldn’t know,” he mumbled.

“You wouldn’t have,” Chanyeol answered for him. “Because that’s what I went through with her. Thinking she was one person, then each day discovering that she wasn’t at all the person I thought she was, and then realizing one day that she was exactly the person I thought she was, but with a lot more layers than I had imagined. You were in your twenties and in medical school when she died, and you still had this perception of her that wasn’t wrong, just incomplete. If she were still alive, you’d still have that perception. You probably would have gone your whole life never knowing better, because that’s the kind of relationship you and your sister had. It actually…”

Chanyeol had to pause to gather his thoughts and emotions again, and then he continued.

“It actually reminds me a lot of my relationship with my cousin. I love Jongin for who he is and who he’s always been. He’s not blind to the world we live in, but he sees this innocence in everything, and it’s either because he’s really innocent or it’s just his way of coping with it all. I’m not sure which it is, and honestly, I don’t ever want to know. If it works for him, I’m happy with that. But every mess I got myself into, he never saw it as a mess. He’s always believed in me. Even after the truth came out in that office about me and Mina, after you guys left, my father destroyed me. I had never been treated like that by him in my life. And then later in the day, when he called the family meeting for me to tell them everything, he still wasn’t having it. But Jongin sat there, listened to everything, and then defended me and stood up for me and still managed to believe in me, even after I betrayed my family by not telling them the truth. I honestly believe that if Mina had told you all the not-so-great things in her life, you wouldn’t have even seen them like that.”

“Then she should have just told me.”

“Why bother? Your sister gave you the best parts of her, something no one else really got. Okay, I got some of it, and I know how lucky I am to have gotten that side of her too, but she literally only ever gave you the best parts of her, and you’re going to complain that you didn’t get the bad stuff? The heartache? The tears? The horrible feeling in your stomach that only happens when you want to help someone, but you can’t? She relied on you to be the one constant light in her life, and in return she gave you all her hope, and love. And actually, she gave you her dreams too.”

Chanyeol realized he may have been letting his frustration get the best of him again, so he took a breath to calm down again, and then continued.

“Do you know that Mina wanted you to run the family with her?”

“It was mentioned to me once.”

“Who mentioned it?”

“My girlfriend. Ex-girlfriend at the time. After the Wu incident, she came to check up on me, and somewhere in the conversation she told me things I never knew before about her relationship with my sister. Mostly that my sister hated her and told her that one day I’d be running the family with her and that Yoona wouldn’t make a good wife to a head of a family.”

“Shit,” Chanyeol said, and he ran his hand through his hair and shook his head. “That’s… brutal. Well, I can confirm that she wanted you to… it wasn’t even wanting you to, it’s like she knew. She was sure of it. After you did some time as a doctor, I don’t know how she thought you were going to decide to join her, but she acted like she knew you would.”

“Since she talked about me to you all the time, did she ever say anything to you about Yoona?”

“I knew Mina didn’t care for your girlfriend. One day I jokingly had asked her what she ever did to her, and Mina said it wasn’t an issue with her directly. And then she told me something that now, after everything you’ve been through this past year, proves that your sister knew you better than anyone else. She said that her issue with Yoona was that you cared about her so much, and by bringing her into the family, you were putting her at risk, and if anything were to ever happen to Yoona, you wouldn’t be able to handle it.”

“She did not say that.”

“She did. And I defended you and said it’d be rough, but you’d handle it, although you’d probably feel guilty about it for a long time. Her response was basically that Yoona needed to go away so that she never had to find out if she was right.”

Jongdae looked down, pressing his hand to his forehead as he looked to be taking controlled breaths, and Chanyeol wondered if he’d end up having another one of those panic attacks again. He didn’t know what he would do, and since Yixing wasn’t there to help, he’d really be at a loss.

“So,” Jongdae said after a moment and a deep breath, and then he tried to say something else, but just looked down again, his face looking to be a bit defeated, so Chanyeol decided to keep talking to help.

“I think your sister may have secretly liked Yoona though, in a weird way,” he said, thinking back to moments that had made him think that. “I remember one time her talking about how she had found the perfect birthday gift for her, and it was really nice. I think it was a necklace. And another time when she showed me a picture that she took of the two of you on some outing you all went on, and she mentioned how great you both looked. I think maybe part of her was trying to accept it, because ultimately, Yoona made you happy, and your happiness was always important to your sister. You know, honestly, it was the layers thing with your sister. She could feel one way about something one day and feel the complete opposite way the next.”

“She was a complicated person,” Jongdae finally said, able to find his voice again. “You’re a complicated person. Minseok is a complicated person. I was a simple person.”

“Well you’ve certainly turned complicated in this past year,” Chanyeol said, not sure what Jongdae was getting at.

“There’s just a lot I’m going to have to accept regardless of how I feel about it,” he said, and Chanyeol realized the expression was definitely one of defeat. “Everyone’s telling me the same thing, so everyone must be right. That’s how that works, right?”

“But your feelings are right too,” Chanyeol said carefully, not liking the turn this took.

“They don’t matter. I can’t keep doing this. I can’t even sit here and have a conversation with you without feeling so insignificant in my own life story.”

“What are you talking about? You never have been and never will be insignificant in any story. You’re certainly significant in my life story, and you were the most significant part of your sister’s.  She named her first-born son after you, like how can you feel insignificant?”

“I can’t explain how I feel,” Jongdae said, his voice louder in frustration. “Okay, maybe ‘insignificant’ isn’t the right word. Maybe it’s ‘inferior.’ Maybe I mean ‘dismissed.’ Maybe I just feel left behind.”

And Chanyeol could see how maybe he did feel that, so he paused to calm his emotions again, thinking back to how he had been so adamant that one day, when he had come to the office wanting to know what he had done to Chanyeol to make him treat him the way he had, and Chanyeol had been confounded because Jongdae hadn’t done anything. But maybe what Jongdae had really wanted to know was something else, and maybe it was part of him feeling left behind. Chanyeol wasn’t sure, but that’s how he could best make sense of it, but then he thought that maybe Jongdae hadn’t realized that his situation had changed a bit, so he thought of a question that might challenge him to consider it.

“At dinner the other night, did you feel left behind?”

“No. That night felt like how things used to be.”

“And you seemed to be like who you used to be,” Chanyeol pointed out to him. “I was kind of really surprised. I was expecting so much attitude from you and it never came. It was nice to have you back.”

“I’m trying,” Jongdae said, rubbing his forehead again before finally taking another sip of his coffee. “And what about you? I can’t believe you’re going to stay in your family’s house.”

“Yeah, I lost that battle,” Chanyeol said with his own forehead rub before looking at him. “Now people will know my son is the direct lineage of two high families. There’s no way I can protect him on my own anymore. I probably couldn’t really protect him before either, but that’s a little clearer after the Choi mess than it was before. Anyway, he’ll be safer at my parents’, and once he starts school, he’ll have a bodyguard, and really his safety is all that matters, so…” Chanyeol just shrugged and focused on drinking his coffee then as well.

Jongdae studied him for a moment before speaking.

“It was crazy,” he said, “Seeing you as a father at our house that first time. You just did it so naturally and instinctively. Like you’re an actual dad.”

“Did you think I was faking it this whole time? And trust me, it’s not natural or instinctive. It’s failure after failure and hoping that your kid doesn’t end up hating you when he’s older for not being better at it.”

“I guess because I never saw you with him before, it was like, yes I knew you had a kid, but, it didn’t register. But that day was very real. You’ve had your hands full, and the fact that you ran the family for your dad while being a dad is kind of amazing. And insane. But you pulled it off and made it seem like nothing.”

“I wish it had felt like it seemed then,” Chanyeol said shaking his head. “Nothing about being a dad has been easy. From the moment he was born, to now, to whatever I have to deal with tomorrow, none of it has been easy. But it’s been worth it. All of it. I wouldn’t go back in time and change any of it. Taemin is literally the best thing that’s ever happened to me, and I thank your sister every day for giving him to me.”

“Since you were being so honest earlier, you can be honest now. Did she really want to? What was her actual reaction at finding out?”

That wasn’t one of Chanyeol’s favorite memories, the day having been so stressful for the both of them, but especially her.

“Her reaction was what you’d expect. She’d come over to my place. I thought it was just a normal day of her coming to hang out. She didn’t even say hi to me when I opened the door, just walked straight past me and into my bathroom. I thought maybe she had had a bad day. I yelled out to her if she wanted me to order food, she yelled back okay, I asked her what she was in the mood for, she said she didn’t care. Then I didn’t hear from her again for a bit, so I thought that maybe she wasn’t feeling well. She finally comes out of the bathroom holding this plastic stick in her hand, looking as if she was going to throw up, and it took me longer than it should have to realize what it meant when she held it in front of my face to see. And then you can probably imagine what my reaction was, I just looked at her shocked and freaked out.”

Chanyeol paused and drank more coffee before continuing.

“So, we sat on the couch, and she started crying, so I held her, and then I started crying, because I’m me, and we just sat there crying until our food got there. I got up to get it, brought it over, told her to eat, which she just glared at me for. I tried to explain that it might help us think about this better. I mostly needed the distraction because my nerves were shot to hell. She said she couldn’t keep it, and then she cried that she was a terrible person for saying that. And I held her again, and we cried some more, and I told her that I would support whatever she decided. And she asked me what I thought we should do, and I had no idea what to say. My first instinct was to tell my parents so they could help me deal with the situation. That’s usually how I dealt with things. I’d make a big fuss of not wanting their help, go off to try and find myself, and then call them the moment that something came up that I couldn’t deal with. Anyway, I told her we should tell our parents and have them help figure this out. As you can imagine, she was very upset by that suggestion.”

“You should have listened to yourself.”

“Well, in that moment, I had a devastated girlfriend that was in a predicament that I was responsible for, so clear thoughts were not happening.”

“Why didn’t you just use a fucking condom?”

“Are you going to sit there all high and mighty and tell me that you and Yoona never slipped up?”

“You don’t know Yoona,” Jongdae said. “She’s on birth control and keeps condoms stocked in case I forget to bring any. And I’m fairly certain that if she even sensed that maybe the condom wasn’t fully effective, she has morning after pills ready to go.”

Chanyeol couldn’t be upset at that answer, and it made him smile a bit in disbelief.

“Holy shit,” he told Jongdae, “You better warm up to my kid then because it doesn’t sound like you’ll ever have any of your own.”

“Six years. After she’s done with her residency and a year of private practice, I’m asking her to marry me and we’re going to have at least one. Maybe two if she okays it.”

“Maybe two if she okays it,” Chanyeol had to repeat because he found it so amusing.

“Anyway, you were saying.”

“Oh, right, well yeah, she made it clear that telling parents was not an option, so I told her if she really thought getting rid of it would help the situation then I’d support it, but she could tell by my tone and the look on my face that I didn’t feel right about that, and I could tell by the look on her face that she didn’t feel right about it either. So, we dropped that idea and came up with our horrible plan.”

“Well, at least you guys did something right,” Jongdae said, and Chanyeol knew he meant it as a compliment, so he took it as one and nodded.

“It’s been hard doing this without her. He has so many of her mannerisms and personality traits, and it’s like a punch to the gut every time because it makes me realize how much I miss her. But there’s other things too. Like things he does for the first time that make me wish she could have witnessed it. Or moments when I don’t have the right answers for him or know the best way to handle him in a situation, I wish she was here to help. She was always good at making him calm down when I couldn’t, or reassuring him when he was sick when all I did was fussed because I was so worried. He came out more like her than me, though that doesn’t say much since she and I were a lot alike.”

“I can see it,” Jongdae admitted with a nod. “When you brought him back over, and I was there a little longer to observe him, he kept reminding me of her. It was hard.”

“That part’s not going to get easier,” Chanyeol said, feeling he may as well just let him know now. “It’s still hard for me when I see it too. But, the way I deal with it, I think to myself that a part of her is living in him. Like after she passed, she reincarnated a part of herself in him. I don’t know why that makes it better for me to deal with.”

“Because that way she’s still with you too.”

“Maybe that’s it.”

“How does your new boyfriend feel about all that?”

Chanyeol sighed, thinking back to his and Kyungsoo’s curry lunch and the look on his face during the conversation.

“He’s being patient for the moment. He knows I’m trying to figure it all out.”

“I’m surprised you let yourself get attached again. You must really like him.”

“He made me feel things I missed feeling at a time when I was upset and frustrated about my situation. My dad, as you can imagine, was against it. He tried to sabotage it.”

Jongdae looked surprised to hear this, and Chanyeol nodded at him and explained.

“He told him that I was just using him, and he believed it, because he believes everything my father tells him. He hero worships my father, and it’s the biggest pain point in our relationship.”

“You hero worship your father.”

“Not since he pulled that stunt. Even before then. As I had to take over for him, I learned a lot about my father that I didn’t know. Kind of like you’re learning about Mina. My father’s always been one way with me, but he was a completely different person when it came to business. I don’t like that side of him too much. Him wanting to end my relationship with Kyungsoo was the business side of him, but he claims he’s accepted it now and wants us both to be happy, so if I believe him, then I believe him only in the way where that has to be the father side of him that accepts it. The business side of him still doesn’t and probably never will.”

“Are you okay with that?”

Chanyeol shrugged.

“What choice do I have? I have to be okay with it. Besides, I think he knows that I’d leave if he interferes again, and strange as sounds, after everything, I understand now that my father loves me and he probably wants me to stay in the house for the same reason I now need Taemin to stay in that house. It never occurred to me before how stressful it must have been for my father to want to protect me, but dealing with the fact that I didn’t want to stay in the one place where he could protect me best.”

“That never occurred to me either,” Jongdae said, his face showing understanding. “My dad hated that I was staying in the dorms for college. He hated that I got an apartment with Yixing for medical school. He let me have it. He wanted me to have whatever made me happy. But Mina chose to stay in the house, even though it was obvious she wanted her own place. Now I wonder if she chose to stay to make it easier on our dad, since I had left.”

“She probably did,” Chanyeol nodded. “She often mentioned that her favorite thing about coming over to my place was that she could pretend it was hers too.”

“Well that answers that,” Jongdae said with a sigh.

“Now we both are staying home and our dads are happy,” Chanyeol said. “Good for them, right?”

“Yeah,” Jongdae said and paused in thought for a moment before continuing, “I want to help my dad. I know you’ll never understand his decision to leave your family, but I get it, and I do want to help him with his dream, and with Mina’s dream to take over.”

“So, you want to be his apprentice?”

“I don’t know if I need to be his apprentice to help. I think Minseok would be really good at taking over, but maybe I can be part of strategy, like had been suggested when I was trying to do something for your family.”

“And you’d have Baekhyun as your specialist, so the two of you can work as a team.”

“We’d be like a comic book series.”

“I’d read it,” Chanyeol said with a smile, but then he lost his smile. “At least you have an idea of what you want to do in the family. I have no idea what I’m going to do.”

“Go back to school and get your teaching degree while you figure it out.”

“You know, I actually considered doing that and then teaching at Taemin’s school, and just switching schools with him as he goes to the next level until he graduates high school, and then maybe I could be a professor when he goes to college.”

“Oh my God,” Jongdae said with a tiny laugh, his first of the conversation, and Chanyeol thought then that there had been progress made after all. “Please don’t do that to my nephew.”

“It’s not the worst idea.”

“It’s a terrible idea. You have to let him have some independence and freedom, especially if he’s going to be so well-protected that he’ll never really have either.”

“I only ever really wanted to teach little kids, so maybe I’ll just teach at his lower grade schools and let him pretend to have his independence and freedom after that.”

“Do you realize you sound just like your father?”

“I know,” Chanyeol said with an over-exaggerated sigh. “Trust me. I know. It’s a cycle that never ends.”

“Yeah. I’m more like my mother so that’s the kind of father I have to look forward to being.”

“Oh, trust me, we all knew Yoona wore the pants in that relationship.”

“I never denied that.”

Chanyeol chuckled, then said, “So you just called my son your nephew. Are you ready to be an uncle the next time I bring him by?”

Jongdae nodded, a little in thought, but then said, “Yeah, I think I got this. I haven’t made the best impression on him yet, so I’ll do better next time.”

“If you’re not ready, it’s okay.”

“No, I think I’m ready. This conversation has been enlightening.”

“I told you I could help.”

“I don’t know about all that.”

Chanyeol laughed and Jongdae smiled, which made Chanyeol feel hopeful about things between them.

“I think life situations and stuff make people grow apart,” Chanyeol stated. “But by the same token, life situations can make people come back together. I’m looking forward to our renewed friendship going forward. What about you?”

“God, you’re so needy,” Jongdae whined. “Does it have to be a friendship? Can’t we just be acquaintances?”

“You miss me as a friend. You need me as a friend.”

“I think you’re the one that needs friends. That’s why you crashed my dinner with my friends.”

“I brought friends with me.”

“You brought your advisor and your cousin.”

“And my boyfriend.”

“No, he was invited.”

“I go where he goes.”

“Because you’re so needy!” Jongdae pointed out with a smug smile, knowing he had won that verbal battle, and Chanyeol had his mouth open as he tried to think of a comeback.

“Whatever, you need me as a friend too.” He was so lame.

Jongdae looked relaxed and a bit grateful as he stared at him for a moment, and then he said, “Yeah. I think I kinda do.”

“No one’s going to understand each other’s situation better than we are.”

“That’s for sure.”

“This is good.”

“It is,” Jongdae agreed. “We’ll help each other through these new paths.”

“And I already have a room at your place, so I can escape and hang out with you when needed.”

“Yeah, so, I was the asshole that suggested Mina’s room in the first place,” Jongdae admitted, but Chanyeol was not surprised to hear that. “I was so annoyed by the whole thing, and I kinda said it to throw it in everyone’s face how annoying they were being, but Minseok saw a vision where I only had bitterness, and he really took charge of the idea, thinking it was a good way to give a piece of Mina to Taemin.”

“Thanks for being bitter,” Chanyeol told him with warmth and honesty. “With bitterness comes truth, and with truth comes real solutions.”

“That was deep.”

“Yeah, I don’t know how I just thought of that, but it seems true.”

“It does seem true. I’ll tell Yixing that one, he’ll appreciate it. He’s always giving me philosophical statements to help me cope with things.”

“I’m looking forward to getting to know him better too.”

“He’s amazing. You’ll really like him.”

“When do you want to meet up for coffee again?”

“So needy.”

“Shut up. This is good. It can be our weekly venting session.”

“I don’t know if I want to see you this much. Crashing my dinners, coming over to the house, coffee dates.”

“Shopping dates, manicures, we’ll go all out.”

“This is why I stopped being friends with you.”

“Um, no, I stopped being friends with you because you got too popular and got a girlfriend and you weren’t giving me enough attention.”

“Aha, the truth finally comes out.”

“You replaced me. It’s your fault we weren’t friends anymore.”

“You were making out with half the class. You’re the one that didn’t have time for me anymore.”

“It wasn’t half the class.”

“Do you know how many times people came up to me to tell me that they saw you making out with someone? Like it was my problem?”

“Why would they do that?”

“You know how our school was. People liked to gossip.”

“No one ever gossiped to me about you.”

“I didn’t have any drama. I was too boring to be gossiped about.”

“Well that’s certainly changed.”

“Hey!” Jongdae said, but he let out a half laugh, and Chanyeol laughed with him. “Well, whatever, people still gossip about you all the time.”

“Just wait until the news of my son and my boyfriend spreads among the high families.”

“You’re never one to disappoint with the drama.”

“I have a feeling your big-drama days were temporary,” Chanyeol then told him earnestly as he finished his coffee. “I think you’re going to settle into this new life of yours just fine and in the comfortable non-drama way you like.”

“Well, Yoona’s back in the picture, and she’s good at keep me in line, so you’re probably right.”

“I’m so happy you have her back. I’m looking forward to getting to know her better as well.”

“She’s looking forward to the same,” Jongdae told him with a smile. “She thinks you’re interesting, and all she ever really knew about you were stories I told her from when we were kids, so she wants to get to know you better. She’s also really happy about Chrystal joining us at dinner. Apparently, they’ve already made plans to hang out and get to know each other better.”

“That’s so great,” Chanyeol said, feeling warm inside that everyone was bonding. This may have been what they had all needed all along.

“It is. Before when we’d all hang out, she just had Mina, so I’m really happy that she has someone as nice as Chrystal to become friends with.”

“Chrystal’s planning on having kids pretty soon, so that might inspire Yoona to ease up on the six-year thing.”

“I somehow doubt it,” Jongdae said, and Chanyeol chuckled.

“You know what I was thinking? Maybe we should do a family dinner soon. Like, your family should come over to our house to have dinner. Then Taemin can have both of his families together for a night.”

“My parents would love that.”

“And you?”

“I’m not going to say I would love it just yet, but I’d be happy to attend.”

“I’ll take it.”

“I’ll get there.”

“I know,” Chanyeol told him with a smile.

They finished their coffees and put on their coats, stepping outside into the cold evening with each of their bodyguards behind them as they walked to their cars and figured out the best day of the week for their weekly meetings.

When they reached Jongdae’s car first, Chanyeol pulled the smaller man into a big hug.

“You’re soooo neeeedy,” Jongdae whined, even though he did hug him back.

“You’re so whiny,” Chanyeol taunted him.

“Whatever, bye,” Jongdae said, giving him a soft smile before he got into the passenger side of his car, his bodyguard already in the driver’s seat and waiting for him.

Chanyeol waved obnoxiously as they pulled away, knowing it would make Jongdae laugh, and then he walked to his car, thinking about how things between them now seemed to be like they used to be before they both were pulled away from each other by their respective lives.

***

Chanyeol held Taemin’s hand as they walked across the snow dusted cemetery, the wind having let up enough to afford them a rather nice stroll under the winter sun.

“Mommy live here?” Taemin asked, as he tried to match his father’s long strides to no avail.

“Yep, kinda,” Chanyeol said, still not sure how to explain it to him. He knew he wasn’t too young to understand loss, but trying to explain something that no one knew the answer to was a bit of an undertaking.

They reached Mina’s tomb and Chanyeol froze for a moment, not having been quite ready to see it, or her name engraved upon it. He clutched the flowers in his hand, the same that he always had delivered to her, and an extra set of smaller, bright flowers for Taemin to give her.

“Daddy, we here?” Taemin asked.

“Yeah, Tae,” Chanyeol said, stepping forward, though his eyes had already begun to water.

When they stood directly in front of the tomb, Chanyeol wasn’t sure how to proceed. He picked Taemin up so he could touch the engraving.

“See what that says? That’s mommy’s name.”

“Mommy’s name?”

“Yeah, it says Kim Mina.”

And Chanyeol choked on his words and had to look away as tears began to fall.

“Mommy live here?”

“Yep,” he croaked out. “Do you want to say hi?” His voice cracked, and he sniffled and tried to reign in his emotions for his son.

“Hi, mommy,” Taemin said with a small wave. “We go inside?”

“No, we can’t. This is a place where people we lost go to live forever. We can’t see them, and they can’t come out and see us, but they know we’re here, and we can talk to them. Do you want to talk to mommy?”

“Okay,” Taemin nodded. “I bring flowers.”

“I think that made mommy very happy. Do you want to give them to her?”

The little boy nodded and Chanyeol put him back on the ground, handing him the smaller bouquet and showing him where to put it.

“Here, mommy,” Taemin said, fixing the angle when it tried to fall, and Chanyeol had a moment of pride at how smart he was for doing that. “You like your flowers. Beautiful.”

“Very beautiful,” Chanyeol agreed. “Just like mommy.”

“Mhm,” Taemin nodded. “Mommy beautiful.”

“I think mommy is very happy you’re here to see her. Do you think so too?”

“Mommy happy,” he agreed. “I happy too. I see where mommy live. Mommy have beautiful flowers.”

“Yep, I think she’s very happy here. Is there anything else you want to say to her?”

“I go mommy house and play with train.”

“Yeah, you did. Do you want to tell her all about it?”

Chanyeol watched and listened as Taemin told his mother in excited detail about how he went to her house to play with his train, and with Minseok, and to eat snacks and go potty, and he knew deep down inside that somehow Mina could hear her son say these things and was loving every second of it.

When Taemin was finally done and asking if they could go eat a snack now, Chanyeol nodded and sent him off to play with Jongin, who had accompanied them to the cemetery for moral support.

Now alone, Chanyeol laid his flowers down and let his tears fall freely, not sure how he was going to say what he wanted to say, so he sat in front of her tomb and held his hands to his head to support it as he cried and let out the initial emotions first. When he had finally calmed down enough and found his voice, he began.

“I miss you so much. I’m so sorry that I didn’t go to your funeral, but I knew I couldn’t. If I did, this is exactly how I would have reacted and everyone would have known our secret. I tried so hard to keep it for you, but somehow your family found out about it and now they know. But it’s been really great. I wish you had seen how much Taemin loves your family. He’s so happy every time he goes to your house, and of course your parents spoil him rotten. Minseok turns into a toddler and plays with him. Jongdae… He’s coming around. He took it really hard that you kept it from him, but I think the next time Taemin is over, he’s going to be really great with him.”

Chanyeol stopped to take a deep breath, and then continued.

“Taemin’s getting so big, and he’s so smart. He came out a lot like you. His temper tantrums are insane. You’re a little lucky that you got to miss out on those, though you did get a small taste of them when they started. They’ve gotten worse, but I’m sure he’ll grow out of them soon. Probably when he starts school, which I’m looking into for him. We’re doing okay. I mean, more than okay. We’re going to be living at my family’s place, where he can be well protected, also, where he’s constantly surrounded by love, which I think you’d be cool with. I’m sorry that I couldn’t keep my promise to you, but I think if you saw how things are right now, you’d be okay with how this turned out.”

He paused to think about what he wanted to say next.

“I don’t think I had really moved on from you because of the way I lost you. I love you so much, and since I couldn’t be a part of saying goodbye to you, I held onto that. Like, you were still mine, and we were still together, and any day, you would come back and laugh at the crazy lie that had been spread about you that you were no longer with us. But the thing is, you’re not here anymore, and I have to move on, and I found someone that I want to move on with. I hope that doesn’t make you upset. The love I have for you will always live in my heart, but I think I have enough room in there for someone else, at least until it’s my turn to come join you and we can pick up where we left off. Although, if things go the way I want them to go with this other person, then I hope you’re up for a three-way relationship. Actually, I think you really would like him and be okay with that.”

Chanyeol had to chuckle at himself for how ridiculous he sounded.

“Anyway, I have to go because I promised Taemin a snack after he visited you, but I love you, I miss you, I wish you were here. You’re missing a lot of good stuff, but if you want, I can come back and visit you from time to time and catch you up on all of that. I swear you talk to me sometimes in my sleep, so I’m sure you’ll let me know what you think of everything I said to you today.”

He reached his hand out to touch her tomb, and bowed his head to say a tiny little prayer for her spirit, before standing up and taking one last look at her name, and the big and small flowers next to each other.

***

Chanyeol had been looking for his mother when he ran into his father in the kitchen, sitting at the table in the nook looking over a newspaper.

“Anything interesting in the world?” Chanyeol asked him, grabbing some strawberries to snack on as he joined him.

“All the same,” his father said, and he looked at him surprised. “Did you need something?”

“I was looking for mom, but I ran into you instead. And no. Though I’m sorry that our relationship has reached a point where you feel the need to ask me that question instead of assuming I just wanted to sit here with you for a moment while I snacked.”

“I’m sorry it’s reached that point too. Did you need your mother for something then?”

“I was supposed to meet up with her to go over some of the schools she had been researching for Taemin.”

“She’s probably in her office then. You should look in there,” his father said, and then returned to his newspaper reading.

Chanyeol ate a couple of strawberries as he focused on reading the side of the newspaper that was facing him. The news really was all the same.

“You shouldn’t keep your mother waiting if you were supposed to meet her,” his father said from behind the paper.

“I don’t think she’s waiting. She had told me to find her whenever. Are you trying to get rid of me?”

“No,” his father said, lowering his paper again to look at him. “I just find this behavior a bit odd coming from you under our current circumstances.”

“I went to visit Mina’s grave today for the first time. I brought Taemin with me.”

His father folded the newspaper back up and placed it down on the table, giving him his full attention.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” Chanyeol said with a shrug. “It was hard. I cried a lot. I don’t think Tae gets it, but I think he’s happy to know that there’s a physical place he can think of his mother being.”

“I’m glad you visited her. You had mentioned how much it had hurt to not attend her funeral.”

“Yeah. Would it be weird if I asked you about it? Not like all the details, but just, was it worthy of her?”

“Very much so. The Kim’s spared no expense. The words spoken were a celebration of her life. Her parents spoke about how she was the sun in their sky. Jongdae was supposed to speak, but when it was his turn to do so, he couldn’t, so Minseok stepped in, and held Jongdae’s hand, and spoke for him. The flowers were stunning, and there were so many, from so many friends and families. So much love was shared for her. Her spirit left us that day knowing how loved she was.”

Chanyeol nodded, but said nothing to this. He was happy that she had received the memorial she deserved and that’s all that mattered to him.

“I’ve been thinking a lot about you staying here,” his father then said when Chanyeol had gone silent to focus on eating his strawberries instead.

Chanyeol looked back up at the older man, hoping he didn’t hate whatever he had to say next. His emotions had taken enough of a beating for the day.

“And since I know you have no desire to deal with the business side of the family, I’ve been thinking about what else you can do here so you’re not bored out of your mind and spending each day miserable and regretting your decision.”

“And what did you come up with?” Chanyeol asked, steeling himself for whatever words his father would share next.

“It occurred to me that you’ve always been more like your mother. And given the type of personality you have, I realized you may excel at something that I never have been good at. Something that your mother initiated and organized so she wouldn’t get bored all day in this house as well. When a family makes as much money as we do, we have a social responsibility to our community, our city, our country really. I’ve been thinking that maybe you would like to start learning how to take over your mother’s tasks for all of our charitable organizations and programs. It would require a lot of socializing, I’m afraid. But the truth is, that even when Kyungsoo is the head of this family, you very much will still be the face. Being out there at galas and fundraisers, partying, as you like to do, but for a good cause, I thought this might suit you better. What do you think?”

Chanyeol thought… it wasn’t a bad idea.

“I think I could do that,” he said, not feeling any negativity toward the suggestion. Maybe he didn’t have any emotions left for the day, but either way he nodded. “I’ll talk to mom about it.”

“Just like that? You don’t have reservations or anything to yell at me about?”

“I’m trying to be a better son here. Can you just go with it?”

“I can. You can say no if you really don’t want to do it. It’s just a thought that crossed my mind that I thought you might not hate.”

“I don’t hate it,” Chanyeol confirmed. “I’m part of this family, and I should be useful while I’m living here. I’ll talk to her about it when I find her.”

“Let me know if you decide differently. I can keep trying to think of things for you to do that you may like.”

“I’m honestly good with this suggestion. Thank you.”

Chanyeol finished his strawberries and got up to rinse his bowl in the sink and place it in the dishwasher.

“I’m trying to be a better father as well,” his father mentioned to him before he turned to leave.

He faced him and nodded, then said, “I love you, dad. I understand you now in ways I didn’t before, and I’m genuinely grateful for everything you’ve ever done for me in my life. I honestly hope that going forward, I can be a son you can be proud of again, but more than that, I hope I can be a son that is deserving of all the love you’ve shown me.”

“Where is this coming from?” His father said, standing up and walking toward him. “You don’t have to say these things to appease me.”

“I’m not. I’m saying them because I mean them. I’ve had a shitty couple of weeks. Actually, I’ve had a shitty several months. And I just really need to know that my father, not the businessman that runs this high family, but my actual father, still really loves me, and I’ve spent months doubting that, but I need that back in my life and if it takes me working hard to be a good son again to make that happen, then I’m going to make that happen.”

“I am so sorry I ever made you doubt that,” his father said pulling him close into a hug. “I love you more than I love myself. I always have. Since the day I first held you in my arms. That has never changed and that will never change, and you do not need to be someone you’re not, or try to be different than who you are, to make it happen. Do you understand me?”

Chanyeol nodded as he held his father, hugging him tighter, and hoping it was okay to do so without hurting his injuries.

His father then let go and looked at him, “Do not feel you have anything to prove by being in this house. Just be yourself and do as you do. That’s the only way to know for sure that you feel comfortable here. And remember, if it becomes too suffocating for you, then let me know and I’ll help you find your own place again.”

“My son is happy here. So, I’ll be happy here,” he told him.

“I can’t wait for the day I get to say the same,” his father said with a small laugh, and he pat Chanyeol’s cheek before saying, “I love you. Now go find your mother.”

Chanyeol nodded and told him he loved him again before leaving the kitchen. Though he didn’t go straight to his mother’s office from there. He needed time to emotionally regroup and clear his thoughts, so he took a nap instead.

It had done the trick so well, that by the time he did walk into his mother’s office, he felt relaxed enough to give her a small smile in greeting.

“I came by because we were going to go over the list of schools you had.”

“Yes, let me pull them up,” she said, tapping away on her keyboard.

“Did dad talk to you about me being your new apprentice?”

She stopped typing and looked at him.

“He mentioned to me yesterday that he was going to bring it up to you. What did you think of the idea?”

“I think I’d be honored.”

He hated how surprised she looked, and he hated more how grateful and relieved she look. How much anxiety had he been causing his parents without realizing?

“Are you sure?” She asked him. “You can take some time to think about it.”

“No, I’m sure. I think it makes sense. Although stuffy affairs aren’t my kind of thing, but I can get used to them.”

“They’re not all stuffy. And if you’re the one throwing the event, you can get creative and make it as un-stuffy as you like.”

“I’d probably need Jongin’s help with that.”

“He’s brilliant at it. You should have seen the amazing ideas he had for our women’s scholarship program fundraiser last year. It was the talk of social circles for months after. This position will give you a lot of opportunities to work with your cousin.”

“I’m definitely looking forward to that.”

“And I’m sure he’ll be over the moon to learn you’ve taken this on. Do you really not have any reservations?”

“None at all,” Chanyeol assured her. “And I’m looking forward to learning from you. I’ve spent so much time thinking about how I had to learn from dad, that I never thought about how much I had to learn from you.”

“It’s a mother’s lot in life.”

“It shouldn’t be. Mothers tend to be smarter, stronger and more productive than fathers.”

“You are laying it on thick.”

“I’m being serious,” Chanyeol said with a smile. “I happen to know this from my own relationship with the mother of my child, thank you very much.”

“Well you’re right, so either way,” his mother said, returning to her typing. “Let’s start with the schools first, and then we can talk about your apprenticeship.”

“Are you happy I accepted?” Chanyeol said, scooting his chair over next to her so he could see the screen with her.

“There aren’t words for how happy I feel right now,” she told him with a smile of her own, and she gave him a kiss on the cheek before pulling up the schools for him.

***

“This is the first time I’ve ever been on a movie date where I didn’t make out with someone,” Chanyeol told Kyungsoo as he ate some more popcorn from the bowl they shared.

“We’re in your family’s den. This isn’t a movie date.”

“It’s still a date. Just a cheap one.”

“Your son’s here. It’s not a date.”

“Still a date, and if he wasn’t here, we’d be making out by now.”

“I’m trying to pay attention to the movie,” Kyungsoo said with an added “shush” as he held his pillow closer to his chest and paid attention to the television.

Chanyeol had tried to pay attention too, but it was a little boring, even with the fun animated cartoon characters that seemed to catch both Kyungsoo’s and Taemin’s imaginations. But Chanyeol didn’t get it and he wanted to play with Kyungsoo instead. He fed a piece of popcorn to Kyungsoo, whose mouth accepted it as he continued to watch.

“Daddy, is funny?”

“What? The movie? Yeah, real funny.”

Taemin laughed and reached over Kyungsoo’s lap to grab a tiny fistful of popcorn.

And then both Taemin and Kyungsoo laughed as one of the characters did something kinda dumb, and Chanyeol stared at them both and memorized the moment.

When the movie was finished and a sleepy Taemin was carried to his room and read only a few pages of his book before passing out, Chanyeol and Kyungsoo walked together toward their rooms.

“Are you staying with me tonight?” Chanyeol asked him, holding his hand with relaxed fingers and a smirk.

“Your mother put a lot of effort into my room. I think I should use it.”

“Fine, we’ll sleep in your room.”

“I didn’t invite you.”

And then Chanyeol had a thought, “Hey, I have an idea. We’ll need our coats though,” he said, letting go of Kyungsoo’s hand and motioning for him to follow him.

They grabbed their coats then Chanyeol led Kyungsoo through the back of the house and out into the cold night, glad the moon was shining bright enough to give them a little light.

“I was really warm and comfortable and ready for bed,” Kyungsoo grumbled.

“I’ll make you hot cocoa when we’re back inside to make up for it,” Chanyeol told him.

He walked toward the playground that his father had built for him back when they had first moved into this home of his father’s dreams, and Chanyeol spread his arms out and faced Kyungsoo.

“We’re here!” Chanyeol announced with a big smile on his face.

“We’re where?”

“I’ve decided that we both need to show each other important places in our lives, so I’m showing you one of mine.”

Kyungsoo blinked at him, blinked at him again, then turned around to start walking back toward the house.

“Hey!” Chanyeol said grabbing his arm. “Where are you going?”

“I’m cold and this is a playground you could show me in the daytime when it’s less cold and there is sun.”

“It’s not just any playground. It’s my playground. The playground that I told my father I wanted in the new house and he had built specifically for me the way I wanted.”

“Chanyeol, this whole house is your playground.”

“No, you’re not getting it,” Chanyeol sighed. “I’m trying to share an important part of my life with you. We didn’t always live in this house. My dad designed this, and the whole grounds, and we moved in when I was in elementary school. My dad and I worked on this playground together, designing it with my favorite parts of the playgrounds he used to take me to.”

Kyungsoo seemed to consider him finally and he nodded and walked toward the slides to take a look at everything.

“So, this is something you’re proud of that you did with your father as a child,” Kyungsoo summarized and Chanyeol nodded.

“Right,” Chanyeol smiled, grateful that he now understood. “I thought you’d like that story because it involves my father and me getting along. And the one time that I was interested in what he liked to do, which is create spaces.”

“And now Taemin gets to enjoy it,” Kyungsoo said with a soft smile.

“He does,” Chanyeol said, his cheeks rising even more. “He really loves this playground. I think it’s part of the reason why he doesn’t want to leave.”

“You can’t blame him,” Kyungsoo said, and he walked up the steps to the platform that had the entrance for two of the slides.

Chanyeol watched him, wondering which slide he’d choose to go down, but instead he stared off into the cold night.

“The yellow slide was always my favorite,” Chanyeol told him, “It always went faster for some reason.”

“I have a memory of this playground as well,” Kyungsoo then said, and he sat on the platform and pulled his knees up to him as he stared at Chanyeol.

Chanyeol walked over to him and placed his hands on Kyungsoo’s legs, as if holding onto them.

“You do?”

“I’m not sure I should share it with you though,” Kyungsoo said.

“Of course you should.”

“No, I know how you are. This is fine right now. Tell me more about you and this playground.”

“You have to tell me your memory first,” Chanyeol insisted. “Now that you mentioned it, you know it’s going to drive me crazy.”

“I don’t want you to take it as a bad thing,” Kyungsoo seemed to warn him.

“I won’t. Or I’ll try not to? Just tell me. I hate suspense.”

“When I was training with my mentor, we sometimes would walk across from the gun range to the woods this way, and I remember that I’d see you and your friends hanging out here every now and then.”

Chanyeol looked surprised to hear this and he stared at Kyungsoo, but now all he could think about was how awful it must have been for him to see them. He probably wanted to play with them, not pass by them on his way to the woods to kill helpless animals that he didn’t want to kill.

“I shouldn’t have told you,” Kyungsoo said, huffing at himself, “You already look ready to cry. I told you to not take it as a bad thing.”

“I’m trying not to,” Chanyeol said, but he couldn’t hide the sad expression on his face. “I wish you could have hung out with us.”

“I didn’t. Every time I saw you guys, I thought about how you were probably like the kids back in school that would make fun of me or tease me. I figured that’s the kind of kids you were.”

“I never would have made fun of you. I wasn’t that kind of kid. Jongdae wasn’t either. We would have been your friend. And Jongin would have loved you. Mina might have been mean, but once she got to know you, she would have been nice.”

“You say that now, but back then, who knows.”

“I wouldn’t have. I would have had a crush on you sooner. You would have been my boyfriend so much earlier.”

“I have a feeling your father would’ve hated it even more back then.”

“Which isn’t saying much,” Chanyeol said, squeezing Kyungsoo’s calf along with the joke.

“It’s weird to live here now in this way,” Kyungsoo admitted to him. “I have a lot of memories of this estate, but they’re from a completely different perspective than I have now.”

“I understand that,” Chanyeol said. “That’s kind of how I felt when I had to come back to take over.”

“Will it be weird for you now? No longer being in charge, but still stuck here?”

“It’ll be fine. Plus, I have a job now.”

“Right,” Kyungsoo said looking less than enthused about it, which had been exactly how he had reacted when Chanyeol had first told him about it that day.

“You really hate my new job.”

“I don’t hate it. I think it suits you.”

“You look like you hate it.”

“You have to attend those stupid parties,” Kyungsoo said, like it was so obvious and Chanyeol should have known that was the issue. “And you’re going to have women and men throwing themselves at you.”

“First of all,” Chanyeol said, letting go of Kyungsoo’s legs and putting his hands in his coat pockets instead. “Who do you think is going to be my date to these events?”

“I don’t know. Sehun?”

“Be serious. Obviously, you’re going to be my date. And second of all, I don’t cheat on people, so whatever idea you have of me running off with someone at an event, you can get rid of it right now. And third of all, when are you going to accept the fact that you’re the one I’ve chosen and that I’m not going to move on to the next person that comes along?”

“When I stop being the next person that came along.”

But he had never seemed to be that to Chanyeol, and he sucked in the bottom of his lip, knowing why Kyungsoo still felt that way.

“It’s strange,” Chanyeol said, looking toward the slides as he almost envisioned his childhood taking place in front of him. “When I think of Mina back in the days when we used to play on this playground, she’s not the same Mina that I met when I was older. They’re like two different people in my mind.”

Kyungsoo said nothing and watched him, his eyes following his every movement.

“If you had told me that I would have fallen in love with the girl that I used to push down this slide to try and make her go faster, I would have laughed at you. Life is really weird.”

Chanyeol shook his head then let out a frustrated sigh and passed his hand through his hair.

“The idea of letting go of her is hard for me,” he continued, attempting to explain. “It feels like a betrayal. Like it wasn’t her fault that she stopped being in our lives. I’d still be with her if she was still here. It’s not a situation where we broke up, or we lost feelings for each other. It just ended, very unfairly, for us. But I went to visit her finally, at the cemetery, and I let her know how I felt, and how I would always love her, but that I had found someone else to love, and I wanted to be able to move on so I could do that.”

Kyungsoo looked a little surprised, and if possible, he looked even more intensely at Chanyeol, as if afraid he’d miss important words.

“We haven’t known each other long,” Chanyeol said, walking back to stand in front of him and look him in the eyes. “But I know how I feel about you, and how you make me feel. And it’s you that I want. And it’s you that I now love. And I don’t care if it might be too early in our relationship to confess something like that to you because I happen to know how quick that can all be taken away, so damn it, I’m going to tell you while I have you in front of me, alive, here, and real. You were never the next person that came along. You came into my life and flipped it upside down, and I knew I was in trouble. That’s why I tried to get rid of you. If you had been just the next person to hook up with, we would have already hooked up by then. I’ve been slowly, steadily, and against my wishes falling for you since the day you walked into my life. There’s a tiny part of my heart that will always belong to Mina, but all the rest of it, well, except for the part that my son has, is yours. It’s basically yours.”

Kyungsoo saved him any more embarrassment by leaning down and taking Chanyeol’s face into his hands, staring into his eyes, and then kissing him, this time Chanyeol having to be the one to raise up on his tippy toes to return the kiss fully.

When Kyungsoo pulled away he said, “I believe you. I don’t know what all these emotions are that I’m feeling, but I think they mean I love you too. I’ll let you know for sure when I figure it out.”

“I’ll take it,” Chanyeol said, taking his hands out of his pockets to hold onto Kyungsoo’s legs again that were now dangling off the edge of the platform. “And thank you for believing me. That means so much.”

“You wear your heart on your sleeve,” Kyungsoo said. “I don’t think you’re capable of lying about things like that.”

“I’m glad you finally figured that part of me out.”

“I’ve been paying attention and learning. I’ve figured out a lot about you.”

“Like what?”

“Like what an incredible father you are. Like how you naturally need to take care of the people you love. Like how you thrive off being around people. A lot.”

“So, you figured all these things out about me and you still like me?” Chanyeol asked with a flashy grin.

“Worse. I figured all these things out about you and think I love you.”

“That is worse. I owe you hot chocolate.” Chanyeol said, squeezing Kyungsoo’s leg before letting go so he could come back down to him. “Wait, do you want to jump and I can try and catch you?”

“Chanyeol…”

“Jongdae and I used to do that all the time as kids.”

“It’s a wonder you’re both still alive,” he said, starting down the steps.

“Wait,” Chanyeol said stopping him just before he finished. “Hold on, we have to kiss right now. You’re the perfect height.”

“I’m always the perfect height. No one told you to be a tree.”

“Kiss,” Chanyeol said, wrapping his arms around Kyungsoo’s waist and taking in the bright smile on Kyungsoo’s face before Chanyeol leaned in to kiss him.

And maybe the hot cocoa could wait a few more moments, as they both enjoyed kissing each other at the same height, on the steps of Chanyeol’s playground, under the winter night sky and the soft glow of the moon.

***

Chanyeol would be getting his first taste of his new socialite life sooner than he had hoped, though not through any doings of his mother’s work. It was a gala event for a charitable cause thrown by a famous actress, and many of the heads of the high families had been invited. Chanyeol’s father had thought it the perfect opportunity to show himself to his colleagues again and to introduce his new apprentice.

“Yep, you still look amazing in a tux,” Chanyeol told Kyungsoo, who had walked into Chanyeol’s room as he finished getting ready.

“And so do you,” Kyungsoo told him with a smile, reaching up to help him with his hair.

“I’d reserve a room at the hotel for us for after the event if you weren’t so opposed to the idea.”

“I’m forever opposed to the idea.”

“Good to know. What if we go on vacation though somewhere and have to stay in a hotel?”

“We’ll get separate rooms.”

“I hate you.”

Kyungsoo laughed and leaned up to give him a kiss, then told him he looked perfect.

They walked together to the front room where his mom and dad were waiting, along with Junmyeon and the two bodyguards that would be accompanying them for the evening.

“You both look very handsome,” Chanyeol’s mother said with a big smile. “Junmyeon, would you please take a picture of all of us?”

“Of course,” Junmyeon said, taking her phone with a smile and directing them toward the center with the better lighting so he could take the photo.

“Alright, let’s get going,” Chanyeol’s father said as he led the way out, Junmyeon right by his side as they walked to the limo that waited for them.

“The Kang’s and Yoo’s have indicated they’ve been hearing a lot of rumors about the family,” Junmyeon reminded the elder Park as they walked, “So they will be hoping you address some of their concerns tonight.”

“Not surprising. Anything else, I should know?”

“They’re going to ask about the Kim’s. They weren’t invited to this event, so they’ll take that opportunity to find out what’s going on from you directly.”

“That I can handle.”

“The elder Wu was invited, though as of my last check, he hadn’t RSVP’d to the event.”

Chanyeol hadn’t even thought of the Wu family until Junmyeon mentioned it, and now he looked at his father, expectant of his answer on this matter.

“He’s probably heard the rumors and is scared to show himself,” Chanyeol’s father stated. “We’ll see if we have a run in or not.”

“I’ll let you know if I hear anything,” Junmyeon said, standing aside as the driver held the rear passenger door open for the family.

Chanyeol sat between his bodyguard and Kyungsoo, facing his mother, as the car headed toward the hotel where the event would be taking place.

“I imagine if I had told you the truth sooner,” Chanyeol said to his father, “You would have helped the Kim’s fight against the Wu’s.”

“Without a doubt,” his father said.

Chanyeol tried to not feel more guilt at the moment, thinking how many lives could have been saved if he had said something. In fact, if he had told them the truth, and his family had united with the Kim’s to get rid of the Wu family, there was a strong possibility that the Choi’s wouldn’t have felt the Kim’s were weak enough to attack, and in turn wouldn’t have felt emboldened to try and take out Chanyeol’s father as well.

He didn’t want to think about how keeping his secret may have led to this whole mess in the first place, but his mind didn’t tend to let things go that easily once the idea had been born.

He felt Kyungsoo take his hand and hold it, and Chanyeol looked over at him to see Kyungsoo looking at him with concern.

“You don’t know what could have happened,” Kyungsoo said, and apparently, he now knew Chanyeol well enough to know that his mind had been considering the possibilities.

“Don’t think on it,” his father told him. “Things happened as they were supposed to. We all wish things could have been different, but had they been, something else terrible would have happened instead. Life is not meant to be perfect.”

Chanyeol knew this was true, he mentally repeated his father’s words to make himself know it. And then he let out a sigh and a nod and held Kyungsoo’s hand tighter, leaning his head down to rest it on his shoulder as he prepared for whatever this night would bring – a night of fake smiles, and acquaintances of convenience, and saying the right things to the right people to get what you wanted – it was exhausting already to think about.

“It’s just…” Chanyeol’s mother began, and then she took her phone out of her purse and told them, “Don’t move.” And Chanyeol realized she was taking a picture of him, or maybe it was him and Kyungsoo, and Chanyeol thought that maybe he shouldn’t be this comfortable with Kyungsoo in front of his parents. It hadn’t even occurred to him. “You two are so cute together,” she said with a smile. “I had to take a picture.”

“I’m sorry,” Chanyeol said sitting up straight and looking at this father. “I didn’t even think.”

“No, no,” his father said. “It’s rather nice to see you so relaxed.”

“Please, relax,” his mother insisted, motioning for him to lean toward Kyungsoo again. “It’s really adorable. You know, we’ve never seen you in a relationship before. Instead of living vicariously through Jongin and Chrystal, we can now see you be this happy with someone.”

“Yes,” his father agreed. “It’s quite interesting.”

“Now I’m blushing,” Chanyeol said.

“I’ve been blushing,” Kyungsoo said and cleared his throat.

Chanyeol laughed and was happy when his mother and father did too.

“Kyungsoo,” Chanyeol said looking at him with a smile, “Let my parents know what an awesome boyfriend I am so they no longer have to live vicariously through Jongin.”

“He’s really needy,” Kyungsoo said.

“No, tell them good stuff,” Chanyeol said, bumping his shoulder to his with a betrayed look.

“I like the honesty,” his father said with an amused grin.

“I find the neediness endearing,” Kyungsoo told Chanyeol with a smile.

“Sorry,” Chanyeol said to his parents, “My boyfriend’s weird.”

“I am,” Kyungsoo agreed, and he rested his head on Chanyeol’s shoulder this time, and Chanyeol rested his on Kyungsoo’s head with a smile, and his mother cooed and took another picture.

When they arrived at the gala, his mother wasted no time in letting Chanyeol know everything he needed to know for the night, from who the hostess was, what her relation was to others in the room, what charity this was for, how their own family was associated with it, and so on. Chanyeol had never given his mother enough credit for having to keep track of people’s relationships, knowing how it would ultimately benefit his father to know who was interacting with whom.

And while Chanyeol stayed by his mother’s side and met the people he’d have to start interacting with more as part of his apprenticeship, he also took glances toward his father and Kyungsoo, as his father introduced his own apprentice to many people. He felt he caught a small glimpse into their future together, and he found it amusing to think that he’d actually be Kyungsoo’s date to all of these things, playing the part of the supportive significant other while he made deals. It kind of excited him.

“Your husband is looking so well,” a woman they were speaking to said to his mother, and Chanyeol tuned back into the conversation as he took another sip of his wine.

“He swears he feels brand new,” Chanyeol’s mother said with a big smile.

“Your family has been so blessed,” the woman said, and then she brought up the topic that others seemed to be avoiding. “Speaking of blessings, we heard a rumor about your grandson. Is it true his mother is Kim Mina?”

“Yes,” Chanyeol answered for her.

“How wonderful,” the woman said, “Oh, but very tragic, of course. I am very sorry for your loss, but what a wonderful lineage for your son. She was so beautiful, and you’re so handsome.”

“Thank you,” Chanyeol said, wondering how his mother dealt best with these types of fake sentiments. He knew very well what the women had meant to say was “thank God it wasn’t a stripper after all.”

Naturally the woman made up an excuse to refill her glass, though it wasn’t empty at all, but it was clear she was bubbling to let her friends know that she had confirmed the rumor for them.

“Have you ever wanted to punch someone at one of these things?” Chanyeol asked his mother as they moved about the ballroom.

“Shh,” his mother said, but she laughed. “We Park’s happen to be good at smiling and walking away. It’s the confidence that comes with being the most important high family.”

“I never realized how important of a part you played in all this. You always stated that you stayed out of the family business.”

“I stay out of your father’s side of things. But we all have our jobs. Speaking of, we’re about to have a Yoo and a Kang to deal with,” and then a huge smile was on his mother’s face as she greeted the wives of the elder Yoo and elder Kang.

“It feels like old times, doesn’t it?” Mrs. Yoo said as he gave Chanyeol’s mother a hug. “You look stunning and your husband is out here working his magic on the room as always.”

“It does feel like old times,” Chanyeol’s mother agreed.

“We heard the news,” Mrs. Kang then said to her and Chanyeol looking between them. “About your son’s relationship to the Kim’s.”

“Yes, it’s true,” Chanyeol confirmed.

“That’s so wonderful,” Mrs. Yoo said.

“No one ever believed the stripper story,” Mrs. Kang agreed.

“And the Kim’s are so wonderful,” Mrs. Yoo stated.

“Yeah, good thing we didn’t cut them loose the way your husbands wanted us to at that one meeting I had with them.”

“Chanyeol,” his mother said, giving him a surprised look and shaking her head.

“Oh, no? I don’t get to say things like that in these situations?”

Mrs. Yoo gave a fake laugh and played nervously with the pearls on her necklace as she said, “Oh, so much was confusing, wasn’t it? I’m so glad that all worked out. Our family stands strong with the Park’s. And the Kim’s as well, of course, should they become a high family again.”

“They will,” Chanyeol let her know, now knowing that all of this information would be reported back to their husbands once the night was over.

“Oh, wonderful,” Mrs. Kang said. “We should send Mrs. Kim a wine basket.”

“We should,” Mrs. Yoo agreed. “And invite her to brunch. We haven’t had her for brunch in so long.”

“Oh yes, we absolutely should,” Mrs. Kang agreed. “You’ll join of course?” She asked Chanyeol’s mother.

“I wouldn’t miss it,” Chanyeol’s mother replied, and Chanyeol almost snorted. His mother was really good at this.

“The strangest rumor has been flying around,” Mrs. Yoo then said to Chanyeol. “People are saying that you won’t be following in your father’s footsteps, and that he’s chosen a non-blood relative to be his apprentice.”

“Is that really a rumor?” Chanyeol asked, giving her a knowing smirk.

“Well, no,” Mrs. Yoo said with a half-nervous, half-fake laugh, “But are you really okay with that?”

“I’m perfectly fine with it. In fact, I’ve chosen to be my mother’s apprentice instead, so if you don’t mind, I too would like to join you ladies for brunch.”

That time his mother did snort, and it took everything in Chanyeol to not laugh loudly.

“Oh,” Mrs. Yoo said, “Well of course. We’ll make the reservation for five then.”

“That would be wonderful,” Chanyeol’s mother said.

“I can’t wait.”

“But just so you know,” Mrs. Kang then said, “There really is a strange rumor that has been flying around. Some people are saying that you and your father’s new apprentice are dating. It’s quite absurd, really.”

“Why is it absurd?” Chanyeol asked looking toward where Kyungsoo sipped on his wine while standing beside his father who was engaged in conversation with two other men. “He’s really handsome, right? Totally dateable, don’t you think?”

“Oh, you’re such a joker,” Mrs. Yoo said.

“He’s not joking,” Chanyeol’s mother let them know, and both of the ladies looked stunned by the confirmation.

“So, it’s true?” Mrs. Kang asked in disbelief.

“Very true,” Chanyeol told them. “And no, that’s not why my father gave him the apprenticeship. I personally voted against it, but I’m a supportive boyfriend, so here we are.”

“We can gab all about it during brunch,” Chanyeol’s mother said.

“Oh, yes,” Mrs. Yoo said, suddenly excited by this idea. “I can’t wait.”

“You’ll have to tell us all the details,” Mrs. Kang said, still looking a bit shook.

“I won’t spare you a single one,” Chanyeol promised.

Once they were rid of the two women, Chanyeol led his mother onto the dance floor, still giggling from the ridiculous conversation as he swayed with her to the light jazz music that the hired band played.

“You are having way too much fun with this,” she said, chuckling as well.

“It’s just kind of all ridiculous.”

“You don’t even know to what extent yet.”

“We make a pretty good team,” Chanyeol then said with a nod as he looked at her.

“We do, but then again, we always have.”

“That is true.”

And he could think of many times growing up where it had felt like it was just him and his mother, his father too busy working or off on trips or doing whatever it was his father would do to make sure his family was the most powerful.

“The part I like most about staying in the house,” Chanyeol told her, “is that Taemin will have you to help raise him and fill in some of the gaps that I can’t fill for Mina.”

“Oh, Mina’s shoes will be very hard to fill, but I’m going to do what I can. How does Kyungsoo feel about filling in as well? Or is still too early for that type of conversation between you?”

“A little too early. This is his first relationship, so every aspect of it is really slow. It might be some time before we ever touch that subject.”

“That’s understandable.”

“But Taemin really likes him and is comfortable around him, which is a relief for me. I hope we get there someday though. Kyungsoo and Mina have a lot of similarities, and I really think he could fill in some gaps for Taemin.”

“They don’t seem like two people who have similarities.”

“Oh, you don’t know,” Chanyeol said, shaking his head at himself, “I happen to have a type. Not that I ever showed that to you guys, but Mina and Kyungsoo are both my type – difficult, intense, misunderstood, driven, need to be in control, and destined to be the heads of families.”

“Wow,” his mother said nodding. “I never thought of either of them like that, but that does describe Mina, and it does describe the little I know about Kyungsoo. I’m looking forward to getting to know him better.”

“Okay, but I claimed him first. Don’t come crying to me when you fall in love with him too. It’s inevitable.”

His mother laughed at him and lightly slapped his shoulder, and then the song ended and they returned to their social rounds.

***

In the midst of a mind-numbing conversation with a benefactor of the charity, Chanyeol gratefully was pulled away by his father.

“Thank you for that,” Chanyeol told him as he walked with the older man and Kyungsoo, “My brain was literally dying from that conversation. I can now confirm that boring conversations can kill.”

“Junmyeon texted,” his father said, “It appears the elder Wu did not RSVP, but the young Wu did at the last minute. It’ll be interesting to see if there’s a purpose for this.”

Chanyeol couldn’t control the way his nerves fired up or the way his stomach decided to flip. It’s not like he would know what he would say to the young Wu if he approached them. He had never even considered the possibility. And unlike Jongdae’s passion for wanting to see the Wu family pay in the worst way, Chanyeol just wanted them to stay away, or even better, disappear.

“I might need a stronger drink for this,” Chanyeol said, eyeing the bar, and his father placed his hand on Chanyeol’s back, guiding him toward it.

“How’s your new job going?” Kyungsoo asked him, once they were waiting for their new drinks.

“I’m learning so much,” Chanyeol said. “Oh, and I’ve been invited to three brunches. I’m going for five before I leave here tonight.”

“Make sure and tell Jongin. I’m sure he’ll be jealous.”

“Oh my God, he will be,” Chanyeol said laughing. “I hadn’t thought of that. And your job?”

“It’s interesting to meet everyone and put faces to the names,” Kyungsoo said, and then he thanked the bartender for his drink and took a sip of it. “It’s also interesting to see them figure out the most respectful way to ask your father if it’s true that Mina is your son’s mother, and if it’s true that we’re dating.”

“Look at that, we’re the talk of the night. Cheers to us,” Chanyeol said, now with his drink in his hand, and lifting it up for a toast.

“To being the talk of the night,” Kyungsoo agreed, tapping his glass to his, and they both took a drink.

“To being told to my face that I raised my son so well,” his father said raising his glass to the both of them, “Then saying behind my back that you’re a wild child and it’s because we spoiled you too much.”

“Definitely to that,” Chanyeol said, laughing as he and Kyungsoo tapped their glasses to his father’s and the three men took their sips with smiles on their faces.

But the light moment was short-lived, as the young Wu did approach them, and both of the Park bodyguards moved in.

Chanyeol’s father put his hand up to calm them.

“Hello, Yifan,” his father said. “I heard you may be at this event tonight.”

“I came in my father’s place,” the young Wu said, and he greeted the men politely with a bow. “The Wu family has heard of the new Park apprentice, and we wish to give our congratulations.” He bowed again, but this time only to Kyungsoo, who nodded at him.

“Why did you come in your father’s place?” Chanyeol’s father asked him.

“I asked him to,” Yifan replied. “As my father’s apprentice, I wanted to be the one to formally greet your new apprentice. Going forward, I will be attempting to do things a bit differently for my family. Now knowing the new information we’ve learned regarding your family’s ties with the Kim’s, I wanted to personally apologize to the young Park and to the rest of your family for your family’s loss.” Yifan looked straight at Chanyeol then and said, “As we tried to explain to the Kim’s, it really was an accident, and we are very regretful for what happened.”

“It’s never an accident when you’re trying to prove a point,” Chanyeol said. “That’s what happened, right? You wanted to scare the Kim’s. You were more successful than you intended to be. The only thing your family regrets is not having been prepared for the war that followed.”

“That’s not true,” Yifan defended, “But I can see how you and the Kim’s would see it that way. We were attempting to send a message to the Kim’s, but there was nothing successful about that night. It’s why I’ve been insistent to my father that we change the way we do things.”

“You haven’t repaid the debt of taking Mina’s life,” Chanyeol told him. “You have no business offering congrats and being in the same vicinity as us.”

“We spared the young Kim’s life when he attempted to take my life in return,” Yifan pointed out. “That was a suicide mission on his part, but we wanted to make it clear to him that we did not want to harm him even though it would have been very easy to do so given the situation he created.”

“That’s not repaying a debt. That was simply the right thing to do after what you did to him and his family. I have a feeling you came here instead of your father because you thought you might have a better chance at asking me or the new apprentice a favor then your father would have had speaking to my dad. So why are you here? And what is it that you really want?”

“We’re obviously very fearful now that we’ve learned your connection to Kim Mina. We also have heard the Kim’s will regain their high family status. We are no match for you, much less the both of you. Our family wishes simply to be left alone. We had nothing to do with the Choi’s betrayal. We did not assist them the way your other enemies did. We stayed out of it. Since we know we would never be considered for an alliance with your families, we wish to remain a neutral family.”

“You can’t be a neutral family unless you break your alliances with our other enemies.”

“We’ve broken our alliances with any family that assisted the Choi’s. If we break off all our alliances, then we leave ourselves exposed to too many wolves.”

Chanyeol knew that was true. It’d be no different than if he had cut the Kim’s loose like the elder Choi had suggested, and as much as Chanyeol hated the Wu family, he had already been responsible for the end of one family. That had been enough for him.

“I think my father should make this decision,” Chanyeol said, knowing right then at that moment that he had made the right decision in not being his father’s apprentice.

“I think it falls on my apprentice,” Chanyeol’s father then said, looking at Kyungsoo. “It is you that the young Wu will be dealing with in the future. It is you that should consider his request and make a decision on it.”

Chanyeol looked at Kyungsoo, who seemed to take it in stride that his father had put the burden on him. Kyungsoo seemed to be studying the young Wu carefully, and then he spoke.

“We can consider you a neutral family, only after you’ve repaid your debts to the Park family and the Kim family. How do you intend to repay them?”

The young Wu had not been prepared for that, but he seemed up for the challenge of making that decision without consulting his father. He gave it some thought, and then he made his first offer.

“We can give you one of our businesses,” Yifan tried.

“We have no use for any of your businesses,” Kyungsoo said. “We have plenty of our own to run.”

“Then a cut of our profits.”

“The majority of your businesses are illegal. We’re not interested in taking profits from those.”

“Then a cut of our legitimate businesses.”

“That makes up less than a quarter of your family’s income.”

“How much do you want?”

Kyungsoo raised his eyebrow, and Chanyeol was glad he was not Yifan at that moment, because the glare that was accompanying that raised eyebrow was brutal.

“Because of what your family did, the Kim family ended up losing their high family status.”

“We’ll offer to pay for their family’s rebuilding efforts.”

“Triple it,” Kyungsoo said.

Yifan looked about to protest, but one look at Kyungsoo’s face and he reconsidered.

“I’ll have to confirm with my father,” Yifan said. “I will discuss it with him tonight.”

“You can let us know in the morning,” Kyungsoo said, not once losing the intensity of the look he was giving the young Wu, and Chanyeol wished he didn’t find it so hot. He remembered a time when he had been on the receiving end of those looks, and that had been not as hot, but watching him do it to someone else was rather exciting.

The young Wu bowed as he excused himself and Chanyeol stared at Kyungsoo, whose face returned to its relaxed state, though was also expectant as he looked at his father.

“Was that okay?” Kyungsoo asked the elder Park.

“I couldn’t have done a better job myself,” Chanyeol’s father said, and Chanyeol very much recognized the look of pride on his father’s face. “I knew you were a natural. I think this calls for another celebration toast.”

They toasted again and then Chanyeol’s father left them alone to find his wife, probably to gloat about how well Kyungsoo had done.

“So, the you being in charge thing,” Chanyeol said with a small smirk. “That was pretty hot.”

“I didn’t want to screw up in front of your dad,” Kyungsoo said, “I felt it was a test.”

“One that you passed then. But also, did I mention how hot it was?”

“How do we get your mind off this track?”

“It’s impossible. Anyway, I want to kiss you, but I can’t kiss you here.”

“We’re working.”

“No more working. Kissing.”

“Chanyeol…”

“I can still get us a room in this hotel.”

“No.”

“I can get us a ride home.”

“No.”

“I can pull you into the bathroom.”

“No!” He said looking affronted by this idea. “Have you done that before? Isn’t that unsanitary?  I’ve seen that in movies, but I always assume they’re just doing it for the movie.”

“I’ve done that before, I’ve never thought about the sanitary consequences, and where do you think movies get it from?”

“Movies make up things all the time.”

“Well they didn’t make that one up.”

“I don’t want to do that.”

“No bathroom makeouts. Got it. What about showers at home?”

“Oh, I’ve seen those in movies too,” Kyungsoo nodded. “I feel that could be interesting.”

“So why don’t we go home and try it?” Chanyeol said with a little fist pump of enthusiasm.

“I said it could be interesting, not that I wanted to try it.”

“Why do you like to torture me?”

“I’m not sure, but I do get a lot of pleasure out of it.”

“You’re a sadist.”

“And you’re a brat.”

“Fine, I’ll go sulk in a corner and cry to anyone that listens that my boyfriend doesn’t want to kiss me.”

“I didn’t say I didn’t want to kiss you.”

“Your actions are speaking louder than your words.”

“I’m just standing here.”

“Right, and making no motion of heading toward a hotel room or a car to solve our problem.”

“I can’t believe you haven’t suggested the one place that I would for sure kiss you.”

“Wait, there’s a place?” Chanyeol started thinking. What had he missed? Where else in the hotel would he kiss him?

And then it dawned on him.

“Let’s go,” Chanyeol said, taking Kyungsoo’s hand before he could protest or change his mind.

“Should we say goodbye to your parents?” Kyungsoo asked, even though he was laughing at Chanyeol’s insistence and quick steps.

“We’ll text them later,” Chanyeol waved off, and then he stood in front of the concierge and asked permission to use the indoor pool, which was now closed for the night, making sure he was clear on the fact that they were not to be interrupted.

Once the concierge had secured the correct key, he walked them to the entrance and opened it for them, asking no further questions as he showed them how to work the light switch before leaving them alone.

“Your father doesn’t own this hotel too, does he?” Kyungsoo asked once they were alone.

“No, this one belongs to some big corporation. Not high-family related. But they know who I am. Soon they’ll know who you are too. Do you want to go for a swim? It’s all ours for the night.”

“That sounds nice,” Kyungsoo said, and Chanyeol wasted no time in getting rid of his jacket and bowtie, Kyungsoo following his lead.

Once Chanyeol had done away with all his clothes, he jumped in with an excited yell, hoping it made Kyungsoo laugh. When he surfaced, he pushed his wet hair back and looked at Kyungsoo, who now sat on the ledge smiling at him.

“You’re supposed to jump in,” Chanyeol told him, laughing.

“I’m naked,” Kyungsoo said, and he did seem a bit shy, “It didn’t seem like a good idea.”

“No, you gotta hold it while you jump,” Chanyeol said laughing more.

“I’ll try it next time,” Kyungsoo said, and he slid into the water, and swam to Chanyeol in the middle of the pool.

“Who taught you how to swim?” Chanyeol asked him as he wrapped his arms around him, loving that in the water they could adjust their heights even better.

“My mentor actually,” Kyungsoo said, and Chanyeol was surprised to hear this.

“Was that part of your training?”

“No,” Kyungsoo said with an amused chuckle. “He said swimming would help him de-stress, so he taught me how to do it to see if it helped me too. We’d usually go later in the day, just before sundown, when he knew no one else would be using it.”

“Wait, you learned to swim in our pool on the estate?” Chanyeol asked, his heart leaping a bit. “I learned to swim in the same pool. We’ve been connected for so long.”

“It seems that way.”

“Tomorrow, I want you to take me somewhere that’s part of your childhood instead. I keep showing you my places, and you already know most of them anyway from your own time on the estate, so I want you to show me some of yours.”

“I don’t have many. I can show you the school I was almost expelled from, the playground I would get into fights…”

“What about where your mother would cut hair? Does that place still exist?”

“It does,” Kyungsoo nodded. “That was my real playground.”

“Let’s go there tomorrow.”

“Okay,” Kyungsoo said, looking a bit reflective, and Chanyeol thought that maybe he shouldn’t have pushed him into this yet, but then he said, “We can see if the kimchi stew place is still open near there. It can be a good lunch to warm us up after if it’s cold outside.”

Chanyeol was relieved that he had just been thinking of food options, and he leaned his head in to give him a soft kiss before saying, “That sounds amazing.”

Chanyeol supposed it was all the alcohol running through their system that made them both playful that night, teasing each other in the pool with kisses and then tickles that resulted in splashes of water and races that were more one chasing the other through the water, Kyungsoo insisting that Chanyeol’s long limbs gave him an unfair advantage, and Chanyeol swearing that Kyungsoo had webbed feet and was part fish.

And when they were done playing, they kissed instead, Kyungsoo holding onto Chanyeol like a koala bear with his arms and legs draped around him, and Chanyeol with his back against the wall of the pool, holding him and letting each kiss linger just enough to tease and adjust to a new angle.

“I was wondering about something,” Kyungsoo then asked during one of the moments that they had to stop to catch their breaths.

“Yes, I’ve always been this good at kissing.”

Kyungsoo shook his head at him letting him know his joke was terrible, and then he seemed to turn a bit shy as he spoke.

“I know that we’ve been doing things slow, and thank you for that. That, more than anything else, has made me believe that you really care about me and want to be with me. But, I…” He looked at Chanyeol with narrowed eyes, as if thinking how best to phrase what he wanted to say, “I know you’re a lot more experienced. And there are things you’re probably used to doing that we’re not doing.”

“We’ll get there,” Chanyeol assured him with a soft smile. “No rush.”

“I want to satisfy you.”

“You do. You’re satisfying me right now.”

“Right now. But in a couple of months, if I’m still not there, then what?”

“Then you’re still not there. I can wait.”

“You can barely wait right now,” Kyungsoo pointed out, and it was true. Chanyeol had been struggling ever since Kyungsoo had latched onto him like a tiny bear.

“I’m doing the best I can, Do Kyungsoo.”

“The thing is, as you know,” Kyungsoo struggled to find words, and Chanyeol wanted to kiss him because he looked adorable in his own shy frustration, but he just watched him instead and let him work out his own thoughts. “I’ve never done anything outside of what we’ve done, so I don’t think I’d even know how to do what you’d want. When we get there.”

“I’ll show you when we get there. Just like I did when I introduced you to the new things you’ve experienced so far.”

“Does it hurt?”

“Oh,” Chanyeol said, realizing he had been thinking of something specific, “No. I mean, it can, if it’s not done right, but it shouldn’t. It’s just a little uncomfortable at first.”

“You’ve done this many times?”

“I’ve, uh, well, topping yes. Bottoming, not as much. But I have. Yes.”

“So, you prefer the topping?”

“I’m, yeah, it’s just, I only ever really want to bottom with people I trust, so since I usually was sleeping with random people, I would top.”

“I see,” Kyungsoo said. “Is it because they might do it wrong and hurt you?”

“Yeah. The first time I ever bottomed, the other guy knew what he was doing, luckily, so I knew what it was supposed to be like and how good it felt, but when I tried to do it again with someone else, I found out not everyone was that great at it.”

“I’m sorry.”

“No, it’s okay. It’s a learning experience. I’ll be completely honest with you and tell you that I’m not that great at it. Either way. I’m really not as good in bed as I probably should be considering how experienced I am. But I’m working on it. Ironically, you making me go slow is forcing me to pay more attention and be more careful about everything, which I think is making me better.”

“I wouldn’t know if you were good or bad.”

“Yes, you would. If it was bad, you would have dumped me long ago. Like, consider worse than whatever Baekhyun and you did. You probably wouldn’t have stuck around for that.”

“That wasn’t that bad.”

“You didn’t know any better.”

“No, even now when I think back to it, it wasn’t bad. He just talked a lot, but everything else was fine.”

“It should never be fine. It should always be at least good, if not great.”

“Oh, well I haven’t experienced that yet then.”

Chanyeol began to protest until he caught Kyungsoo’s mischievous smirk.

“You’re so mean,” Chanyeol told him with an exaggerated pout, and Kyungsoo did him the favor of kissing it off him.

And then in the next breath, Kyungsoo had removed one of his arms from behind Chanyeol’s neck and moved it down between them, taking Chanyeol into his hand, causing him to hiss.

“Since I can’t give you what you want yet,” Kyungsoo told him, “Close your eyes and pretend, and tell me what you’re imagining is happening instead.”

“Oh my God,” Chanyeol said, closing his eyes, not sure he would last long with those instructions.

“It’ll be a good way for me to learn,” Kyungsoo told him as he began to pump him slowly.

And Chanyeol could almost imagine it, in the warmth of the heated pool, while holding onto Kyungsoo, and he bucked his hips against Kyungsoo’s fist as he told him exactly how good it felt to be inside him.

Chanyeol returned the favor once he had been able to collect himself enough to do so, and he hoped that as he painted the scenario in Kyungsoo’s mind with each stroke that Kyungsoo was visualizing himself buried deep within his warmth.

They were useless when they were done, and they held each other for a long moment, spoiling each other with soft kisses and tight hugs, until they finally got out of the pool and toweled themselves off, throwing their clothes back on, not bothering to make themselves look presentable as they were off to get their coats and head home.

As they sat next to each other in the backseat of a hired car, his parents having already taken the limo home, Chanyeol held Kyungsoo’s hand and looked at him as he laid his head on Chanyeol’s shoulder, having begun to fall asleep. Chanyeol couldn’t believe this precious man was his, or that he had chosen him back, or that he cared about him. He didn’t feel worthy of Kyungsoo’s love, which made him even more grateful for it, and he promised to himself in that moment that he would work hard to make sure he was the boyfriend that Kyungsoo deserved.

That night, he slept over in Kyungsoo’s room and held onto the greatest gift his father had ever gotten him without even realizing it all those years ago. He really was the most spoiled son in the world, and Chanyeol fell asleep with a huge smile on his face.


	11. (Full Moon)

Jongdae hadn’t given much thought to inviting Baekhyun to his house to meet with his father and show him his room, but when he opened the door and looked at the man before him, he was greeted by both a suspicious and surprised look that made Jongdae realize that he probably should have warned their new member of the family of what to expect.

“Come in, welcome,” Jongdae said, opening the door wide for him to enter.

“Jongdae,” Baekhyun said, looking around the foyer, “You told me to come to your house. This looks like a hotel.”

Jongdae chuckled as he closed the door behind him, “Nope, it’s my house. My dad wants to meet with you first and then I can show you around.”

“This is your house?” Baekhyun asked as he followed him. “I thought the Choi house was big, but this is bigger.”

“You should see the Park house.”

“It’s bigger?” Baekhyun asked looking horrified by this. “Oh, Kyungsoo must get so lost.”

“I’m sure he doesn’t,” Jongdae said amused.

He walked into his father’s office and quickly introduced the two as Jongdae’s father stood from his desk to greet the younger man.

“Dad, this is Byun Baekhyun, Baekhyun, this is my father.”

“I’m very honored to meet you, Mr. Kim,” Baekhyun said with a bow.

“I’m honored to meet you as well,” his father said, extending his hand for Baekhyun to shake, and then he motioned for them to sit as he took his seat as well. “This is my advisor,” his father said introducing him to the man that sat to the side of the desk, “And of course, you know Yixing and Minseok,” he said, motioning to his left.

“Nice to meet you,” Baekhyun said to the older advisor, and then he smiled at the other two and said, “Hi, Yixing. Hi, Minseok.”

They greeted him back with a laugh and Jongdae kept an eye on his father, wondering what he would make of the strange man.

“Thank you for all the help you’ve given to our family,” his father said, a small twinkle of amusement in his eye. “You’ve been an invaluable resource for us, and we wish to formally bring you on board as a specialist.”

“I wish that too.”

“Of course, we have to make sure you understand what you’re committing to. Joining a high family is not like any other job. When you commit to a high family, you commit for life. You do what is expected of you, and in return, you have a family that will protect you and provide for you. Is that a commitment you’re prepared to make?”

“Well, there is one thing I kind of haven’t mentioned to Jongdae,” Baekhyun said.

Jongdae stared at him, feeling a small dread come over him. Had he kept yet another secret? Had he already made a deal with the Parks’?

“What is it?” Jongdae’s father asked with a serious look.

“Ah, well, when I was sixteen, I tried to rob an herbal medicine shop. The owner caught me in the act and threatened me with this really cool sword. He was going to call the police, but then he started asking me questions, and instead he made me dinner and let me spend the night since it was really cold and snowing outside, and he told me that in the morning he’d tell me how he’d punish me for breaking into his store and trying to steal from him. Well, I woke up the next morning, and he made me breakfast, which was really good, and then he told me that he wanted me to run some errands for him. So I did. And that was my punishment. I run errands for the herbal shopkeeper.”

Jongdae, Yixing and Minseok exchanged stunned glances and Minseok cocked his head as if very badly wanting to ask Baekhyun the question on all their minds.

“I see,” Jongdae’s father said. “So, if you came into our family, you would be indebted to continue running errands for this shopkeeper?”

“Oh, it’s more than that,” Baekhyun said, and he continued, “So, at some point, he told me that one day he’d have to leave this life, and when that time comes, he would leave the shop to me to continue running for him, but that would mean taking on all his duties.”

“Are you confirming that you work for The Academy?” Minseok flat out finally asked.

“No, I work for the shopkeeper that works for The Academy. And when he passes and I take over the shop, then I’ll have to work for The Academy.”

“Holy shit,” Minseok said.

“This is remarkable,” Jongdae’s father said.

Jongdae himself had no words. He just stared at Baekhyun, not believing they had actually been right about him, or at least somewhat right.

“So, is it okay if I still join the family but also run the shop and work for The Academy when the time comes?”

“Would The Academy have an issue with you being part of our family?” Jongdae’s father asked. “I thought they had strict rules about non-affiliation.”

“They wouldn’t have an issue with it. I checked with the herbal shopkeeper to make sure.”

“Could we use any of their resources?” Minseok asked. “Like could you hook us up?”

“Oh, you don’t want that,” Baekhyun said as he shook his head. “You should never call upon The Academy.”

“Right,” Minseok said, “But hypothetically speaking.”

“I would ask Kyungsoo to take someone out for you before asking The Academy,” Baekhyun stated. “You really should never ask them for anything.”

“That works,” Jongdae said with a shrug. “I mean Kyungsoo never misses, so there we go.”

“Exactly,” Baekhyun said with a smile.

“Is there any other secret you’re keeping that may interfere with your loyalty to our family?” Jongdae’s father then asked him.

“No, that was it. I had to get special permission from The Academy to share that with you, otherwise I would have told Jongdae sooner. So, that information can’t really leave this room.”

“Understood,” the elder Kim said and he looked at the others, “That information is not to be shared with anyone. There is no need to speak of it again. We all understand the situation and we accept it. I am fine with you fulfilling your duties to them and us, your loyalty in honoring your commitment to them proves that you have what it takes to join our family. But that does bring up the other loyal commitment you have, the one to your best friend who will one day be the head of the Park family. Are you planning to assist him as well?”

“Well, I told him that I would, but only in things that didn’t have a negative impact on the Kim family. Oh, and I also told him that my work with your family will take precedence. He understood. He’s in a high family, so he gets it.”

“Does he plan on returning that favor?” Minseok asked.

“Like, will he help me out if I need it?” Baekhyun clarified to make sure, “Yeah. Under the same circumstances, but in reverse. Like, he’ll help me out with anything that won’t have a negative impact on the Park family.”

“It’s kismet,” Jongdae’s father then said. “That our families be tied even in this way. It makes it clearer that this was meant to be. I look forward to working with you, Byun Baekhyun.”

“I look forward to it as well.”

“Now then, I believe Jongdae wishes to show you around. Please stay for dinner, if you can.”

“I’ll definitely stay for dinner,” Baekhyun said with a big smile, and he thanked the elder Kim again with a bow, then followed Jongdae out.

“Your father is so nice,” Baekhyun told him, and Jongdae snorted.

“He is now. He wasn’t when I first met you. He seems to have gotten back to his old self a bit more.”

“Ah, that’s good.”

Jongdae led him upstairs, pointing out whose room was whose as he walked by each door, and then he reached Baekhyun’s room and opened the door for him.

“And this is your room,” he said, watching carefully for his reaction.

Baekhyun looked stunned and awed as he walked in, a bit unsure at first, and looked around.

“How many people do I share this room with?”

“None. It’s all yours.”

“Why is it so big?”

“It’s one of our smaller rooms. I had a feeling the bigger ones would freak you out.”

“This is small? This is twice the size of the room I live in now, and I thought that was big.”

“My dad was trying to make a statement when he had this house designed,” Jongdae explained. “I agree with you. It is too big. I’ve always felt that way. My mom’s always had a hard time making it feel more homey, but I think now that you’re here, and with the occasional presence of my little nephew, it helps fill out the house a bit more.”

“Is that why you invited me to have a room here?”

“Kind of. You have a great energy. Our family could really use some more of that.”

“And I could really use a family. So it works out.” Baekhyun said as he stepped more into the room and toward the window to see his view, which made him look surprised all over again.

“Exactly.”

“Oh, speaking of, is it okay if I call your mom ‘mom’?” Baekhyun asked, turning to look back at him. “Do you think she would mind?”

Jongdae grinned at that, too amused by the request to answer right away.

“I… oddly think she would like that. You can ask her yourself when you meet her.”

“Can I meet her now?”

“You haven’t even finished checking out your room,” Jongdae said with a laugh.

“It’s too big to check it all out. The whole house is so big.”

“Maybe we shouldn’t continue the tour then,” Jongdae said, walking over to point out his closet and bathroom.

“I have my own bathroom? I’ve never had my own bathroom.”

“Oh really? Do you and Kyungsoo share?”

“Yeah, we only have one. Two bedrooms and one bathroom.”

“Well now you have one of your own.”

“Jongdae,” Baekhyun said turning to look at him, and he blinked a couple of times before saying, “Thank you. You didn’t have to do this.”

“I kind of did. It turns out you’re kind of good for me. Something about how you make me happy or something.”

“I could have come over and hung out all the time. You still didn’t have to do this. I’m not going to let you and your family down. I will earn my place here.”

“You already have,” Jongdae said, patting him on the shoulder, then saying, “Come on, let’s go find my mom.”

He led him back downstairs, pretty certain his mom was in the living room working out some of her new decorations or maybe figuring out if she wanted to add more pictures to the wall.

It turned out he had been right, and when they walked in, his mother was speaking to one of the maids about her opinion on moving the standing light out of the corner.

“Hey, mom,” Jongdae interrupted, “I want you to meet someone.”

His mother turned, and her face turned so bright that Jongdae felt he didn’t have to formally introduce the two people, but he did anyway.

“This is Byun Baekhyun. This is my mom.”

“Hi, Mrs. Kim,” Baekhyun said with a bright smile of his own and a wave.

“Hello, Baekhyun,” she said walking over to stand in front of them, taking in the newest person of her home. “I’m so happy to meet you. Jongdae didn’t tell me you were so… how old are you?”

“We’re the same age,” they both said at the same time.

“Really? I never would have guessed. You look so young.”

“I get that all the time,” Baekhyun said with a laugh.

“He’s so adorable,” Jongdae’s mother said to Jongdae, and he supposed he was. “You’re so adorable,” she then said to him.

“Thank you.”

“Actually, mom, Baekhyun has a special question to ask you.”

“Oh? What is it?”

“Can I call you ‘mom’?” Baekhyun asked, and it was one of the only times Jongdae had ever seen him go shy.

“You want to call me ‘mom’?” She asked, making sure she understood the request.

“Yeah, well, see, I don’t have a mom. Well, I had a mom, but she died when I was three. So did my dad. So, I don’t have any parents, and I kind of thought if I joined the family, that it could be like… I mean, I get along well with Jongdae, so it could be like we were brothers and I was this weird random son you don’t remember having.”

“Your parents died when you were three?” Jongdae’s mother asked looking concerned, and then she reached out to pull Baekhyun into a tight hug. “You poor boy. Of course, you can call me ‘mom.’ And you certainly wouldn’t be a weird random son. You’re just the son I had to wait a little longer for.”

“This is a little weird, guys,” Jongdae mentioned.

“Shhh,” Baekhyun said, “I’m having bonding time with my mom. We’re catching up after never knowing each other.”

“So weird,” Jongdae whined.

“Don’t be jealous,” his mother then said.

Baekhyun laughed and pulled away.

“No, but really, thank you,” Baekhyun told her. “I just feel like it’s what I should call you if Jongdae calls you that.”

“I agree,” she said, putting her hand on her cheek as she stared at the both of them. “I did always want another son. Mostly because Jongdae turned out so perfect.”

“I hate to break this to you, but…” Jongdae began, but Baekhyun cut him off.

“And I turned out more perfect. It works.”

“No. I was a perfect child,” Jongdae defended his honor. “While you were busy robbing herbal shopkeepers, I was studying to someday get into medical school.”

“Ah, you were way more perfect. Even if my parents hadn’t died and they had raised me normal, I wouldn’t have been studying to get into medical school.”

“What would you have studied?” Jongdae’s mother asked him.

“Oh, I don’t know. I dropped out of school because it was boring. I don’t think it was for me.”

“You sound like my daughter,” she said, a small memory twinkling in her eye. “Although we very much forced her to complete her education. I imagine your parents would have done the same.”

“Maybe,” Baekhyun nodded.

“Do you remember them at all?”

“No. I don’t know anything about them. Except that they saved my life. So, I know they were good people that loved me very much. That’s all I really need to know about them.”

“That’s very true,” Jongdae’s mother said, “That’s the most important thing to know. And now you have a new family to love you very much.”

“I won’t let you guys down,” Baekhyun said.

“Oh, I know you won’t. Will you be staying for dinner tonight?”

“Yes. The elder Kim already asked me to.”

“Perfect. What’s your favorite meal?”

“Oh, I like all food. I grew up homeless so I’m not picky.”

“You grew up…,” Jongdae’s mother stopped herself and shook her head, “We’ll make you a meal you’ll love. Don’t worry. In this home, you will be taken care of well.”

“Oh, I don’t want to be a burden,” Baekhyun said. “I can make my own food too. You don’t have to make food for me really.”

“We have a kitchen staff,” Jongdae explained. “They do all the cooking. But if you do want to make something for yourself, you can feel free. It’s just that they have planned menus and such.”

Baekhyun blinked at him again, and then again, and then again.

“I’m going to try and process what you meant by all of that,” Baekhyun said.

“Even better, I can show you,” Jongdae said, telling his mother they’d see her later as he led Baekhyun to the dining room, and then the kitchen to meet the staff, who wasted no time in asking him his food preferences and if he had any allergies, jotting down his answers for their own records.

“You live in a fantasy world,” Baekhyun told Jongdae, as he continued his tour, finishing up the first floor and leading him outside to show him the garden and some of the grounds.

“I know. I didn’t really know, but I’ve learned recently how true that is. It’s why I have panic attacks when I have to deal with reality. But I’m getting better.”

“When did you have your last panic attack?”

“A couple of weeks ago. When we found out the truth about my sister and Chanyeol.”

“What’s the longest you’ve gone between them?”

“This is it. This right now is the longest. I haven’t had one since that day.”

“You’re definitely getting better then,” Baekhyun told him with a smile and a pat on the shoulder.

Jongdae smiled back. He really really REALLY hoped so.

He stopped by the garden first, unable to not think about what his sister would have thought about Baekhyun as he stood there looking at their favorite play area on the grounds.

“This is the garden, which is a lot prettier when it’s not winter obviously.”

“You have a garden,” Baekhyun stated, and Jongdae now realized it was Baekhyun’s way of processing things – to say them out loud to himself.

“My sister and I would spend way too much time out here playing. When we were younger, we’d play hide and seek here a lot. When we got older, we’d hang out here and talk mostly. It was our place. When I’d visit her at the cemetery, I’d always bring her flowers from here to remind her of home.”

“I bet she liked that.”

“I don’t care anymore,” Jongdae shrugged. “I’ve decided I’m never going to visit her again.”

“Why?”

“I’ve spent a year and a half visiting her, wishing she’d somehow miraculously come back, begging her to help me through the nightmare my life became. When I found out that she had had this secret relationship with Chanyeol and this kid that she had kept from us, I realized that I didn’t really know her like I thought I had. I’ve learned that even more in the days that followed. I love my sister. I always will. But the sister I remember was part of my fantasy, and now I have to live in reality, and she’s not here in my reality. So I have to move on. If I keep holding onto her, then I keep holding onto a life that no longer exists, and this new one isn’t so bad. It has Yoona in it, and Yixing and Minseok, and you, and it weirdly has some sort of renewed friendship with Chanyeol, and a cool little nephew. I’m ready to live in reality.”

Baekhyun smiled at him and then gave him a quick hug, so fast that Jongdae barely registered it happened.

“Reality is not so bad, Jongdae,” Baekhyun told him. “But, way in the future, you might find that there is a tiny spot for her in it. Not now, but maybe years from now. You’ll find that you’re ready to bring her into your world in your own way. Maybe you’ll visit her with her son and you guys can tell her a funny story together. But not now. Now it’s you and your new reality time, and I’m very honored to be part of it. It’s going to be fun.”

Jongdae nodded, deep down inside knowing that he was right. He probably would visit her again. But definitely not now. He had to find his own footing first, and that’s something he had never had to do before without the help of her or his parents.

They continued their tour of the grounds, Jongdae showing him where security’s home base was on the grounds and introducing him to some of the security members that were around since he might be working with them.

“That’s the gun range,” Jongdae pointed out as they continued their tour, “You can feel free to use it whenever you like. I’m banned from it, so I can’t join you.”

“How long are you banned for?”

“Probably for life, which sucks because I was really good at it. I have this feeling that after they finally take me off suicide watch, my dad’s going to keep that rule in place. At this point, I’m just hoping to get my car back.”

“Ah, a car is much more important,” Baekhyun stated. “It takes you places and carries things for you. And if you had to, you could kill someone with it. It really comes in handy.”

Jongdae chuckled and asked, “Have you ever killed someone with a car?”

“Ah, no, I don’t have a car.”

“Have you ever killed someone with another person’s car?”

“No, but I know I could if I had to. You just run into them really fast. Ah, that sounds terrible. I hope I never have to do that.”

“I hope you never have to do that either.”

“When you get your car back, don’t do that.”

“I won’t.”

Jongdae finished up the tour of the grounds and took Baekhyun back inside, the kitchen staff preparing coffee for them to help warm them up.

As they sat in the breakfast nook, Jongdae asked Baekhyun if he had any questions or concerns.

“I don’t have a lot of stuff,” Baekhyun pointed out, “So my room’s going to look a little empty. Is that okay?”

“It’s your room. You can have as much stuff as you want or don’t want.”

“I have a lot of bad nightmares, so usually when that happens, I go to Kyungsoo’s room and sleep with him. Can I go to your room when that happens?”

“Sure,” Jongdae said, a bit amused by the request.

“When Kyungsoo has bad nightmares, he comes to my room, so you can do that too if you want.”

“I’ll… keep that in mind.”

“Do you not have bad nightmares?”

“I do, but I usually just stay awake for a bit and then fall back asleep.”

“It’s better if you go to someone’s room. You’ll sleep better after.”

“I’ll have to try it then. I’ll come to your room next time.”

“Good. I have plenty of space.”

Jongdae grinned and felt at peace as he drank his coffee while conversing with Baekhyun. It felt right, Baekhyun’s energy in their home, and it made Jongdae feel more relaxed knowing he had another ally around him.

The whole idea of reality suddenly seemed comfortable.

***

The following day, when Jongdae had thought he’d spend the day finalizing the details of his trip with Yixing, he was informed that his father wanted him in his office for a matter that he felt might concern him.

He walked in with Yixing, unsure of what this would be about, and his father motioned for him to bring his chair around to his side.

“I know you’ve been relieved of your duties,” his father told him, “But we have a meeting today that I think you should be a part of. If only to help give you some closure.”

“What’s this about?” Jongdae asked, feeling his nerves start to rattle a bit.

“The young Wu is paying us a visit,” his father informed him, and Jongdae’s stomach felt as if it had dropped.

“Why?”

“It appears he had an informal meeting with the Park’s at a recent event. No doubt spurred by hearing how our families were now connected through Mina’s son. The Wu’s are afraid of Park retaliation, so the young Wu went to meet with them to work out a deal for them to be left alone. The young Park apprentice was given the task of handling the matter, and he asked for restitution for our family. So now the young Wu is coming by to see if we’ll accept his family’s offer. And I think it’s you that should decide whether or not we do.”

“To give me closure.”

“I think it might help.”

Jongdae nodded in understanding. Before the events of the past couple of weeks, he would have been affronted that they’d even entertain the idea, but now, he’d be willing to listen.

When Yifan arrived, he bowed to the both of them, and his father indicated that he could sit.

“I’m grateful you’ve agreed to see me,” Yifan began. “I know your time is important, and I do not wish to take up any more of it than necessary. As you know, the Park’s have asked for us to help your efforts to rebuild your family. We offered to pay for this, and the Park apprentice told us to triple the amount. We have agreed to do so if your family accepts the arrangement.”

“And in return,” Jongdae’s father said, “What did the Park’s offer you?”

“To be treated as a neutral family and left alone.”

Jongdae regarded Yifan for a moment, thinking back to that horrible day that he barely remembered the details of. He only remembered feeling rage, and his thoughts had been hyper-focused on making the Wu family pay. Due to the horrible panic attack that he ended up having, he had no recollection of how the event had ended, nor most of his thoughts the day after when he had been recovering from it.

“Is that something you think you deserve after what you’ve done?” Jongdae’s father asked him. “Our family hasn’t known a moment’s peace since you murdered my daughter. And families have continued to attack us, taking advantage of our loss. You think you deserve to be left alone?”

“No,” Yifan said, appearing to look sobered by this question. “We do not deserve to be left alone by your families. But we are offering to help your family rebuild…”

“We didn’t ask for your help,” his father interrupted.

Jongdae paid attention, but was a bit unnerved by seeing his father treat Yifan in much the way he had treated him the past year. It made Jongdae realize that his father was still dealing with the anger and frustration of losing Mina, and he knew this meant that though his father had tempered himself toward Jongdae, the ability to lose his patience with him was still there. It was a good thing he’d be leaving on his trip. Maybe by the time he got back, his father would have found a bit more peace.

“No, you didn’t. I mean that we are trying to right our wrong by giving you payment for your loss.”

Jongdae was familiar with the way Yifan fumbled his words after having to reassess how he spoke to his father, and he sighed.

“What you owe our family, cannot be repaid,” his father told Yifan.

“I know. We know,” Yifan said. “Your son did try and make things even.”

Jongdae wished he hadn’t thrown that out there, and he steeled himself for his father’s reaction to that.

“My son was suicidal and walked into a death trap,” his father said with such venom that Yifan also regretted bringing it up.

“I know. I was just saying that…”

“Your family is under the impression that you did nothing wrong,” his father told him. “Your family is under the impression that this is all an accident.”

“It was an accident,” Jongdae interjected, and he was not surprised when both his father’s advisor and Yixing looked at him suddenly. “They didn’t know anyone was inside the building when they broke in and opened fire. They were trying to leave us a message. When they realized they had taken out people, they fled immediately because they knew they had screwed up. The Wu family reached out to you to apologize, but you chose to attack out of anger and sorrow. And we ended up in a war, and both of our families have lost a lot of people because of it. Our war made both of our families weaker than the others, and just like us, the Wu’s have been attempting to rebuild. The only difference is that their alliances didn’t try to kick them out of the alliance and leave them for dead, so they’ve fared better than we have in that time. What they did was an accident. What I did was not. I had every intention of killing Yifan knowing I wouldn’t make it out of there alive. They did spare me my life, and they very much did not have to. Our families currently have a cease fire. We need to end that and come to an agreement that we are no longer and will no longer be at war. However, the war, even if accidentally, was caused by your family’s actions. So we will accept the restitution as outlined by the Park’s. Did they ask for a percentage or their own amounts?”

“No, they did not.”

“Give them 15% of the additional amount. It’s the least you can do for my sister’s son who will have to grow up never knowing his mother. Do you agree to these terms?”

“Yes, we agree.”

“Our family’s lawyers and accountants will set up a meeting with your family’s to put this agreement into place and begin the transfer of funds.”

Yifan thanked them for their time and left the office, and Jongdae was prepared to get an earful from his father, anticipating receiving some of the venom that had been spewed at the young Wu if his father had any left over, so he moved back to the spot Yifan had vacated and waited for it.

“You handled that like a true head of a family,” his father said to him instead.

“I knew you had it in you,” Yixing mentioned with a proud smile.

“I’m just tired of it all,” Jongdae admitted. “If this is how we can end it, then let’s end it. That way we can all move on.”

“I’m tired of it all too,” his father agreed. “You’ve ended it, and now we will move on. Speaking of moving on, I do have another matter to discuss with you.”

“I think I’ve handled all the high family business stuff I can handle for today,” Jongdae said lightly, though he did mean it.

“How’s your trip planning coming along?”

“Really well. Yixing and I have decided to start our travels in Bali.”

“A beautiful place,” his father said with a smile. “Why did you decide to start there?”

“Because we were reading reviews and a lot of people said there’s nothing much to do there outside of swim, eat and stare at the water, so it sounds like exactly the getaway I need to put my mind at peace and get it back in order.”

“It sounds like a great idea,” his father said. “Well, like I said before, I want you to take as long as you like on your journeys. No pressure whatsoever. But I do have a proposal for you when you come back.”

Jongdae hoped it didn’t involve more mediating of high family business.

“I was having a discussion with our new friend the Commissioner General,” his father explained. “And as it turns out, he can pull some strings to have you complete alternative service instead for the police force. It would be a desk job, no gun or weapons whatsoever, but no one would need to know that unless you told them. It’ll fulfill your requirements to the government and give you a chance to be seen somewhat honorably when completed, plus, it’s a good way for us to have another person on the inside to keep an ear out for things. You don’t have to, but it is something…”

“I’ll take it,” Jongdae said, not even needing to consider it. “I have no direction for my life at all. It’ll give me something to do, and maybe let me consider other options for what I can do for the family. Thank you.”

“I’ll let him know,” his father said, looking a bit relieved. “I think it’ll be good.”

“I think so too,” Jongdae agreed. With Yoona doing her residency and Yixing being back in school, it would give him his own chance to have a job in the real world and figure out his path. Plus, he liked the idea of being useful to his family, just how his friends had all changed their plans to do the same.

“I’m doing anything I can to help,” his father told him.

“I know,” Jongdae told him with a grateful smile. “I’m going to try to help myself too so you don’t have to try so hard to help me.”

“It’s too bad you can’t start now,” Jongdae’s father’s advisor said, “With Zitao leaving for China in a week, we’ll have a gap on inside information with the force. At least until he returns in a month.”

“We will,” his father agreed, “But he’s earned that time off. His work in gathering all that information for us to take down the Choi’s was invaluable. Minseok is working on finding us another contact so Zitao doesn’t have to do all the work himself when he returns.”

“And now we’ll have the funds to do it,” Yixing pointed out.

“That we will,” Jongdae’s father agreed. “It was very generous of the young Park apprentice to look out for us in that way. I’ll make sure to send him a thank you gift.”

“We have some fish you can send him,” the older advisor said with a snort, and his father seemed amused by a joke that Jongdae did not understand.

Having sensed Jongdae’s confusion on the matter, his father explained.

“The Kang’s have gifted us with enough fish from their fisheries to last the rest of the winter. It’s their early congratulations for regaining our high family status, and their way of showing that they still wish to be allies.”

“Oh boy,” Jongdae said, feeling both amused and annoyed by this fake show of support.

“It gets better,” Jongdae’s father said, with a big smile. “Your mother has been invited to brunch with Mrs. Kang and Mrs. Yoo, and they both have sent her over bottles of wine and flowers telling her how much they’ve missed her at their brunches.”

“Do we have to be allies with them?” Jongdae whined, already knowing the answer was yes.

“You’ll also be amused to know that Chanyeol will be joining them for brunch as well.”

“What?” Jongdae asked surprised.

“I just found out that he is apparently dating the young Park apprentice. Something I have a feeling you knew about and didn’t mention.”

“Oh, that finally made it to you?” Jongdae said, shutting his eyes tightly with a smile at being caught withholding the information.

“Were you really not going to tell me?”

“I didn’t know how to tell you. Hey, dad, so Chanyeol’s dating the new Park apprentice. Like, I didn’t know how you’d take it. So how did you take it?”

“I was shocked.”

“But Chanyeol’s always been that way. I told you that before when we were younger.”

“I was still shocked.”

“I had dinner with them, a whole bunch of us did,” Jongdae told him. “They’re really cute together.”

“I just worry,” his father said, “For Taemin. If Chanyeol is serious with the young apprentice, that means he will very much be in Taemin’s life.”

“He already is very much in Taemin’s life,” Yixing informed him. “When Minseok stayed at the Park’s for dinner the other night, he said that Taemin adores Kyungsoo and demanded he read him his bedtime story.”

“But he was an assassin,” Jongdae’s father said. “They’re not known for being the most caring individuals.”

“But he’s not an assassin anymore,” Jongdae pointed out. “And he’s very caring. Look what he did for the elder Park. And he took Baekhyun in when he was homeless. And he quit the Park family to watch over his sick mother.”

“But Taemin’s going to need a mother. Not another father,” Jongdae’s father protested in a civil tone.

“He just needs love,” Jongdae told him. “And he’s getting it from everywhere. I don’t think he’s going to care that he may have two dads in the future instead of a mom and a dad. He’s just going to care that someone’s at his soccer game, or someone’s taking him to get pizza, or someone’s helping him with his homework. Stop being old fashioned, dad.”

“So much has changed,” he said, but he said it with a smile and nod. “Taemin being around more will help me be young again. Is Baekhyun also into boys?”

“Uh, I think he might be like Chanyeol,” Jongdae guessed.

“I don’t think he’s like Chanyeol,” Yixing countered.

“No?” Jongdae looked at him.

“I think he’s like the opposite of Chanyeol.”

“So he likes girls,” his father said.

“No, like, Chanyeol has a preference for boys and girls, and will hook up with both,” Yixing explained, “I think, Baekhyun doesn’t care if it’s a boy or a girl, and doesn’t really want to hook up with either.”

Jongdae thought about this for a moment and then thought Yixing might be on to something.

“That doesn’t make sense,” Jongdae’s father said.

“That’s because you’re old fashioned,” Jongdae said, and he looked at Yixing with a nod, “I think you’re right. He does seem to really not care.”

“It’s cute,” Yixing said, his cheeks rising, “It’s very Baekhyun.”

“Yeah, it really is,” Jongdae said, smiling fondly about it as well.

“You kids these days are very strange,” Jongdae’s father, but he said it as a joke, with a big smile. “Well, if you have no concerns about Kyungsoo being in Taemin’s life in that way, then I trust your judgment. I know Chanyeol’s father has no reservations about it, but of course, he considers Kyungsoo a son.”

“You’ll get to know Kyungsoo more,” Jongdae told him. “You’ll see.”

“I will. I’m looking forward.”

Jongdae was also looking forward to getting to know Kyungsoo better, and he couldn’t wait for their next group dinner at Red. But before then, he had to prepare for another visit from Chanyeol and Taemin, and this time, Jongdae was determined to be the uncle that Taemin deserved.

***

Jongdae had wanted to buy a toy for Taemin, and had taken Yoona with him to get her opinion, but nothing seemed meaningful or impressive enough. He wasn’t sure how to get the little boy to warm up to him, and somehow, he didn’t think another helicopter would do the trick. He ended up buying him a little bear hoodie instead, with tiny round bear ears on the hood, thinking he might like to wear it while he carried around his teddy bear.

When Chanyeol did arrive with Taemin, he noticed that this time he had come alone without Junmyeon, and Jongdae was glad that Chanyeol now felt comfortable enough to not need the additional support. He also noticed that Taemin carried Ppalhan in his arms, and Jongdae smiled a bit at the sight of his former stuffed animal.

“Did you get bigger?” his mother said, giving the little boy a big hug in greeting, which he returned with a big smile.

“I get bigger,” Taemin told her.

“Maybe you’ll be tall like your father after all,” Jongdae’s father said with a small laugh, bending down to also give his grandson a hug.

“I be tall like daddy?” Taemin asked him, hopeful.

“Maybe,” Jongdae’s father said with a laugh.

“But it’s okay if you’re as tall as me instead,” Minseok said, holding his hand out for a hi-five, which Taemin returned.

“I be tall like daddy,” Taemin let him know.

Jongdae had no idea how to say hi to him since he had said hello to the family members he felt comfortable with, but luckily for him, Taemin walked to him and held Ppalhan out to him, as Jongdae smiled at him and told him, “hi.”

“I bring you Ppalhan,” he proclaimed. “He stay here.”

“You don’t want him?” Jongdae asked, thinking he hadn’t made that horrible of an impression.

“He’s mine and yours,” Taemin reminded him. “But, he stay here, in my room. So you can play with Ppalhan too. Then you be happy.”

“Oh,” Jongdae said, not that grateful for the confirmation of the terrible impression he had made. “I am happy. But if you want him to stay here tonight, I can take good care of him for you.”

“Okay, here,” he said, still waiting for Jongdae to take the red panda.

“Uh, thank you,” Jongdae said, taking it back and hoping he could make this situation better. “So, I got you a present.”

“You got me present?”

“I did. Do you want to open it?”

“Yes!”

Jongdae smiled at that and grabbed the small box from where he had placed it on the table by the couch. He handed it to Taemin who sat on the floor to rip off the paper, and then didn’t seem to understand the present, no doubt having expected a toy.

“It’s a bear hoodie,” Jongdae explained. “I thought you’d like to wear it and pretend you’re a bear.”

“This is so cool,” Chanyeol said, helping out by kneeling down and unfolding it fully so Taemin could see. “Do you want to put it on, Tae?”

“Okay,” Taemin said, standing up so that Chanyeol could help put the hoodie on him.

“Look, daddy, I’m a bear,” he said once he had it on.

“You’re a big bear,” Chanyeol confirmed. “Do you want to thank your uncle for your present?”

“Thank you,” Taemin said and he ran off to grab his teddy bear to show him that he was a bear too, which made everyone in the family room laugh.

“You have to growl really loud,” Minseok told him, and Taemin did his best to growl as loud as he could with his little voice.

“Do you want to hear Ppalhan’s growl?” Jongdae asked, putting the red panda up to his face.

“Ppalhan doesn’t growl,” Taemin pointed out.

“He’s a bear,” Jongdae said with a big smile. “Of course he growls.” And then Jongdae held Ppalhan up to his face and made a high-pitched growl that made Taemin, Minseok and Chanyeol fall to the floor in laughter.

“Is that really the sound it makes?” Yixing asked him with a chuckle.

“I have no idea,” Jongdae said, chuckling as well.

“Do it again!” Taemin screeched, so Jongdae did, causing more fits of laughter.

“Here, you try,” Jongdae told him, handing Ppalhan back to Taemin.

The little boy took the red panda and held it up to his face as he let out a very high-pitched screech.

“Oh God, we need to stop doing this,” Chanyeol said, holding his ear as he laughed.

“That’s a very high growl,” Minseok told him.

And of course Taemin did it again, which now would become a problem, so Jongdae tried to switch his nephew’s amusement to something else.

“I think Ppalhan wants to play hide-and-seek. Do you know how to play?”

“I play,” Taemin nodded.

“Okay, you close your eyes and count to three, and we’re all going to hide, and you and Ppalhan have to find us, okay?”

“Everyone hide?”

“Yeah, or do you want someone to count with you?”

“Grandpa hide too?”

“Yep, he’s going to hide.”

Taemin found this funny and closed his eyes to start counting, which did not give any of them enough time to duck behind couches and such.

“Okay, we find you now!” Taemin yelled out when he was done. “Grandpa, that’s not hiding!”

“You can’t see me behind this pillow,” Jongdae heard his father say.

“I see you.”

“Oh no, you found me. Where’s grandma?”

“There!” Taemin said, and Jongdae saw his mother come out behind the plant in the corner, which had not hidden her at all.

“You’re so good at this game,” she said.

Taemin came around the corner of the couch to find Jongdae and Yixing, both having ducked behind it together.

“We found you!”

“You did. How did you find us?”

“I look behind the couch.”

“Did you find Minseok or your dad?”

“I find now,” Taemin said running off.

Jongdae stood up to watch as he found Chanyeol behind the loveseat and then after several moments, Minseok, only because he had peeked from behind the curtain to help him out.

“I want to hide there,” Taemin said, running to go behind the curtain.

And Jongdae counted very loudly before everyone pretended they couldn’t find Taemin, until Minseok finally revealed him and then said he couldn’t believe he took his hiding spot.

As the games continued, Taemin did seem to warm up to Jongdae more, enough so that when he went to take his nap in his room upstairs, holding Ppalhan tightly in his arms, he had asked Jongdae to read him his nap time story, which Jongdae was more than happy to do.

***

“I’m exhausted,” Jongdae said, as he drank his coffee next to Chanyeol on the couch, taking a moment to catch up while Taemin napped. “I don’t know how you do this.”

“You just do,” Chanyeol said with a smile. “You don’t have much of a choice so...”

“I hear you’re brunching with the high family wives?”

“Oh, that got around?” Chanyeol snorted.

“A lot of things got around. My dad asked about you and Kyungsoo.”

“Is he horrified?”

“He’s… trying to understand it, I think.”

“I don’t know why it’s hard to understand. My boyfriend’s cute. Everyone should have a crush on him.”

“You’re an idiot,” Jongdae said with a laugh.

“Speaking of, is Baekhyun all settled in?”

“I think he’s scared of our house. He thought it was a hotel, so I’m not sure you should invite him to yours anytime soon.”

“That’s funny. You know, him and Kyungsoo used to sleep in each other’s rooms. You should let him sleep with you until he gets used to it.”

“Yeah, he told me that. I told him he could sleep in my room with me if he wanted to.”

Chanyeol shook his head in amusement and said, “How did we let those two infiltrate our lives?”

“I have no idea,” Jongdae said with a chuckle. “It’s yours’ fault. He came up with the whole scheme.”

“And we both fell for it. This was probably their real plan. Hijack our families.”

“Well Kyungsoo’s going to be running yours. Maybe in some time, my dad will decide to let Baekhyun run ours instead of Minseok.”

Chanyeol started giggling at the idea, and Jongdae laughed as well.

“What’s so funny?” Yixing asked, rejoining them after having taken care of some things during their Taemin downtime.

“Kyungsoo and Baekhyun’s diabolical plan to take over our families,” Jongdae said.

“Your long-lost brothers,” Yixing stated as he sat across from them, with his own coffee.

“Imagine if we had known them sooner,” Jongdae mused.

“Did you know that when we used to hang out in my playground at my house, Kyungsoo would see us sometimes? Whenever he walked with his mentor to the woods.”

“That’s crazy,” Jongdae said, thinking how strange life could really be. They had already crossed paths and none of them had been aware. It blew his mind a bit. “It’s too bad he couldn’t come play with us.”

“I said that to him and he said he didn’t want to play with us because he thought we’d all be snobs or something. Clearly, he was the snob. He thought he was too good to play with us.”

“He probably sensed you were annoying back then and didn’t want the hassle.”

Chanyeol smacked Jongdae’s arm, and Jongdae laughed, elbowing him back.

“What I’d miss?” Minseok asked, eating a sweet treat and sitting next to Yixing.

“Kyungsoo and Baekhyun’s plan of taking over both families, and Chanyeol and Jongdae wishing they had known them sooner so they could annoy them earlier in their lives,” Yixing recapped.

“Man,” Minseok said shaking his head, “I have so much to learn from those two. Like they really did come in and take over. And we let them. That’s doing it right. It’s like when my uncle was teaching me how to get people to invest in our businesses. You make them think they’re doing themselves a favor by giving you money.”

“My dad taught me that too,” Chanyeol agreed. “Make them feel like it’s a privilege for them to hand over their cash.”

“Well,” Jongdae said, “I do feel a little privileged to have Baekhyun in the family.”

“A testament of a great con artist,” Yixing pointed out. “He plays the cute angle to his favor.”

“He has my aunt wrapped around his finger,” Minseok agreed. “This morning she was making sure he ate all of his breakfast before leaving to do whatever he’s doing, and she made sure he had seconds of what he liked and gave him a rice cake for the road. In all my years of being her nephew, I’ve never once been given a rice cake for the road.”

“Now I want a rice cake,” Jongdae said.

“Kyungsoo has always had my dad wrapped around his finger,” Chanyeol said in understanding. “I swear if we were both drowning and he could only save one of us, he’d save him first.”

“It’d be the right choice,” Jongdae teased, putting his arm up to block the smack that came.

“Watch out, Dae,” Minseok said laughing at them, “You’re about to be replaced by Baekhyun. Xing, what would you do if my uncle made Baekhyun his apprentice instead? Would you flee back to China?”

“I’d take on the challenge as I’ve vowed to do by committing my loyalty to this family.”

“You secretly would love it,” Minseok said looking at him. “You already said you want to get into his brain as a psychiatrist.”

“I survived being an advisor to Jongdae, I figured it’d be more of the same but with less panic attacks.”

“Hey!” Jongdae said, but he laughed, “Whatever, he’d be better at it.”

“I heard about the way you handled Yifan,” Minseok said. “I think you ended up being better at it than you thought.”

“I heard that went well too,” Chanyeol said. “You didn’t have to give us a cut, you know?”

“It felt right. Taemin lost her too. As did you.”

“It’s appreciated,” Chanyeol told him with a smile.

“Seeing Yifan reminded me a lot of Minho,” Yixing then mentioned. “Has anyone heard how he’s holding up?”

“He bought a small condo for him, his mother and his sister to live in,” Minseok informed them. “They had the funeral for his father, a small affair, nothing lavish. And he gave as much money as he could to the funerals for the rest of the people they had to bury. I know his sister had to switch schools, but outside of that nothing else. He’s laying low I guess.”

“I know that almost happened to us,” Jongdae said, “But we can’t let that happen to us. We need to vow to never let that be our family’s fate.”

“Try not to kill any sons of high family elders and we should be good,” Minseok said with a thumbs-up.

Jongdae threw a playful glare at him, but Minseok didn’t have to worry, that was a lesson he had learned well and would never forget.

“It won’t happen to us,” Chanyeol said. “Either of us. When Yifan was talking to Kyungsoo, all he had to do was give him that one look that he has and Yifan was ready to agree to anything. And with Baek conning the shit out of everyone on behalf of you guys, we’re both safe. The next time the Kim’s find themselves in a war, the Park’s will be by your side fighting it. That I can promise you.”

“You can expect the same from us,” Jongdae assured him.

When Taemin was done with his nap, he rejoined them wanting to play another round of hide and seek, so Jongdae told everyone to get their coats on so they could play hide and seek for real.

Jongdae held Taemin’s hand as they walked to the garden, and he explained, “When we were little, this is where me and your mommy would play hide and seek.”

“Mommy play hide and seek too?”

“All the time. She would hide behind the flowers, and one time she hid under the gazebo and it took me forever to find her.”

“She hid where?”

“That thing,” Jongdae said, pointing out the gazebo to him.

“Mommy hid there?”

“Yep.”

“I find her.”

“Well, she’s not there now,” Jongdae said, hoping he hadn’t accidentally gotten the kid’s hopes up. “But you can hide there, and I can come find you. Yeah?”

“Okay,” he said, and he let go of Jongdae’s hand so he could run up the small steps of the gazebo. “I hide. Find me!”

“Wait, I have to count first,” Jongdae said, and he covered his eyes and counted very loudly and exaggeratedly. “Okay, here I come!”

Jongdae looked around the barren flower bushes first and he could hear Taemin laughing and telling him “no” as he acted surprised that he wasn’t there. Then he went up the gazebo stairs and said, “There you are!”

Taemin screeched and hopped up and down, holding Ppalhan close to him as he laughed.

“You found us!”

“I did!” Jongdae said, picking him up and spoiling his cheek with a big kiss.

“Let’s play again!”

“Okay!”

Minseok, Yixing and Chanyeol joined in the next round, while Jongdae’s parents sat on a bench watching them, holding hands and leaning into each other with bright smiles on their faces.

And even though they couldn’t see her, Jongdae knew that Mina was there with them too, playing the best game of hide and seek she had ever played in her life, and loving every second of it.


	12. (Two Moons)

When Kyungsoo’s mother had passed, the only person the hospital had notified had been the elder Park who had arrived at the hospital and found Kyungsoo in her room, unable to leave it, even though she had been taken away.

The elder Park had held Kyungsoo tightly and let him cry into his chest for as long as he needed to, and then he took him to his mother’s apartment and ordered pizza for him because Kyungsoo had been unable to think about feeding himself.

“You can come stay with us if you like,” the elder Park had told him while they waited for the food to arrive. “You don’t have to return to your former duties, but my home will always be your home.”

Kyungsoo hadn’t known what he was supposed to do next. With his mother gone, all he had left were the Park’s, but he also had the knowledge that his mother had been happy when he had told her that he had left the family, and even if she hadn’t said it, he knew her dying wish probably involved him not returning to it.

“I’m going to join the military,” Kyungsoo told him instead.

“I understand,” the elder Park said. “It’ll get your mind off things. When you are about to get out, let me know, and I will find you a place to live. Your mother never liked me, and I understood that, but I promised her when she found out about her illness that I would take care of you. She didn’t protest for once, so I took that as a sign that she was okay with me doing so.”

“She knew then she wasn’t going to make it,” Kyungsoo had said, and new tears had been shed.

At the funeral, it was only he and the elder Park that attended, Kyungsoo not knowing who else he could possibly reach out to that his mother would have wanted there. After the fact, he thought that maybe he should have let the ladies at the salon she had worked at know, but they had never come by to visit her in the time he was taking care of her, so he hadn’t considered it.

The ceremony was short, just words spoken by the pastor provided by the funeral home, some words that Kyungsoo had tried to prepare for her but that he ended up crying through, and the elder Park who vowed again to make sure he’d take care of him for her. At the end, Kyungsoo opened the small music box that had belonged to his mother and let it play for her, knowing it had been her favorite childhood toy, and one of the few things she had taken with her when her parents had kicked her out of their home after finding out she had gotten pregnant.

He had felt very angry when he had gotten into the military, and had ended up being reprimanded and punished several times in those early months, having fallen into his old habits of defending himself with hard punches and taking out his aggression with violent outbursts that left him in nights of solitary confinement. But slowly, he began to emotionally heal from the loss of his mother, and he found himself a direction to follow – to study business and open a hair salon and live an honorable life that his mother would have been proud of.

Once he was discharged, the elder Park picked him up from the base and took him to a congratulatory meal, then drove him to the new residence he had picked out for him.

“Your things are already moved in,” the elder Park pointed out to him with a smile, the few small boxes of possessions he had kept from his mother’s apartment waiting for him in the living room.

Kyungsoo looked around the apartment, not understanding why it had to be so big.

“This is too much space,” he said, as he looked toward the balcony.

“I tried to not get you one too big because I was afraid you’d say that. But it’s a good space to grow into. It has two bedrooms, but only one bathroom.”

“Two bedrooms?” Kyungsoo said looking back at him. “I don’t need two bedrooms.”

“Maybe not now,” the elder Park said with a warm smile, “But you never know what life may bring. Besides, you’re going to school. You can make it your study and get your homework done in there if you like.”

Kyungsoo had felt a little overwhelmed and said, “I don’t want to be a burden.”

“You are not a burden. Do not ever think of yourself in that way again. You are part of my family and I will take care of you. I know you wish to live in peace and far from the family business, so I’ve told no one of this arrangement. It is between you and I. No one knows the location of this place, and no one knows your real name. You have no obligations to the Park family. Your only obligation is to yourself.”

“That goes against everything a high family stands for, and it goes against the oath I took to your family.”

“The oath you took at the age of twelve?” The elder Park had asked. “You did everything that was asked of you. Now you’re an adult, and you no longer have duties to fulfill. The oath no longer applies. I couldn’t have let you leave the family if it still did.”

“You made an exception for me,” Kyungsoo had reasoned, not feeling worthy of receiving special privileges. “Why?”

“I feel a strong connection to you. I wish I understood it better myself, but I know that I care very much for you and I feel as if you are a son to me. Perhaps in the way I make exceptions for my own son, I feel I can make exceptions for you as well.”

Kyungsoo had felt guilty at these words, and after some thought he told him, “I don’t want to kill people anymore, but should I need to honor my oath again, I would.”

“I will never ask that of you again. You don’t need to worry. Live your life and be happy.”

He had made Kyungsoo move off the subject by showing him the bedrooms, and the rest of the space, insisting that if anything was not to his liking that it could be changed.

“Will you visit me?” Kyungsoo had asked him before he left.

“Only if you wish me to. You always know how to contact me. Otherwise, I will leave you in peace, just as your mother wanted.”

And he had, though Kyungsoo had felt the desire to reach out to him several times during that new era of his life, he had told himself that his mother wouldn’t have wanted it, so he stayed on his own track, going to school and living his solitary life until that fateful day that he met the homeless guy that ran errands for The Academy and conned sweet potatoes from the old man with the cart.

“What are you thinking about?” Baekhyun asked him as he stacked an empty box on top of another one. “This isn’t a quiet day. And you look too serious.”

“I was thinking about when I had first moved into our place,” Kyungsoo admitted as he sat on Baekhyun’s bed in his new room at the Kim estate, watching him unpack. “This kind of reminded me of that. You keep babbling about how you don’t have enough stuff for all your new space, and I had felt exactly the same way when I had first moved into our place.”

“I still don’t understand why they have all this space,” Baekhyun nodded. “Look, all my clothes fit into these two drawers. What am I supposed to do with the rest of the drawers?”

“Buy more clothes.”

“Ah, it’s a waste,” he waved off, putting his hands on his hips as he looked at the two remaining boxes he had, and then he reached over to the plate of strawberries on the desk and popped one in his mouth as he continued to assess the space.

“Did Mrs. Kim prepare those strawberries for you?” Kyungsoo asked amused.

“She had the kitchen staff make me an unpacking snack.”

“You have her wrapped around your finger,” Kyungsoo said as he got up to take a strawberry as well.

“No, I think she just likes to take care of people. She keeps wanting to decorate my room more to my liking, but I told her I like it the way it is. But then the other day she asked me if I liked any sports, and I told her I once bet on a baseball game and won a good deal of money, so now I have this baseball stuff in my room,” he said, pointing toward the baseball banner near the desk and the player card decorations around the side of the window. “It was very sweet of her, but now I feel I need to learn more about baseball.”

Kyungsoo snickered, and then it turned into a full-blown laugh.

“Hey, it’s not like you’re not getting spoiled either,” Baekhyun pointed out. “Wasn’t Mrs. Park going to redo your whole room for you too?”

“She had a tailor come by and take my measurements, and then a couple of days later, I found all these new black pants and fitted black shirts in my closet.”

“Wow, she didn’t even try and sneak any other color in?”

“Nope. Everything black. Chanyeol complained to her about it and said she needed to get me colorful things, but she said there was no point since I wouldn’t wear them.”

“Your future mother-in-law knows you so well.”

Kyungsoo smacked his arm, and Baekhyun laughed.

“My view is so pretty,” Baekhyun said as he ate another strawberry. “Look at all the trees.”

“It’ll be prettier when they have leaves again.”

“I can’t wait. I never thought I’d live somewhere so pretty.”

“I bet your parents are so happy right now.”

“Yeah, I can feel that they are,” Baekhyun agreed. “I told them they can come visit and stay whenever they like. There’s plenty of room.”

“Maybe I can stay the night too.”

“You’ll be the first head of a family sleeping over at another head’s place. The other families will be so confused by all this new protocol.”

“Good. The more time they spend confused, the less time they spend plotting against us.”

“Very wise,” Baekhyun agreed, shoving a strawberry into Kyungsoo’s mouth and telling him to help him unpack the last of the boxes.

Once they were done, they headed toward the Park estate, Kyungsoo wanting to return the favor and show Baekhyun his new home as well.

“Jongdae warned me this one was bigger,” Baekhyun said, staring around as they entered. “Do you like living here?”

“It doesn’t feel as big as it looks,” Kyungsoo explained as he led him through opens spaces and hallways toward his room. “A lot of people live in this house, so there’s constant activity and noise.”

“I understand,” Baekhyun said, taking in the artwork on the walls and the family photographs as well. “Jongdae’s house feels too big, but hopefully soon it won’t anymore. I’m trying to help out that situation.”

“I’m pretty sure they’ll start to feel the house isn’t big enough with you in it and your loud voice filling up all the space.”

Baekhyun laughed as if it was a compliment, and Kyungsoo smiled at him then opened the door to his room.

“Welcome to my room.”

“It’s so much bigger than mine,” Baekhyun said running in and jumping on his bed. “Kyungsoo, what do you do with all this room?”

“Nothing. I told Mrs. Park that I didn’t need a room this large and she told me that as the future head of the family I should have one that’s even larger, but this would have to do for now.”

“You have pretty trees as your view too,” Baekhyun said, getting up from the bed and walking over to the window. “I like that your room is on the first floor. I feel I make too much noise going up the stairs in the middle of the night.”

“You’ll have to learn to be more stealth than.”

“It’ll be a new thing to master.”

They were joined moments later by the elder Park, who had knocked lightly on the open door with a smile on his face.

“I hope you don’t mind the interruption,” he said.

“Not at all,” Kyungsoo said. “I was just showing Baekhyun my room and the house since he’d never been here before.”

“Hello, Baekhyun,” the elder Park said. “It’s great to see you again.”

“You too,” Baekhyun replied.

“I had meant to give this to you earlier,” the elder Park said walking toward him holding something in his hand, and then he revealed it as he held it out to Kyungsoo. “I wanted to thank you for sharing it with me. It gave me the strength that I needed to get better, and now it needs to be returned to its rightful owner.”

Kyungsoo took his mother’s music box and passed his hand over it, then looked up at the older man.

“Are you sure you don’t want to hold onto it a little longer?” Kyungsoo asked him.

“I think it belongs here in your room with you. I hope to not need it again until the time comes for you to play it for me during my final rest.”

“Which won’t be until at least a hundred years from now,” Kyungsoo stated.

“At least,” the elder Park said with a smile. “I’ll leave you two to it. Baekhyun, you should stay for lunch.”

“Thank you,” Baekhyun told him.

The elder Park left the room and Kyungsoo placed the music box on the dresser, beside the only other decorative item on it, which was a picture of him and his mother in a wooden frame.

“He really loves you,” Baekhyun pointed out.

“What makes you say that?” Kyungsoo asked him, sitting on his bed and patting it so Baekhyun joined him.

“I can tell. The way he looks at you. The way he speaks to you. It’s not just fondness. It really is like he thinks you’re his son.”

“I used to wish he was my father. I’d dream about it. Him adopting me, or him marrying my mother and moving her and me into this house, taking care of us both. But now, I don’t wish for that anymore. He’s a great mentor to me, and that’s all I need him to be.”

“Would that be the case if you weren’t seeing Chanyeol?” Baekhyun asked, tucking his legs under each other as he faced Kyungsoo on his bed. “Is it because you guys being like brothers is too weird, so you gave up the Father Park dream?”

“No, shut up,” Kyungsoo said, slapping his knee for the idea. “I came to that realization before all that. It was while I was going to school and living with you. I realized that I didn’t need parents anymore. Mostly because I had a child, you, to take care of, so as a parent, I had everything figured out.”

“You think you’re funny, but you’re soooo not.”

“I know I’m funny,” Kyungsoo said with a goofy smile. “Anyway, the point is, I’m happy with the way things are.”

“Me too. Well kind of. I wish the Kim house and the Park house was one big house so we could both live in it.”

“With these two families, you never know what could happen. Come on,” Kyungsoo said, patting Baekhyun’s leg and then standing up. “I have to show you the shooting range I grew up in.”

“Oh fun,” Baekhyun said, hopping up from the bed.

Kyungsoo took him across the grounds, and he couldn’t stop the smile on his face, mostly because it felt nice to finally feel that these grounds were his home instead of the place where he worked, but even more so because sharing it with Baekhyun solidified that for him. If he was still just an assassin for the Park family, he never would have been allowed to bring someone who wasn’t part of the Park family onto the premises.

He led him into the wooden structure, once having been a barn and repurposed by the Park family for their target practice needs. Kyungsoo had fond memories of his time in there, even if he hadn’t liked the ultimate outcome of all the training.

“Want to practice?” Kyungsoo asked him.

“Okay, you first,” Baekhyun told him, putting on a pair of earmuffs that hung on one of the divider walls.

Kyungsoo had his own earbuds that he used, and he slid them into place, then took his gun out of the holster from the back of his pants and aimed right at the target that had already been practiced on, the last security member not bothering to change it. He aimed for the spots that had been missed that should have been targets, and once he hit each one, he reloaded the gun for Baekhyun to go next.

When Kyungsoo and Baekhyun had first started to get to know each other, Baekhyun had been insistent that Kyungsoo teach him some of his assassin ways.

“It’ll come in handy,” Baekhyun had stated. “I can show you something in return. Like how to beat anyone at a poker game.”

“I don’t think I ever care to play poker,” Kyungsoo had told him.

“Just show me.”

Kyungsoo had been curious about Baekhyun’s own shooting talents, so they had gone out to the middle of the woods, far off the course of the main hiking area where people would be, and Kyungsoo had set up some marks for Baekhyun to take aim at.

He was surprised at how good the young con artist was, but also realized that Baekhyun was focusing a bit too much.

“Shooting doesn’t involve only your eyes,” Kyungsoo told him, and he took the gun from him, focused on his mark, then closed his eyes, inhaled a soft breath, and exhaled it with his shot, then opened his eyes again. “Try and do that,” he said, handing the gun back to Baekhyun.

“Whoa, okay,” Baekhyun had said, eager as he took the gun and followed the steps. He had been close, but had missed a little to the left. “Okay, what’s the trick?”

“There is no trick. You’re aiming for a target, but rarely does a target stay in one spot, so you can’t just rely on your eyes, you have to rely on your instincts. How is the target moving? Is there a pattern? Can you guess where the target may move to? If your only chance at hitting your target happens when you blink, can you still hit your target without seeing it?”

“Got it,” Baekhyun said and the second time he had more patience, thinking about the target, before aiming and closing his eyes. He took the shot and this time nicked the side of the mark.

“It’s just like breathing,” Kyungsoo told him. “Make sure to control your breathing in time with your actions.”

And on his third try, Baekhyun did hit the mark right in the center.

“Is that an Academy trick?” Baekhyun asked him after he had done a small victory dance and handed the gun back to Kyungsoo. “Or something your mentor taught you?”

“You don’t know? Didn’t the Academy teach you their ways?”

“No, I’m not an assassin for them. Just a lowly messenger. And when I get older and take over for the shopkeeper, I’ll just be a less lowly messenger.”

“But the shopkeeper has to have taught you some things, right?”

“Only about the history of The Academy. Not about being a successful Academy assassin. They don’t want anyone to know their tricks, but you seem to know some good ones so I was wondering.”

“My mentor gave me some Academy training. Most of the older assassins know some of it. They knew people who ended up joining the Academy and some of the knowledge was disseminated. We’re supposed to keep the knowledge to ourselves, but you seem like someone who should know. Why didn’t The Academy think to train you though? You have no family. You have no ties. You handle a gun well. It seems you’d be a good candidate.”

“My record,” Baekhyun said. “I asked the shopkeeper that same question. I thought I could learn how to do it, but he said The Academy only took those with clean records.”

“It’s for the best,” Kyungsoo said. “It would have changed who you were, and I think it would be quite sad if you weren’t you.”

“Are you not you?” Baekhyun had then asked him, and Kyungsoo had to take a moment to think about the answer, setting up new marks in the process with some fallen branches he saw on the ground.

“I’m more me now than if you had met me a few years ago,” he had then answered. “I used to be a very angry person, and then I learned a lot of discipline and learned to suppress all of my emotions really well. Now I don’t suppress my emotions much anymore, but if I had to, I could.”

“You’re very scary when you’re angry,” Baekhyun had acknowledged.

“You’ve never even seen me be really angry.”

“I hope I never have to.”

And he had never felt the need to. In the time Kyungsoo and Baekhyun’s bond solidified, Kyungsoo had found Baekhyun to be the perfect elixir to his dark mood swings, always using Baekhyun’s life and methods of coping for perspective to help him calm down about his own issues.

“Solid showing,” Kyungsoo told Baekhyun after he filled in the spots around Kyungsoo’s targets, and Kyungsoo reeled in the target paper to replace it.

“I really am still better with a knife,” Baekhyun said, handing Kyungsoo his gun back to him.

“Then you must be amazing with a knife because you’re pretty great with a gun.”

“I hope I don’t have to use it too much as a specialist,” Baekhyun said, hanging his ear muffs back on the wall.

“I hope so too. I know I won’t have to use mine much anymore. If at all.”

“When do you get your own bodyguard?”

“Soon. It’s on the elder Park’s to-do list, which is quite long.”

“Too bad Minseok will be going back full-time to the Kim’s, otherwise he could have trained to be your bodyguard.”

“That would have been fun,” Kyungsoo agreed with a smile, “But he has more important things to do now. Like train to be my counterpart.”

“That’s going to be interesting. You and Minseok being heads and having to work together, but also having to be at odds sometimes. With your temperaments, it’ll be fun to watch.”

“Unless Jongdae ends up taking the job after all.”

“That’ll be even more fun to watch.”

“Or if you end up with it by some weird twist of fate like I did.”

“Oh, that wasn’t a twist of fate,” Baekhyun said. “It was very fated for you to head this family. Even The Academy knew. It’s why they didn’t ask me to continue to try harder to convince you.”

“The Academy knew?” Kyungsoo said, unsure how they could know such a thing.

“Well, they suspected,” Baekhyun said, “The Academy has eyes and ears everywhere. Like me,” Baekhyun stated, giving a big smile and pointing to his eyes and ears. “Anyway, I asked the shopkeeper why I was supposed to let it go after you said no because I told him that all I needed was a few more days with you and I could totally convince you to join, but he said that it was always important to let fate take its course.”

“Fate could have been anything,” Kyungsoo shrugged. “It didn’t necessarily mean this.”

“No, it did,” Baekhyun explained. “You know how in order to call upon The Academy, you need to present them with their symbol? The circle with the line through it? Well, the symbol dates back to the time of kingdoms, and they used it to mean that the circle represented life, and the line through it was the separation of life, which is what The Academy does, but The Academy didn’t come up with that symbol. It’s an old symbol that was used in the kingdom. The circle symbolized the moon, and the line meant that there were now two moons, or two kings, or two forces of power instead of one. The Academy is very tied to lunar symbols, it’s why they make you wait three days between each step of requesting their assistance. The belief is that as the different phases of the moon shift, so will a person’s thoughts and attitudes, causing them to reconsider their request. So the person waits, from waxing crescent to quarter, from quarter to waxing gibbous, and so on. Anyway, the two moons are fated, so they predicted the split of the Kim family from the Park’s before it happened. Because of their eyes and ears, so not really a prediction, more like an educated guess, but it’s supposed to sound cool and mysterious, so they said it was a prediction. And because it aligns with the symbol for the two moons, they predicted that when the two families had a strong Academy influence within them, that would mean they were the true new kingdoms or whatever. Anyway, you have strong Academy influence, so you being the head makes them smug about their so-called prediction.”

“You sound like you believe this fairy tale.”

“Well, I have to. I work for them. But you don’t have to believe it. Even though it’s true.”

“It’s not true. I don’t think Minseok was influenced by The Academy.”

“I don’t think Minseok is going to end up taking his uncle’s place.”

“Your Academy-inspired bet is on Luhan then?” Kyungsoo tried.

Baekhyun chuckled and shook his head.

“No, Jongdae is really good with a gun, but he’s not allowed to use one anymore. Before he was banned from the gun range, his goal was to be as good as an Academy-level assassin. He has the Academy fire within him.”

“Now the fairy tale has inner fire?”

“It’s always had inner fire, you just didn’t get the privilege of hearing about it before.”

“Is this what I have to look forward to the older you get and the more you start taking over for the shopkeeper?”

“Yep. More fairy tales, but you don’t have to believe them. You just have to live them.”

“So you think Jongdae will end up taking over for his father?”

“It’s fated.”

“What does The Academy care who’s the head of high families? What do they get out of this?”

“The Academy split apart from the kingdom because it was corrupt. All they ever wanted to do was pledge loyalty and serve. If Jongdae fulfills his fate, The Academy will honor the two moons and pledge loyalty to both families, meaning that should anyone ever come to them with a request to kill someone in either family, the request will be denied.”

Kyungsoo narrowed his eyes for a moment, now thinking that even if this was all a fairy tale, the practical usage was invaluable.

“They have to want something in return.”

“Peace,” Baekhyun said. “So do your best to ensure that.”

“Peace? Among the high families?”

“Yep. Well among the kingdom. So do your best.”

“You lost me again.”

“It’s okay. It’s fated. It’ll happen anyway.”

“I don’t think you should rely on that.”

“I’m not worried.”

“But, we need Jongdae to take over for them to deny requests to kill us, right?”

“It’ll happen when it’s supposed to. If you try and interfere with fate, you make things worse. I shouldn’t have told you all this, but we were having a moment. Forget I said anything.”

“Byun Baekhyun, are you making all this up?”

“Why would I make all this up?”

“You’re a con man. It’s what you do.”

Baekhyun laughed, and didn’t answer.

“Baekhyun…”

“Kyungsoo…”

“Okay, what’s your role in the fairy tale?”

“Oh, I’m just the future shopkeeper.”

“If one day I find out that you’ve been promoted to leader of The Academy and didn’t tell me about it, I’m going to kill you.”

“I wonder if that’s our fate?”

“Baekhyun!”

“Can you use a cool sword? I already asked the shopkeeper if I can keep his sword when the time comes for him to move on and he said yes. So use that, okay?”

“This isn’t funny.”

“Why are you so upset?”

“Because I don’t like when you keep secrets from me.”

“I don’t ever keep secrets from you.”

“You would tell me if your work for The Academy involved more than being a messenger.”

“Of course I would. You’d be the first person I’d tell. You’d probably be the only person I tell.”

“Is there a possibility you can get promoted to something more than a messenger?”

“I have a record, remember? No, there isn’t a possibility.”

“I just don’t want anything bad to happen to you.”

“Nothing bad will. You just do as you were fated to do, and I’ll do as I was fated to do.”

“Which was to be a messenger?”

“Which was to be your best friend, and a messenger, and Jongdae’s source of inspiration to one day become the head of his family when he’s ready and it’s time.”

“Did you know it was supposed to be Jongdae before or after I sent you in there to find out information?”

“After. Well, I knew about the two moons before, but I never thought about it. And then after you returned to the Park family to help, that’s when the shopkeeper told me it was fate, and that’s when he explained it all to me. It’s why I really had to help Jongdae and join his family. I have to make sure he gets there, but in a responsible way where I don’t interfere with fate. It’s the only way to make sure that no one ever tries to put a hit on you through The Academy, so I’m doing everything I can.”

“You joined the Kim’s to protect me.”

Baekhyun nodded.

“Obviously I would have joined The Park’s otherwise. I do like Jongdae a lot though, but we still could have eventually been friends even if I worked for you instead. But I have to protect you first, and it’s a win because I’m still going to be able to help you out when you need.”

Kyungsoo pulled Baekhyun into a hug and held him tight, Baekhyun returning it with his arms hugging Kyungsoo’s waist.

“You’re a bit crazy, Byun Baekhyun.”

“Ah, so are you, Do Kyungsoo.”

“I’m only choosing to believe your fairy tale because you have to believe it.”

“That’s fair.”

They spent a bit more time shooting more rounds and taking more target practice, then headed back toward the house to meet the elder Park for lunch. As they strolled and took their time enjoying the bright sun of the day, Kyungsoo’s thoughts shifted all over the place as he thought about what Baekhyun had told him.

“You know what?” Kyungsoo finally said. “You had to get permission from them to join the Kim’s right?”

“I had to make sure it was okay with them, yeah.”

“Your fairy tale didn’t say that The Academy influence had to be the head. Just that it had to be in the family.”

“Ah, good point.”

“You’re now part of the Kim’s. I think you were the fated part of the other moon. Not Jongdae. And regardless of who becomes the head, Minseok, or Jongdae, it’s you that’s the connection. Not them.”

“Huh, I hadn’t thought about that.”

“You think you can double check with them on that? Because if that’s the case, then we’re all pretty protected as of right now.”

“I wonder if that’s the case,” Baekhyun said, looking as if he hadn’t really considered it. “But what about Jongdae? I really do think he’s meant to be the head.”

“He may be, or he may not be. You have to leave it to fate.”

“Yeah, that’s true.”

They had a nice lunch with the elder Park and Junmyeon, which was spent with Junmyeon asking Baekhyun about some of the best cons he had pulled off and Baekhyun more than happy to tell all his best stories. And then they were joined toward the end by Chanyeol and Taemin, Chanyeol having been affronted that he hadn’t been invited in the first place to join.

Taemin found Baekhyun to be quite funny, but Baekhyun found Taemin to be even funnier, falling into a fit of laughter so hard at one of Taemin’s random questions that he fell on the floor and held his stomach, proclaiming he couldn’t breathe. Taemin then emulated him, and Chanyeol naturally took video for posterity.

When it was time for Kyungsoo to get back to work, he walked Baekhyun to the front of the home where a car waited to take him to wherever he wished to be dropped off. They hugged each other tightly, and Kyungsoo returned the funny faces that Baekhyun made through the window, before heading back inside and straight to the elder Park’s office.

“He really is a wonder,” the elder Park said with a smile on his face as Kyungsoo sat before him at the desk. “I hope you bring him around more often.”

“I’ll try to, but I think the Kim’s are going to keep him quite busy.”

“The smile he puts on your face is invaluable,” the elder Park noted, and Kyungsoo may have blushed a bit as his cheeks rose higher.

Kyungsoo wanted to tell the elder Park about Baekhyun’s fairy tale, but he knew he had to keep the secret, so he reasoned to himself that no one should ever really know they are more protected than they are, as it might cause them to drop their guard too much, allowing for an attack from an unexpected place. So he kept it to himself and went about the day’s work, even making it a point to remind the elder Park that he needed to decide on a bodyguard for him, and then he looked at the elder Park and realized that something more important than that needed to be taken care of.

“I never re-pledged my oath to the family,” Kyungsoo pointed out to him. “I was thinking of the time after my mom had died. You told me that pledge to the family no longer counted because I had become an adult. I need to take the oath again.”

“You kind of already did when you agreed to take this position.”

“But still. It should be official.”

“Alright, Do Kyungsoo, do you pledge your loyalty to the Park family, accepting the responsibilities that comes with your position, and doing as you are instructed, putting the needs of the family before your own in exchange for the family always offering you protection and taking care of you?”

When he had been twelve, he had taken this oath and hadn’t cared about the words, wanting to accept no matter what because the offer had seemed exciting and it would help him take care of things at home so the burden wasn’t entirely on his mother. But now that he was older, and his life experience had been so varied, he realized that the commitment he would make now was one that could in no way ever be broken again.

“I pledge my loyalty to the Park family.”

“Then welcome back officially to the Park family,” the elder Park said, a soft smile on his face, that Kyungsoo returned, with appreciation mixed in.

Later that evening, when Kyungsoo was heading to dinner, he received a text message from Baekhyun.

_ We’re protected. I was fated to join the Kim’s. Why didn’t he tell me that?! _

Kyungsoo chuckled to himself and replied.

_ Because he couldn’t interfere with fate. So The Academy won’t take any requests against us? _

_ No. The Park’s and Kim’s are both safe from Academy requests as long as we’re part of their families. I can’t believe they conned me like this. He totally told me the story to get me more interested in helping out the Kim’s. I know he did! The shopkeeper conned me! _

_ That’s my favorite kind of movie, the ones where the con artists get conned. _

_ I told him he owes me his sword before he passes. Hey, guess what? I now have a cool sword! _

_ I’m so happy for you. _

_ I can’t believe I got conned. _

_ The Academy is powerful. _

_ I’m learning from this. I’m never letting them con me again. _

_ Are you sure they really care about your record anymore? Or are they just telling you that to make you think you won’t rise up their ranks letting fate take care of your new position when it’s time? _

_ Now I don’t know! Oh my God, Soo, what do I do? _

_ Nothing. Just let fate take its course. _

_ Ah okay. I have to go. Mrs. Kim is having the staff make me my favorite rice and beef tonight. _

_ Nice. I think we’re having rice and beef too. _

_ We’re fated to eat the same meals. _

_ Go eat, you crazy person. _

_ I’ll talk to you later, my moon brother. _

_ Fairy tale nerd. _

_ HAHAHAHAHAAHAHA _

_ :P <3 _

_ <333333333 _


	13. (Epilogue)

A light spring rain had fallen and blessed the flowers and trees in the garden with rich pastel colors and lingering drops for the sun to illuminate. The setting had been devised by mother nature itself, and as Chanyeol stood beside Jongin, he knew that the photos being taken would look more ethereal than Chrystal herself could have dreamed of when she had been planning her wedding.

The newest Park hotel had been finished and its grand opening had been a success, the rooms booked solid for a year and the event staff wait-listing new requests, though this date had been blocked off from the moment the doors had opened, so that Jongin and Chrystal could celebrate their union in the hotel that Jongin had put so many of his own ideas into during his uncle’s recovery.

“Last one before we release the family and do the couple portraits,” the photographer announced.

“Tae, it’s the last one,” Jongin said excited, “Give a big smile.”

Taemin, who had been becoming less interested in the picture taking, gave a big cheesy smile and then complained that he was tired to Chanyeol.

“I got you,” Chanyeol said, picking him up so the little boy could rest his head on Chanyeol’s shoulder. He then looked at Jongin and shook his head. “I can’t believe you’re actually married.”

“Neither can I,” Jongin said, but the smile on his face was so wide that Chanyeol thought he was believing it very much and enjoying every second of it.

“Does it feel any different?” Minseok asked as he stood beside them, rolling up the sleeves of his tuxedo jacket now that the pictures were done.

“It definitely feels better because now I can say she’s my wife and that’s the best part.”

“You guys are gross,” Chanyeol said.

“You’re next,” Jongin warned him.

“No, Jongdae and Yoona are next,” Chanyeol pointed out. “I’m legally not allowed to get married to the person I’d want to marry in the future, so I don’t have to worry about it.”

“I’ll be married and divorced three times over before Yoona finally gets around to marrying Jongdae,” Minseok joked.

“Do you want me to hold him?” Kyungsoo asked, coming to stand beside him after talking with Chanyeol’s father.

“Nah, I got him for now.”

“No, I want Kyungsoo,” Taemin said, reaching out to Kyungsoo.

“On second thought,” Chanyeol said as he handed him over to the most handsome man wearing a tux that day.

And Chanyeol was grateful when the photographer took a picture of Kyungsoo holding a very tired Taemin because he knew it would come out better than the one he would have taken on his own phone.

As Chanyeol waited with the rest of the wedding part for the newlyweds to be done with their couple photos, he thought about how incredible of a day it had been. The excitement of helping Jongin prepare for the day, the too much soju they may have drunk in the dressing room before the ceremony, the struggle to get Taemin to walk the ring down the aisle even though they had rehearsed it so many times the day before, both sets of parents crying, and his parents crying as well, and okay, maybe him crying a bit, standing beside his cousin as he watched him stare into the eyes of his beautiful bride that he’d known since childhood, and listened to him tell her that he loved her so much that he hoped they knew each other since birth in their next life so he could start loving her even earlier than in this life.

And there were other things as well that made Chanyeol’s heart soar, like the fact that he got to be the best man, and stand together with the four groomsmen that Jongin had chosen without a second thought: Junmyeon, Minseok, Jongdae and Kyungsoo. And that the night before, the six of them, along with Baekhyun and Yixing had taken Jongin to a club and danced as much as he wanted, while liquoring him up to the point that they weren’t sure he’d make it out of bed for his own wedding. But there was no stopping him when the alarm clock rang and he had darted out from under his sheets, alert and ready for the day he had been anticipating for so long.

It felt right to be celebrating, both the Park’s and the Kim’s, together and finally enjoying themselves, both families more settled than they had been in almost two years. And when it was time to walk through the ballroom doors as the wedding party was announced, Chanyeol looped his arm through that of Chrystal’s older sister’s, and walked behind a still tired Taemin that had just been set down by Kyungsoo.

“Just remember, Tae, run in and go straight to Grandma Kim. She’s waiting for you at the table you’re supposed to run to.”

“I run to grandma,” Taemin nodded, and Chanyeol could not get enough of his son in his little tuxedo. He wished Mina was there to see how handsome he looked.

The music played and they were cued to enter, Jongin’s parents leading the way, and Chanyeol having to wait, second to last before Jongin and Chrystal’s entrance. Once that part was done, Chanyeol took his seat beside Taemin at their table and put him on his lap as he watched the grand entrance of Jongin and Chrystal, and he clapped his and Taemin’s hands together for the newlyweds, who took the microphone from the DJ.

“Before we do our first dance,” Jongin said, “We have something very important we want to announce.”

Chanyeol raised his eyebrow and gathered from the murmurs around him that no one else knew what this announcement was about either.

Jongin handed the microphone to Chrystal who then said, “We were going to wait until pyebaek to let our families know, but we’re so honored that you’ve all come to celebrate our day with us that we’re going to make our announcement now. We’re pregnant!”

Chanyeol’s eyes flew open and he looked toward Jongin’s mother to see her scream in joy. She hugged Chrystal’s mother as the two women looked ecstatic by the news, and then Jongin and Chrystal began their first dance.

“Did you hear that, Tae?” Chanyeol said, looking down at his son on his lap. “You’re going to be getting a little cousin soon.”

“A little cousin?”

“Jongin and Chrystal are having a baby. Are you ready to be a good big cousin?”

“I good cousin,” he nodded. “Daddy, we eat now?”

“Uh, yeah, I think they’re bringing the food out soon. Can you hold on for a little bit longer?”

“Okay. I’m hungry, but I hold on.”

“You were really great today, Tae. Did you like carrying the rings?”

“No, I wanted to hold the flowers.”

“Maybe at the next wedding you can hold the flowers.”

“I want both. I can hold ring and flowers.”

“You just want everything,” Chanyeol laughed, tickling him, and Taemin laughed.

“Daddy, you have wedding?”

“No, probably not. But someday you can have one. If you find the right person.”

“My special friend.”

“Your special friend. Yep.”

“I’m hungry,” Taemin whined.

“Okay, okay, you want one of your snacks?” Chanyeol said, reaching over toward the small bag he had packed for him and letting him choose the snack he wanted.

Kyungsoo helped put the bag back where he had originally had it and then he rested his head on Chanyeol’s shoulder as Taemin happily ate his cracker on Chanyeol’s lap. He dropped a kiss on his son’s head, and then one on Kyungsoo’s head, and then swayed a little with Taemin back and forth to the music as he thought about how nice it would have been for circumstances to be different so that one day he could have a first dance with Kyungsoo.

***

Jongdae had his arm around Yoona as they sat at their table, and he sipped on his tea and thought about how incredible of a day it had been.

“So, is this along the lines of what you want our wedding to be?” He asked her.

“It’s a bit flashy for me,” she said, “But I imagine it’s the type of wedding you’d like.”

“It’s a fun time.”

“I’d like a more traditional wedding, that’s shorter, and where we feed people and tell them to take a hike as soon as the ceremony’s over.”

“Then that’s the kind of wedding we’ll have,” Jongdae said with a laugh.

“No, it isn’t. This is the kind of wedding your parents will make sure you have. I have some time to mentally prepare for it. I’ll have to mentally prepare my parents as well.”

“What if I go to ask your hand in marriage and your parents tell me no?”

“Then you’ll have to keep asking them until they say yes.”

“How stubborn are they?”

“Not very.”

“I like my chances.”

“I like them too,” she said, taking a sip of her wine as she smiled. “It was nice to pretend, wasn’t it? At least I was pretending.”

“Walking down the aisle together?” Jongdae asked, grateful when Chrystal had insisted that Yoona be one of her bridesmaids, then doing them the favor of having them walk together. “I was pretending too. It’s like our rehearsal.”

“It is,” Yoona said with a small laugh. “Our very elaborate rehearsal complete with guests.”

“We should have just gotten married here and been done with it.”

“And steal their thunder? Nah.”

Jongdae gave her a small kiss, knowing damn well that nothing was going to steal Jongin and Chrystal’s thunder that day. He was pretty sure that no one would ever have the excitement about getting married that those two did.

“Ah, Jongdae,” Baekhyun said, sitting down back at their table after having disappeared for a bit. “I meant to tell you that I slept in your room a lot of times while you were gone. So if anything seems off, that’s why.”

“Were you keeping it company in my absence?” Jongdae asked him amused.

“Yeah, I thought your room might get lonely.”

“Speaking of,” Minseok said. “Where are you guys headed to next?”

“Turkey!” Jongdae and Yixing said in excitement at the same time.

“Why are you guys excited about Turkey?” Minseok asked.

“Because we’ve never been there,” Yixing pointed out like it was obvious.

“It’s someplace different. So far we’ve done Asia and Australia and it’s starting to feel the same. Well not Australia.”

“Australia was weird,” Yixing said. “I did like New Zealand though.”

“New Zealand was weird,” Jongdae said, thinking back to that part of their trip.

“Everything outside of Asia has been weird so far,” Yixing agreed.

“The world is weird,” Baekhyun nodded. “I’ve never been out of the country, but I’ve heard stories.”

“Would you want to travel?” Yoona asked him.

“Ah, no,” Baekhyun shook his head. “I think I’m good here. But keep bringing me back fun souvenirs. They come in handy.”

“Are you trading them on the black market?” Jongdae joked.

“Yes, the very in demand black market of souvenirs,” Minseok teased him like he was an idiot.

Baekhyun laughed then explained, “Like the boomerang you got me? I used that on a job yesterday. It was so cool.”

“You used…” Jongdae began and then stopped himself. He didn’t want to know.

“Tell us more about your travels,” Yoona asked, barely having caught up herself since Jongdae and Yixing had only arrived a few days ago.

Most of their time had been spent with rehearsals and dinners and a bachelor night that only he remembered, and he barely had had a chance to spend time with his girlfriend and fill in the details he hadn’t been able to fit on postcards and emails throughout his trip.

Jongdae let Yixing tell most of it, knowing he remembered details that Jongdae had not, and as he listened as well, he thought about how things had gotten considerably better for him. He still hadn’t had a panic attack since finding out about Mina and Chanyeol, and his mood had brightened so much that he had returned to smiling for no reason and laughing loudly at stories with the strangers he met on each of their stops. When he had met with his therapist after returning for the wedding, she had officially taken him off suicide watch, and the final weight that had been on Jongdae’s shoulders had now been lifted. He had promised her that he would continue to take his medication, and he was so serious about following her instructions that he had only drank half a beer at Jongin’s bachelor party, which left the responsibility of getting everyone safe to their homes on him.

Jongdae felt very much like himself again, only a wiser, more mature and less naïve version, which he had realized was for the better. When he thought about how innocent he had been before Mina’s death, he almost felt sorry for himself, thinking that there was so much he was missing out on by not understanding the true complexities of life. Things weren’t easy now, but they weren’t hard either, and he now could figure out how to navigate through things better, good or bad, though he knew that if a real test came to him, he may still not be ready to handle it on his own. Lucky for him, he now wouldn’t have to. He had a supportive family back on his side, and friends that were looking out for him, while not coddling him. It was exactly what he needed, and that made him feel calm.

So much so that he could enjoy this celebration, with a big smile on his face, and join in, loudly explaining better a story Yixing had begun about their run-in with an old friend of Yixing’s when they were exploring Shanghai. And just like old times, everyone at the table laughed as he told the story, and he loved the attention once again.

***

“Sehun!” Jongin yelled out, giving the young man a hug when he saw him at the table.

Chanyeol had been attempting to steer Kyungsoo in the other direction when he saw that Sehun had joined Junmyeon by his side, but unfortunately Jongin had to announce his name loudly enough for the entire country to hear.

“I’m so glad you could make it!” Jongin told him.

“So you’re Sehun,” Kyungsoo said, having backtracked to the table, and Chanyeol wanted to die.

Instead he backtracked with Kyungsoo then put up a hand in greeting at Sehun and said, “Hey.”

“Hey,” Sehun said back to Chanyeol and then he looked back at Kyungsoo, with way too interested eyes.

“Yes, uh, Sehun, this is Kyungsoo,” Junmyeon said, now standing beside him. “And Kyungsoo, this is my date, Sehun.”

“I’m your boyfriend,” Sehun corrected him.

“He’s my date and my boyfriend,” Junmyeon stated.

“Kyungsoo is Chanyeol’s boyfriend,” Jongin, with a mischievous smile, filled in for Sehun.

“I thought you didn’t do relationships,” Sehun said.

“Is that your natural hair color?” Chanyeol deflected. “The black hair looks good on you.”

“Junie likes it more natural,” Sehun confirmed, and Junmyeon shut his eyes knowing what was coming next.

“Oh my God,” Chanyeol and Jongin said at the same time, bending over in laughter.

“Junie?” Chanyeol asked.

“That’s so cute!” Jongin said cracking up.

“I’m never going to hear the end of this,” Junmyeon lamented.

“Did he mention that he didn’t do relationships to you?” Sehun then asked Kyungsoo, and Chanyeol stopped laughing.

“He did mention it,” Kyungsoo said.

“Does he let you top? He never let me top.”

“Uh…” Kyungsoo began, but Chanyeol cut him off.

“Does Junie let you top?” Chanyeol asked not able to keep a straight face.

He may have snickered, and Junmyeon may have glared, but Chanyeol didn’t care. This was too fun.

“He does,” Sehun confirmed. “But I let him top mostly because he’s so good at it. You should ask him for tips.”

“I think I’m good,” Chanyeol said.

“What do you do?” Sehun asked Kyungsoo.

“He’s training with my father to learn to take over the family business,” Chanyeol answered for Kyungsoo again.

“You seem powerful,” Sehun nodded.

“Yeah, he’s one of my bosses now,” Junmyeon told him.

“That’s hot,” Sehun said.

“Hey, you have a man,” Chanyeol said putting his arm around Kyungsoo. “You can’t have mine.”

“I don’t want yours. But I can still think he’s hot. Like you probably think Junie is hot. I understand.”

“I…” Chanyeol faltered and Jongin let out the loudest laugh that other tables turned to look. “You know what, sure.”

“You guys are having too much fun,” Chrystal said, coming over to them with a smile. “What’s so funny?”

“I’m going to see what Jongdae is up to,” Chanyeol said, grabbing Kyungsoo’s hand to lead him away.

But the party followed as Jongin told Chrystal about Sehun and Kyungsoo meeting as they all walked toward Jongdae’s table, which did not have enough chairs for all of them, so Chanyeol sat on Jongdae’s lap.

“Ah, Kyungsoo, my lap is ready,” Baekhyun said, patting his thighs, but Kyungsoo just laughed at him and went to stand back by Chanyeol.

“Have you guys met Sehun?” Jongin said, still snickering as he introduced Junmyeon’s boyfriend to everyone at the table.

“Wow, you’re attractive,” Yoona said, more to herself.

“He really is,” Chrystal agreed. “Of course, our Junmyeon has good taste.”

“He fits in well with the Park’s,” Yoona agreed. “Tall and handsome.”

“Hey,” Jongdae said.

“Wait a minute,” Minseok said. “What are you implying?”

“You have eyes,” Yoona said. “The Park’s are very blessed.”

“I know,” Chrystal said. “Why do you think I claimed this one?” She said, squeezing her arms around Jongin’s waist.

“You did it right,” Yoona told her.

“I’m sorry, Chanyeol’s taken,” Jongdae then said to Yoona, which made everyone laugh.

“Kyungsoo also did it right,” Yoona pointed out, which made everyone laugh harder.

And then Jongdae whined about how tall didn’t mean attractive, which Chanyeol stated that it indeed did mean just that.

“If Jongin hadn’t been taken,” Sehun said, “I would have gone for him.”

“Instead he ended up with the short advisor to the tall Park’s,” Junmyeon said with a shrug.

“Your height works for you,” Sehun told Junmyeon. “It’d be weird if you were tall.”

“You need to start coming to our dinner nights,” Yoona told Sehun.

“No, why?” Chanyeol said, and now it was his turn to whine.

“He’s so amusing,” Yoona reasoned.

“You just want him there because you think he’s hot,” Minseok pointed out.

“What do you care anyway?” Kyungsoo asked Chanyeol. “It’s not like you have feelings for him, right?”

“He’s annoying,” Chanyeol said. “That’s why I didn’t keep him.”

“You’re the only one who found him annoying,” Jongin pointed out.

“Personally, I found you annoying,” Sehun stated.

“No, you didn’t. You totally wanted to be with me.”

“You came off interesting at the beginning, but then you weren’t. It was disappointing.”

“Do you hear this?” Chanyeol said to Kyungsoo. “Do you really want me to put up with this during our dinner nights?”

“Yes,” Kyungsoo said, but everyone else had said “yes” with him too, which made all the friends laugh.

“I can’t wait for our next dinner night,” Jongdae said laughing. “Sooo, let me get this straight? You two used to be a thing?”

“He was a one-night stand,” Chanyeol explained.

“An eight-night stand,” Sehun corrected.

And the entire table erupted in “oooh” and laughter at Chanyeol’s expense.

Chanyeol hung his head in defeat, but then Kyungsoo kissed the top of his head and made him look up, a small amused smirk on Kyungsoo’s lips.

“You’re enjoying this too much,” Chanyeol told him.

“Humility is attractive on you,” Kyungsoo told him. “Also, now I get it. You really do have to meet him to understand.”

“I told you.”

“You must have been going through a tough time to put up with that eight times.”

“My dad almost dying, taking over a family I was not equipped to take over, dealing with this annoying former employee that showed up out of nowhere in my office one day, yeah, it was a lot.”

“Don’t blame me for your ill-advised hook ups.”

“I blame you for everything.”

“Are we doing a group dance or what?” Minseok asked, standing up as everyone talked among themselves at the table.

“Yes!” Chrystal said. “Everyone on the dance floor. Now!”

It would have been rude to not grant the bride her wish on her big day, so the large group of friends took over the dance floor, dancing to a club song that Jongin told the DJ to switch to, as they all tried to outdo each other’s moves, the more ridiculous the better, enough drinks having flown for coordination to be an afterthought.

Bowties and tuxedo jackets were lost as Chanyeol pulled Kyungsoo close to him, choosing to slow down their dance while surrounded so they weren’t creating an additional spectacle for the party goers that certainly did not approve of their dating.

“You’re so cute when you’re dancing,” Chanyeol told him, swaying with him. “You have the old man moves down.”

“It’s to make up for Baekhyun always dancing like he’s at a strip club ready to pass out dollar bills.”

“Which goes well with Jongdae always dancing like he’s a stripper at a strip club.”

“They make a good match. And since you can’t dance at all, my old man dancing is a good match for you.”

“It is. Not that we’re even anywhere close to talking about things like this in our relationship,” Chanyeol made sure to say, “But it’s too bad we’ll never get to do a first dance, if like, you wanted to marry me down the line or something.”

“We could go overseas.”

“So you have been thinking about it,” Chanyeol said, glad he wasn’t the only one.

“It’s hard to not think about things like that when you’re at a wedding.”

“It is. I don’t really care if I don’t get married, but it sucks that I wouldn’t have the option if I wanted to marry you.”

“Like you always say, we’d make it work.”

“We would.”

“So why didn’t you let me tell Sehun that you let me top?”

“Because I didn’t want to hear him make some stupid smart comment about it. You see how he is.”

“I kind of like him. I don’t think you should be so hard on him.”

“How can you kind of like him in the three seconds you’ve known him?”

“I don’t think he’s trying to be difficult. I think that’s just the way he is. Besides, I really want to see him and Junmyeon interact more. Their relationship must be fascinating.”

“You mean Junie?”

Kyungsoo gave Chanyeol a playful slap on the arm.

“Don’t tease him about that,” Kyungsoo told him. “Junmyeon is patient and puts up with so much from everyone. Let him have this in peace.”

“Fine, I won’t, but I can’t stop Jongin from doing it.”

“I’ll tell him not to.”

“You just want to kill all of our fun.”

“I just want to make sure Junmyeon doesn’t decide to run off with Sehun forever to get away from both of you children.”

“Too much talking, not enough dancing,” Jongdae said, cutting in between them to do some booty shake.

And not surprisingly, Baekhyun came over jumping up and down with money in his hand and egging Jongdae on.

“This is my new life,” Yoona sighed.

“Your new life is amazing!” Jongin said, joining in on the fun as he did some hip thrusts to get Baekhyun to wave more money around.

“We need more girls in our group,” Chrystal said to Yoona. “They’re overcompensating.”

“Yixing, invite your girlfriend next time,” Yoona told him as he did his own smooth hip movements to the beat.

“She’s not my girlfriend?” Yixing asked, unsure of what she meant.

“She will be after you’re back and settling in, just start bringing her around now.”

“And Minseok, what about you?” Chrystal asked him with a knowing smile. “Don’t you normally have new girls every other week? Bring them to dinner.”

“Actually, about that…” Minseok said, rubbing the back of his neck.

“Wait,” Jongdae said, “what?”

“I sort of have been seeing someone on the down low.”

“Who?” They all asked at the same time.

“I didn’t want to tell you because you’re going to judge me, but fuck it, so Ju-hyun and I have had a thing going ever since she got back from Thailand.”

Chanyeol and Jongdae stared at each other stunned, and then back at Minseok.

“What?” Jongdae asked again. “You told me you’d never let me date someone like that. She’s not even trustworthy.”

“Right, you can’t date someone like her, but I can. I know how to handle the type of person she is.”

“This is not advisable,” Yixing said shaking his head.

“Not that you asked, but I agree,” Junmyeon said. “She helped the Choi’s.”

“She’s not a bad person,” Minseok said. “She was misdirected, but it’ll be fine. Anyway, not sure you guys would want me to bring her to dinner.”

“Oh, you should bring her,” Jongin said. “Let’s get all of Chanyeol’s one-night stands at the dinner.”

“I hate everyone in this room right now,” Chanyeol stated, crossing his arms.

“Minseok,” Yixing said with serious concern. “Do you know what you’re doing?”

“Look, part of why I told Jongdae to not consider her was because I kind of had a thing for her, okay?” Minseok admitted.

“You were considering this person?” Yoona asked Jongdae and it was everyone else’s turn to say “oooh” to him and laugh, which Chanyeol appreciated. He was tired of being the punchlines of all the jokes tonight.

“No, I never was,” Jongdae told her, and he looked at everyone to settle down.

“It’s too dangerous,” Yixing said. “Especially if she’s back in town. She could reach out to Minho at any time, or he could reach out to her.”

“Don’t worry, I’ve got this,” Minseok said. “Trust me. It’s not going to be a problem, and the moment I think it might be, I’ll end it. You know I will.”

“He will,” Jongdae said, vouching for his cousin. That much about Minseok he knew for sure.

“We’ll keep an eye on it,” Yixing said.

“I’ll help keep an eye on it,” Baekhyun stated, raising a fistful of money into the air as he stated this.

“We’ll be keeping an eye on it as well,” Junmyeon let him know.

“There, we’re all covered then,” Minseok said, “More dancing or more drinks?”

“Let’s do drinks,” Chanyeol said.

“Invite her to dinner,” Yoona said. “I need to keep my eye on this girl too.”

“I NEVER considered her,” Jongdae stressed again, causing everyone to laugh.

They headed back to the tables, but Chanyeol was stopped by his mother, and told the group he’d catch up with them in a second.

“What’s up?”

“Taemin’s falling asleep,” she said, and Chanyeol went over to the table where Taemin was laying on two seats, having been tired out by all the spoiling he had received during the course of the night by his grandparents.

“Time for bed?” Chanyeol asked, passing a hand through his son’s hair.

“No, but I go nap.”

“I think you’re done,” Chanyeol said with a small chuckle. “Come on, let’s get you home.”

“You’re having too much fun to leave,” his mother said, running her own hand through Chanyeol’s hair. “We can take him home. You can stay and keep celebrating with Jongin.”

“Are you sure?” Chanyeol asked. “You guys should stay too.”

“I think your father’s hit his partying quota. Just help me pack up his things. I think he left some of his cars on the other table.”

Chanyeol collected all of Taemin’s items and put his bag back together, as Jongdae’s mother took Taemin into her arms to tell him that he’d be going home to bed soon, clearly wanting to hold him for as long as possible before losing him for another night. And then he realized that Jongdae’s parents were probably also pretty tired and had only been staying to spend time with Taemin.

“You know what?” Chanyeol then said looking toward his aunt who was speaking to other lingering guests and showed no signs of slowing down, and then looking back at his mother, “You should probably stay a little longer. What if the Kim’s take him home to sleep? Anya can go with him, and then I can pick them up in the morning. If you guys wouldn’t mind?” He asked them.

“We can do that,” Jongdae’s mother said with a hopeful smile. “His room is ready for him, and we can make sure he and Anya have a good breakfast before you come get them.”

Chanyeol’s mother smiled and nodded. “That sounds like a lovely idea,” she said.

“Tae, do you want to go with Grandma Kim to her home tonight and sleep in your room over there with Anya?”

“Grandma Kim read me bedtime story?”

“Yep,” Chanyeol said. “That sound good?”

“Okay,” he said, grabbing onto Jongdae’s mother tighter as he made his head more comfortable on her shoulder to rest.

As they walked toward the cars outside, Anya assured Chanyeol that everything would be fine and that she’d call if there were any issues. He couldn’t appreciate enough how much she didn’t just look out for Taemin, but for him as well.

Once they transferred Taemin’s car seat and he was strapped in and ready to go, Chanyeol gave him a kiss on the cheek and told him to be good for his grandparents.

When the door closed and the car pulled away, Chanyeol felt a momentary slight panic, never having let Taemin sleep away from him or home before.

“I’m proud of you,” his mother then said, rubbing his back as she stood beside him. “You took a new step in being a father today.”

“I don’t like this.”

“He’ll be fine.”

“I’m going to wake up paranoid in the middle of the night.”

“And for no reason. He’s going to be sleeping peacefully while you’re worrying about nothing.”

“Does this parenting thing ever get easier?”

“Only harder.”

“Great.”

His mother laughed at him and gave him a kiss on the cheek as well, then told him to get back inside and have some fun.

And he did have fun. Maybe too much fun after that, as he drank and danced more with his friends and Kyungsoo, and became bolder in stealing kisses from him as the crowd began to thin out and there were less wandering eyes to notice.

***

Only the friends were left, even the DJ having been dismissed at that point, and they all sat around, eating leftover sweets and complaining about how none of them were going to be able to wake up in the morning.

Jongdae considered Minseok for a moment before asking him, “Why didn’t you tell me about Ju-hyun sooner?”

“I didn’t know how to tell anyone about it,” Minseok told him. “I knew how everyone would react.”

“But you should have told me.”

“You were on vacation. I didn’t want to ruin it, or have you rush back earlier out of concern.”

“So how did it happen?”

“We kinda kept in touch when she went off to Thailand. I wanted to make sure she had really left and that she didn’t need anything, you know, since you offered to help her out if she needed. She kept updating me on her adventures, and her search for veterinary schools. She didn’t end up enrolling in one. I don’t know, we liked talking to each other. Then she said she wanted to come back, and I told her it probably was safe enough since Minho hadn’t made any moves, but that she should consider more time away. But she said she wanted to come back to see me. And I felt the same way. So she came back about a month ago, and we’ve been secretly seeing each other since.”

“I thought heads of families were no longer her type,” Jongdae snorted.

“I think drama is her type,” Minseok admitted. “But it’s fine. It’s been fine so far anyway. We’ll see what happens at our first group dinner.”

“Next time, tell me.”

“I will. You were the first person I was going to tell when I was ready.”

“I’ve heard that before.”

“And I think it’s been true every time. It’s just… circumstances.”

“Yeah,” Jongdae said, not as upset about it as he formally would have been. “Well, maybe you’ll be the next one to get married then.”

“Not likely.”

“I think you will be,” Yixing interjected, and he looked tired and ready to pass out, though it could just have been the alcohol making him look like that. “And then I’ll get married, and then Jongdae will finally get married, and then we’ll be old.”

“You are so drunk,” Minseok said cracking up.

“I think it’s time to take Xing to bed,” Jongdae agreed.

“Yeah, everyone’s starting to pass out,” Minseok pointed out, although Jongin and Chrystal were very much still awake as they pretended to slow dance with no music.

“I can’t keep up with them,” Yoona said, noticing as well. “I’m ready for bed.”

“Me too,” Jongdae said, with his arm around her and giving her a small kiss.

The party got up to leave, giving each other long hugs and making arrangements for their dinner that week.

Jongdae gave a long hug to Jongin before leaving.

“Congrats again. And thanks for letting me be part of this.”

“Ever since I was a little kid,” Jongin told him, “And Chrystal and I would talk about our wedding someday, I always had you included as one of my groomsmen. I’m really happy that you came back into our lives so that could become reality.”

“How are you so pure?” Jongdae asked him as he hugged him again. “Never change, Jongin.”

“I won’t,” Jongin assured him as he hugged him back then waved at him as Jongdae got into the car with the rest of his family.

And Jongdae realized that Jongin really never would change. Unlike Jongdae, who had changed so much after having gone through what he had, Jongin had dealt with his cousin leaving the family, and then his uncle’s attempted assassination, and then getting shot himself, and never once lost who he was. Jongdae admired Jongin so much for that, and wished he had had been born with a similar temperament.

But Jongdae supposed that was the fundamental difference between their two families. The Park’s seemed to go with the flow a lot better while the Kim’s seemed to feel the need to fight and struggle a bit more. In a way, he guessed it balanced out, and maybe that’s why they were meant to always be connected in some way. Regardless, he felt very at peace with it now, and he leaned into Yoona, holding her the rest of the car ride.

***

Baekhyun greeted Kyungsoo with coffee on a bright spring morning, and the two walked up a nice path surrounded by the pastel flowers that indicated the season was in full bloom.

They found a nice bench and sat upon it, both enjoying their coffee for a moment and taking in the beautiful view around them.

“Everything is going so well,” Kyungsoo then said. “Nothing can go well for this long.”

“I’ve been thinking the same,” Baekhyun nodded. “I’m sure something terrible will happen soon.”

“Anything fated?” Kyungsoo asked.

“Not that I know of.”

“Or not that you can tell me.”

“I would tell you,” Baekhyun said. “Oh, wait, there is one thing. Minho did find out about Ju-hyun and Minseok.”

“I knew that was going to cause problems.”

“We all did, but we can handle it. So far he hasn’t tried to reach out to her, and she hasn’t reached out to him.”

“I can’t believe Minseok of all people fell for her. He seems smarter.”

Baekhyun laughed.

“I can’t believe you’re still annoyed by her like this,” Baekhyun told him.

“I’m not. It’s a liability.”

“I’m in charge of making sure it’s not, so it’s not. But you can’t get over the jealousy from that one night.”

“I’m completely over it.”

“No, you’re not,” Baekhyun said, and he laughed again.

“I can’t believe I fell in love with Park Chanyeol,” Kyungsoo then said.

“I can.”

“I can’t believe this is my life right now.”

“I can.”

“I don’t want anything terrible to happen to ruin this.”

Baekhyun reached out and rubbed Kyungsoo’s shoulder, then put his chin upon it as he looked up at him.

“We’re all looking out for each other, Soo. We’ll be fine.”

Kyungsoo nodded and rest his head on Baekhyun’s, and they both looked out at the flowers, basking in their perfect lives.

And it would be perfect, for a while, until something bad was fated, but Baekhyun had the upper hand, and he knew even if he couldn’t interfere, he could prepare and have everyone else prepare as well. He closed his eyes and silently thanked his parents for saving him so that he could fulfill his fate of making sure that Kyungsoo and the Kim’s and even the Park’s were safe.

It was a quiet day for them. But a good and happy one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys so much for reading my first ever EXO fic! I hope it didn't disappoint.
> 
> And look, I managed to sneak in Tao after all. :P
> 
> I wanted to also say that I love Shinee and I love Minho, but every story needs a bad guy. I love you Minho!!! I'll make it up to you in another story!
> 
> This story would never have been possible without my amazing friends who cheered me on, motivated me to keep going, and gave me the best feedback ever, so thank you @ksoosmanager, @exoismyproblem, and @hellogoodbritt for being true ride or dies. :*
> 
> You can find me on twitter @baeksesoolove where I just retweet pics of Baekhyun and Kyungsoo while I try to find the perfect inspiration for the Baeksoo of my dreams that I hope to one day write.


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